Chapter 2: The Queen’s Constitution and the Zombie’s Impossible Nap

The silence stretched for several more minutes—a silence so heavy I began to feel the literal weight of the air on my shoulders. I pulled an old wooden chair that groaned under my weight and sat exactly two meters away from her, strictly adhering to the "Safety Zone" imposed by that Ice Queen.

Alissa was buried in her book. She didn't even bother to lift an eyelid to acknowledge my existence, as if I were merely a fly that had dared to invade her ivory tower.

I began to scan the room. It felt strange—not like the other classrooms in the school, but more like a warehouse for forgotten memories. Dust, the scent of old paper, and no sign of life... just like me.

I decided to break the ice, not out of a desire for friendship, but because the silence was starting to agitate my lazy nerves.

"By the way... my name is Nara Hiro. Class 2-F."

Not a single muscle in her face moved. Her eyes remained glued to the pages as she replied in a chilling, melodic voice:

"I don't care. And stop trying to start a conversation with me... This 'approach' of yours reeks of harassment. I’ll be forced to call the police if you continue."

The words froze in my throat. Harassment? Does she think I’d actually exert the effort to harass her? I’m too lazy to even breathe sometimes!

I turned my head the other way, baring my teeth in annoyance, and whispered under my breath:

"Tch... Arrogant witch. Who does she think she is? The Queen of England?"

Suddenly, without warning, she slammed her book shut. The sound echoed like a gunshot through the room.

"I am Alissa, Class 2-A," she said coldly. "And since you’ve become a member here against my will, there are rules to this club that must be carved into that empty skull of yours."

I straightened up with a look of boredom. "Oh? Rules? Please, enlighten me."

She stood up with an imposing elegance and pointed her index finger at me.

"First: You are strictly forbidden from speaking to me unless it is an absolute emergency. Second: As the lowest-ranking member, you will handle the cleaning and all the paperwork. Third: Stay at least two meters away from me at all times."

She paused for a second, then added a sentence that made me doubt her sanity:

"And fourth... try not to breathe the same air I breathe. I don’t want your carbon dioxide polluting my personal atmosphere."

I let out a long breath that was almost a sigh of surrender. But then, a rare spark of anger pierced through my usual lethargy. I stared at Alissa, who stood before me like an unmoving ice statue.

"Oi... stop treating me like some lethal virus or a new strain of the plague! That’s insulting even for someone with my low level of ambition."

Not a single strand of Alissa’s hair wavered. Instead, she raised her hand with clinical coldness, tracing her finger through the air as if writing on an invisible board.

"Rule Five: Shouting or raising your voice is prohibited. Noise causes me auditory pollution no less dangerous than the air pollution you cause."

My blood began to boil. I had a desperate urge to leave this cursed room, but then I remembered Shizuka-sensei's threat. I slammed my hand onto the edge of the worn wooden desk, gritting my teeth.

"Stop making up rules from your imagination whenever you feel like it! Is this a student club or a solitary confinement cell you designed to fit your tyrannical ego?"

Alissa tilted her head slightly. She gave me a sharp look that made the air in the room feel ten degrees colder. Her eyes said it clearly: she didn't see a human being in front of her, only an "obstacle" to be managed.

I stopped hitting the table and swallowed hard. I saw something I didn't expect. Alissa’s cold gaze didn't just change—one corner of her lips began to rise slowly. Very slowly. It formed a rare smile... a predatory, savage smile like those found on the faces of beasts before they pounce on their prey.

I froze. A hidden shiver ran down my spine. This wasn't the beautiful smile one would expect from a girl who looked like an angel; it was an omen of boundless cruelty.

My inner voice screamed in terror: (D-Damn it! Even her smile... even that smile which is supposed to be beautiful looks terrifying, as if it came straight from hell!)

As Alissa continued to stare at me with that horrifying grin, everything in the room went silent—a silence that promised nothing but trouble. Nara Hiro found himself wondering: Was this smile the beginning of the end for his lazy life at this school?

I looked up at the crumbling ceiling and let out a deep sigh that seemed to suck out all the remaining oxygen. I adjusted my glasses slowly, then tilted my head back, watching her arrogant smile that provoked my inner peace.

"Oh... brilliant," I muttered, barely audible even to myself. "It looks like I’m going to suffer from now on."

Important Update! To all my new readers, thank you for the incredible support! To keep the story moving, new chapters will be released every Wednesday and Saturday. Mark your calendars for Wednesday—things are about to get even more chaotic in the clubroom. If you want to see how Nara survives Alissa's "constitution," don't forget to Add to Library and leave a Star!

— Hikikomori Lucian