The Bad Cleric

"O' Sunblessed Scholar, hear my prayer," I chanted, gripping the amulet firmly in one hand as the other hovered over a basin of water. "Grant me your blessing upon this bowl so that I may deliver your understanding unto those you find wanting. With this holy water, I vow to—um, soak the shit out of some ghosts? Like, really get them wet and put their asses to rest. Yeah. So, if you'd—um, I—could you grant me holy water? I forgot to buy it at the shop. Please? Amen? God bless?"

"Have you ever prayed before?" Rionriv asked from over my shoulder. "It really fell apart at the end there, didn't it?"

Opening my eyes, I stared down at the pristine, sparkling water as the holy glow within the bowl faded. It wasn't until we had finished the first half of the third level of the dungeon that I realized that there was, in fact, something I had forgotten to purchase on our way out of Phyllis's shoppe. Luckily, even though I had never actually prayed to the Gods of this world, I knew that if I did, at least miracles could happen.

"It's been a while, okay?" I snapped in reply, holding a hand over the water and sensing the faint magical energy that radiated from it. "But it worked, see, clean water. Perfect for smacking down some ghosts."

"But you're a cleric! Isn't the prayer trade your whole schtick? How have you even been casting magic if you're not devoted to your God?"

"I use my imagination and try not to magic in my pants." I huffed, turning away from the bowl and looking at the triop as they prepared to storm the next section of the facility. "Stop berrating me for five seconds! I did it, alright? Enough for everyone, too, so come dip your arrows or whatever."

"I don't need it," Rionriv grumbled, crossing her arms. "Magic works fine on ghosts."

With a squint of my gaze, I dipped my fingers and splashed her with the water. I watched as it sprayed against her face and chest, revealing an irritable scowl quickly forming across her lips.

"What was that for?!" She yelled immediately.

"Just making sure you haven't been possessed this whole time."

"Do you want to meet your God?!"

Watching electricity arcing across her body, I immediately lifted my hands and apologized. But it was too late, and with a small zap, my body trembled as the lightning flowed through me.

"Ri," Aesandoral lectured as she approached me and placed a hand on my shoulder, freeing me from some of the charge. "S-stop."

With a huff, the sorceress ended her attack with a cross of her arms. Looking between me and the elf, she grumbled before marching away from the group. As she placed herself closer to the sealed door, she peeked through the ancient, dirty window at the abandoned room beyond.

"Probably not wise to tease her," Aesandoral whispered to me. "She's in combat mode, which makes her even more irritable.

"Gotcha," I replied, shaking out my numb hands. "That's good to know. Thanks, Aes."

Looking up at her, our eyes briefly met. It was then that, in the faint glow of the ancient storage room, I could see the sparkle that hung in her gaze as she looked at me. Her cute face, dirtied with dust, sweat, and dwarven blood, wore a soft smile that sent my heart racing. I stared at her as she gently bit her bottom lip, her cheeks becoming flushed with colour. And, while my eyes lingered, I watched as her smile became bashful before she looked away, quickly brushing a short strand of hair behind her elven ear, only to have it fall free once more. As I saw this, I suddenly longed to reach up and brush the hair back. I wanted to look deeply into her eyes, kiss her, and tell her something romantic. That was until my mother's voice crawled into the back of my mind.

Weak. Embrassment. Disgusting.

The warmth in my heart turned cold as I quickly looked away from her. Focusing on the bowl of water, I reached a hand up to my chest and quietly groaned.

Fugging. Stop. Stop. Stop. Not now, shut up.

"Iz?" Aesandoral asked quietly. "You, okay?"

"Yeah, let's umm—let's douse your arrows and move on."

I kept my head low, focusing on the water and not the archer as she handed me her quiver. Too embarrassed by my internal struggle and too nervous to upset her once again, I handled the objects delicately as I scooped my hand into the liquid and soaked each of her arrows with the holy water. After adding a sprinkle of salt from Sharzin's spice bag over the arrowheads, if for nothing more than a hint of holy flavouring, the objects were ready for combat. I then did the same for our rogue, before taking my turn to prepare. Wrapping strips of cloth over my hands, I dunked them into the water, soaking the fabric before dipping my fists into the pile of seasoning.

"Can we go yet?" Rionriv growled as I was finishing up. "I'd like to loot today!"

"Yeah, I think we're all ready."

With a calming breath, I poured the remaining holy water over my body. Setting myself up beside the sealed door, my companions took up positions behind me, readying spells and nocking arrows. Unlike the previous rooms, which gave the girls space to move, the back half of our current level was much tighter. On top of that, all of the creatures beyond the decontamination room were some variant of undead ghoul, meaning that I, as the cleric, needed to be upfront to deal with them.

Withdrawing the celestinium access card, I pressed it against the console beside the door, activating the ancient mechanism. With a hiss and wailing klaxon, the decontamination field dropped for the first time in over a century. Immediately, I watched as a pair of skeletons, wearing desiccated flesh and torn leather armour, shambled to their feet.

They turned their heads my direction, revealing frozen smiles, as the bodies began to move towards me. With a pounding heart, I leapt forward, watching three arrows fly overhead, connecting with the skulls and breaking through bone with ease, but doing little to stop the ghouls' forward momentum. Pulling my hand back, I aimed for the beast's sternum, watching as the holy water-soaked strike landed. Much like the arrows, my blow had enough force to break through the bone. But unlike their piercing strikes, the blunt damage of my fist caused the body to rattle as it stumbled back, now missing several pieces of the skeletal support system.

I continued forward, striking hard against the ghoul once more, this time kicking at its side and hitting it against its undead compatriot. Like slapstick comedy in action, the skeletal bodies became entangled in each other's broken bones. This made it easier for me to knock them back against the wall, where another trio of arrows pierced their pelvises, and one ensnared them further under a mess of thorny brambles. With that, it became much easier to deal with the undead threat, requiring a few more seconds of rapid punches that splattered holy water against the wall and scattered bones at my feet.

"Is that a—Iz!" Aesandoral cried out. "Behind you."

Turning, I watched as a pale figure listlessly floated through the windowed wall to the side where technicians would have once sat. The ghastly being's face sagged with dread, with long hair floating around its head as though it were submerged in water. As it reached out to me, I looked into its milky white eyes, glowing with vile hate as they stared through me. A chill washed over me, instilling a sense of fear that did little in comparison to the mental trauma I'd been struggling with for the last day. Giving my head a shake, I banished the feeling quickly enough to watch as my companions' arrows once again tore through the air. They cut away at the ghost, ripping mist from its body and drawing its attention towards the exit.

"Oh crap!" Aesandoral gasped as I watched her eyes go wide with fear at the ghost's haunting visage. "G-Guys!"

"Hey, no," I cried out, jumping in front of the spirit to block its path. "Look at me, you ghoulish bish! I ain't spooked by no ghost!"

With a clenched fist, I delivered a decisive blow to the undead being's face. Half expecting it to go through, I was shocked when I felt my holy wrapping connect with it hard enough to break bones. I watched as the face contorted around the strike, twisting the head to the side beyond what a normal body could withstand before the spirit was sent flying. Its body slammed into the holy mist-covered wall and, instead of going through, connected with enough force to convert the ghost into goo. Like a bug splattering against a window, ectoplasm plastered the holy barrier as a shrill cry marked the end of the tortured soul.

"Yeeek." I shuddered in response to the event. "Ouff—I was not expecting that!"

"You just punched that lady into goo!" Sharzin exclaimed, approaching from my side and wiping some of the ectoplasm from her cheek. "Shameful creep."

"It wasn't a lady, it was a ghost," I replied, listening as a new alarm rang out and the secondary door of the tight room opened. "And why are you so close? Stay back while I deal with these things."

Reaching over to remove the goo from her face, she swatted at my hand, moving out of the way of my grip.

"Mmmhmm—" Sharzin continued, dodging me before marching past. "A lady ghost."

"A ghost ghost! Hey! Don't—I'm supposed to be the one leading this charge, remember?"

With a skip in my step, I caught up to Sharzin, following along with the boldly stepping groundling as she reached for the handle of the next room we were supposed to clear. I watched as she twisted the knob, preparing to open the door.

"What the hell," I coughed, grabbing her hand and pulling it away. "Zin? What's gotten into you?"

"Agh!" She hissed, attempting to wrench her wrist from my grasp. "Unhand me!"

"Unhan—"

With that, I looked over to Aesandoral and Rionriv, who stared at Sharzin with equally worried expressions. Even with my limited time around Sharzin, I knew that this mentality was out of character for her. But then I remembered the goo, and everything clicked into place for me. As I lifted her hand high, I looked into the faint milky glaze that had taken possession of her glimmering diamond eyes.

"Ah, I see." I finally said, adjusting her body to be between me and the door. "Ri, you got that bomb ready?"

"Yeah?" The sorceress replied, holding up one of the explosive jars she had stolen from the bandits. "It's almost full, but this isn't the boss room?"

"Yeah, you'll just have to charge another one. Get ready to throw it on my mark."

"Unhand me, boy!" Sharzin screamed at me. "Release me from your disgusting—"

Kicking the door to the room in, I watched as a dozen skeletal figures quickly rose from the dead in a reverse death-drop before they turned towards our party. By the time the door had hit the wall and began to bounce back towards us, I had raised Sharzin before me, where I matched her gaze. With my free hand, I primed a finger and gave the forehead of the rogue a firm flick. Immediately, the low-level ghost that had been inhabiting her body was exorcised and sent floating backwards into the room.

"Ri, now!" I cried out, reaching forward and preparing to slam the door to the control booth shut.

Rionriv propped herself up on my shoulder before lobbing a glowing bottle of fiery energy into the control booth where the undead ghouls prepared to assault us. Slamming the door shut, I listened to the loud boom followed by the satisfying sound of bones scattering. As the world fell silent and the smell of immolated dry flesh reached my nostrils, Sharzin began to stir in my grasp.

"What the—what happened?" She asked, looking between all of us.

"You got possessed by the ghost we killed."

"Oh...where's it now? And what's that smell?"

"Honestly, some of the ghost's ecotoplasm mixed in with the skeletons." At this, I turned and looked at everyone else in the group. "You both good?"

"Other than a bit pissed I have to start charging another bottle, I'm fine." Rionriv grounded, withdrawing one of the bandit bombs and placing it between her palms.

"Yeah, I'm good too, thanks." Aesandoral joined.

With a nod, I opened the door, checking the carnage of the explosion. Indeed, the room was plastered with ecoplasm and scattered bone fragments. Thanks to the bomb, we had easily handled the undead threat that would have taken an average adventuring party towards the edge of life and death. But that wasn't something to delight in. There was still one dangerous challenge left on this level. 

We still had the boss to contend with after all.