Jason Li: Introduction Part 2

He gave up on his dream… That’s what he said, right?

Dreams… Aspirations… Wishes… They are things that people work towards for themselves, right? And they don’t necessarily have to concern others, right? And… dreams are essential for people to have, right!? They’re essential because they keep people going, right!? They are essential because they motivate and keep people going, right!? I… I don’t know.

I was looking down — I was disturbed, but my anger was hesitant.

“You see Camryn, I always wanted to be an astronaut. So, after high school, I studied astronomy for a couple of years. Sure, it was tough, but I learned a lot of things about space. I also have a vast amount of scientific and math-related knowledge.”

Why was I agitated?

“After, I actually worked a couple of engineering jobs. It was kind of hard finding a space-related job, but I still kept looking.”

Why was I getting worked up?

“During that time, I got married to my girlfriend who was my underclassman in university. A couple of years later, we had a child.”

What?

“When our child was old enough to enter preschool, I got a job at a space program! Now, I just had a simple job on Earth, but I wanted more — my ultimate goal was to be launched into outer space. So, I worked hard. I tried my hardest to get the attention of the higher-ups so that they would promote me. And then…”

“A-And then what!?”

I put my hands on the table and leaned towards Mr Li. I showed my anticipation for what happened next. I awaited his answer, but why was I awaiting it?..

“And then I had a shot at becoming an astronaut… My superior asked me one day, but something changed in me at that moment. And, well… I didn’t take it… Simply put, I gave up on my dream right there…”

That wasn’t what I wanted!

“M-Mr Li… Why!?”

I got up and put my hands on his shoulders. I was definitely acting tense, but I wasn’t mad. It was more like… I was feeling a bit disappointed and sad…

“No, Mr Li… That wasn’t supposed to happen! You were supposed to take that job! You were supposed to become an astronaut!.. You were supposed to fulfill your dream… But you didn’t!.. Why not!? Your dream was right there! You just had to simply agree to become an astronaut, but you didn’t! It… It’s too sad… It’s just too sad… Mr Li, you- huh?”

I was stopped when Mr Li put his finger on the bridge of my nose. He smiled warmly at me.

“M-Mr Li?”

“Sorry. I have a grandkid and I do this to calm him down whenever he gets too intense…”

I see… But why did he stop me? Am I wrong about my feelings?

“I get what you’re saying, Camryn… The one chance that all of my hard work was for was right there but I didn’t take it… I was so excited to achieve my goal, but I didn’t… Camryn, you’re feeling sad about the situation, right? You’re sad that I gave up on my dreams, right?”

“Yeah…”

I calmed down and was speaking normally. Mr Li also removed his finger from my nose.

“Why did you give up? All your hard work — going to school and learning tough and complicated things — all your work has gone to waste. Or maybe… Did someone put an end to your dream? I-I…”

I don’t like the thought… For someone to give up on their dream — it’s terrible. Everyone has dreams and goals they strive to accomplish, and even if they don’t think they are doing anything to further their progress, they probably are. But what happens if someone ends their dream? The thought terrified me… It just means they are giving up, right? Yeah, they don’t feel like they can squeeze any amount of gratification from their life no matter what they do, so they just give up — submit — surrender…

I remember I was on the verge of it… Since I thought that my life couldn’t possibly get better, I thought ‘what’s the point in doing anything?’, and ‘what purpose do I have?’. And it was so hard physically and mentally to keep going, and that added to the appeal in just giving up… But all that changed when I met Ren — when he decided to take care of me — when I figured that he truly cared for me — when he warmed the coldness that surrounded me… I thought ‘maybe I do have something in the future awaiting me. With Ren’s help, I decided to once again fight for that light at the end of the tunnel…

“Camryn… I think there are two types of giving up on a dream.”

“What? Giving up is giving up, right?”

“There’s the bad version — when someone gives up because of another factor, and there’s the good version — when someone gives up on their own… I gave up on my dream on my own.”

I removed my hands from his shoulder.

“The bad version is most common because it’s hard to identify if someone is giving up because of the good reason. I gave up because I decided to focus on my family — I knew that I would be in space for long periods of time, and I just didn’t want to put my family through my absence.”

“So it’s your family’s fault, right?”

“Oh, no. They were supportive of me going to space, so their influence was null. I decided for myself that it was better to stay with them.”

Mr Li put a reassuring hand on my shoulder.

“It’s sad when someone gives up on their dream, but I had a different dream I was working towards — raising my family. I mentioned that I have a grandchild, right? That’s proof that I was working hard at achieving that dream… It’s true that my dream is less ambitious than my previous one, but it’s still a dream.”

I see… Indeed, it’s always sad when someone willingly or unwillingly gives up on their dream, but I guess one reason is happier than the other. It always makes someone feel better when they decide on something on their own without exterior influences.

However…

“I see… Yeah, that makes sense — and I’m also happy for you and your family. But, um, how does that relate to why you stayed at Alente.”

“Oh, I got caught up in preaching that I forgot about your original question, eh? You know, I probably could’ve just told you the reason without my long-winded story. Sorry.”

“Huh? On, no, no. I liked your story! In fact, your story provided some good insight!”

“I see…”

Mr Li’s smile was comfortable. It was as if he was feeling a sense of nostalgia.

“You know Camryn, you remind me of my daughter… She’s always curious and she loves learning new things. Anyways, I stayed at Alente because I was old.”

“Huh?”

“You see, even though I had a simple office job, I retired really early to look after my family. I’m also old.”

Mr Li smiled reminiscently.

“In a couple of years, I’ll soon pass away… And since I’m retired and my family is doing well, there wasn’t much I could do to aid them. And even though I was nearing the end of my goal of raising my family, I think I still wanted a goal. Since I’m old and retired, there wasn’t much that I could do… Nothing much except see through someone else’s goal.”

Oh, I think I can see where this is going.

“One day, I decided to apply to this new restaurant called Alente Bistro. There I met the owner, and I was intrigued by her. She told me that she never attended business school and that she only graduated high school two years ago — I thought she was inexperienced, but she wasn’t. She also had big dreams. I became interested, so I stayed to see the growth. And it was lovely to see that she managed to churn success out of a failing restaurant.”

“But didn’t you help?”

“Sure, I interfered, but I think it was very minimal. Overall, it was mainly Valerie’s efforts.”

Mr Li smiled at me.

“And I’m so proud of her growth!”

Mr Li then stuck his thumb up proudly.

“So yeah, that’s the story. I gave up on my dream of becoming an astronaut to instead raise my family. When I was retired, I decided to oversee Valerie’s growth because my ambitions were no longer big.”

I see so that’s why… I wanted to comment on his story, but the door slammed open.

“Oi! Camryn, Gramps! Valerie, Alan, and I are going on break — get out there!”

“Oh, yes, of course, Elyssa…”

…

As I was walking towards the front counter, I came across Valerie.

“Um, Valerie.”

“Oh? What’s up, Camryn?”

“Um…”

I softly smiled at Valerie’s face full of questions.

“Mr Li… Um, he’s a great employee… and friend!”

Valerie returned my smile.

“Yeah… He is, isn’t he?”