Interlude 1: Mersoy - The Cruel World (I)

1939, Crovas, Estoyca - the nation at the southern part of the continent, at the seashore, and Crovas was one of the poorer holds of Estoyca.

“Mersoy, wake up!”

Why was there so much light?

Mersoy opened her eyes. There was a patch of blue sky above her. Just a second later, that was blocked by the face of a young girl, of her age - around fourteen years old. She had blue eyes, the kind of blue that’d even make the sky feel inadequate; and her long smooth brown hair flowing in the wind. She squinted at her, and her expression was a bit angry.

“Azura,” Mersoy murmured, still feeling sleepy.

Azura pouted, evidently annoyed.

Mersoy slowly sat up, yawning. She rubbed her eyes, then blinked and looked around. She was sitting in the green grass field. She always felt a bit lost after waking up from the naps. It was midday, which meant the time to return to the pub was almost there.

“Geez, Mersoy, again?” Azura slapped Mersoy across the shoulder. “You keep falling asleep!” She pouted, “Why, am I that boring?”

Mersoy coughed. She felt unwell; her head hurt. Rubbing her forehead, she slowly replied, “Of course it’s not that. It’s just that, I only got three hours of sleep last night.”

“Three hours?” Azura’s eyes widened, “Why?”

Mersoy shrugged.

“The pub has plenty of workers,” Azura said, shaking her head, “No, there’s no way they’d push that much workload on you, unless,” she sighed, “Mersoy. Why…”

“You don’t understand!” Mersoy protested, “The more I work, the more pay I get! I’ll gather money quickly and leave this hellhole forever. It’ll all be over, and then,” she grinned, imagining the life she wanted for the umpteenth time, “Just when there’s enough money - when I get rich, no, richer than you - you and I...”

She paused. Maybe it’s not the time.

“Nevermind,” she chuckled.

Azura put a hand on her shoulder, sighing. “You’re never gonna learn, will you?” she said.

“Nope,” Mersoy grinned, “I need to do this. It’s important to me.”

“I get that, but you don’t have to force yourself this much. Really, get some rest, will you?”

She was so kind, Mersoy thought dreamily. Even though they were so drastically different from each other, it was something that never changed. Azura probably enjoyed her company for some reason, maybe, the truth behind it was nothing but random wishes of a rich girl. Mersoy, however, treasured those days.

Truly, she and Azura had striking differences in both their backgrounds and mannerisms. Azura, the kind, bubbly cheerful person, and Mersoy, was on the calmer side. Azura loved vibrant colours, while Mersoy loved only blue.

Azura, daughter of such a rich family, was pampered from a very young age, being made into a fine young woman with such a graceful way of mannerism.

And then, there was Mersoy. Born to a prostitute. Growing up in the pub, and becoming just one of the workers there. The pay wasn’t ‘bad’, according to every other worker, it was enough for her to buy bread twice a day. But the place was really the worst. It was filthy. No one bothered to clean up the quarters of the workers. And there was no one you could speak to if you wanted. Everyone was hungry… always… some for money, some for other things. But Mersoy, herself, was hungry for freedom. Because she was someone bound in the pub forever, due to her mother’s large amount of loans from the manager.

Azura was pretty. No, she was beautiful. Just the way everyone wanted the girls to be. Mersoy never wanted to look at a mirror, but when she did anyway, looking at the cracked glass she owned - one of the only possessions her mother had left her - she could realise it even more. Tan skin, rough black hair and scratched face. It was pitiful. But Mersoy didn't have the luxury to change anything about that.

Despite all their differences, they had the same dream. To leave Estoyca, to journey around the world, to know everything about the world. Maybe because they both grew up between constraints, Mersoy's financial and Azura's social - they both had developed this dream.

To a commoner, it would probably seem strange, but did it matter when their hearts were set to their shared dream?

After all, dreaming about something you'd never get was only natural.

Mersoy did not know what Azura believed, but she was sure, it was achievable, and she did not want that dream to come true unless Azura was by her side, and so she focused on gathering money as fast as possible. Even if it meant late-night shifts in the pub, even if it meant three hours of sleep.

Idoph, a young boy, her only friend in the pub, however, did not agree to her method. He said, maybe it would be better if Mersoy worked consistently in her morning shifts rather than going out to meet Azura. Well, it wasn't like he would understand anything. Yes, yes, it was not convenient, but, Azura only went out when it was around 11 in the morning; she had lessons all day long, and they were very strict. Mersoy had never met them, and she did not want to; she felt they wouldn't approve of her.

Nevertheless, Azura still waited for her in the fields. She still talked to her, until the servants would drag her away, cursing at Mersoy. Somehow, she managed to hold them off for at least half an hour. Mersoy felt grateful for that.

“I’m sorry,” Azura said quietly, “I tried telling my father many days, but he… he won’t listen to me. He said, ‘you shouldn’t try to live someone else’s life for them, let them figure out how they want to live it.’ It doesn’t make sense at all, but I-”

“I told you to stop doing it!” Mersoy hissed, feeling angry, “What are you getting sad for? I want to do it all on my own. I’ll repay all the loans, I’ll gather money, and I’ll build a house just like yours, and then travel around the world. I’ll live freely. You just have to wait and see.”

Azura wasn’t looking at her.

"You aren't listening, are you?” Mersoy sighed, "I've told you, we will go together!"

Azura looked at her at once, and then looked away. She gave a half-hearted smile and said, “I… I don’t know what to say. It’s just that… I’m really proud of you, you know. You think of so many things to do in the future. And one day, you'll get it all. And I… I…”

She looked at Mesoy, and smiled. "Nevermind."

Though she tried to appear happy, her eyes betrayed her, as they shone with tears. Mersoy understood it.

“They were here again, weren’t they?” she whispered.

Azura was flustered. "There's no escape from you, in there?" she whispered, leaning close to Mersoy, and Mersoy felt her face heat up.

“Yesterday,” Azura said, “The suitor - he was really nice to me, but I…” she clasped her hands around her head, “I don’t know how to tell my parents. I like them, they are good people, but I don’t want to marry! Even if it’s a few years later, I still don’t want to. I want to grow up, become twenty, then twenty-five… I want to live for myself, I want to shape my future just the way you are trying to do.”

Mersoy breathed in. Every time Azura said something like this, she went numb. She didn’t know what to say, she never thought things that way. All she knew was that she was running out of time, and unless she could pay back all the loans in time, she’d grow old and be stuck there, just like that old woman in the pub stayed. It was Mersoy's nightmare.

And then there was Azura. Mersoy never knew a person who could lead a happier life than her, and she felt jealous of her many times when they were children, but Azura didn’t seem to care. Even when they were children, Azura always talked to her. It was her after all, who taught Mersoy how to read and write basic Estoycan. Mersoy was grateful to Azura, but deep down she knew, gratefulness wasn't the only thing she felt for her.

Azura meant a lot to her. At times like this, when Azura broke down, she wanted to comfort her, but what could she say? What would be a good thing to advise? Mersoy wasn’t good at such things, and she knew that no matter what she said, Azura’s life wouldn’t change.

Unless she did something.

She knew what to do - and that was why she was so desperate for money.

Maybe if one day, I become rich enough, maybe Azura and I - we could live together. We could live the way we’d want - freely. But every time that thought came across, she’d shake her head, what in the world is wrong with me?

It was strange, how Mersoy tried to convince herself that she wanted freedom for herself only, and Azura had nothing to do with it. But the more she avoided it, the more she found herself entangled with her. A part of Mersoy found herself disgusting, that she was an insane person. But her other side wanted to embrace that feeling she felt for that girl. Mersoy was conflicted between them, and she didn't know what to do about it.

Sighing, Mersoy patted Azura in the back. A few moments passed in silence. Then, Azura looked up at Mersoy, and gave her a weak smile.

“Mersoy… don’t change, okay?” she smiled, and whispered as if it was something she didn't want anyone to hear. “No, don’t look at me like that. You are such a kind person, you know? It’s just that, you are always stuck in your bubble, inside your mind, and that’s why no one understands how nice you could be. But even though you are quiet,” she whispered, bringing her face closer to Mersoy, and feeling breathless, Mersoy blinked, noticing the soft pink lips of Azura, her blue eyes which were moist with tears. But Azura only stared at her eyes. As if she could see right through her soul. Mersoy felt her heart run fast and she looked away, though she could hear her words.

“You are very kind. The kindest, yes.”

“You make no sense,” Mersoy said, closing her eyes, her face still turned away from the other girl.

Azura laughed, and Mersoy looked at her through the corners of her eyes. She was at a safe distance again.

Relax, Mersoy told herself, seriously what the hell is wrong with me? She’s just a good person who likes talking. Why do I have to make this complicated? Pathetic.

“You are grumpy again,” Azura said, “you don’t look good when you are grumpy.”

“I don’t care about how I look,” Mersoy lied, though she hoped that she looked good enough to Azura. Enough… for what? It wasn’t like Azura judged her by how she looked. No matter what, she had always been there. Always. For all these years - from the time they had first met and till now.

Damn it. The only person who’s seeing things wrongly is me. I’m horrible.

At a distance, Mersoy noticed the servants approaching them. Mersoy stood up. She looked at Azura still sitting on the grass.

And suddenly, Azura wasn’t just a girl. And it wasn’t just a field with crops.

As if the golden crops had become flowers - blue forget-me-nots, the same colour as her eyes blooming everywhere, and there was a single person sitting in that flower field, the golden coloured dress shining in the sunlight. And Mersoy was only a pebble in the road. And even if she were a person offering her the flowers - it wouldn’t be enough. Not one, not two, even a field of flowers wouldn’t be enough. What would be enough? She wondered, and realising that she was being pathetic again, she shook her head.

But she couldn’t help smile, imagining a genuine smile on Azura’s face that she hadn’t seen for so long.

“I’ll be going,” Mersoy mumbled out and started walking towards the pub again.

“See you again, Mersoy,” Azura called out, and her voice was ringing in Mersoy’s ears even after she reached the pub.

“Back already?” Idoph called out from a corner, looking up from the dish he was washing. “Well, then, come back to your shift,” he yelled after her, as Mersoy ran to the quarters, “I don’t want to work anymore!”

There wasn’t anyone in the quarters, everyone was on duty. The cracked mirror was on her bed. The light reflected on it created a strange, yet beautiful pattern in the wall, and that was the only beautiful thing about the room. Everything else was dark, gloomy. Nothing like that field. Nothing like Azura, or the world she lived in.

***

“Listen Mersoy,” Idpoh said, as he arranged the dishes neatly on the rack, “No, no one can be granted any off weeks now."

Mersoy sighed, as she washed a glass in the basin. It was true that she made Idoph work on her shifts.

"There’s news that the soldiers will be visiting Crovas. We need to clean things up. They’re definitely gonna come here," Idoph added.

“Soldiers? Why?” Mersoy asked, confused.

“Well, this is super secret information,” Idoph whispered (though, Mersoy was sure it wasn’t much more secret than the fact that he ‘stole’ sugar from the store, and he had been caught red-handed over five times already; Idoph liked sounding mysterious), “There’s going to be a war.”

“War? Against whom?”

“I don’t know.”

“But, we don’t have enemies, right? No one attacked Crovas for years.”

“Well, maybe it’s because Crovas is one of the poorer Estoycan holds. But we’d know if there was an attack on other holds. But I guess, it’s always better to be a bit cautious.”

Mersoy hmph-ed, and said, “Guess there’s no helping it then.”

The soldiers arrived in Crovas on the following day. They arrived in Crovas after a long and exhausting journey from the distant richer holds. The pub was packed with soldiers in no time. They lingered in the big hall room, chatting among themselves. Mersoy served them drinks. Idoph told her many times to be extra careful - if something wrong happened, she’d be sued.

Nothing wrong happened, except, when she reached a particular table, a bulky-looking soldier gave her a look, measuring her from up to down. Mersoy sharply glanced at the man, and finally tore it away when the man stopped looking at her and focused on his drink. As Mersoy got away from the crowd, she heaved a sigh. But then, a conversation struck her head and she looked backwards.

The bulky soldier was talking to Cinthia, the manager of the shop. And she could hear the man’s voice clearly - as if he wanted her to listen.

“That servant here, the one who passed me the drink. What’s the name?”

“Oh, that’s Mersoy, but why do you ask?”

“Hmph. Interesting girl.”

Cinthia frowned at the man.

The man drank merrily. “Hope to see Mersoy in the recruitment meet.”

“Well, I don’t think - she was never interested in things like those, you see-”

But the man didn’t pay attention anymore, and the manager too decided to retreat.

“What was that all about?” Idoph asked, pausing at his track.

Mersoy shrugged. “I know as much as you know.”

The next day, however, Mersoy understood it. Idoph, the young boy of twelve ran excitedly to her room, saying it so quickly that it took Mersoy a while to figure it out. “They’re recruiting people for the army?”

“Yes, and that man was the one overlooking the recruitment, the chief manager of this event!”

“Hmph, what a weird man. Seemed creepy to me.”

“You’ll go, won’t you?” he asked gleefully.

“Well-,” she sighed, “Of course, I want to, but I don’t think they are gonna select me. I think they need stronger fella.”

“But you still have a better chance than me though,” Idoph shrugged, “I’m short. You’re taller. But I do hope I could join somehow,” his eyes were shining now, “We heard rumours that once we join, we’ll be trained, and then we could travel the world with their diplomats as safeguards. Isn’t that fascinating? We can finally leave this pub and this job!”

Mersoy stared at him. It did sound like a good proposal, and Mersoy was looking forward to leaving Crovas all the time. And it was a perfect opportunity.

A shadow was seen at the door, and the manager, Cinthia entered the room with a lamp in her hand, lighting up the dark room. She sighed. “Look at you two.”

Then, after a pause, she continued, “So you’re gonna use the army to escape?” she chuckled, “You do know that once you are in the army, there’s really no escape? What’s worse, you become someone non-human? Killing is your job?”

“That’s because you look at it that way! And you don’t want us to leave because you’ll be out of workers if everyone is selected!” protested Idoph.

“I’ll never run out of workers,” Cynthia said, chuckling, “Do you really think Crovas’s poverty will change anytime soon? And so people will keep looking for jobs. It’s just that,” her eyes bore concern, “You two are young. You’re sure about joining the army now?”

“It’s not like there’s any future staying here,” Mersoy mumbled.

“The soldiers bring glory to their homeland. Of course you won't understand it.” Idoph continued, “My grandfather was a soldier once, you know, and that’s why I get it! If only he didn’t die all of a sudden... No one from my family would have to be here. But still, we were always proud of him!”

Cinthia's eyes widened, and then she walked away from the room, mumbling ‘hopeless’ and ‘death wish’.