Blood ties

Clad in nothing but skimpy bikinis, Iori and Carol giddily began the stream, while the fully-clothed Mimoko watched from the other side of the room in annoyance.

"YO! It's your girl Iori-chan here. And I'm at Cece-chan's new humble abode for some raunchy shit. Last time we went out and about, we got kidnapped by creepos, so this time we're hunkerin' in the bunker for some indoor gaming n' action."

"Those assholes didn't even give me time to crash here at my place. And this place is huge! I got rooms for all sorts of stuff so look forward to the future of this channel."

"And to make this even more exciting, you loyal subs get an exclusive close up feet-cam in addition to the face cam. So sub, sub, SUB!"

Mimoko let out a sigh as the two quickly proceeded to encase each other in slime.

"Hey Mimo, like the slimekinis?" Carol grinned.

"Oh right, Mimo-chan's here! You remember her? Ah, but she's too shy to come on, so she's broodin' in the back," Iori grinned.

Mimoko intensified her glare as Carol propped a package on the table.

"Oo, what's in the box?" Iori cooed.

"A DNA kit!" Carol smiled as she began the unboxing.

"Huh? Why that?" Mimoko asked.

"We saw this at-home DNA kit advertised and decided to buy it and try it out. I don't know much about my family on my great-grandmother's side so I'm curious to find out more," Carol stated.

"Your grandfather doesn't know anything?"

"No, he never really met my great-grandma. I heard she died shortly after he was born. That's why we want to find out more about our family history."

Unlike normal DNA test kits that required you to send a DNA sample in the mail, this kit took your DNA and compared it to billions of DNA samples held in an online database. It could also identify blood relatives on the spot.

"Alright, now let's get this shit going. I'll be doing this shit too since I have no idea who I'm descended from," Iori grinned.

As soon as Carol and Iori provided DNA samples, a light on the kit lit up.

"Uh, what's this light mean?"

"It says it means... BLOOD RELATIVES!?"

"No fucking way! You saying we're distant cousins!?"

"I'll test it on grampy to see if it's working."

After testing the kit out on Harold, it was confirmed to be working properly.

"No way, but how are we related then?" Iori trembled.

"No clue. I guess that's where the database comes in," Carol shrugged as she opened the app.

A chart then appeared showing that both Iori and Carol were from a family known as the Kirikawa clan, an infamous shinobi clan that had long since had a hand in shaping Japan's image from the shadows.

"Ninjas huh? Well that explains a lot," Iori thought to herself.

"It says on the screen that my great-grandmother was a triplet, and one of her older brothers is your grandpa," Carol stated.

"Wait, "grandpa" and not "great-grandpa"?"

"Is one of your parent's named Heiga?"

"Shit, that's my dad's name. But this Roichi guy they're claiming is his daddy was old as shit. I mean, I guess he was an old playboy, but then why's he only got one line of descendants?"

"Maybe we need to click on it to reveal more."

As they did, they were greeted with the answer. 

"Ah, now I remember. My grandma was a nurse that had the hots for old guys and well... Er, daddy said he came to be after granny fucked grampy... unconsentually..." 

"Wow... that's fucked up... You sure we should be saying that shit live?" 

"Eh? Bunch of people are descended from Genghis Khan, and we know how he worked. But who cares about that! We cousins! REAL fucking cousins!" 

"You right!" 

"That explains a lot," Mimoko grumbled. 

"Wanna see if you're related too?" Iori grinned. 

"No."

"I don't think she is. This tree looks pretty accurate and there's no sign of Mimo anywhere on it," Carol frowned. 

"Could be from another branch." 

Suddenly, the doorbell rang. Everyone ignored it until it rang again and again.

"Is it a package!? Someone sign! I'm shitting!" Harold's voice rang out.

Mimoko went to answer the door and found a large obese postman with a purple beard holding a package. "Got a delivery for two new Kirikawas," the postman stated.

"Ok, I'll sign-"

"I gotta deliver it personally though!" the postman cackled as he shoved past Mimoko and ran in, without even bothering to take his pointy red shoes off.

Carol and Iori turned as the door to Carol's room swung open and the postman barged it.

"The fuck are you!? Wait! That face! You're that TotallynotJester guy that leaves hate comments on every video!" Iori gasped.

"Yeah, and it's fun! Now special delivery for the two new Kirikawa sluts, JESTER'S DOUGH BOMB SURPRISE!"

Iori and Carol were unable to react as icky sticky dough burst from the package, completely mummifying them and leaving just their eyes and nostrils exposed.

"Buwahahaha! Now to give you an express delivery... TO HELL!" the postman cackled.