Chapter 30

Mel

Dammit. I pulled the duvet to the side and sat up in bed. Stupid shit… I couldn’t sleep. I glanced at the phone on the nightstand. Nina hadn’t replied to my message, but I assume she must have gone to bed when she got home.

I got out of bed and walked out to the kitchen. Stupid shit. A freaking waste of time it had been. Like always. Bastards and idiots, the whole shit. Stupid shit. I stared out the window. I wondered what she was doing now. Sleeping, probably. I should have told her about how it would be, but… I walked back to the bedroom, pulled on my jeans and grabbed the tobacco. The bar would be closed by now, but dammit. I walked back to the hallway, grabbed my jacket and headed out.

Stupid shit. What was I doing? Surrounded by idiots who didn’t give a shit about anything. Dammit… Why did you stop painting your landscapes? Because no one gave a shit about them. That’s why. I took a right as I came out on the street, taking the tobacco from my pocket and rolling myself a cigarette.

Dammit, why was I even thinking about it? What did I have to complain about? Nothing. I didn’t live on the street. Damn, I was even still alive. Money, a flat, and the rehab programme. What else could I ask for? I hadn’t followed family traditions. Wasn’t that what I had wanted all these years? And I’d managed. Stupid shit, why couldn't I simply be happy with what I had?

I crossed the empty street. In any case, what else would I do? I had nothing else. My boxing career was over, and then what…? Stupid shit. I wouldn’t even survive on my landscape paintings, even if I wanted to, so then what? But Nina liked them…

I halted, staring down the street. Nina liked them… And she was the only one who wasn’t an idiot around.