"Even though...."

As I awoke, it felt as though the next day had come far too quickly. I had felt far colder this morning than I normally would have. I looked to see if I even had my blanket on and saw I had Cordelia's blanket. Remembering that I had switched with her last night, the shivers made me begin to feel like it was not the most equal trade.

I rolled around in the bedding trying to create some warmth for myself. As I rolled, I noticed something I didn’t quite remember. Stopping my desperate attempt for heat, I looked towards the open books next to me, trying to remember what I was doing last night. I stared intently at the books, hoping something about them would spark the snuffed candle that was my memory.

Nothing came to me at all. I just couldn’t remember what it was. The cold caught up to me and caused me to start moving around again. I hoped I could create enough fiction to possibly make a fire underneath myself and warm up. Fire? That’s what those books were! I was up late last night trying to study magic.

Both of the books seemed to start the same. There was a basic explanation on how magic worked. I decided to read the version in the book about fire magic instead of the one about earth magic as it seemed as though the text there had been slightly distorted. It could have been a simple error in creation, or the last person who had used it did not handle it with enough care to preserve the text there. I hope that the text that teaches the actual magic is still intact.

From what I could remember from last night, it seems like magic uses a type of energy called “M”. The M in our bodies differs from person to person meaning each person can learn magic, but the output of power would end up differing from person to person. The next limitation of magic comes from imagination. Without proper imaginative ability, you can never bring the proper type of magic into view.

If the imagination of the person who is trying to cast magic is not clear or strong enough then things could go wrong. In lucky cases, no magic will be released at all. Other cases also vary and it’s believed that not all are documented. The pretty well documented cases refer to retribution, destruction, and drainage.

Retribution refers to when the messed up image of magic returns back onto oneself, causing injury. Destruction means that when the image isn’t clear enough and has too much power, an explosion is cast in front of the user instead. Last is drainage. While this one wasn’t as clear as the others from what I could interpret from the text, I think it ends up consuming the M from your body, causing you to pass out until it recovers.

The reason M can do this is because it’s said to be linked to stamina consumption as well, but no true research has been conducted into that, they’re only theories based on mage experience. That means someone like Celestia had a ton of M and the proper imagination as well. I can’t say this for sure, but for someone to have the ability to heal all the wounds on my body and then be able cast that giant flash of light right after must mean something. Not to mention, she didn’t even seem the least bit tired as I took on that tour the other day.

I’m not sure how much M I have yet. Since I don’t know any spells, I don’t have a way to actually test the drain they have on me. There’s a chance I might not be able to learn it at all. Since I’m from a different world entirely, it may be possible I don’t have any M at all. While I did want to continue to learn more, I decided that was a good stopping point in the night since I wanted to see Cordelia off today.

Once I get back I’ll continue learning so that I’m able to keep my promise with Cordelia. However, if I don’t have any M, then I’m not sure what more there is to do. This is my best possible chance to help Flint and Allirea as soon as possible. Learning something like proper combat or swordsmanship would take too long even though now I should have the strength for it.

I also doubt there would even be anyone willing to take me in to teach me those things. Magic seemed to be my only hope, but there was an idea stirring in me as well. I’ve been trying to ignore it this whole time, but maybe I could create something from my world that could work to help make up the difference.

One item in particular kept coming to mind over and over. But to build something like that would take a lot of resources, time, and money to put together. I wouldn’t be able to build it in time to actually be of any service to them before they have to start doing things for the rebellion. There’s no point if I can’t use that method to guarantee their protection from the start.

A similar issue also arises if I have M but a very small amount of it. If I only have a little bit of M it wouldn’t be enough to actually help them either. I would use it up quickly and become tired, making me far more of a burden than an asset for them. Maybe I could find a way to use magic to help get them money somehow. That way they could get away well before they would have to do anything dangerous. The only issue was how I would find something to help them get the money.

All these problems were in my mind. With each new problem it seemed as though the ball of yarn was getting harder and harder to unravel. A wrong move would make the entangled mess worse. The complexity of which piece to pull seemed to rival the greatest of puzzles.

Hmm. There seems to be almost no point in thinking about this now. I should leave it alone until I get back from seeing Cordelia off. I can try to learn some magic later and see which category of questioning I would fall into. That way I wouldn’t have to consider the multiple other possibilities and focus on only one of them. Also, to see Cordelia off while thinking of something else would be far too cruel to her and myself.

Getting up from my bedding, I put in the effort to get ready and look the best I could for this day. This feeling I had while getting ready was a little nostalgic and melancholy, as if I had been preparing for a funeral. Flashes of memories came rushing back to me similar to the way they had during Christmas.

I could make out an open grave, and a casket was being carried towards it. The casket was closed so I couldn’t tell who was in it, but from the way I wanted to cry, it felt as though I knew exactly who was in there. A memory like this feels so far removed from me. For some reason I can’t even remember the face, voice, or name of the person inside. How did I forget something like this?

Finally snapping back from the memory, I quickly finished cleaning myself up, trying not to dwell on it any further. While I tried to push it from my mind the best I could, the thoughts had already begun wiggling their way in. Why didn’t I remember that person? If Flint, Allirea, or Cordelia died, would I forget them as well?

I splashed some freezing water onto my face. By doing this I was able to effectively cut myself out of the thoughts that had started to take root like weeds. I tried to look in the mirror to check over my appearance, but decided not to do so.

Making my way down swiftly so as to not make Cordelia late for her boat, I met the rest of the family waiting for me downstairs. Seeing the family waiting there for me had caused my face to turn beet red.

“Are you ready to go, Hibiki?” Flint asked, unconcerned about the time I had taken.

“Y-yes.” I responded, trying to be a little more energetic.

“Let’s go then.”

“Okay.” Myself and the others made our way out of the house.

Outside of the house was a horse drawn carriage and a driver awaiting us. We all silently got in with the small amount of luggage that belonged to Cordelia. The elderly driver had begun making his way to the gate of the capital.

This atmosphere really confirmed the feeling I had before. It really did feel as though we were going to a funeral. Everyone knew of the upcoming danger. The somber tone wouldn’t escape us so easily even as the carriage had started getting faster.

We had exited the capital and for the first time in a long while I could see outside the walls. It looked far different from when I had first been escorted through here. Could it be from the change in seasons, or something far more different from that?

“You all should try lightening up a little!” The carriage driver began speaking.

“Huh?” Flint questioned his meaning.

“Someone’s going away aren’t they? That’s why we’re going to the port after all.”

“T-that’s correct.”

“Then spend these moments savouring all the time you can. When you meet again, you’ll pick up where you left off. You don’t want to pick up on a sad note, right?” The driver's words pierced us.

“Thank you.” Flint kindly responded to him.

“Haha. It’s just a little advice from an old man who's seen far too many sad departures in his lifetime!” He laughed, softening the mood more.

From his words we had all begun talking. There was nothing specific we talked about, be it the weather, the odd greenery, the fact we had to use the port outside of the capital instead of the one inside, everything.

It felt like we could have spent an eternity laughing and speaking on the carriage ride. The driver had even seemed to slow down to allow us even more time. This moment felt like bliss. It was as though the dark cloud following this carriage had somehow been torn apart by the blowing wind, and the sun had made its way in to light up the area.

After a time that still felt far too short, we arrived at the port. The sight of the glowing ocean brightened everything around it as though the waters could not seem dirty even if they tried. With water like this, I was sure Cordelia would make it to her destination safe and sound with her new protector. In my stead, I entrusted the ocean to guide her and keep her steady.

“That’s your boat Cordelia.” Flint pointed while taking a break from carrying her luggage.

While the case she enclosed her things in was very tiny, it was packed full of stuff, even causing Flint difficulty lifting it. The prospect of that brought a smile to my face and I tried my best to hold back a laugh.

“Seriously, what do you have in here?” Allirea asked, attempting to pick up the trunk.

“Everything!” Cordelia replied with a smile.

“Of course it would be everything.”

“Well if you can carry this for me, you should be fine right?” Cordelia seeked confirmation.

“Right!” They both responded happily at the thought.

As she got ready to board the boat, we all said our goodbyes with her one at a time. Flint had begun crying after his turn and Allirea was barely able to hold back once she finished. However, both of them had a smile on their faces, ready to see their daughter off. In Cordelia’s hands it seemed they had given her the chrysanthemums I had picked up a few days ago.

Finally it was my turn. I approached Cordelia and prepared to say my goodbyes to her. She had a certain melancholic happiness to her which made her feel as distant as the horizon of the ocean. Still, I attempted to approach her, making sure I wouldn’t miss my chance to see the sun rise above the horizon.

“So.” She began, becoming more cheery when she realized I was coming.

“So.” I responded to her single word with my own.

“Haha!” Both of us laughed at what was happening.

“I’m gonna do it Hibiki!” She spoke with an untouchable resolve to her.

“Yeah?” I responded, unsure of her meaning but not wanting to dull her resolve.

“I’m gonna see all of you off with a smile.”

“We will as well.”

“Even though it hurts. Even though I’m sad. Even though I know all of you all will be in danger as I tuck my tail in and run.” Tears started to stream down her face as she spoke. “Even though it’s so hard. Even though I don’t understand. Even though it’s so lonely.” Out of concern I tried to reach out to her, but she stopped my approach and continued. “Even though it scares me beyond belief. Even though I know I’m weak. Even though I don’t want to…” Her voice had become so hoarse it was hard for her to keep going without breaking. “Even though I want to quit…I’ll still keep going, and see you all at the end of this journey.” At the end, a pure smile appeared on her face which surpassed even the purity of the ocean.

“Thank you Cordelia. Thank you for being you.” I showed my appreciation for her, the person who made me feel the most normal when no one else did.

We had tears streaming down our eyes, but we both also had the biggest smile our mouths would possibly allow for. If some stranger had seen us now, they would think we were both lunatics. That thought felt far funnier than embarrassing right now. Cordelia waved at us as she entered the ship and we waved back to her.

After she had entered the ship, we already had hopes of seeing her again, but we also weren’t sure if we would actually be able to. After a few moments, she appeared at the top of the ship and was still waving at us with a big smile.

The sight of her appearing again caused us to smile and wave back, happy we got this opportunity. The ship didn’t leave for five minutes, but even through that whole time we continued waving and smiling. As the ship started taking off, our arms turned numb and our cheeks started hurting. Still we persisted, waving our noodle arms and holding our smiles though the pain.

We continued doing this even far after the ship Cordelia was on had faded past the horizon. After we could no longer keep going, we turned around and made our way back to the carriage, happy that we could see her off this way, but sad that she was gone. Before we entered the carriage, Flint pulled me aside to speak to me.

“Hibiki.” Flint started in a low tone.

“Y-yes?” I asked, wondering what this could be about.

“I’m sure you know already, but we’ll be joining the rebellion.”

“Y-yeah, I do know.” I replied, realizing what this conversation was.

“Hibiki, we don’t want you to be involved in this. We’ll let you go free.”

“N-no! I don’t want to leave.”

“Hibiki, please understand. This isn’t your fight. We want you to live. Just like Cordelia.”

“I get it, but I want to help!”

“The best way you can help is to not get involved.”

“N-no way!”

“Hibiki, you’re not a fighter. You’re a protector, so please stay a protector.” He spoke kindly.

Unable to argue with his kindness, I slumped my shoulders and accepted what he had wanted with a dejected nod. We all silently entered the carriage and I prepared to leave the place I had come to call home.