The dudetastic demise of one Dude Damsel

Mimoko nervously stood at the base of the tower and stared up.

"Dude's at the top, man. We gotta save him, or they'll splode him, man," Darecrow smiled.

Mimoko sighed and began running up the winding ramps. "I should have brought Tanabe-kun along for this," she thought.

At the top, Dude Damsel sat bound to a chair with a gag ball in his mouth. "MMPPPPPPHHH NGGGHHHHHH!"

"Hahaha! Look at you, bitch man, all tied up and gagged," Mama rabbit sneered as she ripped off Dude Damsel's shirt, exposing his smooth muscly chest. "My, so hard and smooth," she swooned as she gave Dude Damsel's chest a hard slap.

"MMMMMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Now, let's humiliate you some more. Oh, Moon-moon?"

A hairless girl in a bunny suit and sneakers hopped over and handed Mama rabbit some hair clippers.

"Now, let's see how hard you cry and when you're a smooth little cuck."

Dude Damsel descended into hysterical crying as his hair, eyebrows, and horeshoe mustache were sheared off in seconds. However, a massive bulge also appeared in his shorts, signifying that maybe he was enjoying every second of this.

"HOW'S BITCHIFICATION!?" Mama rabbit cackled as she encased Dude Damsel's head and face in shaving cream.

"MMMMMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHH!"

"HAHAHA! NO REAL MAN WOULD EVER BE IN YOUR POSITION! You sissy little bitch man, I'm gonna fuck you up so SMOOTH!"

At the bottom of the tower, a screen showcasing Dude Damsel's current status showed itself before Mimoko.

"DUDE! THEY'RE BITCHIFICATING DUDE DAMSEL! WE GOTTA SAVE HIM, OR THEY'LL SPLODE HIM INTO JIZZ!" Darecrow cried, albeit with a happy tone.

"I don't even want to ask for clarification, but, I know the pain of being shaved against your will. Poor Dude..."

Mimoko's thought's froze as she took notice of the massive bulge in Dude Damsel's shorts. "... Never mind, let him awaken."

As Dude Damsel's first round of shaving came to an end, he quickly found himself lathered up again, this time with his arms, legs, and chest included.

"I'd yank those shorts off, but I'd rather not end up like that witch from Bleu Detective Sisters. So how about while you soak in cream, I wax those tiny lashes of yours out," Mama rabbit sneered as she smeared wax over Dude Damsel's eyes.

"HURRY! DUDE DAMSEL CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE BITCHIFICATION, MAN!" Darecrow giddily shouted.

"You seem happy, and he seems to be enjoying himself," Mimoko snarled.

Deciding not to look at the screen, Mimoko focused on reaching the top of the tower, which despite taking 5 minutes, was a clean run without any resistance from the Jobberslayer League.

"Ugh, so much climbing," Mimoko groaned as she found herself on a platform a gap away from Dude Damsel and Mama rabbit.

"MMMMPH!" the now hairless Dude Damsel cried as he took notice of Mimoko.

"You're too late! Dude Damsel's peak femininity, or should I say, peak bitchification makeover, is complete! Now if you fail to solve this puzzle, he'll be destroyed, also if you solve it wrong too!" Mama rabbit cackled.

The flying screen then hovered before Mimoko and displayed a chess puzzle. E4, d5, e captures d5, bishop d7, d4, g5, bishop captures g5, and f6 had all been played.

"Is this it?" Mimoko asked.

"Yup, one move to save the dude. Better hurry, he looks like he's about to jizz his pants," Mama rabbit snickered as she gave Dude Damsel's smooth head a mighty smack.

"NGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Dude Damsel moaned.

"You don't need to worry. The answer is queen h5, checkmate!" Mimoko proclaimed as she made the move.

Mama rabbit let out a scream as all her "hair" flew off, revealing a clear dome with mechanical parts inside.

"You're a robot!?" Mimoko gasped.

Mama rabbit gave her a grin before her face blew off, revealing the metal exoskeleton beneath. She then fell to the floor and jittered for a bit before a puff of smoke burst forth, and she stopped moving.

"Ngh mmph mgh! Ngh mmph ngh, ngh mmph ngh mmph ngh mmph ngh ngh ngh mmph [You did it! Now untie me, so I can stroke the head n' calm the boner]!" Dude Damsel cooed.

However, sparks suddenly emitted from Dude Damsel's chair.

"Ngh... NGH... NGGGGGHHHHHHHH!"

BOOM!

Dude Damsel suddenly burst into a puddle of light gray goop, with no trace of him being left.

"DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDDDDDDDDDDDE! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Darecrow cried, sounding more like he was trying to contain laughter than not.

Mimoko was completely horrified, until suddenly, everything vanished, and she found herself tumbling down to beach below. "WHAT THE FUCK IS- heh?"

Though she had initially started tumbling down rapidly, in an instant, she slowly found herself falling gently into the sand of the beach with a gentle thud.

Slowly picking herself up, Mimoko looked around, yet there was no one else around. "Was that all a dream? But I didn't fall asleep. I didn't eat or drink anything weird either. I guess I'll head back inside."

As she returned to the lobby, she found that everyone was still there and hadn't wandered off.

"Inoue-senpai, it seems this situation is more serious than we all thought," Okisato frowned.

"You saw Dude Damsel-kun get kidnapped and destroyed?" Mimoko asked.

"Dude-what? No, we're talking about why nobody can warp away."

"Huh!? But, on the beach, I met the maestro and-"

"What maestro?" Bruno glared.

"Um, Dude Damsel-kun? He's rated 3225. Here, let me-"

"There is no maestro here in Micronesia, nor one known as "Dude Damsel"."

"But, look at my card, see the match- ...!?"

As Mimoko pulled out her card, the data for her match with Dude Damsel was glitched out.

"Ah shit, we were just telling bozo here about the curse of Dick Sissey," Bruno grumbled.

"Who?"

Bruno gestured towards a large portrait of a man in a skintight black scuba suit and white sneakers. "This guy was president of Micronesia, came from a rich family, but guy wanted to do nothing but jerk off all day. So when some idiots approached him wanting to hold a jobber tournament in his land, he put some bullshit conditions on them, and as a result, this place became haunted. Only way out is to first beat him, then beat his ghost."

"His ghost... ...!?"

Mimoko gasped as she stared at the face of the man known as Dick Sissey. "Dude Damsel-kun... Dick Sissey is Dude Damsel-kun!"

"Mmmmmmmmph," a faint voice moaned.

Everyone slowly turned out towards the exit leading to the beach as the winds began to howl and rain began to pour. Then lightning flashed, and there, floating in the air was a man with orange spray-tanned skin clad in shorts and sneakers, and tied to a chair with a gagball in his mouth. He was completely hairless, with his eyes now pitch black sockets with blood oozing out of them, though despite being a ghost, he still had a massive erection that his shorts struggled to contain.

Mimoko went pale as she recognized the specter. "It's Dude Damsel-kun."

"MMMMMMMPPPPPPHHHHHHHH!" the ghost of Dude Damsel roared as he flew towards Mimoko.

"GET AWAY!"

"NGH! NGH MMPH NGH MMPH, NGH [NO! WE'RE PLAYING A REMATCH, DUDE]!"

A board suddenly appeared with Mimoko finding herself floating towards the Black end of it.

"Welp, guess this is good. This idiot might not be a maestro, but he somehow got a legit 3225 rating. Don't know how, but you're the only one here who can take him out, so do it so we can all warp home," Bruno called out.

"Mmph ngh, ngh. Ngh ngh mmph Ngh Ngh Ngh mmph ngh [That's right, dude! You gotta beat Dude Damsel Requiem to leave]!" Dude Damsel swooned.

The full game:

White: Mimoko Inoue (2880) Black: Mama rabbit (200)

1. e4 d5

2. exd5 Bd7

3. d4 g5

4. Bxg5 f6

5. Qh5#