Can I Please Just Talk?

How much time she needed still wasn’t something that she knew. She needed to be able to focus on it. But the anxiety made it difficult. Though Maiko certainly didn’t help that matter. But with a promise from her not to keep putting pressure on her, she had the space finally.

Though space didn’t grant her anything useful. She wanted to calm down from the stress. She hadn’t been able to think about any of it properly. Thanks to someone in particular that required no introduction.

Sleep helped a little in easing her mind finally. Though fatigue certainly helped to solve it. Her lack of sleep from the past night caught up to her. Even stress wasn’t enough to keep her tossing and turning in bed. Noriko didn’t even know when she fell asleep. She was just gone.

When she woke up the next morning she immediately started wishing that she was asleep again. It made her realize she found the peace that she wanted so much for the last two days. And conscious again, it started to come back already. Not nearly as strongly, but still enough that she was starting to feel chased by a yapping tiny dog.

Outrunning the dog wouldn’t be enough. And she promised to face the problem. For as much as she got the agreement from Maiko to stop harassing her about it, if she took too long that would become void. And she would be facing her smirking wraith once more.

But she didn’t know the rest of the answer. Avoiding or otherwise not engaging with romance left her without much experience to know how she felt. She never managed to find someone that she was crushing on as a teenager. And the most passion she got was out of the 2D, which didn’t count for more than one reason.

Noriko slumped in her chair, slowly eating her breakfast. Hiroyuki hovered in her thoughts. She tried to figure out her feelings. It felt a little too analytical for her, but unless she got the magical doki doki from him, which never happened it wasn’t going to be obvious. Manga really made it easy to figure out. As a reader at least, she realized the characters struggled the same as her now. But she had no way to observe herself to see any sort of signs.

Each date improved for her. She didn’t feel as awkward, but as Maiko pointed out. She still avoided being truthful with him. At least truthful in things that were personal. If it wasn’t hobbies, she managed to stay honest with him. But she still hid from it.

As she considered that thought and pattern, her friend came back up in her thoughts. She pressured her on the lies. “I can’t escape it forever. I’d have to live two lives. And always be paranoid about him discovering that side of me. I don’t want to live like that.”

After finishing breakfast, she washed the dishes as the answer started to come to her. As the bowl hung in her hand dripping water she stared at the ripples. They bounced against the walls of the basin churning up the bubbles. Each changing, altering itself to the rhythm that was commanded of it. It was flexible, but had nothing to define it. Only the sink basin could give it shape.

She placed the bowl in the drying rack as she leaned her back against the fridge still dripping a little water from her soaked hands. “That’s what I have to do. He’s nice, but if I can’t show him my real self it’s not going to work. I guess I sorta knew already. I do like running away.” Her head knocked at the fridge. “I have to break it off. It’s the only choice.”

The problem was facing Hiroyuki.

She had run away from him so much already. Could she really face him properly? Noriko knew that she had to. And eventually she’d be forced into it anyway. There would be no escape.

Even prepared as she was, entering the office was stressful. Hiroyuki had the uncanny ability to just show up when she was the least prepared or wanting him. So she leaned out the elevator checking each side like she was sneaking in for some corporate espionage. It was safe. Mostly, she did get strange looks from co-workers. But their floor was a basket case of crazies, they were used to people being a little off.

By the time Maiko arrived, she was mostly deep into staring at code. Mostly not thinking about the reality she faced. She had sort of come to a means to solve it. And time was all she needed in the end.

“Morning, you get some sleep?”

“Finally, I haven't felt that dead since the senior project.”

“You sound better.”

“Glad to hear it.”

“What’s the plan?”

She paused in her work. Trying to review code and hold the conversation became too challenging for her. Noriko turned in her chair, there wasn’t the smirk that she was expecting to find on her friend’s face. “Plan?”

“You also sound different. I’m assuming you made a decision.”

“Yes.”

“And?”

“When there’s a free moment. I can’t put it off.”

“No, you can’t. Glad you stopped running.”

“I still want to, but there’s no choice.”

“No, there isn’t. You need to be an adult.”

“I’m aware.” She turned back to resume her work. And the clarity let her get through the work day without much problem. Lunch was a failed opportunity to talk to him as he had different plans that separated them. He made arrangements with Tomio and a few others for a lunch group. Then she got dragged into meetings and when she wasn’t he was.

A part of her was rather relieved as doing such a thing at work felt really poorly thought out. But then with the day over, she tried to find him to talk as they were leaving, but he was nowhere to be seen. For a guy she always ran into at the worst times, he suddenly disappeared on her. If this kept up she would have to just arrange a date or something more formal. But that felt too awkward.

The next day she tried for lunch again, but he got pulled into a last minute meeting and was forced to stay. As she returned to the office, she looked around for him for even a spare moment to arrange anything. Unfortunately, she heard someone approach from behind. “Shirane, do you think you can finish up your task today?”

“What? It’s scheduled for three more days, boss.”

“I know, but Hanari could really use your help.”

She had to give up on the search for Hiroyuki again. The universe was really conspiring against her. “I already spoke with Hanari last week that I’d be supporting them on Friday.”

“Yes, but it's looking worse. Do you think you can squeeze it in?”

“Is Choshi pressuring you again, sir?”

“What? Hanari does need help!” The panic and weakness were clear upon him. They were taking advantage of him again. The man was a sweetheart, but folded too easy.

She sighed trying to remember where his wife was today. It wouldn’t be solved until she located her. “I’ll check what I have left. Don’t make any promises until I return, right?”

“But he’s really struggling. I should tell him you’ll help.”

“N-no! Give me five minutes!” She looked around. “Higashiyama! Your time has finally come! Face me!”

He popped up rubbing a finger over his wide brimmed hat. “You’re a fool if you think you can best me!”

“Good,” she muttered to herself. Noriko dodged around Nakadai drawing focus to their boss. As Higahiyama came slowly walking forward armed with his toy gun, she tapped her boss on the shoulder. He jumped and turned, which triggered Higashiyama to fire. The chaos was enough for her escape. “Keep him busy while I find his wife!”

The day continued to engineer ways to stop her from meeting or even talking. Nearly a week went by. Emergency meetings, clients making unreasonable demands, a rogue surfer through the office, the world threw everything at her.

Friday came around and she was giving up on the chance. She walked with Maiko towards the kitchen as the day began to wind down. “I’m not running. I told you I’m trying, but I haven’t even seen him today. It’s usually the back of his head as he’s leaving that I see.”

“Just call him and make an arrangement.”

“I might have to. I just wanted to solve this quickly without a big deal being made about it.” She grabbed out a plastic bottle of green tea. She knew that Maiko probably was right. She focused too much on just trying to luck into the chance. She would have to make the effort. He had.

Once they finished, they started back, though Maiko steered her the long way around. As they chatted, she didn’t even realize it until they weren’t making the usual turn. They were standing by one of the meeting rooms.

“Can I?” Maiko asked, pointing to the tea in Noriko’s hand.

“Oh sure…” She handed it over, not even thinking about letting her share some of it. But rather than taking a sip, she just shoved her back into the meeting room.

Noriko stumbled and then saw her friend quickly close the door. She rushed over confused about what was happening. “What are you doing?”

“Making things not a big deal.”

“Huh?”

“Noriko?”

She froze up hearing the familiar voice of Hiroyuki. Checking, she saw the room was in fact not empty, but only occupied by him. They were alone. “Hi…”

“Good luck!”