That Time Nimble Ripped a Guy's D*ck Off...

Without an ounce of hesitation, the giant man swiped his sabre at the three small pirates that stood between him and the engine room. The blade cut through the air with a menacing gust as he stomped a foot down towards Finley.

Jumping back, she tumbled against the furry figure of Nimble, nearly losing her footing. Instead of falling, she tumbled backwards, withdrawing a rusty dagger in the same fluid motion. As she prepared to throw it, the felis stepped before her with his hands up defensively.

“Hey, move your ass!” The goblin hissed at Nimble.

“No, you move!” He yowled in reply before bowing backwards to dodge another swing of the weapon. “You’re in my—ouf!”

Stumbling over Finley, Nimble fell to the ground with a thud becoming tangled in the oversized poncho he had been wearing. He looked up at the scowling face of the assailant, who noticed his unprepared state and sneered. The feline boy's eyes went wide from beneath his goggles as he watched the weapon being hoisted to the ceiling before being thrust down towards him.

“Ahhh!” He screamed, rolling away from the strike and tangling himself even more in the clothing.

Barely dodging the assault, he watched as Finley lunged forward with her rusty dagger in hand. There was a clang of metal striking as the man parried the blow and jumped back. A pearl of flame immediately struck his shoulder, causing him to hiss in pain as he patted at the smouldering wound.

Having taken the opportunity to step away from the fight, the groundling had positioned himself at the farthest corner of the room. From there, pipe still in mouth, he focused on his outstretched hand where four more pinpoints of flame had formed. From the other side of the space, it appeared that his red hair was alight with flames as another pearl shot forth towards the man.

“Godsdamned sorcerers!” He cursed, parrying one of the magical bolts away before being struck with another.

With a narrow opening, Finley took her moment to attack and leapt forward once more. Swinging her dagger wildly, the blade cut at his waist, slicing through one of the suspender straps of his brown trousers freeing the thin fabric from its binds. A trickle of blood began to stain the clothing, soaking into his shirt as he grabbed at the wound.

“Fuggin’ goblin!” The angry man continued, now slashing his sabre towards Finley.

“Gyah!”

Finley cried out as she threw herself to the ground, dodging the vicious strike that would have bisected a taller person. From there, she lunged forward once more, stabbing her dagger down through the top of the man’s boot. Blood spurted out from the wound, covering Finley’s face, temporarily blinding her.

“I’m blind!” She cried out over the screams of the giant she attacked. “Oh, Gods, save me! I’m blin—”

A heavy boot kick from the assailant sent her flying across the room back towards the sorcerer who fired out his final two bolts of flame. As they connected with the man, they burned through the second silken suspender. With a sudden rip, the clothing tore free, dropping the man’s pants to the ground and revealing his naked body beneath.

It was at that time that Nimble managed to climb to his feet. Having spent the last few seconds struggling against his own oversized poncho, the felis had finally freed himself from the fabric to see the state of the combat zone that was the engine room. To one side, he saw the two figures who had attempted to steal his ship—one was covered in blood and the other seemingly on fire. Turning around, he came face-to-face with an unkempt flaccid rod and sack of balls that inadvertently reminded him of a snake wrapping around a clutch of eggs.

“Snake!” He screamed out in a panic.

With a swift strike using the palm of his hand to the man’s delicate region, he immediately extended his razor-sharp claws, taking hold of bush, balls and all. Then, with an equally quick yank of his arm back, a blood-curdling scream met his ears. Blood sprayed over his face as he stumbled backwards once more, slipping on the liquid that now pooled beneath him.

“Holy shit!” Finley yelled out from the back of the room, her voice barely audible over the horrific screaming. “Nimble, you just ripped that guy’s dick off!”

“I what?!” Nimble questioned, using his free paw to clear the blood from his face.

Glancing up, he looked into the eyes of a man on the verge of death. The towering giant stared down at the felis, his pale complexion growing more grim by the second as his hands gripped at the blood that gushed from his groin. Reaching a gore-soaked palm towards the boy, he stepped forward. With a squeak, the former Captain of the Phlying Phyllis slipped on his own fluids, collapsing to the floor of the engine room before proceeding to move past the veil to the afterlife. Dickless.

Nimble, shocked by the turn of events, looked at his hand, suddenly realizing that the snake he had seen was in fact not a snake at all. Trapped between his claws was a horrifyingly large and flaccid object. Immediately, he felt sick to his stomach, as the contents fought to flee from his lips. But with the two newest members of his crew still present, he knew he needed to act tough, insisting that it was what a captain would do.

“Y-Yeah—” He muttered, choking back the vomit. “Yeah! I ripped his fuggin’ dick off, and I’ll do it again! Th-that’s why I’m the captain.”

“No, you’re not!” Finley cried out as she approached him, slapping the chunk of meat from his hand. “I’m the captainziz!”

“I’ve got an idea.” The other survivor spoke up from his corner, staring at the carnage as he tapped out the burnt leaf from his pipe. “Seeing as we’ve all colluded in a communal murder. Why don’t we all be captains? Sound good?”

Nimble and Finley looked at each other for a moment, reading the other's expressions before glancing back at the groundling.

“I mean, sure, but answer one thing,” Nimble asked as he stood up and positioned himself next to the arcane engine. “Why are you on fire?”

“I have elemental lineage.”

“Yeah, dumbass!” Finley scoffed, smacking the back of Nimble’s head. “He has ele-elemen-ele—he has magical brain problemziz! Don’t be such a dick.”

The groundling sighed, stuffing the pipe with more loose leaf before sticking his thumb into the bowl and igniting it. With a few puffs, he exhaled a cloud of smoke and extended a hand out.

“Right, right, whatever.” He grumbled. “What does everyone say? Deal?”

“Yeah, deal,” Nimble replied, reaching out, giving his hand a shake. “Let me just finish what I was doing and get this arcane crystal reconnected.”

Hovering over the box, Nimble began to fiddle with the crystal, gently twisting and fidgeting it before it finally did what he had wanted it to do before the interruption. Sliding into place, the yellow crystal began to glow, and the faint hum of the flight crystal filled the ship. The vessel was officially hovering on its own once more.

“Splendid.” The groundling huffed. “And you? What do you say? Deal?”

“Mmm, I don’t likeziz givinz over my ship.” Finley placed her hands on her hips as she thought, looking back at the corpse behind her. “But fine. Just rememberziz, I’m more captain than the lotz of you!”

The sorcerer sighed, giving his head a shake before putting on his best grumpy expression.

“Wonderful. Now, let’s get the fug out of here, shall we?”

Together, the trio rushed from the engine room to the stairs and ascended to the deck. As they stepped topside, their blood-covered bodies glistening in the sunlight, they came face-to-face with a pair of tall, unfamiliar figures. The first was a human with moppy brown hair and a confused look crossing his pale face. Next to him, a red devilkin with solid black eyes shared the same expression, staring at the bloodied figures.

“Ah shit, not more.” The groundling sighed. “And you two? Who are you?”

The tall figures looked at each other for a moment before glancing down at the trio.

“I’m Thadd,” the human said and then nodded to his companion. “This is Vathos—we’re a part of the crew. Are you…here for the captain?”

With that, Finley stepped forward and, with a cocked fist punched Thadd in the groin. With a yelp, the young man, no older than his early twenties, crumpled to the ground in an instant.

“Now you listen here!” Finley cried out. “I’m the captainziz now!”

“No!” Nimble jumped in. “I’m the captain. I ripped the old captain’s dick off after all.”

“We’re all the captains now, remember?” The groundling jumped in. "Idiots."

“Wait—” The devilkin finally spoke, stepping forward to help Thadd to his feet. “Captain Snakecock is dead?”