What Did I Say

"You're cute."

That's what I said to Chihara last night. No stutters, no cracks, not even the slightest hitch.

Do I like her that much? Am I so greedy that I can't even keep my thoughts to myself?

When I was with Junko, those kinds of words were rare. For one, she didn't like it whenever I complimented her appearance. Never knew why. For another, I stopped wanting to say it after I noticed she was distancing herself from me.

So how could I ever say that to Chihara? So easily, too. And now, going through my day, those words rang in my head like a broken record.

I sat in the back row of my first class, watching the professor move his lips, yet all I could hear was...

"You're cute."

In the next class, I was working on an assignment. A sheet of paper sat on the desk in front of me, and while I could clearly see the words in front of me, my brain refused to process them. Instead...

"You're cute."

The third class was no different. I was taking notes, and somewhere along the way, I wrote...

"You're cute."

Not just once. Not even twice. Seven times.

I think I'm going insane.

After what felt like the longest day of my life, the school day was over. I sat like a limp noodle in my aisle seat, wondering when this cruel fate would end.

"You're cute."

"Oh, I know. But sorry, man. I don't roll that way."

I glanced over to see Haruto with that cheeky smirk.

"My bad, dude," I mumbled. "There's just... been a lot on my mind."

"I'll say. You were out of it for the entire lecture, and honestly? I was, too. Same reason, actually."

"Huh? What's going on with you?"

"Well... I may or may not have called a last-minute rain check on Kanon's invitation to grab some boba yesterday."

"Sheesh, you stood Kanon up? I would understand if it were one of your many dating app matches, but come on. Kanon? She's one of your best friends, and she's so chill."

That probably wasn't the right choice of words, because Haruto sank further in her seat with a defeated sigh.

"I know, man... I feel so bad, and I've been trying to text her to meet up so I can apologize, but she's leaving me on read."

"Damn, Haruto. You fucked up."

"I-it's alright! That's why I made this!"

From his pocket, he slipped out a red pouch that was clearly messily crafted.

"And that's...?" I mumbled.

"An omamori charm! Look! I even stitched a capibara. See?"

He proudly showed off his creation, but all I could see was an amorphous blob with some eyes.

"...Uh-huh," I mumbled. "You know Kanon's not gonna wear that, right? Accessories aren't really her thing. At all."

"Yeah, you're right... I sure hope so, though. Anyway, what about you? What's got my boy in such a mess, huh?"

"It's... nothing serious. Just the usual. Did something, regretted it, and beat myself over it. Did I ever tell you that I'm so fucking stupid?"

As if he were actually thinking about it, Haruto lifted his chin.

"Nope," he said after coming to that divine revelation. "Today might be the first."

"Well, I'm fucking stupid. Keep that in mind."

"Noted. But why the sudden declaration?"

I leaned back and sighed.

"Have you ever said something to someone that you always thought about but never wanted to say? And then it just slipped out, so now you're stuck dealing with the aftermath?"

"Oh, of course. Plenty of times. A few months ago, I—"

He stopped himself. While I kept my eyes forward, that stupid, devilish, hideous, and god-forsaken smile crept into view.

"Kazuha~?"

"What...?"

"That thing you said earlier. What was it again? You're cute. You are cute. Cute. Not me. Obviously, not me... but someone else. Someone... like Chihara?!"

"W-wha—?!"

I quickly wrapped an arm around his neck and pulled him under the desk. After a few seconds, I peered over the top. Chihara was still sitting in the front row, chatting with her friends. Thankfully, it didn't seem like she heard.

"Are you dumb?" I whispered. "No, don't answer that. I don't even know why I'm asking. Of course, you are!"

"Oops! My bad. I actually didn't even mean to say it that loud. She didn't hear me, did she?"

"No, I don't think so. But still, keep your voice down."

"Aye aye, captain!"

I let go, and we sat back up.

"So~" Haruto whistled. "You called Chihara cute."

"Yeah..."

"On accident."

"...Yeah..."

"Haha, what the hell? Day by day, you surprise me, Kazuha. You're always so closed off, you never make your feelings known, and yet, this is what trips you up? I'm speechless."

"So am I."

"Clearly not, since you called her cute."

"Tch... Shut up, man."

I began stuffing my belongings into my school bag.

"How did she react?" Haruto asked.

"Um... I'm not really sure. At first, it seemed like she was surprised, but then she said that she was glad."

"Glad?"

"Yeah. Because I'm being honest, and I view her in a positive light. There was also—"

I almost choked when the last thing she said to me last night came to mind.

"...Hah. You're something else."

"Maybe I am. But at least I now know what that something is. Cute, right?"

With a deep breath, I leaned back, placing both my hands over my face.

"Fuck me, dude. I'm so cooked."

"Yeah, you are," Haruto snickered. "Well, hey. At least she didn't gag or anything like that. In fact, it almost seems like... she kind of liked it."

"It seemed that way to me, too."

"Then, at this point, is there any reason to keep doubting yourself? She's cool with you when she isn't with other guys. She clearly likes being around you. When I offered you up to help her with shopping for supplies, she agreed instantly. You called her cute, and she was fine with it. Isn't it about time you stopped trying to guess how she feels? Or, at the very least, ask her about it. If you wait too long, the momentum might die out before it can become what it could've been."

"...Dammit. Why are you and Kanon always repeating each other? She said the same thing."

"There you go. Don't stress about it too much, dude. She might like you, she might not. Either way, it's better to know now than to find out later when you're already too far gone. You get me?"

"Yeah. Thanks, Haruto."

"Mhm."

Just as I was finishing up with packing, a pair of mesmerizing pink eyes suddenly appeared right in front of me.

"W-what the—?!"

I staggered, but a certain someone found it amusing.

"Haha~! My bad, Kinoshita. I saw a golden opportunity to spook you, and I just had to take it."

"You can't control yourself, can you, Chihara?"

"Nope! I told you, didn't I? I'm kind of a loose screw. I don't think about what I'm doing till I do it—"

"And then it's too late to turn back, so you might as well embrace it?"

"Huh? Yeah! Exactly! See? You get me, Kinoshita. Anyway, I'm heading to the Festival Committee. Are you coming, too?"

"No, not today. As much as I would like to, I have to do some grocery shopping. My mini fridge is running low."

"Ah, got it. See you later, then!"

"Yeah. See you, Chihara."

The moment she disappeared beyond the lecture hall doors, Haruto slapped me on the arm.

"Ow! What the hell?!"

"Dude. Dude, dude, dude! Did you see the way she was looking at you? Not to mention the way she was speaking to you so comfortably. She definitely likes you, man!"

"Hah... I'm heading out. Have a good day, Haruto."

"And I'm sure you'll have a good day, too."

Without acknowledging his last comment, I made my way out of the building. After walking around for a while, I finally stopped at a lonely tree along the stone path.

She might like me.

She might like me.

I kept my distance because I didn't want to misunderstand, yet she's closed that gap more times than I can count. I tried going with the flow, never expecting anything more, but she causes waves that make me want more. I used to be stuck in limbo, but now I know for sure.

Chihara Ouka... I like her. A lot.

"Ah, there you are, Kazuha. You're a hard man to track down, you know that?"

My body went stiff, almost like I'd just been petrified. That voice... I know it well, and it is the one voice I never want to hear again, and yet... Here we are.

I twisted my head around. Although the afternoon sunlight perfectly shone upon her, all I could see was red.

"What do you want, Junko?"