Chapter 7:
Crimson Soul
A month had passed by. Yui’s family problems didn’t seem to be reducing any time soon. Talks regarding a divorce had become more frequent. Calls to lawyers were not uncommon anymore. Yui’s mental health just kept getting worse.
She hadn’t been checked by a doctor but it was probably safe to say that she was suffering from clinical depression at this point.
But there was one time when that didn’t seem to be the case. She was standing in front of the class, along with her teammates, as a part of the class presentation. Natsume’s eyes were fixed on her. He noticed as she looked out of the window facing the corridor and smiled.
This time it was definitely a genuine smile, Natsume knew it. Being a depressed, lonely girl, she never smiled. But for that one moment when she smiled, she looked so beautiful, like a shining gem embedded on the crown of a king.
Her face, which had never shown any signs of happiness before, at that moment, naturally smiled from the bottom of her heart. It really felt like a blooming flower basking in the sunlight. It was indeed magical.
Natsume quickly peeped out through the same window, facing the very corridor that Yui had looked at. He must have been late because it was completely empty now.
‘Was it a cat? A flower? Was someone here?’
Natsume looked at Yui and whispered, “What happened?”
Her face returned back to the resting frown face as she said, “U..Uh...Nothing”
‘That was weird...’
Natsume was still so curious but he restrained himself and continued listening to the presentation.
----
That night, Yui sat on the swing in the park as usual. Natsume noticed her while walking back home after buying groceries. He would meet her every night at the park on his way back home.
“You haven’t been following my rules, right?”, Natsume asked. “You still look like you barely sleep. You don’t try smiling at all either. And god knows if you actually find five things you are grateful for, every day.”
“I do.”
“Do what?”
“I do find five things I’m grateful for….on some nights.”, Yui replied.
“On some nights, huh...What about the rest?”, Natsume asked.
Yui remained silent as she tried to avoid eye contact.
“What’s the point of this entire thing if you don’t do all three? How hard is it to have a proper sleep?”
“I told you, I’m scared of those nightmares. I don’t want to see them again.”
“I don’t understand you. Just close your eyes and sleep. It’s not that hard.”
“Only if it was that easy...”
“I don’t understand at all. I know your parents are going through a divorce right now and times are tough for you but over here you are choosing to remain sad. You aren’t following my rules, you don’t even want to try being happy. Agh, this is pissing me off.”
Yui opened her mouth, but words couldn’t come out of them.
“So what if your parents are going through a divorce? You’ve gone through worse in your life, right? Shouldn’t this be easy for you to handle? I can’t understand you at all. Isn’t it a good thing if they divorce? They won’t fight anymore. So how is all this still affecting you?”
“Things are not all just objective, Natsume.”, Yui muttered.
“You are just blaming your parent’s divorce. The reality is that you don’t want to change. You don’t want to be happy. You just want to sit over here every night and cry like a baby and get sympathy from others. Stop blaming your parents. You just don’t want to be happy yourself.”
“I do want to be happy!”
“If you are going to break because of a small thing like your parent’s divorce which is going to solve some of your problems, then I have no idea what you would do if something worse happens. Life isn’t that easy. In the end, we are all just lone wolves on the snow-covered mountain top. You have to fight for yourself. You need to be capable of living on your own. Stop relying on others for sympathy. No one really cares about anyone. People just act along since that’s how society works. Do you think anyone around you can comprehend your pain and suffering completely? No! So learn to fight for yourself independently. You were born alone, you will live alone and you will die alone. You probably can make superficial connections with people; call each other lovers and vow to protect each other at all times. But when the time comes, when it’s all put to the test, you will realise that indeed you are just a lone wolf walking up the snow-covered mountain top on a cold winter night. You are fundamentally alone. No matter how much people say that they will be there for you, in the end, nobody truly cares.”
Tears erupted from Yui’s eyes. Her tears, which collected at the edge of her eye, glistened under the moonlight. She remained silent as they rolled down her cheek, and fell onto the sand beneath.
“You can’t handle the bitter truth, huh? It’s a little funny if you think about it. When the house is burning, the firefighters risk their lives to fight the fire and control it, while the person inside only cries and pays someone else to listen to his ‘trauma’. Different kinds of people exist in this world. That way I don’t like giving or receiving sympathy while you live your whole life seeking sympathy from others. Well, different kinds of people exist.”, Natsume said.
“I don’t seek sympathy!”, she shouted as she wiped off the tears from her eyes.
“You do! Then why wouldn’t you want to be happy? Why wouldn’t you follow my rules? If you just want to be sad, go ahead. Stop wasting my time then. I HATE dealing with weak women who cry for everything and expect a prince in shining white armour to come and save them from all this suffering and take them to a magical white castle. The prince will never come. It’s all an illusion. You and me; we are just lone wolves on the mountain top and nothing can change that. Actually, you know what? Why don’t you wait for your prince in shining armour to come and save you? Ugh, I JUST HATE WEAK WOMEN LIKE YOU.”
Her cries just got louder.
She struggled to talk fluently as she was constantly interrupted by the sudden outburst of tears. She took a few minutes to calm herself down and then said, “Then why don’t you just leave me alone? Why are you even telling all this to me?”
“Because...I don’t know. I have been acting very abnormal with you. Even I don’t know why. Whenever a random girl rants about how depressing her life is, it just annoys me and I never speak to her again. But with you...I don’t know. You are a pretty girl. It’s a waste of all that beauty if you don’t smile. I think I behave differently with you because I find you pretty. I probably want to see you smile from the bottom of your heart. A smile would make you look so much more beautiful. That’s the only reason I can find to explain my odd behaviour.”, Natsume said.
She paused for a moment and then looked away, “I’m sorry. I’ve never looked at you in that way. I’ve always just seen you as a friend.”
“Ahh, it’s ok...but that’s not what I intended.”, Natsume was taken aback by the reply. He wasn’t expecting her to respond in that fashion. “Anyways if you aren’t following my rules, then there is no point in me being friends with you either. So it all doesn’t matter in the end. Well, I hope you end up happy somehow.”
He got up from the swing and grabbed his grocery bags and started walking away.
The cold wind blew across his face. Natsume stopped and looked back. Her cheeks were still moist from all the tears that were shed. She continued to swing while being lost in her thoughts when suddenly she noticed him turn and stopped swinging.
“Good night...”, Natsume said.
Her eyes were on the verge of tears again. She struggled to open her mouth and say something but finally, after trying her best to hold back her tears, she waved her hand and muttered,
“Bye-bye.”
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