Too Sweet

Like every other night, we slipped into our usual routine. She focused on her studies while I lounged nearby like a zombie. We didn't speak for a while; we just sat together, quietly enjoying each other's presence.

"Um... Kinoshita?" Chihara called out.

"Hmm?"

"You look a bit sleepier than normal. If you want, we can check in for the night."

"Oh. No, don't worry about me. I'm not tired or anything. Just resting my eyes. I spent the last three hours getting some work done, and before that, I took a four-hour nap."

"Is that so? Looks like my schedule is starting to look like yours. Pretty soon, I'll become Kinoshita Kazuha version two."

"Pfft... That's not necessarily a good thing."

"Yeah? And why's that?"

I glanced over to look at her.

Sitting with her legs up on the other end of the bench is Chihara Ouka. Straight and silky brown hair, and expressive pink eyes. She spends most of her time studying, doing school work, or participating in student organization activities.

To any sane person, she is as perfect as anyone can be. And yet, here she is, coming out here late at night to catch up on her homework... and to hang out with me, of all people.

"Let me put it this way," I said. "People will look at me and won't think twice about my abysmal sleep schedule. You, on the other hand..."

"Ah..."

My chest felt like it was twisting. For a second there, her eyes fell. It was a picture-perfect replica of the look she had when she stumbled at the mall.

"What about you, Kinoshita?" she asked, her voice lower this time. "Do you... also find it a surprise?"

Something's wrong. Just like back then, she's putting herself in a shell... almost as if she's embarrassed about that side of herself.

"You want my honest answer?" I asked.

"Please."

"Yeah, I do find it surprising, but do you know why?"

"...Why?"

"Because the more I look at you, the more I think you really are a bit like me. Of course, with a lot of exceptions. I'm not as studious as you are. I'm not as outgoing or kind, and I'm definitely not as popular. But the one thing we do share in common is, I think, the biggest."

"And what's that?"

"You take naps during the day and come outside at night, almost as if you're trying to run away. Although you once told me it's to get away from people, I don't think it's just that. I think... It's something more."

Looks like I hit the nail on the head, because her eyes widened. When she didn't say anything, I decided to go first. Just to ease her into it.

"For me, I started coming out here when my relationship went south," I said. "It began near the end of Summer break. I was noticing that my ex was starting to lose interest in me. Maybe I should've broken up with her right then and there, but I didn't. Big mistake, because she ended up cheating on me."

A deep breath.

"I used to ask myself if I did something wrong. Maybe somewhere along the way, I fucked up. But now, I know. She never had any interest in me, to begin with. She just liked the idea of having a boyfriend, but not the commitment that came with it. Didn't make it any less painful for me. That's why I come out here now. To get away from all the noise... and to keep myself away from others because I don't wanna rub them the wrong way. At some point, it turned into a normal thing for me."

Chihara faced forward. Her hair was covering her face so that I couldn't see her expression.

Only now did I realize that I said something depressing. Just when I was about to say something else, she beat me to it.

"I think you're right," she said. "I told you before that I come out here to avoid people. That wasn't a lie. Um... Can I ask you something, Kinoshita?"

"Go ahead."

"When you look at me, what's the first thing you think of?"

That caught me off guard. I'd always thought about it, but saying it out loud? That was something entirely different, especially if it's directly to her. At the same time, it's because it's her that I think I should.

"The first thing I think of when I see you..." I said, my eyes fixed on the ground. "You're cute."

When she didn't say anything, I turned back to her, only to realize that I had made yet another mistake.

Chihara's eyes were wide, her lips slightly apart. A thick red haze clouded her cheeks, and it was made even more apparent by the lamp post above us.

"W-wait! I didn't— I mean... W-what I meant was... I..."

"Huh? N-no, it's okay, Kinoshita! I... um... I was just..."

She glanced up, down, left, then right — all in an attempt to look anywhere but me. While she slouched in her seat, her hands over her face, I was internally screaming at myself for being so dumb.

"Chihara?" I mumbled. "I'm sorry."

"What? No, there's... no need to apologize. I was just... shocked. Normally, when people admire me, they make it somewhat obvious, but they don't outright say it."

"Ah... Yeah, that's... That sounds a lot more reasonable."

"In a way, though... I'm kind of glad."

Finally, she looked at me. For once, that smile didn't immediately blind me, but that's not to say I was unaffected.

No... Not even close.

"You're glad?" I gulped.

"Yeah. Now I know that you're being completely honest... and how you view me in a positive light."

My mouth wouldn't move. Even if it could, I wouldn't know what to say.

How am I supposed to take this? I just called her cute. To her face. And yet, it didn't seem like she was disappointed. Quite the opposite, actually.

"In that case... Since you now know how I see you, what's the first thing that comes to your mind when you see me, Chihara?"

She poked her chin.

"The first thing I think of when I see Kinoshita..."

Then, she winked.

"Not telling~"

"W-wha... That's not fair." I mumbled.

"You're the one who wears his heart on his sleeve. Not my fault."

"...Hah. You're something else."

Chihara lifted her textbook, hiding the lower half of her face under the pages. All I could see were her eyes curling past those round glasses, but I'm not ignorant enough to assume there wasn't a smile beneath them.

"Maybe I am. But at least I now know what that something is. Cute, right?"