Chapter 4: When Considering Potential Romantic Partners, Be Considerate of Childhood Friends!

Daisuke stared at the notebook labeled “DAISUKE OISHI BREEDING PROJECT”. At first, he didn’t know what to make of it. He looked up at Ueda-san for clarification. She was wearing a proud smile on her face, standing with her hands on her hips.

“What do you think, Karaage-san? It’s a work of genius, if I say so myself!” She crowed.

“What… what is it?” Daisuke asked. “Breeding? What?”

Ueda-san stared at him like he was an idiot and rolled her eyes.

“Do you expect me to believe that a teenage boy doesn’t know what breeding is?” Ueda-san scowled. “I’m talking about sex. Reproduction. Intercourse. Copulation. Coitus. Bonking. Mating. Fornication. Fuck-“

“I GET IT!” Daisuke exclaimed, feeling his face getting hot with embarrassment at the sound of her listing off all those words.

“Yeah, I figured you would,” Ueda-san said. “So, that’s the basic idea. It’s a plan to get you started on breeding, Karaage-san!”

Daisuke’s head was spinning with confusion. Ueda-san… what… why… “What are you talking about?! Why would I… why… I don’t-?!” Ueda-san had been talking to him about… about eating humans just last night, and now she was suggesting…

“You… you want to breed with me?” Daisuke asked, his body going cold with terror at the prospect. As beautiful as Ueda-san may have looked on the outside, when he imagined that wide-mouthed monstrosity…

Ueda-san’s face went pale and her eyes widened. She looked at him with pure disgust, and took a few steps back. “What sort of sick mind do you have, you freak?!” She demanded, holding her hand over her mouth. “You think I would do something so… so…?”

“Wait, but isn’t this…”

“There might be SOME perverted degenerate famineans who would get it on with humans, but I assure you my desires are healthy and normal!” Ueda-san snarled, stomping over and seizing Daisuke by the throat. She lifted him up into the air with one hand, squeezing so tightly he could feel that it was getting hard to breathe. Daisuke had forgotten how strong she was.

“I… I didn’t…” Daisuke coughed out, but his voice seemed to enrage her even more and her grip tightened.

“You. Are. Food.” Ueda-san snarled. “Only the lowest most disgusting faminean garbage would consider mating with a human of all things. Do. You. Understand?”

“…Yes,” Daisuke squeaked out.

Ueda-san immediately released him, and he fell back on his butt. Air! It felt so good to breathe again! As he gasped for air, Ueda-san stared down at him with scorn. “Good. I just wanted to make that clear. You’re a food source, not a mate.”

“Yes, sorry,” Daisuke apologized, still wheezing. “I didn’t… *cough* think…” He shook his head. “Of course… you wouldn’t have sex with a human…”

“So don’t write such misleading things!” He wanted to scream, but he was in no mood to test Ueda-san’s temper.

“Obviously,” Ueda-san said, rolling her eyes. “Only the lowest of you humans would consider having sex with your food products. A faminean having sex with one of you? That would be like a human having sex with a water flea.”

“Hey, at least say it would be like having sex with a dog or a horse or something! How far beneath you do you see us humans?!” Daisuke protested. Seriously?! Humans were on the level of insects?!

“King & Prince’s Ren Nagase would be like doing it with a lizard.”

“WARM-BLOODED! AT LEAST SAY SOMETHING WARM-BLOODED!” He exclaimed.

Ueda-san rolled her eyes in frustration and slapped her hand against her face. “Ugh, this is why virgins like you are so-“

“That-That is a completely unrelated issue!” Daisuke cried, feeling his embarrassment growing with each scornful look she gave him. “Besides, you… you said…”

Daisuke’s voice caught in his throat. Just the thought of saying it out loud made him want to die of shame.

“What? The Breeding Plan? Yeah, that doesn’t have anything to do with me, you sicko. That’s about you breeding,” Ueda-san explained. “I spent all last night compiling a very detailed set of guidelines to get you sexually active as soon as possible.” Daisuke couldn’t believe what he was hearing. The day before, he had been head over heels for the gorgeous angel Ueda-san, and now here she was, no longer a beautiful angel but a hideous monster, and she was telling him that she was going to find ways to get him to have sex? She’d planned the whole thing out?!

“But… but breeding?! With who?! Why?” Daisuke tried to demand answers, but it was hard to sound forceful with Ueda-san staring at him like he was scum.

“With anybody,” Ueda-san said, shrugging her shoulders. The matter-of-fact way she said it, like it was the most obvious thing in the world, made Daisuke even more confused.

“Why do I have to… br-breed?!” Daisuke asked, hiding his face with his hands. It wasn’t like he was… against the idea of sex, of course, but… breeding plans?! It sounded so gross and weird, especially coming from someone who had such a low opinion of humans.

Then a terrifying thought crossed his mind. He stared up at Ueda-san’s face with renewed horror, seeing her smirk.

“Last night, I was going to eat you, Karaage-san,” Ueda-san informed him, licking her lips. “Do you remember when we first met?”

Daisuke remembered vividly. First he’d felt the fear of falling down the stairs, and then the rush from witnessing the visage of an angel, coming to his aid with a smile that had banished his pain completely. That day seemed so far away now.

“When I tasted your blood that day… I thought that it was a delicacy,” Ueda-san murmured, her cheeks flushing red as her tongue darted out between her lips. Daisuke went pale at the look on her face. She was staring at him like he was food again.

“That’s, um… uh… thank you?” Daisuke wasn’t sure what the proper response to this situation was. Was he supposed to be happy that she thought he tasted good? …No, obviously not.

“I was keeping an eye out for you,” Ueda-san explained. Then she let out a sigh. “Unfortunately, I couldn’t eat you. It wouldn’t have been ethical. Even I have my standards, I can’t just eat some innocent human who hasn’t done anything harmful to society. Famineans have laws about that sort of thing.”

Daisuke wasn’t sure he agreed with that sentiment in the least. And he especially didn’t like the way Ueda-san’s eyes lit up with glee as she continued.

“But then, when you discovered my true form…” Ueda-san made a long slurp with her tongue, and Daisuke could see she was starting to drool. He took a few steps back. She quickly caught herself, taking a handkerchief from her blouse and wiping her lips. “…Excuse me. That was when I realized that I could finally have a taste… I needed to eat you, because you’d discovered the truth! No exceptions, you understand.”

No, Daisuke really didn’t understand.

“But then I tasted you! Not just a little lick of some blood, no, I sunk my fangs into you, and then…” The way Ueda-san’s face was twisting reminded him of not just hunger, but almost… lust? It was a rather disturbing expression, to say the least, Ueda-san’s flushed faced and panting breaths, the way her mouth began to crack and her fangs began to jut out-

“WAIT! Ueda-san! Stop!” Daisuke begged. She was stalking towards him, her eyes focused into bright red pinpricks as her tongue hung out, slurping at the air.

“…Sorry, sorry,” Ueda-sand said, catching herself. She sucked her tongue back into her mouth, which shrunk back to its original size. Her eyes darkened back to their original brown coloring, and she wiped the spit off her chin. “But remembering how you taste… you can’t imagine what it’s like… Karaage-san, imagine… hmm. To you humans, it would be like the most delicious wagyu beef you could ever taste. That’s something you consider a delicacy, correct?”

“I’m… I really taste that good?” Daisuke asked.

“Yes, so delicious I could barely resist devouring you then and there,” Ueda-san nodded. “It would have been the best meal I had ever eaten. Even now… I’m finding it hard to-“

“UEDA-SAN! You’re drooling again!” Daisuke cried.

“…Excuse me, sorry,” Ueda-san said, shaking her head. “I’m not even really that hungry after eating so much last night, but… that flavor…” She shook her head again, her brown curls bouncing. “Never mind. This is important. When I bit you, the reason I didn’t devour you then and there was because I realized how much of an opportunity this was!”

“…An opportunity?” Daisuke asked. The way her eyes were shining terrified him. What Ueda-san would consider an “opportunity”…? He really didn’t like the sound of that word.

“Yes! Karaage-san, have you ever heard of the term ‘animal husbandry’?” Ueda-san asked. Daisuke had not.

“…I’m gonna guess it isn’t about marrying animals,” Daisuke dryly remarked.

“Actually, that’s a pretty good guess,” Ueda-san nodded. “Basically, animal husbandry is a field of study that focuses on caring for and breeding farm animals. It’s an area that a lot of famineans focus on, to maintain population control. Although we consider it to be ‘human husbandry’. I mentioned before, about how there are a lot of human farms, right?”

“Please, don’t say anything more about the human farms,” Daisuke pleaded. But Ueda-san didn’t seem interested in listening.

“Daisuke, the way you taste… it’s astounding. And the best thing about it, your flavor? That’s something that is genetic,” Ueda-san explained, her eyes lighting up. “Your parents probably taste incredibly delicious, and your little sister, too! Considering how tasty you all are, I’m surprised that another faminean hasn’t already been so tempted that they decided to break the law and turn your whole family into a feast!”

Daisuke didn’t want to hear any of this. He wanted to turn and run as far away as he could from the monster in front of him, talking about him and his family like they were sections of meat at the supermarket. But he was too weak. His legs were shaking and he didn’t have the strength to even stand, let alone run.

“But let’s not discuss what could have happened,” Ueda-san said, waving her hand, shockingly dismissive of the idea of Daisuke’s entire family being devoured. She brightened, a wide smile pulling across her face. “Let’s talk about the future! The Daisuke Oishi Breeding Plan! It’s the next step in human husbandry, a selective breeding project to ensure that your delicious genes are passed on to the next generation!”

Daisuke must have misheard her. She couldn’t have just said what it sounded like she just said.

“Did you say… passing on my genes?” Daisuke gulped. Ueda-san grinned and nodded.

“It’s perfect! Like I said, your meat is a true delicacy! Now, a fool with no impulse control would just devour you here, but lucky for the both of us I’m someone with vision! Instead of eating you, I’m going to turn you into a new, high-quality faminean delicacy! Your offspring will certainly inherit the same qualities of your meat, and distribution-“

“What the hell are you talking about?!” Daisuke exclaimed. “Delicacy?! Offspring?! Distribution?! Are you nuts?”

“Ugh, pay attention,” Ueda-san groaned, slapping her face in frustration. “This is going to go so much smoother if you actually know what’s going on. Okay, so what I’m proposing is establishing a human farm with you as its stud. We breed you with multiple women, and they produce offspring that will inherit your genes for delicious-tasting meat. Then, I can sell those offspring to famineans all across the country at a premium price! You don’t understand just how delicious you really are, Karaage-san, once your children enter the stream of commerce it will result in a dramatic shift in the market, I guarantee it! Now, it’s not going to be easy, we’ll have to find adequate space to house you and your breeding stock, not to mention with enough room to allow the product free range so they can develop, but those are details we can all work out- what’s with this face you’re making?” She demanded with a scowl.

Of all the horrible things Daisuke had heard Ueda-san say, this was the worst. He felt like he was going to be sick. She wanted to… It was so grotesque he couldn’t even find the words to condemn it at first!

“That… That’s horrible!” Daisuke finally found the strength to object to her repugnant idea. “That’s what this breeding plan is?! You’re going to lock me up in a farm somewhere, make me breed with a bunch of women to produce babies, and then you’re going to sell the babies to be eaten?! That’s sick!”

“No! Of course I’m not going to do that, don’t be stupid!” Ueda-san snorted, rolling her eyes. “Do you have any idea how little meat there is on a baby? A nine-month incubation period for what, maybe a third of a meal? A fourth? That would be incredibly inefficient! No, I’m looking at a long-term investment here, we won’t put product on the market until at least 15 years after birth, when they have enough meat in order to—“

“THAT’S NOT THE POINT!” Daisuke exploded. “YOU CAN’T BE SERIOUS IF YOU THINK MY PROBLEM WAS ABOUT THE AGE OF THE CHILDREN!”

Ueda-san tilted her head to the side. “Then what’s the problem?”

“YOU CAN’T JUST BREED ME FOR MEAT!” Daisuke leapt to his feet and kept shouting, his outrage at her suggestion causing him to overcome his fear. “That’s wrong! You’re a monster! Raising me like a farm animal?! Breeding me with women locked up on a farm somewhere?!”

“It’s a metaphorical farm, I was thinking more of a nice apartment complex-“

“STILL! MISSING! THE! POINT!” Daisuke wanted to strangle this monster of a girl, and it was only his instinct for self-preservation that was keeping his hands to himself. “You can’t treat people like that! I’m not going to just breed with people for you so you can sell my children off for profit! That’s sick, no one would agree to something so horrific!”

“What are you talking about?! Humans breed animals for better quality meat all the time, where do you think wagyu beef comes from?! But now when I’m proposing to do the same thing with humans it’s all ‘oh, that’s unethical’ well how do you think horses and bulls feel about being put out to stud, HUH?!” Ueda-san demanded, her voice rising up to match Daisuke’s shouts. “I don’t see why you think this is so wrong, human farms have very high standards for comfort and treatment for their product, it’s not going to be some slaughterhouse horror show, we have a certain amount of class! So what’s your problem?!”

“CONCEPT! My problem is in CONCEPT!”

“God, this, THIS is why Japan’s birthrates are declining, human males have no balls!” Ueda-san groaned. “Isn’t this what you degenerates dream of?! Nothing to do but spend your lives breeding with scores of beautiful women and making babies, no cares, no responsibilities?! Do you have any idea how many guys are going to bed tonight with thoughts of a harem lifestyle like this? How many would look at you with envy and hate if they knew? It’s the dream of every otaku NEET in Japan to live a life like this, what’s your problem?”

“Apologize to all the men of Japan right now! No one would agree to something like this!”

“Never! I have faith in the degenerate scum of humanity, you’re just living in a fantasy world!” Ueda-san crossed her arms in front of her chest.

“Even if they would be happy with this arrangement, I wouldn’t be! I can’t bear the thought of something so horrible! Never! I won’t do it!”

“Do it or I’ll eat you,” Ueda-san said simply.

Daisuke swallowed. “S-Still! I still won’t! I would never do something like that! So you can take your breeding plan and shove it!”

Ueda-san’s face changed, and suddenly the fires of courage burning through Daisuke were snuffed out. He’d seen many of Ueda-san’s faces, from the false smile she wore on the surface to the dismissive and cold look of her real self, as well as the way she looked at him like a predator about to pounce.

But for the first time she was looking at him with hatred, her glare piercing his skull as she ground her teeth together in frustration, and Daisuke realized his life was about to come to an end. Then, she seemed to calm down. The flush of rage burning across her face faded away and a look of serenity took its place, which scared Daisuke even more.

“And what about your sister?” She asked quietly.

“Wh-What?” Daisuke asked, swallowing.

“You might not care if I eat you, but what if I ate your sister?”

“You… You wouldn’t!” Daisuke exclaimed. “Sakura… Sakura has nothing to do with this! You said it yourself, you only eat criminals!”

“I’m always willing to make an exception,” Ueda-san said coldly, taking a step closer to him. She brushed her ice-cold fingers against Daisuke’s cheek. Daisuke lost all the strength in his legs and fell onto his butt, staring up in horror at the menacing glare of Ueda-san aimed down at him.

“You see, I want this to work, Daisuke…” She purred. The way she said his name was chilling. “So what do you say?”

Daisuke trembled, unable to look away. He knew it was wrong, what she was proposing was the most horrible thing he had ever heard. But the thought of Ueda-san eating his sister… he couldn’t bear the thought of that happening.

“Please…” he begged, lowering his head into a dogeza. “Please don’t eat my sister.” He looked hopefully up at her, but he found no comfort in her smiling face.

“I won’t,” Ueda-san agreed with a nod, sliding her tongue across her lips, “so long as you remember to consider your… position.”

Daisuke swallowed, and nodded in resignation.

“Great!” Ueda-san clapped her hands together in delight, the air around her changing completely. “So, let’s get started!” She picked up the notebook from the ground and began flipping through it.

Daisuke shook his head, unable to believe how excited she was about this whole thing. To be so cavalier about the notion of raising humans to be sold for food… Ueda-san was truly a monster, there was no mistaking that.

“Our initial goal is to find you five girls to breed by the end of your first year,” Ueda-san explained, sitting down next to him. “That way we should be able to have 15 babies by the time you graduate high school. I’ve included a list of possible candidates, so I think you should take some time during class to review their personal information and pick out a few that you think would be best. I’ve rated them on several scales, Chemistry, Willingness, Physical Compatibility, Fertility, etc. Once you’ve selected a few you’re interested in, we can get started on winning them over. Sound good?”

No, it sounded like the most disgusting thing Daisuke had ever heard. Ueda-san had gone through the female student body and relegated them to the qualities most suited for bearing children. Humans… humans weren’t just meat, they were valuable for more than their bodies, damn it!

But he knew his pleas would fall on deaf ears.

“I’ve already taken the liberty to make the first choice, actually,” Ueda-san said, texting on her phone. “Because you’re still reluctant about all this, I have some serious doubts in your ability to pull through and win them over. So to boost your confidence, I thought it would be good to start off with a sure thing. Luckily, you made it pretty easy.”

“Huh? I did? What?” Daisuke asked, confused. Then, the door to the rooftop swung open and Daisuke gasped, quickly scrambling to his feet and hiding the notebook behind his back. Ueda-san smoothly stood up as well, turning to the door.

“Ueda-san? You wanted something?” Rika asked, walking out onto the roof. She spotted Daisuke and Ueda-san and her face brightened, while Daisuke’s face went pale.

“You didn’t…” He whispered, shaking his head in disbelief.

“Because you already had a girl you were close to, I thought that she would be an excellent starting point,” Ueda-san said, nodding. She turned back to Rika, putting her brightest, fakest smile on. “Samejima-san! Hello! I’m so glad you could join us!”

“Yeah, you said it was urgent,” Rika said, walking over to them. “What’s up with you two? I didn’t expect you’d be hanging out together.”

“Oh, well, um…” Daisuke floundered for an answer, but Ueda-san gave it.

“Kar- *ahem* Oishi-san actually called me here to consult me about something!” Ueda-san lied through her sparkly white teeth. “And I thought you might be able to help!”

“Daisuke? My Daisuke? Worked up the courage to ask you for advice?” Rika snorted. “Wow, I never would have thought he’d have it in him! So what’s up?”

Ueda-san turned to Daisuke and stepped aside, holding her hands out like she was presenting him for Rika’s evaluation.

“Oishi-san was telling me all about how he’s had a crush on you, and so I thought that the best thing to do, since you two are such close childhood friends, was for him to just come right out and confess!” 

Daisuke felt a strange sort of clarity when his heart stopped beating. So THIS was how he was going to die. Withering up with shame. When he first learned of Ueda-san’s secret he expected that his inevitable end would be getting devoured, but no. This was a surprising turn of events indeed.

Rika stared at the two of them, her mouth open and eyes wide with disbelief.

“Daisuke. Daisuke likes me.” Rika pointed at Daisuke, and looked at Ueda-san for clarification. Daisuke could understand why she was finding it hard to believe. 

Ueda-san nodded.

“Yes! He said so himself!”

An awkward air of silence hung over the roof for a moment, and then Rika burst out laughing. Doubling over as she cackled like a hyena, she was almost rolling around she seemed to find the idea so hilarious.

“Daisuke! That Daisuke?! He likes me?! He wants to DATE me?! Bweeh! Bwahaha! Ueda-san, I didn’t know you were so good at telling jokes! Hahahaaa! BEhaa!”

Daisuke hung his head, his face turning red.

“Samejima-san, it’s not a joke,” Ueda-san insisted.

“Are you sure?! Because it certainly sounds like one!” Rika cackled.

“Oishi-san is serious about his feelings,” Ueda-san said, turning to Daisuke. Even behind her kind façade Daisuke could see the menace in her eyes. He swallowed.

“Really? Seriously?” Rika asked, standing up, still suppressing a chuckle here and there.

“Yes, he said it himself, he wants to mate with you,” Ueda-san confirmed. “He came to me asking what the fastest way to hook up with you was, right, Oishi-san?”

“Uh…” Daisuke couldn’t resist her piercing stare. He nodded in resignation. “…Yeah.”

“There, you see?” Ueda-san said, turning to Rika.

“Well, that’s really, um… wow,” Rika said, smiling a little and scratching her hair. “Um, okay, that’s… thank you, for saying that, Daisuke. Oh! I almost forgot! You brought my baseball bat today, yeah?” She brightened, pointing to the bat sitting next to Daisuke on the ground.

“Oh, right, I almost forgot,” Daisuke said, picking it up and handing it back to her. “Yeah, here you go.”

“Thanks,” Rika said, taking it back from him with a smile that stretched from ear to ear. “You’re the best, Daisuke!”

…

Daisuke just barely ducked in time before the metal bat smashed his face in.

“MATE with me?!” Rika roared with anger, taking another swing. “YOU’RE GOING AROUND TELLING RANDOM GIRLS YOU WANT TO MATE WITH ME?!”

“Wait, Rika, that’s not-“

“You keep me OUT of your sleazy fantasies about Ueda-san, you got that, you degenerate?!” Rika exclaimed, swinging the bat down at Daisuke’s crotch. He managed to roll away just in time, scrambling to his feet. He didn’t dodge the next one, though. It hit him in the stomach, knocking the air out of his lungs. He doubled over in pain and nearly lost his lunch. Rika glared contemptuously down at him.

“I wouldn’t mate with you if you were the last piece of shit on this planet, Daisuke!” She snarled. Then she turned to the surprised-looking Ueda-san.

“Ueda-san, you stay away from a creep like that, or else he’s going to drag you into his sick delusions!” Rika warned. Point made, she slung the bat over her shoulder and stormed off the roof, grumbling to herself.

Ueda-san walked over to where Daisuke laid curled up on his side, crouching over him.

“…So that wasn’t her being a tsundere?” Ueda-san confirmed.

“…No!” Daisuke wheezed out. He couldn’t believe Ueda-san actually had thought Rika had feelings for him. Or that asking her out like that had ANY hope of working.

Ueda-san scowled, and wrote something down in the notebook.

“Well, I’ll take a note of that for the next target. Don’t worry, Karaage-san! Your breeding plan will get off the ground before you know it!” She assured him with a grin.

Daisuke threw up on her shoes in response.