Fatherhood

Early that morning, before his angel rose from her sleep, an enigmatic man appeared at the door requesting Hideo. With only a few words, Hideo agreed to go with him. "We need you to identify a body."

The day passed quickly, with Masao and Kaho making a plan for a reunion party. It would be a gathering to celebrate their escape from the SPS and Masao's return to Central City. Throughout the day, he was swarmed by people. Guys from the gang who were relieved to see him come home safely, and visitors from their street who heard the commotion and wanted to drop by.

He could tell that Kaho was doing her best to keep him busy, but it didn't stop him from worrying. "You look tired. Do you need a break?" she asked, placing a hand on his shoulder. His zoning out as they hung led strips from the ceiling concerned her.

"No, I'm good. Yoli gave me a shock already," he dismissed.

"...I'm worried about Hideo, too. We all are," she said. "You have to trust him. He'll be okay!"

Her encouragement did little to soothe him. It only made him wonder- where did he go?

The man wore a black jacket, thick rain boots, and was puffing on a cigar. It put a bad taste in his mouth. How did he know Hideo's name, and where had he taken him?

"I just hope it wasn't someone he killed...he wouldn't be able to escape. He walked right into a trap!" he cursed. He wished Yoli were with him. He'd hug her, let her caress his hair as she comforted him with sweet words and kisses. Instead, she was patrolling the city with Kei and telling old friends about their party. He'd gone above and beyond to make sure she wouldn't be recognized by anyone when she went out, which made her look quite ridiculous.

"You don't know that for sure, silly!" she said, putting up the last string of lights.

Kaho's enthusiasm lacked its usual punch, and he could tell that she was worried, too. Both of them had attachments to that man. It would be hard to decide who cared for him more.

"Whoa- careful there!" a round voice laughed. Kei stepped inside, extending his hand to Yoli, who had almost tripped on the front step. She ran to Masao. He eyed her lovingly, and her bright smile told him that she'd had a good time. They had been gone since the morning, but now that it was 4 pm, the sky was beginning to darken.

As more members of the gang returned, Masao lingered near the door. Yoli and Kaho started cooking dinner for everyone, with some assistance from Kei, who was a disaster in the kitchen. Soon, a delectable smell filled the hideout. He watched the doorknob, flinching every time it jiggled, just for another GM to wander his way in.

"Stop sulking! We need your help, grumpy!" Kaho called for him.

"Yeah, right, I'll be just as much help as this loser," he grunted. Kei scratched his shaved head, staring at some spice containers in deep thought. Masao had always thought he looked like a bowling ball.

"Sao, would you like to cut these vegetables?" Yoli smiled, handing him a cutting board and knife.

"Do I have a choice?" he sighed. While chopping celery and tomatoes, he blushed. She'd called him 'Sao', a nickname she must've picked up from Ren and Hideo. It was cute coming from her, he thought. He didn't like using pet names, but calling him by a nickname felt personal, and it excited him for the future of their relationship. How much closer would they get?

He couldn't put his hands on her until they got married, but that was no problem. Would they share a bed, or was it too soon? How often would they kiss, and what about making out? He'd gotten a short preview of that the night before, but he couldn't wait for more. He wanted to hear her call him her boyfriend. Oh, how happy he would be to hear those words.

His mind shouldn't have wandered while using a knife, but it did. He could hardly believe that he was already considering marriage. It came up earlier, but it was hard to imagine. Marriage was almost obsolete. Nobody cared for everlasting vows anymore. The tradition came from religious practices, and as society strayed from all things pure, their desire to show a sacred covenant to God was lost. There was no benefit gained from marriage anymore.

Relationships were fickle, and people slept with whoever they pleased. COT destroyed all financial incentives that supported marriage, and the benefits of a lifelong commitment were pointless in their culture. Getting married was seen as lame, a denial of oneself, and even as a form of self-harm. A society based on sexual deviancy looked down on the union of one monogamous partnership.

Masao admired her, and the more he thought about it, his desire to marry her grew. He'd spent the majority of his life fighting COT. Fighting the culture.

"You don't need to cut them any smaller than that," Yoli giggled, smoothly slipping the knife out of his hand.

"Ah- I wasn't paying attention."

Kei was kicked out of the kitchen after the fifth dirty utensil he dropped on the floor. Finally, they sat down at the island counter to eat. It was getting late, but Hideo still hadn't come home. Masao pushed his food around on his plate, waiting for it to cool. Everyone was happy. They laughed, smiled, conversed like everything was fine-

But unease ruined his appetite.

"Heeeey! Masao~ Think you should come back, ya know. Nobody can run this place like you!" Kei exclaimed.

"Alright, who gave him a beer?!" Masao barked, and the room went silent.

Kei went on, complaining about all the stress that had been put on him as the gang's leader. Even after three years, he still hadn't found his footing in the hierarchy. Masao understood how he felt. A child among them all, but forced to perform a role he wasn't suited for. It was unfortunate, because Kei had never been Masao's first choice.

No, that was Hideo. Hideo was supposed to lead JumpAHead after his retirement.

His best friend, and a founder of the gang, was the obvious choice. Hideo was strong, smart, and quick on his feet. He knew everything about the city, politics, and had incredible charisma that could win over any enemy. Skilled at mechanics and the highest alcohol tolerance Masao had ever seen. Everyone wanted him to take over. He refused.

In Hideo's words, "JumpAHead doesn't exist without Masao. I won't lead a phony gang."

He wouldn't leave them. They were his family, and the only people he had left. Leading the gang, on the other hand? Never.

The door opened once more. Masao sprang from his chair, greeting Hideo by the door. "What's got you so excited?" his friend laughed.

"You better tell me what they wanted from you! I need to know every detail!" he demanded, but Hideo shrugged him off.

"In a bit. I'm starving," the blond slightly smiled, flashing Masao a look that only he would understand. His eyes looked dead, like power outages in the city, a distinct sorrow that could only be felt in the darkness.

After dinner had finished, gang members were settled around the TV or playing darts with people's faces. Hideo and Masao stepped outside.

There was no wind, but a drizzle of rain which poured from the gutters and chiseled a shallow dip in the concrete. They sat on the cracked front steps, looking up at the sky without stars.

"They wanted you to identify a body...so, who was it?" Masao asked, lighting his cigarette as he protected the end from the few raindrops that bounced under the eaves.

"My dad," Hideo said. Masao was wide-eyed, while his friend stared ahead blankly. "He didn't have any relatives, so they needed me to confirm it was him."

"He died? What happened...?" he was afraid to ask. Hideo was not the type to cry when something bad happened to him, but Masao knew it must have been eating him inside all day. They knew everything about each other, including their pasts. Hideo's father was the only relative he had.

"A whore killed him. Murdered him when he fell asleep in her apartment, and then she bashed his face with a blunt object. They haven't finished the investigation yet, so we don't know what it was."

"Fuck, seriously? I'm so sorry," Masao gasped. He was lost for words. What should you say to someone who just lost a parent? A parent he hadn't seen in years.

"The people investigating aren't with the police. Said they're some personal investigations group doing what the SPS won't. Losers like my dad aren't important to the SPS. Anyway, those guys didn't care about my criminal record. They just wanted to know if he was my dad. My birth certificate was in his apartment, and that's how they knew who I was. I..."

Hideo took a wallet out of his pocket and ran his fingers across the worn, red leather. "I hate him, but I don't think he deserved to die."

"He was your dad. There isn't anything wrong with mourning him," Masao watched Hideo's hands, which anxiously rubbed the wallet in some attempt to soothe himself.

"They told me he was dead, they showed me his body, but I still didn't feel anything. I was surprised, but I kept thinking 'he had this coming'. Then, they told me to go take anything I wanted from his house. So I went back to that shit hole apartment and looked around. There's nothing in there but furniture and clothes...except this."

Masao remembered Hideo's old home. He'd been there once when they were teenagers, messing with his dad's things for the fun of it. The one time he'd been inside, he remembered the chilling aura of the house. The small antenna TV, and the large window that looked over the city from many stories in the air. It was even smaller than his current apartment. Knowing what Hideo had been through in that apartment made him wish it would burn to the ground.

"I thought I'd find some money, but that man was completely broke. Bought too many women and dried up all his cash. I took his wallet, just cuz...it feels like there's stuff in here. I guess I'm too afraid to look inside," he admitted.

"Hmm, how does it feel? Do you have any regrets, last words you wish you could've said?" he asked.

"I'm glad. He never loved me anyway. He hated me, you know that. He wished I would've disappeared just like my mom did," he ranted, balling his hands into fists. "There's nobody left. Nobody who's related to me. When I die, 'Kawano' will be forgotten, just like all the other failures in this world."

Masao laughed, taking a drag of his cigarette. Hideo scrunched his nose at the smell. "Isn't that what you wanted? I thought you wanted to die, and to be forgotten."

"Not anymore. I want to be remembered, unlike my dad, who didn't have a single person to identify him besides his estranged son."

Masao nodded. Hideo had grown a lot, and he was proud of him.

"I know it's not my place to tell you how to feel, or interpret this for you, but gonna be honest...I think you're wrong. There's no way your dad didn't love you. Yeah, he was neglectful, and he did a lot of evil things, but who else did he have in this world but you? None of those women loved him. He didn't have a family of his own- it was just you!"

Hideo scowled. Masao knew he wouldn't like this.

"Did you ever think about how he felt? You said he was in love with your mom, and even though neither of them wanted a child, they kept you. Who was it who decided that? The one who left you and your dad, or the guy who fed and housed you for 14 years? I'm just saying...maybe it was so painful for him that he couldn't even look at you. You said you look a lot like your mom, remember?"

Only the sound of rain shattered the gloomy lull. Masao stood up, handing his cigarette to Hideo before going back inside.

The blond man put his lips to it, inhaling the taste of Masao and sighing deeply. His hand gravitated towards the wallet, which he slowly opened. A credit card, a casino punch ticket, a couple of receipts for adult stores, and in the photo slides...

A young blond woman with jade green eyes. Her features were elegant. A cute, skinny nose and rosy cheeks. In her arms was a newborn baby. The next photo. A grainy picture taken on a cheap camera. A little blond boy played with stacking blocks in a dimly lit room, stuffed animals strewn across the floor carelessly. He was smiling brightly.

- - -

When Hideo went back inside, only Masao and Yoli remained on the couch. His arm draped across her shoulders as they watched a vintage movie. Or rather, he watched TV while Yoli slept against him.

"Can't believe you actually scored her," Hideo said, prompting a proud smile from Masao. He petted her hair and held her head gently as she slept.

"Hahah! Someone here is interested in you, too, but you're too dense to notice."

"H-huh? What..." he paused, running through all the gang members in his head. "A man?!" he shouted, horrified.

"No, are you actually fucking stupid? Kaho!"

Hideo's mouth hung open, completely dumbstruck. "Did she tell you that?"

"She didn't want me to tell you, but she was complaining about it all day. It's been years. There's no way you haven't noticed."

Hideo bit his lip, his brow knit. "It did cross my mind a few times, but I've never seen her that way, so I thought she didn't like me either." He paced the room. "I...I shouldn't..." he mumbled to himself, and then ran to his bedroom. Masao shook his head, unimpressed by Hideo's complete disregard for Kaho's feelings.

He'd always been that way towards her. A little too distant. They were together every day, so much so that it was weird they hadn't gotten together yet. Kaho's feelings for him went back many years, and she'd even stopped sleeping with other men out of love for him. Hideo continued to hook up with women regularly and never had a dedicated girlfriend. He didn't care about relationships. He just wanted sex.

It was a mindset that bothered Masao, but he understood where it came from. Just like most people in Central City, Hideo had been exposed to inappropriate conduct at a young age. His trauma warped into an insatiable sex addiction that wreaked havoc on his mind and body just as badly as alcohol did.

He felt bad for his old friend. They both had problems of their own, but Masao felt like Hideo's were more urgent than his. He noticed it sometimes. The light in his eyes was slowly fading.

He looked down at Yoli, and he kissed her on the top of the head. "I'm going to change my life, I promise. No more porn, no more gambling, no more smoking, no more killing," he whispered, though he knew his words could never become reality. "I don't want to die and leave you by yourself."