I Accidentally Triggered The Erratic Childhood-Friend Route! (Part 3)

Behind Haruki, a group of fawning girls stands outside, waiting. Meanwhile, inside the student council room, several members perk up, smiles forming and blushes spreading across their faces.

“Good morning, everybody!” Haruki says with a smile and a wave as he walks up to me.

“Hey, Tomoya. What’s up?”

“Nothing much, just doing paperwork.”

“Well, have I got a present for you—”

I raise an eyebrow, curious what he could possibly be pulling out of his bag.

“Even more paperwork!”

I’m disappointed in myself for thinking the present could be anything else.

“Couldn’t you just get me a gift card or something?”

“Nope. But I can get you even more paperwork after school—after another round of meetings.”

“I’d really rather you not.”

“Well, lucky for you I’m such a nice guy I’ll do it anyway!” he says, booping my nose.

“Gee, thanks.”

I stare at him, trying to remember what else I had to say…perhaps for a bit too long.

“Uh, Tomoya? Is something the matter? I don’t really know how I’m supposed to react to you staring at me like that,” he says with a flustered smile.

Embarrassed, I snap out of my brain fog.

“Sorry, I was trying to remember something. Listen, Haruki—uh, after school I was really hoping I could talk to you about—”

Yuka shoots up out of her seat.

“H-h-hi, Haruki!”

I mean, he already said hello to everybody like a full minute ago, and I was in the middle of speaking with him—but sure, that’s fine.

Go ahead and interrupt.

“Hey, Yuka! How about you? How are you doing?”

I look over to see Yuka has turned into a nervous trainwreck.

Squirming in place, she fidgets with one of her pigtails, running her hands through it as her face heats up, unable to even look Haruki in the eyes.

Oh, I’m sorry—did I forget to mention? More than just his childhood friend, she’s also his single most devoted heroine. So hopelessly in love with him that she falls apart anytime he starts laying on the charm.

“Uh, you know…hard at work.”

It was a tough job eating all those snacks. Thankfully, we can always rely on Yuka to make the big sacrifices.

“That’s good to hear. People have really been digging some of the changes you made—it makes me happy to see you get the appreciation you deserve.”

She puts her hands on her cheeks, bashfully squirming even harder.

“Oh stop it!” she slugs my shoulder, and I’m forced to hold back a scream.

“No, I really mean it! It fills me with joy knowing I have someone so reliable in my life,” he says with a killer smile.

“Alright, you can stop now.”

Her smile begins to fade, and the rest of her expression starts to shift.

“Oops, doing a little snacking again, I see. You sure have a healthy appetite!" he chuckles as he brushes some crumbs off her lip with his thumb, showing zero sense of boundaries.

I can’t help but bury my face into my palm, knowing full well what’s coming next.

“That’s gotta be one of the things I like about you the most.”

Yuka finally snaps.

She steps forward and drives a punch straight into Haruki’s stomach, sending him flying through the doorway.

“It’s not like I like you or anything!”

A plume of smoke and dust erupts as he presumably hits a wall.

…Yeah.

I may have forgotten to mention one small detail about Yuka...

...she goes full-blown Tsundere anytime Haruki lays on the charm.

Yup, that’s right—every harem’s gotta have one, and his comes in the form of a two-for-one package—going from cute, bubbly deredere to fiery, violent tsundere at the drop of a hat. 

I’ve tried my best to help her break free of it, but…

…unfortunately, there’s no cure for tsundere-ism.

It’s terminal.

Her days are likely numbered before she eventually succumbs to the condition and dies of embarrassment.

She gasps, immediately realizing what she's done, and runs after him.

“Haruki!”

Just then, I hear another round of squealing—coming from an entirely different group of girls.

Oh joy, she’s here.

As the smoke clears, I see Shinomiya pinned back against the wall, having cushioned the blow, holding Haruki in her arms like a prince carrying a princess.

“Why hello there, Haruki. How kind of you to drop by,” she says with a suave smile.

Haruki, as if he didn’t just get slugged in the gut (a possible sign he’s far too used to Yuka’s outbursts at this point), looks up at Shinomiya with admiration.

“Wow, nice catch, Shinomiya!"

“For you, my Kojima, I would race to the ends of the earth if it meant ensuring your safety.”

Another set of squeals erupts from the entourage of girls that adoringly follows her around.

Being forced to not only hear her cheesy lines, but also watch them actually work, makes me want to throw myself into a wall.

“Here, to soothe the soul.”

I hear yet another wave of squeals as Shinomiya hands him a rose.

“Oh, thanks Shinomiya! You’re so kind!”

“She’s always handing out those stupid roses. I have no idea where she gets them all from,” I mutter to myself.

Our treasurer looks at me and nods.

“Excellent point. Who doesn't love a rose? I should ask her who her supplier is—sounds like a superb business opportunity.”

Not what I meant.

“Alas, I would be lying if I said I did this just for you. My concern was also for the safety of all these lovely ladies standing around us—I just couldn’t bear the thought of any of them getting hurt.”

She’s met with even more squealing.

I swear, witnessing her get away with dropping such corny lines—lines that would earn me nothing but disgust if I tried using them—annoys me to no end. It’s like somehow everything she does is always seen as perfect.

“Are you feeling alright, Kojima?”

“A little stiff, but I’m good.”

“Allow me to help you with that,” she says, starting to massage his shoulders.

Instead of Shinomiya’s squealing entourage, I now hear Haruki's harem jeering as she rubs her hands all over him. Yet I can’t help but to suspect I’m the only one who’s noticed the slightly predatory look in her eyes and the faint drool at the corner of her mouth as she does it.

Even Haruki, who’s ordinarily completely oblivious to the opposite sex, seems a little overwhelmed by how handsy she’s getting.

“Uh, I think I’m alright now, Shinomiya. Thank you though.” he says with an embarrassed smile.

Brushing himself off, he walks up to the doorway.

“Well, I needed to leave anyway. I’ve gotta hit the bathroom before class starts.”

A few more squeals erupt…

…yuck.

Completely unwarranted, especially if he’s going number two.

As he turns to leave, Yuka grabs the corner of his sleeve.

“Wait, Haruki, I’m sorry.”

He pauses for a moment before giving her a warm smile.

“It’s okay. I know you didn’t mean any harm.”

The other girls nod in understanding.

Why nobody gets mad that she’s violently assaulting the man they love?

No clue.

Pity, maybe?

At this point, they probably treat it like an involuntary medical condition. It helps that she gets along well with them too—acting as a sort of pseudo-leader, handling the scheduling and organizing of their many Haruki-related activities.

As Haruki starts to walk away again, I call out to him.

“Hey, Haruki, wait—I wanted to ask—”

I’m interrupted by more squealing. He grabs onto the doorway as the crowd of girls starts to pry him away.

“Looks like I have to go, but see you later, Tomoyaaa!”

I watch as he’s whisked away.

This. This is the problem. I can never get an edge in anymore.

Thankfully though, that all ends today.

I still have a couple more chances to reach out to him normally…but if all else fails, I’ve got a secret plan up my sleeve that’s guaranteed to work.

One way or another—I’m finally talking to him today.

As I pack up my stuff and start to head for the door, I see Yuka looking down at the ground, dejected, a few tears rolling down her face.

It sucks. She really is a sweet girl. It breaks my heart to see her like this—she doesn’t deserve it.

Thankfully, I keep an emergency pack of cinnamon rolls for times like these.

Reaching into my pocket, I pull out the pack, rip it open, and grab a roll…

…then forcefully jam it straight into her mouth.