Chapter 4:

In Stock

Mirror's Guise


Sleep evades me for the rest of the night. I imagined it, I imagined it. I keep repeating it to myself the second my mind starts to wander. Every time my face presses into my pillow I try to guess its shape. No matter how much I touch my face, nothing seems to have changed.

Because of all this, my eyes are sore the next morning. I blink wearily as I eat stale bread for breakfast. A mirror, a mirror…

Today is a very rare day of snow. Our cold desert sees it only a few times a year, with most of our water come from wells. The light flakes chill me as I open the door. It's at this moment I realize. We don't have any windows either. Such a thing never crossed my mind until now. I give a huff of wry self-pity.

Snowflakes sting my skin as bad as the wind does on clear days. I pull my coat tighter around myself, resist the urge to rub my eyes, and start down the road.

Even delivery men are a rare sight on days like this. Most people are focused on collecting snow for water unless they have somewhere very pressing to be. Climbing mountains to search for herbs is dangerous in the snow, so I would be at home too if I wasn't so dead set on going to the shop. Mirrors are simply useful to own, I tell myself. There's no harm in buying one. I definitely imagined the incident yesterday, but having one will be useful for the future.

I look down. If only this were rain, I might be able to see my reflection in the puddles.

This is ridiculous. I'm letting my paranoia get the better of me.

On the way to the store, I only pass three other people. Each looks quite as serious as I am. Maybe Elyna is right and I'm a rare breed of sucker. My breath is visible when I sigh.

With this gray and white world nearly empty besides myself, sounds are few and far between. The only noise is the snow being pressed under my boots.

Crunch.

The shop is just ahead. A few more corners and I'll see that familiar worn-out sign. I step forward.

Crunch.

My boots aren't made for this weather, so some of the snow melts and seeps in. My toes start to freeze.

Crunch.

I turn another corner, seeing the shop just up ahead.

Crunch.

I sigh again, stopping just before reaching the door—

Crunch.

"…huh…?"

My natural evolutionary reaction to noise makes my neck turn before my mind has even processed what's going on. It happens so fast I cannot even prepare myself to guess what is behind me. My eyes adjust to the sudden movement and vision runs through my nerves to my brain.

Nothing. The street behind me is empty.

Crunch.

Sight bouncing and darting around, I look at every street corner. The snow has cast a spell that deepens every shadow. My fingers are so frozen they can barely clench into fists. Heart thumping, I think.

I am alone.

Crunch.

There's no one there.

Crunch.

Crunch.

Someone is there.

Crunch. Crunch.

Crunch crunch crunch.

I tear open the door of the shop and run inside. It slams closed behind me with a loud clang, the bell on top giving an especially excited cry. Turing back around, I can see nothing but the door.

There are no windows here either. There are no windows anywhere in town.

A… window?

Window: a glass pane to see in the outside world. The definition is solid in my head. I've known it all my life, like any other common word.

So. Then.

Why are there are no windows in town? Why do I know what this word means if I've never seen one?

Since when? Since when are there no windows? Haha. Hahahaha.

The tight hold I've got on the door loosens. My shoulders shake with my internal laughter. After a moment, my fingers finally let go of the handle, and feeling returns to my hands. I swallow the questions and fear. There's a reason I came here. I can't let myself be so perturbed I forget it.

"Solen, what the hell are you doing?" A voice calls out, one that's familiar.

I look back into the depths of the store. The usual shopkeeper is giving me a gruff look from behind the counter, lips turned down in a scowl. I'm still on edge, but I can't get distracted. With one final look at the door, I walk further in. Though I am going to keep an eye on it.

There's a few general goods stores around town, selling everything from foil to medicinal herbs. Some of them even have food beyond our usual rations, if you're lucky enough to afford it and get it before someone else. Fresh vegetables sell out near instantly.

This place is the one I usually sell my collected herbs to, so I have a good relationship with the shopkeeper. Though that's probably hard to believe from the way we talk.

Passing by the aisles lined with cans of oil, bandages, and ink, I search for what I'm looking for. The store is kept better than my house, at least. I only count two cracks in the walls, with a few more having been visibly plastered over. Nearby, an assistant is sweeping the floor. My boots squelch on the ground, leaving a thin trail of water from melted snow. I feel bad she'll have to clean that up, but my pulse is too quick for me to dwell on that for long.

Every so often, I look back at the door. It remains shut tight, with no sign of opening. The longer I search, the more my thoughts rush. Rows upon rows of junk. This is all useless to me. The more aisles I go through, the more sure I am I can't find it. Where are they? Where are all the mirrors? Where are the windows?

The shopkeeper is watching me with a confused look. Eventually, I steel my nerves and go up to him.

"What's the matter with you?" he asks as a greeting. I probably look like hell, so I can't blame him.

"I'm," I begin, then cough as my voice cracks. Remembering to breathe, I try again. "I'm looking for a mirror." I almost add that it's an emergency, but realize at the last moment how crazy that would sound.

"Hm, a mirror huh…?" He thinks for a moment, tapping his finger on the counter. "Don't think we have any. Try a carpenter."

"…what?"

"I'm saying we don't sell those. It's not our area."

"That doesn't make any sense!" I exclaim, placing my hands down and leaning forward. "You sell toothbrushes and soap! Surely you must have a hand mirror or something!"

He scoffs and shakes his head. "I don't know what to tell you. We don't sell that kind of thing. Look around. If we don't have it, we don't have it."

I grit my teeth. It's not just oil, soap, bandages, and herbs. Paper, glassware, dishes, linen, blankets, hammers, sewing needles, plaster, paint, canvas bags, light bulbs, silverware, batteries, plastic!

"You have all this junk, but not a mirror!" I'm yelling now.

"Go somewhere else."

Why? Why!

"Don't mess with me!"

The assistant flinches, the broom falling from her hand and clattering to the ground.

My mouth falls open, then clenches. "Sorry…" I mutter, shrinking back into my coat.

The shopkeeper gives me another look. "For God's sake, Solen. Go home. Get some rest. And don't come to me drunk again."

I'm not drunk. I haven't had a drink in weeks. Biting down the urge to say "what the hell are you talking about?", I instead rub my head.

But, another part of me thinks, is he even wrong? What am I even doing here? Does it even matter if I don't have a mirror? Or that windows somehow never existed? I'm so tired. My body aches from the constant fear I've felt since yesterday. Maybe I should just go home. Collect snow for water like everyone else.

I step away from the counter. But… going home means going back outside. My body shivers just in the anticipation of that cold snow. And not just that. Those… noises earlier…

Noises? No. There were no noises.

I control my breathing, leave the store, and dash all the way home. I hear no noise but my own.