Chapter 14

                                                                             Gerda

It wasn’t as if I wanted to go, but I didn't know how much longer I could hold on and pretend that the inevitable outcome of our journey would somehow never happen and that she wouldn’t leave.

I felt bad about it. I wasn't a complete asshole, so I promised myself to do what I could to make her happy during the time we had left. So, despite my hesitation, I put my arm around her, assuming she would like it.

“W-what do you want to do once you…?”, she asked suddenly.

I really didn’t want to think about it, so I just told her I would find something to do, and before she could enquire any further, I asked her if she wanted to have another adventure today. There were plenty of treks around we could take, but she shook her head.

“I… I am a bit tired. W-we could just stay here…”

I remembered how tired she’d looked yesterday. Had I pushed her too hard, destroying all the fun she could have had? Great, yet another reason why we should be done with this trip as soon as we could so I didn’t screw anything else up. I wished I could stay angry with myself longer. A foul mood always helped me to push through the day, but it was difficult to feel angry with her around, considering how clingy she was, especially this morning.

Slowly, my mind calmed down, and I became aware of her hand resting on my thigh. I’d completely forgotten about the strange effect that the lower gravity and strange atmospheric composition had on me.

“Wanna go for a swim?”, I asked and got up without waiting for her answer.

Even if it wasn’t hot yet, I hoped the cold water would help, as it had done yesterday.

We ran to the pond, and I jumped in without thinking. The water was freezing, but it helped more than I’d expected, and when Kaya joined me in the water, my head was almost clean. We splashed around for a bit, trying to catch each other and pull each other under to stay warm, but when we finally emerged from the pond, I was freezing. To my surprise, she didn’t seem as bothered by it as I was, and she sat down on the grass, turning her face to the sun.

                                                                       Kaya

I felt bad not wanting to go for a walk with her. I just really wanted to spend more quiet time with her. But if that’s what she wanted to do on our last day, it wasn’t fair to stop her. I really wanted her to have beautiful memories from this trip, so when our clothes had finally dried in the sun, I suggested we take a walk, and she seemed really happy about it.

My feet were still sore, but if we walked slowly, they should be okay. I wasn’t as strong as her, and I’d never really pushed myself before, confining myself to my room and to the safe activities I was familiar with. This journey had forced me to step out of my comfort zone more than I was ready to, but despite how difficult it had been at times, I didn't regret it.

Even if my contribution was small, at least I wasn’t a burden, and I didn’t feel as useless as I used to feel back home. Home… Somehow it didn’t feel right to use that word to describe the place I’d grown up in, but I wasn't sure what I should replace it with. ‘Shithole’, as Gerda called it? It felt so blunt, but I realised more and more what I’d actually missed out on and what it meant when someone cared about you. I could at least understand why she called it that, even if I didn't dare to do the same. Maybe one day I would, I thought as we entered the sandy path between the tall, strange-looking trees.

                                                                         Gerda

I hoped the trek wouldn’t be too difficult for her. It was longer than yesterday’s, but it had an easier rating than the others we could choose from.

I never thought much about the future. It was pointless to fill my mind with worries about what might happen tomorrow when my life already sucked today, and I couldn’t imagine that any future would be worse than what I already had.

Back then, before we ran away, there had always been a chance that someone would find out how fucked up the Bitch really had been, and Social Services would put me in one of those “care homes”. That would have sucked even more than staying with her, considering the reputations those places had, but I was sure I was too clever to let her get caught. Not that I didn’t sometimes wish it would have happened, but known shit was better than unknown shit, so over the years, I’d made sure I would never be placed in one of those homes.

But that was then… Since we ran away, I’d found myself looking forward to the future, wondering what the next day may bring and where the choices I made would take us. I was sure that if I had been alone, I wouldn’t have worried so much about it. I’d learnt a long time ago that no matter how everything might suck, life somehow carried you to another day, despite the fact that you sometimes wished it didn’t, so I was sure I would be okay. One way or the other.

But with Kaya on my side, I suddenly found myself wanting more than just to get through the day and survive despite everything life threw at me. She deserved better than that. I would miss her, I knew that, but at least I’d done something in my life that would justify my staying alive for so long.

So no, despite how much my life had sucked, I didn't regret it. At least not now, when we walked between the strange-looking trees, holding hands. Deep inside, I knew that even the smallest change somewhere in the past could have meant that I would never have met Kaya, and who knew if I would ever have found another reason to justify being alive?