Chapter 796:

Dude Damsel Requiem

En Passant Grandmaster

Dude Damsel Requiem opened the game by moving his pawn to e4, with Mimoko responding to it by moving her pawn to c5.

"MMPH NGH NGH MMPH NGH MMPH NGH, NGH [YOU AIN'T BEATING ME WITH A SISSIELIAN, DUDE]!" Dude Damsel Requiem furiously moaned as he moved his pawn to f4.

"Sorry, I didn't understand what you said, and don't want to," Mimoko glared as she moved her pawn to e6.

"NGH MMPH! NGH NGH MMPH! NGH NGH! NGH MMPH NGH MMPH MMPH MMPH NGH MMPH NGH MMPH MMPH NGH MMPH NGH MMPH MMPH[YOU BITCH! LOOK AT ME! I'M BALD! YOU LET THEM DISGRACE MY MANLINESS AND LET THEM HUMILIATE ME! I LOOK LIKE A SMOOTH CUCK]!" Dude Damsel Requiem shouted as more blood oozed out of his eye sockets while he moved his knight to f3.

"Apparently you were a ghost long before I came here. That, and you enjoyed every second of your humiliation if... your boner is anything to go by," Mimoko scowled as she moved her pawn to d5.

"MMPH NGH MMPH NGH NGH MMPH MMPH [MY DICK'S SMOOTH JUST LIKE ME NOW! CHECK]!" Dude Damsel Requiem roared as he moved his bishop to b5.

Mimoko rolled her eyes and moved her knight to d7.

"MMPH [CHECK]!" Dude Damsel Requiem shouted once more as he captured the knight at d7 with his bishop.

"Well, at least you're playing like you did before," Mimoko thought as she shook her head and captured the bishop at d7 with her bishop.

"NGH MMPH NGH NGH MMPH NGH NGH MMPH MMPH NGH MMPH MMP MMPH [YOU'RE LOOKING DOWN ON ME! I'M A 3225-RATED MAESTRO! I'M PLAYING 3225-LEVEL CHESS]!" Dude Damsel Requiem raged as he moved his king to e2.

"I actually could understand that. '3225-level chess'!? From me, but certainly not you," Mimoko angrily huffed as she captured the pawn at e4 with her d-pawn.

"NGH NG MMPH, MMPH! NGH MMPH MMPH NGH NGH NGH MMPH [DUDE DAMSEL'S WINNING, MAN! I'LL BET MY SHAVED HEAD ON IT]!" Dude Damsel Requiem retorted as he moved his pawn to c3.

"How about you just lift your curse and vanish, never to be seen again if you lose. Check," Mimoko snarled as she captured the knight at f3 with her e-pawn.

"NGGGHHHHHHHHH! MMPH NGH NGH MMPH MMPH NGH, MMPH NGH, MMPH MMPH, MMPH MMPH MMPH! NGH MMPH MMPH MMPH NGH [NOOOOOOOO! I LOST ALL MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR, MY EYEBROWS, MY EYELASHES, MY HORESHOE MUSTACHE! I'VE BEEN SMOOTH DAMSELED ENOUGH]!" Dude Damsel Requiem cried as he captured the pawn at f3 with his g-pawn.

"... I'm not even going to try. Check," Mimoko sighed as she moved her bishop to b5.

"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMPH! NGGGGGGHHHHHH [WHOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAA! DUUUUUUUDE]!" Dude Damsel Requiem screamed as he moved his king to e3.

"Check," Mimoko glared as she took notice of the bulge in Dude Damsel Requiem's shorts, while moving her queen to d3.

"NGH NGH MMPH MMPH NGH MMPH! MMMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPHHHHH [DUDE DAMSEL BOUT TO BLOW AGAIN! WHOOOOOOOOAAAAAA]!" Dude Damsel Requiem screeched as he moved his king to f2.

"How about you keep it in your pants instead!" Mimoko fumed as she moved her bishop to e7.

"NGH MMPH NGH MMPH! MMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHH [THE DICK'S TOO STRONG! WHOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAA]!" Dude Damsel Requiem swooned as he moved his pawn to c4.

"You disgust me," Mimoko glared as she moved her bishop to h4. "Check."

Dude Damsel Requiem's cheeks began to go red as he moved his king to g2. "NGH... NGH NGH! MMPH MMPH NGH MMPH NGH MMPH NGH [DAME... DAME DAMSEL! YOUR MAN'S BEEN BITCHIFIED BEYOND YOUR GIRLIE]!" he swooned as he moved his king to g2.

"OH, SHUT UP, WILL YOU!?" Mimoko fumed as she slammed her bishop down on c6.

Dude Damsel Requiem recoiled in shock and began to tremble. "N- Ngh, mmph [S- Sorry, ma'am]," he mumbled as he moved his pawn to a3.

"Oh you better be sorry, cuz I'm pissed! CHECK!" Mimoko roared as she moved her queen to g6.

"NNNNGGGGGGGHHHH! MMPH NGH MMPH! NGGGGGHHHHHH [DUUUUUUUUUDDDDDDDDDDE! MY 3225-LEVEL CHESS! NOOOOOOOO]!" Dude Damsel Requiem cried as he moved his king to h3.

"FINALLY! CHECK!" Mimoko huffed as she slammed her queen down on f5.

"MMPH MMPH NGH MMPH NGH [BIG BRAIN GETTING OUTTA THIS]!" Dude Damsel Requiem grinned as he captured the bishop at h4 with his king.

"As if. Check," Mimoko scoffed as she captured the pawn at f4 with her queen.

"NGH MMPH MMPH NGH [LEAVE MY KING ALONE]!" Dude Damsel Requiem cried as he moved his king to h3.

"Seven more moves if he plays perfectly," Mimoko thought as she rolled her eyes and captured the pawn at f3 with her bishop.

However, Dude Damsel Requiem decided to make Mimoko's day by capturing the bishop at f3 with his queen, allowing Mimoko to capture said queen with her queen, checking him once more.

Now Dude Damsel Requiem was forced to move his king to h4, however, he was in a good mood despite his predicament. "[Queen, QUEEN! STOMP ME WITH THAT WOMAN N' PUT ME IN MY PLACE]!" he swooned.

Mimoko glared in disgust. "Oh, you want the queen? No," she scoffed as she moved her knight to e7.

"MMPH NGH MMPH MMPH! MMPH NGH MMPH MMPH [QUEEN GONNA MATE ME! QUEEN GONNA MATE ME]!" Dude Damsel Requiem chanted as he moved his rook to d1.

"No, it isn't. Check," Mimoko scowled as she moved her knight to g6.

"MMPHMMPHMMPH! NGGGHHH! MMMPPPPHHHHH! NGH MMPH NGH MMPH MMPH NGH NGH MMPH! NGH, NGH MMPH NGH MMPH [HAHAHAHAHA! DUUUUUUUDE! WHOOOOOOOOOOA! YOU HAVE TO MATE ME WITH THE QUEEN! UGH, I'M GONNA JIZZ HARD]!" Dude Damsel Requiem moaned as he moved his king to g5.

"I guess this will finally hammer it home. Checkmate!" Mimoko glared as she moved her pawn to h6, winning the game.

Eyeballs suddenly appeared in Dude Damsel Requiem's eye sockets and bulged in shock as the bulge in his shorts shrunk instantly. "M- Mmph ngh mmph... NGGGGGGHHHHHHH [W- With the pawn... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO]!"

And with an unceremonious poof, Dude Damsel Requiem was gone, with the board vanishing shortly after. Mimoko had broken the curse at long last.

The full game:

White: Dude Damsel Requiem (3225) Black: Mimoko Inoue (2880)

1. e4 c5

2. f4 e6

3. Nf3 d5

4. Bb5+ Nd7

5. Bxd7+ Bxd7

6. Ke2 dxe4

7. c3 exf3+

8. gxf3 Bb5+

9. Ke3 Qd3+