Chapter 25:

The Epic of Boss (3)

A Kat's (GOD AWFUL!!!) Blessing

Kat opened the kitchen cabinet to grab her favorite cereal for breakfast. Picking it up, she noticed it was incredibly light. The bag inside the box only had enough cereal for just one or two bites.

“Aw, what? Who put the box back in the cabinet when there’s practically none left?” she complained.

Her mom took a sip of coffee while reading the news on her phone. “You’re the only person in this house who eats that stuff,” she commented. “Pretty easy to deduce the culprit.”

Kat grimaced before dumping what little cereal there was left straight into her mouth. There was no objecting to her mom’s detective work, so she gave up trying to pass off the blame. To make things worse, that was the last box of cereal, as the person who went to the store the other day to replenish the cat food forgot to pick up a new box.

Again, the culprit being herself.

“It’s not like you have to have cereal for breakfast. We’ve got plenty of other things to eat,” her mom said, picking up the fruit bowl that sat on the table that held a couple apples and a banana on the verge of turning to mush from neglect. “Have some fruit! It’s better for you, anyway. Here, eat this banana before I’m forced to turn it into banana bread.”

Kat took the banana from her mom, annoyed by its existence. Its peel almost slid off without any effort. “It’s not about what’s healthier for me. It’s about tradition! I wake up, have a bowl of cereal, then go about my day.”

“You’ll survive one morning without cereal for breakfast.”

“But I’ve followed this routine since I was seven! That’s a decade-long streak! I’m not about to let it end so unceremoniously!”

Her mom set down her coffee and picked up the slice of butter toast topped with cinnamon sugar. “Sorry Kat, but looks like it’ll end uncerealmoniously,” she said before taking a bite.

Kat was disgusted by her mom’s dad-humor-like pun. So much so that she had decided to write her off as being her mom. She was now a complete stranger to Kat.

“Oh, don’t give me that look!” the stranger said, taking another bite of her toast. “That was a good pun!”

Kat ignored the stranger’s presence.

“Okay, fine. I’ll be sure to grab a box when I go grocery shopping later today.”

In a miraculous turn of events, Kat’s mom had reappeared into her life.

“Thanks,” Kat replied. She then slouched over the kitchen table. “But that still doesn’t fix my current dilemma about what to have for breakfast.”

“You just dumped the remains of a bag of cereal into your face and had a banana. Breakfast you have had,” her mom commented. A second later, her phone started to vibrate in her hand. The moment she saw who it was, she let out a groan. “Luanne.”

“I hope you’re charging her by the hour,” Kat replied.

“I honestly should,” she replied before answering the phone. “Hi, Luanne! …No, I can’t just dye all your bridesmaid dresses a different color. It doesn’t work that way.”

She silently cursed as she left the kitchen to discuss what was becoming known as the Luanne Wedding Chronicles.

Kat tapped her claws on the table, thinking about her options to keep her cereal for breakfast streak going. One idea was to toast some bread and crumble it into a bowl with some cinnamon sugar. Cereal is basically hard bread with sugar, so it could work, she thought. But the amount of effort to accomplish that was more than she could muster so early.

But then another idea popped into her head. “I wonder,” she mulled to herself for a minute.

She stood up and went to the cabinet where the dry cat food was stored and pulled it out. There was a moment of hesitation before she opened the bag and took a big whiff of the inside. A mixture of chicken, turkey, and fish filled her nostrils. “Huh,” she said, not immediately repulsed by the smell. Not to say she found it super appealing, either. It was on par with smelling the powder flavoring that comes with a packet of instant ramen.

She dug her hand inside the bag and pulled out a couple of pellets and tossed them into her mouth. Her ears and tail shot upward as a burst of flavor filled her mouth. Her teeth chomped on the hard cat food, swirling the crumbs around with her tongue, studying the taste, before swallowing.

“This’ll work!” she smiled.

Without hesitation, she grabbed a bowl and spoon, the jug of milk, and the bag of cat food to the table. She filled the bowl to the top with cat food, drenched it in milk, then took a big bite.

Her eyes lit up. “This is great!” she said before chowing down.

Having heard the sound of cat food hitting a bowl, Ludwig strolled into the kitchen with a yawn, trying to wake up. He walked over to his food bowl, expecting breakfast had been served.

It was empty.

Huh? Weird. Could’ve sworn I heard cat food being poured into my bowl. Did I dream that? Ludwig thought.

Seeing Kat enjoying her usual bowl of morning cereal, he hopped onto the table.

“Hey, Kat. How about pouring me soooooooo-” his voice trailed as he saw Kat eating the cat food. “What the… What’re you doing?!” he asked in shock.

Kat looked over at Ludwig. A trail of milk dripping off the fur around her mouth. “Hm?”

“That’s my breakfast!” he said, pointing to the bowl.

She shook her head. “I poured this for myself. I’ll fix yours in a bit.”

“Poured yourself… What do you mean ‘poured yourself’?! That’s my cat food you’re eating!”

“Who said the cat food is yours?”

Ludwig was at a loss for words. “It’s… it’s on the packaging, Kat! See!” he said, pointing to the photo of a cat’s head on the bag.

Kat responded by pulling the bag closer to her so that her cat-like face was next to the cat on the bag.

“A cat cat! Not a hybrid human-cat! And, what did you do?! Is that milk?! Did you seriously pour milk on cat food?!

“Uh-huh,” she replied, spitting out crumbs. “It’s pretty good.”

Ludwig cautiously approached the bowl of soiled cat food and took a sniff. He immediately recoiled in disgust. “How can you even eat that?”

“It’s good. What’s more to say?”

Ludwig covered his nose. “Can’t believe these words are leaving my mouth, but I think I lost my appetite.”

“More for me, then,” Kat said as she poured more cat food into her bowl.

“Stop that!” he said, swatting Kat’s arms.

The two got into a catfight but were quick to stop when they heard a knock at the back door.

“Huh. Who could that be?” Kat wondered aloud.

“It’d be faster if you go see instead of pondering about it,” Ludwig quipped.

Kat gently bonked him on the head for being a butt, then went to the back door. When she opened the door, she was presented by a large figure wearing a makeshift cloak made from a dark red tablecloth. The figure towered over Kat, standing past seven feet tall. A combination of all these factors gave off an intense aura to Kat, who suddenly feared for her life.

When the figure spoke, his low-pitched voice shook the air. “Kat. I need your—”

Kat let out a blood-curdling scream, like that of someone confronted by a vicious murderer, fearing for her life.

“No! Wait!” Boss said, pulling off the hood. “It’s me! Boss!”

Again, Kat screamed, albeit this time from the shock of seeing Boss as a giant muscular catman. “What happened to you?!”

“It is a long—”

Without warning, Kat was shoved to the side by her mom, who had jumped down the stairs. Her motherly instincts took over as she sought to protect her daughter from danger. She performed a flying kick directly into Boss’ chest.

Boss fell backward onto the ground, with Kat’s mom atop of him, forcing her arm against his throat to choke him. “You picked on the wrong teenage girl to assault,” she said, her eyes filled with a murderous rage.

“No, wait!!!” Kat yelled. “He’s not dangerous!!!”


Kat’s mom looked around, where she saw Maria being embraced by a little catgirl, scared at the vicious woman who was moments away from murdering Boss.

She quickly got to her feet. “So! Anyone want coffee?”