Emotional Withdrawals

“Is that really you, Kagome?” Shiori asks, her voice raspy and light. Kagome’s face completely widens in shock, and her sight latches onto her mother’s own surprised eyes. Rooted in her position on the doorstep, Kagome drags her gaze over Shiori - taking in all that she has come to be.

Her once silky, black hair is now thin and dry - a lackluster color now covers the damaged strands. Shiori has always been pale, but the paleness that now encapsulates her skin is lifeless and vapid. Her wide, brown eyes are murky instead of their previous chocolatey richness, and her teeth are yellowing under the light.

“Yeah, it’s me,” Kagome spits, pushing Shiori out of her way and forcing herself into the house, “And I didn’t come back for some sappy reunion, so don’t expect that out of me.” Kagome’s hands find themselves shoved into the pockets of her hoodie, and her shoulders hunch forward subconsciously.

Shiori blinks, then immediately shuts the door to retrain her eyes onto her daughter’s figure. Her chapped lips still stay ajar, and her hands visibly shake from the residual surprise still racking her bones. As her body leans against the firmness of the door behind her, Kagome’s back still faces Shiori.

“How… Why did… What are you doing here, Kagome?” Shiori questions with a light voice, finding it hard to voice some of the many thoughts running through her mind. Kagome’s shoulders tense at her mother’s light, aging voice. Drawing her face together, Kagome pulls her trembling hands from her pockets.

Instantaneously, her hands thrash to the back of her pants line, and she whips around to face her mother. Pointing the pistol directly at Shiori, Kagome’s eyes begin to tear up: in desperation, in fear of the weapon, and in fear of herself.

“Give it to me.”

Shiori falls farther into the door, and the hinges rattle at the pressure. Her eyes - once swimming with disbelief and hopeful surprise - now erupt with immense fear and confusion. Her hands press against the door, as she feels cornered in her own home, by her own daughter. The wrinkles on her forehead crease deeply, as an expression of utter petrification crosses her features.

“W-What are y-you talking about?!” Shiori’s yell breaks at the high, strained tone. Kagome’s weapon shakes in her clutch as her trembling hands grasp the cold pistol. Her face scrunches up - trying to suppress the forthcoming tears that tickle her waterlines. “What else could I possibly be talking about?!” Kagome yells in response, frustrated at the situation. When Shiori does not reply, or show any sign of understanding, Kagome’s teeth bare in anger.

“The drugs, Mom!” Her voice screams out, as the tears from her eyes begin to fall down her young face, “Give me the drugs! I know you have them! Give it to me!” Shiori’s face begins to quiver, as she realizes the situation. Her hands tremor as they rise to her mouth - guarding the disappointment and shock that takes over her expression.

Even at the command, Shiori does not take action to fetch her daughter the cocaine she so desires. Instead, her trembling body remains pressed onto the door as a pistol is trained at her skull. “No…” Shiori whispers out, disbelief covering her voice, “Not you, Kagome! Please! Think this through, okay?! Remember what happened to-”

“You don’t get to say that!” Kagome yells over her mother’s pleading words, interrupting with despair and hurt clear in her tone.

“You are the last person on Earth to be saying that to me! I didn’t forget what happened last time we were together, but apparently you did! You have no right to convince me to not do this - and to use Dad as a reason, nonetheless! Who do you think you are?!”

Shiori’s eyes buckle under the pressure, and salty tears cascade down her old face. Her wrinkly hands move to her eyes, and attempt to wipe away the never-ending stream of tears falling from her eyes. Kagome’s face - covered in her own tears - scrunches up at her mother’s pitiful display.

“I could shoot you right now, you know that, right?” Kagome’s deep, low voice reminds - causing Shiori to stare at her wide-eyed once again, “Junko never told me why, but you were one of her targets that night. You were supposed to die with that old bastard. In the eyes of the law, you are nothing but a low-life felon, with a warrant out for your execution.”

Kagome readjusts her grasp on the pistol, and folds her eyebrows in. “And I am the law, Shiori.” The words spit out of her daughter’s mouth in a deep, scornful voice that sends a chill down Shiori’s spine. Her mouth quivers as her lips try to voice the words that lay silent on her tongue.

A sob escapes her mother’s mouth as Shiori’s eyes fill with bewilderment, “What are you talking about, Kagome?!” She cries, genuinely confused by her daughter’s words, “I never ran into trouble with the law - my prostitution was strictly kept under wraps! The police wouldn’t put me to death, I’m not a murderer!”

Kagome’s face twitches with confusion for a split second, before returning to her strained and vexed expression. “You’ve lied to me about everything before,” Kagome rebukes, her voice still low and domineering as the gun in her hands stays pointed directly at her mother, “Why wouldn’t you lie again, here, now?”

Shiori shakes her head in disbelief as the continuous tears caress her tense face. “I’m not… lying, my baby,” Shiori pleads with a sob breaking up her sentence, “Please, don’t kill me…”

“Then get me the fucking drugs already!” Kagome yells, causing her mother to twitch back in response, “If you wanna live so bad, do what I tell you to do!” Shiori’s eyes squint tightly, as she takes off in a desperate run towards her bathroom. Kagome waits in her spot, training her gun to where her mother’s figure ran off to. Her body shakes violently with fear, and a surplus of tears coat her distraught face.

A moment later, Shiori returns with a white baggie - one that deeply resembles the same powder-filled bag from all those years ago. Shiori gives up the bag, with her hands trembling at the movement. Kagome eyes the substance, then snatches it from her mother’s grasp. She stares down Shiori one last time - a flurry of emotions circling her tormented, brown eyes - then sprints out the front door.

Shiori watches her sole daughter retreat from her childhood home - carrying lethal drugs and deep-seated anger that has been boiling for years within her heart. Kagome sobs destructively as she sprints back to the train station, letting all of the feelings, regrets, and resentments spill out of her body with each passing breath.

Kagome safely returns to the apartment, and now finds herself putting the tainted weapon back into Jiro’s drawer as he sleeps soundly to her left. The incoming morning sun casts a golden light upon the room - falling upon each crevice and curve, and igniting the once dark, shadowed space. After silently closing the night table drawer, Kagome exits cautiously towards the bedroom door.

Pushing her body through the entryway, she shuts the wooden door behind her, and relaxes her back onto the surface behind her. Kagome’s mind twitches in thought, and her hands slowly fall into her hoodie’s pocket - where a lightweight, crystalline substance rests heavily in her possession. Suddenly, the metal door opens with a short clamor - catching Kagome off guard.

Yuuto walks forward as his eyes drag over the apartment, and his body ends up positioned adjacent to the hallway Kagome finds herself in. Ren and Niko file through the apartment behind him as Yuuto’s sight lands on Kagome’s petrified eyes from the hallway next to him. “Kagome,” He says at her appearance, remembering the events from the night prior, “Good morning.”

“What’re you guys doing here this early?” She asks bluntly, as her hand clutches the cocaine tighter within her pocket. The forwardness and unwelcoming tone stemming from her voice causes his eyebrows to raise in surprise - not expecting this frankness from her. “What? Your favorite boys can’t come by for some family breakfast?”

The joke does not reach Kagome, and her eyes stay seriously trained onto the sarcastic boy a ways in front of her. Realizing that joking around would not break the mood, Yuuto sighs in defeat. “Niko hates being alone, so I picked him and Ren up a little earlier today, since Junko isn’t here.”

Kagome’s body tenses, and that familiar feeling of betrayal and guilt washes over her heart. Yuuto scrunches his eyebrows together, and draws a questioning gaze to his eyes. “What’s with you today, huh?” He asks genuinely, “You’re never up this early, and you’re being kind of weird…”

Recollecting herself, Kagome’s face draws together in irritation. “Just leave me alone, would you?” She commands, annoyed at the conversation. With her words, she sets off for the bathroom at the end of the hallway. Yuuto stares confusedly at her retreating figure, and watches as she slams the bathroom door shut behind her.

Kagome rips the drugs from her pocket, and throws it onto the countertop in front of her. Her erratic heartbeat pounds in her ears, and her suppressed breath hollows as her mind fogs over. She places her sweaty palms atop the cold, porcelain sink, and latches her eyes onto the small bag below her.

“Do you guys know what’s up with her?” Yuuto asks, his voice low and curious. Ren and Niko stand in the kitchen, scavenging through the cabinets and fridge for breakfast. Their eyes shoot over to Yuuto, and they shake their heads in unison. “No, why? Is something wrong with Kagome?” Ren asks, standing from his bent position in front of the fridge.

Yuuto sighs as he crosses his arms. “I don’t know,” He responds honestly, throwing his eyes to the ceiling in deep thought, “She’s just acting… weird.” Niko’s lips draw in, and he closes the cabinets that his hands had grasped. Walking towards Yuuto, he stands beside his friend as a soft smile plays on his face.

“Let’s watch some TV to take your mind off it, yeah?” Niko offers as he throws a hand on top of Yuuto’s shoulder, “She’ll get over it in no time. Besides, she might be on her… you know what.” Yuuto smirks a smile in response, and nods his head at Niko’s words. “Don’t let her hear you say that, or she’ll kill you,” Ren inputs, following the two boys into the living area.

In the bathroom, Kagome leans over the porcelain counter, with the powder now dancing upon its surface below her. Her heavy, shallow breaths emitting from her nose make a few minuscule pieces peacefully sweep across the countertop. The fluorescent light casts a sharp ray of light upon the powder, causing the whiteness to glow below her face.

It had been over twenty minutes since she entered the bathroom, and all that time was spent scouring for a shred of courage to inhale the addictive stimulant placed ever so elegantly on the counter. One hand gripped the ledge of the surface, while the other was placed cautiously next to the drugs atop the counter.

“It’s okay, Kagome,” She assures herself, as her face levitates above the cocaine, “You’re allowed to do this. You don’t have to try and be perfect all the time, okay? People slip up sometimes. After everything that’s happened, you should do this. You deserve this.”

Seated on the couch, Yuuto’s eyes and head pull towards the bathroom door, and a concerned look takes over his expression. His leg subconsciously bounces in anticipation of when Kagome will exit the bathroom, but to no avail - she remains isolated within the room. Ren picks up his anxious demeanor, and his lips draw inwards in a show of empathy.

“Yuuto,” Ren calls, and his friend’s gaze snaps to his own, “Don’t worry so much. She’s just in the bathroom, nothing can hurt her in there, okay?” Yuuto sighs at Ren's attempt at reassurance, and squints his face in thought. After a moment, he stands from his seated position. “I’m just gonna check on her. I won’t be long,” Yuuto states, walking towards the closed bathroom door at the end of the hallway.

Kagome’s hand that once gripped the ledge of the countertop now firmly presses against her left nostril. Her head looms even closer towards the powdery substance, and lines of sweat border her pulsing forehead. Her hand on the surface claws at the counter with dread and anxiousness - but is mixed with determination, and a hint of annoyance at herself for taking so long.

Sighing a long, silent breath, Kagome begins descending her nose towards the drug. She could hear her heartbeat pound against her chest and reverberate through her eardrums. The sloshing of her own anxiety and blood flowing through her veins causes her hands and knees to tremble violently.

Then, all of a sudden, a knock is heard at the door. Kagome’s erratic heart drops to her stomach, and her eyes lurch open in shock. “Kagome?” Yuuto’s voice peeks from behind the door, “You’ve been in there for a while. I was just seeing if you’re okay-”

“Didn’t I tell you to leave me alone, damnit?!” Kagome’s loud, hard voice penetrates through the wooden door, and slaps Yuuto in the face, “Why can’t you ever do anything I tell you to do?!” From behind the door, Yuuto’s face drops in shock at her tone. He stands there, frozen in shock, as Ren and Niko peer over from their seats to share their concern with Yuuto.

“I… I’m sorry, I-”
“Just leave me alone! Leave me alone! I don’t need help, I’m fine! God, just go! Leave me already!”

Kagome’s loud and harsh voice gradually turns into hysteric and desperate sobs as she places both hands on either side of the gathered cocaine. Her wet tears fall onto the powder and saturate the substance. As she yells, her heart wrenches in an unrecognizable pain that swims throughout her body.

“Kagome, let me in,” Yuuto demands, but his voice remains soft and comforting, “Please, let me in. Don’t shut me out, Kagome. Open the door for me, okay?” His hand slowly raises and is placed upon the wooden door, and slowly turns into a taut fist. All Yuuto can hear are the hiccuping sobs erupting from behind the bathroom door - making his heart clench in worry.

“I’m fine!” Kagome yells once more, “For God’s sake, get the hell out of here! Leave me alone!” Her sobs grow more violent as she speaks, making Yuuto’s entire body tense in anxiety. Raising his fist, he begins pounding on the door in front of him. “Let me in right now Kagome,” He demands, as the door rattles with each forceful strike, “I don’t care if you think you’re fine. Let me in.”

Kagome doesn’t answer, and her sobs are no longer heard by Yuuto - which only makes him worry more. “Kagome!” He yells demandingly. Yuuto steps back from the door, and begins forcefully throwing his shoulder into the wooden door - trying to break down the bathroom entryway. From the couch, Ren and Niko hastily stand, and run over to the scene.

“Open the door, Kagome!” Yuuto yells once more, as Ren begins to thrash his side into the door alongside his friend. After a few moments, the lock snaps, and the bathroom door tears open. Yuuto’s eyes immediately land upon Kagome, who is bent over the bathroom counter.

As soon as her eyes dart towards the intrusion, she stands straight up, and swings her hands out in front of her - causing the white powder to be tossed into the heavy air in front of her. At the sudden movement, her foot catches the rug beneath her, and trips her up - making the petrified girl stumble backwards and land on her backside. Yuuto stares wide-eyed at the scene as everything pieces together right in front of him.

Kagome knows Yuuto has realized what she has done, and begins scooting backwards towards the wall of the tub behind her. Her back hits the cold surface of the bathtub, and she brings her knees up to a bent position as her hands thrust out defensively towards the boys.

“Get out!” She yells, more tears cascading down her swollen face, “Leave me alone! Get out! Get out! Get out!” Kagome’s sobs echo off of the walls concealing her in the bathroom, and the eyes of the three boys rips her insides apart - allowing all of her pent up emotions to pour out in blood-curdling cries.

Yuuto immediately walks to the cowering Kagome, and kneels down in front of her. “No, no! Get away!” Kagome commands, but Yuuto pays no mind to her vacuous shouts. He inches closer to her, and pulls her into a tight embrace - leaning his head upon her small, bony shoulder. Kagome thrashes and resists against him: punching at his back, and kicking her weak legs at his body.

Her attempts are futile, and Yuuto continues hugging the sobbing girl tight to his own body. His arms remain wrapped around her sweating, tense body in a warm embrace. Yuuto’s eyes shut, and his face draws together as she displays her resistance to his attempt at comforting her.

“I need Junko!”

Kagome vulnerably admits, as her thrashing begins to gradually slow down, “She’s gone, Yuuto! Junko left me! I need her, please! Please, Yuuto! I need her!” At her cries, Yuuto pulls the girl even tighter to his chest, and winces harder at her helplessness. Both frustrated at the situation and himself, all Yuuto could offer was a soft, genuine apology: “I’m sorry, Kagome.”

Across the city, Junko resides within Mamoru’s desolate apartment. She sits on the stiff, gray couch with her hair in a tight bun as she stares ahead into the dim reflection on the television screen. Her blank, yet thoughtful expression taunts the black surface, and it pokes at her seemingly relaxed state.

Mamoru enters the living space from the hallway, and his eyes immediately land on his daughter. With his face set in a stern expression, he marches over to Junko. Positioning himself between her and the television, he stands with his arms crossed over his chest. “How are you feeling, Junko?” Mamoru asks, with no warmth to his voice.

Junko places her gaze onto her father’s own, causing her neck to crane upwards. “Better, I guess,” She replies meekly, shrugging her shoulders along with her words. Mamoru nods slowly as his lips draw inwards. “Then you should be able to get back to work, right?”

Junko’s eyebrows scrunch together in confusion and irritation as she stares up at her father. “I’m still not fully recovered, Dad,” She argues - not understanding Mamoru’s lack of empathy for his own daughter, “I just got stabbed in the arm. I can’t operate a gun like this.”

“Going back to work now will help you in recovery,” He states firmly, stepping backwards from his daughter a fraction, “You can’t lose your muscle memory. You’re their Lieutenant, remember? You need to lead them, and without your skill, they’re useless.” Junko rolls her eyes at her father’s mindless words, and throws herself up and off of the couch.

“They are perfectly capable on their own, Dad. They have been working alongside me for years now. They don’t need me to be able to operate like usual,” Junko rebukes as she pulls her hands to her sides and raises her eyebrows at Mamoru. His own eyes squint at Junko, and a visible vein pops up from his temple.

“You are the glue of the Task Force, Junko,” Mamoru declares, his voice low and domineering, “Without you, the whole department will crumble… Which is why you are returning to work tomorrow morning.”

Junko’s face draws in anger, and her hands fall from their rigid position at her hips. “Maybe I don’t want to go back to work, Dad! Have you ever thought about that?!” Junko shouts her feelings down her father’s throat - causing his eyes to widen in shock, “Have you ever thought about me, ever, in anything you do? When have you ever considered my feelings, dad?!”

Mamoru’s face expresses an intimidating anger that casts a look of fury upon his features. Despite the obvious expression, Junko continues voicing her suppressed thoughts to her father. “I want to go to school, and become a florist! To live in Hokkaido, and open my own flower shop! You never even knew that much, because you are too busy making my life decisions for me!”

Mamoru’s expression shows a deep, genuine sadness that swims in his brown eyes.“Your feelings, hopes, and dreams do not matter when an entire city’s safety rests upon your shoulders, Junko,” Mamoru states in a deep, serious voice.

“It’s too late to turn back now - to skimp out on your family and your home like this. This was the path you chose, so you are entitled to keep your promise to me, to Jiro, to your entire team, and to all of Tokyo.”

Junko throws her hands to her head in frustration. “The path I chose?!” She shouts in disagreement, “You practically forced me to join the Task Force! I barely had a say in whether I surrender myself to this shit or not!”

Mamoru drives his hand backwards, and slaps Junko across the face again, much like he did when she first arrived at his apartment. The force causes his daughter to stumble back onto the couch behind her, and Junko draws a hand to the swelling cheek that her father just hit. With her eyes wide, Junko’s lips part in disbelief.

Mamoru’s breath falls onto Junko as he stands above her. His eyes are trained onto the young woman below him, and his face conveys an expression of guilt that is covered with anger and malice.

“You better get out of here, and get back to work, before I start getting angry,” Mamoru proclaims after a few moments of silence, “You’ve never been this selfish before, Junko. What’s gotten into you?”