The Rooftop Under the Stars

Ah, now I’ve really done it, haven’t I? I was incredibly frustrated by the fact that I fainted during that concert. They rushed me to the hospital but there was nothing seriously wrong with me. They simply forced me to rest on a bed. I didn’t really need it. Don’t be stressed. Drink a lot of water. Of course I do! Can’t live without those things, can you? But I was disappointed that my body was that weak. I guess I hit my limit. Ahh, so frustrating!

I got off the bed as soon as I could. I just didn't want to stay inside for too long. I snuck out of my room and wandered for a bit until I got to the rooftop. It was a beautiful clear night, if a little cold. I walked to the edge of the building and took a look around. The sides were fenced off but there was enough room to sit on the edge and slide my legs under. The feeling of being up there was liberating. I lost track of time as I admired the beautiful night sky. At some point one of my slippers fell off and I saw it fly all the way down until it fell on a tree. Uh, oops.

I can see why most of it is fenced off. This place seems a bit dangerous. I’m probably not the first one up here, and there’s likely been people in a way worse state than I am. I can’t say that I didn’t think about it at all, but only briefly. I would never do that to my mom, she’s the sweetest person I know. And the girls, we’ve gone so far together, it would be mean to leave them like that. My boss too, and… Aoi. I think he would be sad too, maybe.

“Don’t do it!” I heard a voice shout from behind me. I was startled, and my other slipper fell through the skies and landed on some street. It was a good thing there was no one around at that time, since that was probably not very safe. I turned around to see a very messy looking Aoi. I couldn’t help but start laughing at how different he looked.

“Don’t do it,” he repeated with an alarmed voice. “Most people who survive these things regret it deeply.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” I couldn't stop laughing looking at his strange appearance, and I laughed for so long that I reached a point where tears started coming out. “Don’t worry, I’m not-” I realized he was serious, and I calmed down. I then offered Aoi a spot next to me. “Want to join me?” I asked with a smile. He simply walked up to me, and carefully sat down by my side. I took a good look at his face, and I couldn’t contain my laughter once more. “You’re looking a little rough nowadays.” It had been a year since I last saw him, and he clearly stopped caring about his appearance. “I do kinda like the long hair, though.” I tried to not be too negative about it.

“You still look great, even in hospital robes,” he said, breathing heavily. I was a bit startled by his compliment. “What are you doing up here?” he asked while still catching his breath.

“I was a bit frustrated and I just wanted to be outside. The doctors and nurses should be worrying about the people who have real problems.”

“What about you? Isn’t that why you’re here?” he asked.

“Stress, dehydration, overwork… one of them or all of them. It’s nothing compared to what other people here are struggling with,” I explained calmly.

“Don’t disregard your health, those things are important, too.” Aoi still seemed concerned about me. It definitely reminded me of how we used to be.

“I suppose,” I said. I was somewhat unhappy at him for reminding me of my obligations instead of enjoying the view. “It’s not just the fainting I suppose. I know I have some mental health things going on, too.”

“You do?” he asked. I could feel he still cared about me, and it was a little difficult experiencing that dynamic again after so long.

“Yeah, Mr. Hiro- I mean your brother, insisted that we should get some mental health checkups often too."

“Of course,” said Aoi. He smiled. “I’m glad my brother… can think about the simple and effective solutions.” Aoi then came to a realization. “Just to make sure, you weren’t thinking about…” Aoi looked downwards. It took me a bit to figure out what he meant.

“Oh no, no,” I said, also looking downwards. I had just realized that was Aoi’s concern all along, and was a bit embarrassed by the realization. “I can’t lie, I did think about it for a few seconds. What it would be like. But even in the times that I don’t enjoy life, there’s still a lot of people and things here that I love, you know? It would be a shame for all that to go to waste, don’t you think?” I had thought about all this before, so I didn’t mind sharing that with Aoi. “I could be struggling for a while, and maybe not see the light for some time. But there’s still so many things I want to see and experience. So much food to taste! And even if I didn’t have anything to look forward to, I might just find something eventually. There’s always possibilities, as long as there’s a future. Well, I think so at least.” I realized I had talked for quite a bit. Maybe I was feeling comfortable with him again. I was a bit disappointed that I fell back into this dynamic so easily, as if nothing had happened, but it also felt somewhat nice.

“Mika that’s… somewhat inspiring.”

I smiled at Aoi, who was sitting there in awe. “You think so?” I definitely didn't feel like I was doing anything great, but his kind words threw me off. We both sat together excitedly pointing at things we saw on the horizon, looking at the city and the stars above. We enjoyed the night, just like we did long ago, and this one was especially beautiful. “A little nostalgic, don’t you think?” I winked at him.

“Yeah.” He answered in his usual calm fashion.

We enjoyed the scenery a little longer, before I finally took the chance to settle things with Aoi.

“Mr. Hiro- I mean, your brother, told me everything, you know?”

“Everything?” He seemed surprised.

“Eeeeverything.” I was teasing Aoi at that point. I did know a lot of things, but everything was a bit of an exaggeration.

“I see.” He simply believed me. He was no fun.

“But in the end, I understand you, I think.” I said as I looked into his eyes.

“You do?” he asked. I simply nodded back, and went back to looking at the stars.

"Yeah, well. It's not like that made me happier at the time." I admitted that knowing what was on his mind wasn't necessarily great at first, but it helped over time. “You know I always had a feeling you were behind me being scouted. I had always hoped your brother had found me on the internet like he did with the others. But then I realized my case was special, because he came to look for me in person, knowing exactly where to find me.” I sighed a bit. “I guess a part of me always knew. I finally connected everything once you told me there were a lot of things you hadn’t said. I guess I am a bit dumb in the end.”

“You’re not. You had hope, that is never dumb.” Aoi’s words were short, but his feelings were as kind as ever. It seemed like he hadn’t changed one bit.

“Yeah well, by the time I realized it, we had all committed to working together, and I wasn’t going to let the others down. But then I was stuck with the feeling that I didn’t deserve it, that I only got there because of you, because you were attracted to me at the time.” I couldn’t hide my pain, thinking about how I struggled with my self worth, but I tried to remain optimistic. “So I decided to prove myself, and be the best I could, to leave no doubt that I earned it, and that I wasn’t just there because of you.”

“I hope you've realized that you deserved all of it,” he said warmly.

“I did, definitely.” I smiled back at Aoi and nodded with certainty. I remembered how I was in the past and I realized how confident I had become over time. He looked at me, somewhat surprised, likely thinking the same thing.