Sara's Crazy Confession

Sara 1623 October 14, 2046

“I like you; please go out with me,” she asks, cheeks red and eyes closed, dreading the thought of him saying no. She dreaded it even more as he said nothing, the only sound that filled her ears was the clock’s ticking and her heart beating like the bass drop of a dubstep song. She grew hotter and more anxious the longer he waited to respond until she heard it. The sound of footsteps. What’s he doing? Is he leaving? Her mind raced with negative emotions until she felt it, his soft hand on her cheek and his warm lips on hers. The two stood there kissing in the moonlight for a moment until he pulled away. She opened her eyes and saw he was just as red as she was. “I guess I’ll take that as a yes,” she says with a grin.

I close the book of manga and set it down on my chest. The author had been postponing the confession for ages now, but it finally happened. The girl finally found the courage to confess, and he accepted her feelings wholeheartedly. I was a bit surprised; the boy had been fawning over some other girl without her realizing it for the whole book. It wasn’t until she found out that she was finally able just to put herself out there and do it. I was even more surprised because there were still several chapters after the confession, so more stuff was clearly going to happen, and the title didn’t even give me the impression the book was a love story. Would Tobias-kun accept my feelings if I told him? I wondered. I rolled from my back to my side and looked at the picture on my desk. Sora, Tobias-kun, and I were all smiling with arms around us. It was my favorite picture of us. It was taken not long after I first realized I thought of him as more than a friend.

We were no more than eight or nine at the time. I had run off to hide in uncle Sam’s shed after Sora and Tobias-kun had done something. I sat there crying until I heard the sound of someone coming in. I squeezed in under the workbench, making myself as small as possible. Uncle Sam walked in, closing the door behind him. He walked right past me and turned on his radio. It began to play some music that was at least 20 years old even then and began to work on one of his projects. I’d watched him do that before. He could spend hours tinkering on one this or another while humming along to “his tunes,” as he called them. I must’ve gotten lost in the rhythm because when he dropped a tool, I picked it up and held it to him without thinking. “Thank you,” he said, taking it from my hand and picking it back up. He mustn’t have realized what happened for a moment because then he jumped up in fright and looked under the bench, surprised to see me. “Sara? What are you doing down there? You nearly scared the life out of me.”

“I don’t feel like playing with Sora and Tobias,” I said stubbornly.

“Oh, that’s too bad,” He says in his caring parental voice. “Do you wanna help me while you hide from them?”

“Ok,” I responded and hopped up on the workbench. I watch him as he tinkers with an old grandfather clock. He places gears and tightens screws for a moment before striking up a conversion.

“So...what's wrong,” he asks.

“Nothing. I just don’t feel like playing with them,” I said in protest.

“Yeah, like I’m to believe that you just woke up and stopped liking Tobias and your brother.”

“I don’t like them. I hate them, especially Tobias.” He stops dead in his tracks when I say this. He turns to look at me with a face of surprise before quickly shifting to a playful smile.

“Noooo, there’s no way,” he says as he begins to get back to his tinkering.

“Yes, way… I don’t know why but it’s different now.”

“Different how?” he asks curiously.

“Well, lately, whenever I’m around him, I feel flushed, and my face gets all red and hot. If that’s not hate, I don’t know what is.” I said like the innocent child I was.

“Hmm we that’s definitely something. Tell me, does your heart sometimes skip a beat when you see him?”

“Yes.”

“And do you have a hard time falling asleep some nights because you’re thinking of him?”

“Yes.”

“And whenever he’s around, you feel like there are butterflies in your tummy?”

“Yes! How do you know? Do you hate someone too?”

“Oh, I definitely feel the same about some people, but it’s not hate you thinking of.”

“Really, then what is it?” I ask eagerly

“It actually sounds a lot more like you love him… Oh, Sara, are you okay?” He asks as I fall off the bench in shock. Love? I love Tobias? There’s no way. That’s not something kids our age do.

“No, I don’t love him. That’s not it at all!” I outcry in protest.

“Ok, maybe you don’t, here; let me give you a few scenarios. How would you feel if one of your girlfriends said they liked him?” he asked. I take a moment to respond and really think about the question.

“Bad.” I eventually said,

“Ok, and what if Tobias said he liked some girl?”

“Also bad.”

“OK, and what if you saw him kissing some other girl?”

“I’d punch him.”

“See, that really sounds like love.”

“NO, IT’S NOT!” I say, covering my face and swinging my legs. I don’t love him. I can’t love him; he’s like my brother. There must be some other explanation. There’s no way he’d like me back. Uncle Sam sits there sipping his drink while he patiently waits for me to finish my fit.

“You done?” he asks casually once I’ve finished kicking. I let out a long sigh before speaking again.

“Ok, let’s say I didn’t hate him, or that I even like him a little bit… What would I do?” I ask. He takes another sip from his drink and ponders for a moment.

“Well, that’s something I can’t answer. You have to figure out for yourself how you really feel about him, if you’re gonna do something about it, and what that something will be.” He sets down his mug and goes back to tinkering as he speaks. “I love my son, but I’d have better luck asking a blind man to read the paper for me than ask him to read someone’s emotions. So at the very least, you don’t have a time limit on it. As long as you don’t make it too obvious, he won’t suspect a thing. Just make sure you don’t wait too long, or else some other girl might fall for him, and then you’d have to live through some kind of rom-com like they used to make.” He laughs at his own joke for a moment before continuing his ramblings. “More likely if you said nothing is that you’d just continue in a one-sided love. Of course, there’s also the chance that if you do nothing, he might grow to have the same feelings for you and confess, but as they say, fortune favors the bold, so it’d probably be best if you acted first.”

“But what if he says no?” I ask, concerned.

“Well, then it’ll definitely be awkward for a while, but you’ve been together for your whole lives, so I’d bet anything you’d be able to bounce back after too long.”

“Really?” I ask hopefully.

“Yeah, or it could ruin it forever, and you’ll never speak again; that’s also a possibility.” I feel my heart drop at the thought of never being able to talk to Tobias again.

“What if he did develop feelings for me? What would I do then?” I ask eagerly.

“Well, in that case, you’d just have to pray. I mean, think about it, let’s say he did love you as you do him, then he’d have the same choice as you. Does he say anything or not? And if you weren’t able to build up the courage to say anything, then how could you ask him to do so?” I sit and think about what he’s said. I kick my feet as I think. He keeps talking, but I’m so lost in thought I don’t hear him. I’m started at the sound of knocking on the door. I quickly drop from the bench and hide under it again. From where I am, I can see his face but not the door.

“Come in,” Uncle Sam calls. The door opened, and I heard Tobias’ voice.

“Hey, dad, have you seen Sara? She ran off a while ago, and Sora and I can’t find her anywhere.” Uncle Sam looks down at me, raising an eyebrow. I shake my head no, and he winks.

“Nope, I haven’t seen her. Have you checked your sister’s room? She was able to hide under the crib for a while last time, right?”

“No, I’ll go check now. Thanks, dad.” I hear the door close, and uncle Sam gives me a thumbs up.

“Thanks for that,” I say as I crawl out from under the workbench.

“Ahh, don’t sweat it. I need a break from him sometimes too.” I hop back on the bench and watch him work on the clock in silence for a while. “So, what do you think you’re gonna do?” he eventually asks me. I think about the question and how to answer it for a minute before responding.

“I don’t know what I should do, so I’m gonna wait until I’ve decided before doing anything.”

“Okay,” he says assuredly. “Just make sure to tell me when you make up your mind. Truth be told, I’m a fan of the childhood friend trope. In all the anime I’ve watched, the childhood friend is best girl ⅘ times, so I’d be more than happy to help you if I could.”

“Okay, I think I’ve made them look for me long enough,” I say as I head out the door. “Oh, and thank you, Uncle Sam. You’ve given me a lot to think about.” He just smiles and tips his hat.

“Any time, dear.”

That’s how it began. I’d managed to bury my feelings until the ordeal in middle school, but that was what tipped me over the edge. For years I’d been hiding my true feelings, and now that I’d actually begun to try and feed him hints, I truly began to understand the weight of Uncle Sam’s words. It was true. Nothing short of me straight up saying “I love you” was going to get my feeling across to that boy. I rolled around in my bed, kicking like a toddler. “That does it!” I finally cry. I hop from my bed to my feet and strike the wonder woman pose. “I’m confessing to him today, and nothing’s gonna stop me.” I stand proud for a moment before I crumple. I squat down and bury my now very red face in my hands. I can’t believe I just said that. How am I gonna confess to him today? I can’t just walk over to his house and do it. No, it has to be special, like in the manga. Yes, the manga, I think as I hurry to scoop it up. Yes, that’s it. I just have to confess on valentines day. I think as I flip to the chapter with the confession. Yes, confessions always work on valentines day. If I wait for that, it’ll only be. My heart sinks as I look at my calendar. Four months to the day… I can’t wait that long. I sink into my desk chair and spin. If I can’t wait for valentines day, then I’ll just have to do it as soon as I can. But how? I‘ll freeze up if I try to wing it; I just know it. I spin and spin, my mind racing for a way to ask him. I eventually lean too far back and fall in my chair. I bang my head on the desk and get covered in paper. “Owww”.... “Wait, that’s it.” I bounce up to sit at my desk. A love note, that’s a classy thing to do; I just need to write it out. I get my pencil ready and begin to write. “Dear Tobias-kun,” I write before screaming and tearing it up. I CAN’T USE THAT! THE PENMANSHIP IS ALL WRONG! I tear up five more pages before I conclude that I simply cannot write it well enough to hand it to him. Well, if I can’t write it, then I’ll just text it to him. Yeah, that way, it won’t matter how much my hand shakes; it’ll look the same. I take my phone out and begin to type slowly. It takes me an impossibly long time to type. No matter how much I try to control it, my hands are still shaking uncontrollably, and every time I read what I write, It just doesn’t seem good enough. Ahh, this is no use. No matter how long I spend on it, I’ll never be confident enough to type send. Besides, confessing over text is tacky. I don’t want to have a tacky love. There’s no way I’d manage. I sign and knock my head on my desk in defeat. I can’t do it after all, I think hopelessly. I turn my head and look at the picture I have saved for his contact. If only I could just tell you, I think as I press it to zoom in. My finger is still shaking because instead of zooming in, my phone begins to make a call. I panic as it begins ringing. Ahh, no, I can’t do this. What do I do? “Beep,” I have to- wait… this could be the time.“Beep,” I can just tell him over the phone.“Beep” Yeah, I’ll just do it right now, I think as the hone rings. “Beep” I can do this. “Hello?” he says once he picked up the phone.

“Uhh, hi Tobias-kun, I have something important to tell you.”

“Oh, ok, shoot.”

“Well, you see…. Ummm….. I….”

“Yeah?”

“I wanted to tell you that…….”

“Yeah?”

“That…. That…” Come on, Sara, dig deep.

“Yeah?”

“Sora wanted me to ask if you could come over to see him.” I can’t do it.

“What? Why wouldn’t he just text me? Why’d he have you call?”

“I don’t know. Ask Sora when you get here!” I say before violently hanging up the phone. I set it down before smashing my face into my desk again, sobbing. “Ahhhhh, why can’t I do it!?” I sit and cry at my own failure for a while before finally putting myself back together. Well, it’s not like I have to do it right now, I think I mean, I’ve waited this long, so it’s not like I can’t wait till valentines day. It might even be better to wait until then. I sit and try to force a smile. Yeah, I can still wait. I think I can still wait, right?

“Just make sure you don’t wait too long, or else some other girl might fall for him,” Uncle Sam’s words echo in my mind. If some other girl were to fall for him… What would I do? I nearly puke at the thought. No, it has to be me. I have to go right now and face him. I march out of my room before my resolve can fade. I pick up my shoes from the line of five near the door and march straight across the street. I walk up to the door and ring the doorbell. Tobias-kun is probably watching TV at this time of day, so I’m sure he’ll be the one to answer, I think as I wait for the door to open. I wince as I hear the sound of footsteps approaching the door. I close my eyes as I see the door handle turn. I stand there clenching my teeth as the door opens, waiting for him to say something.

“Oh, Sara-chan, what are you doing here?” I open my eyes and see auntie-Serena standing in the doorway.

“Oh uh, hi Auntie, is Tobias-kun home? I have something to tell him.”

“Oh, you and Sora-chan too. He went to your house a while ago saying Sora had called him over.” WHAT? But I didn’t see him over there, and his shoes were... Right at the door. I stand amazed at my own stupidity for a moment before Auntie speaks again.

“What is he not there? Did he sneak off to get into trouble?”

“Wha, oh no, Auntie, he’s there. I saw his shoes; I just didn’t realize they were his. Ahh, well, I guess I’ll be leaving then.”

‘Oh, ok, dear. Have a good night,” she says as I walk down the steps.

“You too,” I call back. I stare down at my feet as I walk back. How could I’ve been so stupid? I called him over and then completely forgot about it. How dumb can I be? My mind is a swirl of pessimism as I walk back home. Am I just not cut out to do it? Is there some cosmic force preventing me from doing it? I think as I sulk up the stairs back to my room. I’m about to pass by Sora’s open door when another thought hits me. Wait, I can do it right now. I can just go in and grab him or say it right in front of Sora. Yeah, I will. There’s a spring in my step as I stride for the door. I’m about to step into the doorway when I hear it.

“Come on, Sora, how am I gonna confess to Niǎo-san if you don’t ask Suki-san what she likes?” I’ve never stopped so fast in my life. There’s no way I heard that right. No way. There’s NO way Tobias-kun actually said that. I stand just before the doorway and listen to correct my understanding. There’s no way he just said he likes Kano-chan.

“Sorry, bro, but I can’t just ask her about the dating preferences of other women. She’d get the wrong idea. We should ask Sara to dig that up for us.” Sora says.

“I already said I’m against that because she’ll think we’re abandoning her.” Tobias-kun protests.

“Doesn’t she already know you like Niǎo-san? I mean, she gave you that advice on the bridge when you were scouting for my and Iori-chan’s date, right?” What? No, I didn’t. I was talking about me. I was trying to tell you I-.

“Yeah, she knows I like Niǎo-san. She said she could tell from how I looked at Niǎo-san when she first transferred.” What? No, you were looking at me. You were looking at ME WITH THOSE EYES!

“Yeah, even I noticed, and I was across the room, But it’s been months since that I’m sure she’s come to terms with it.”

“Yeah, she kinda scared me at the movie. Niǎo-san is so innocent to stuff, so I’m sure Sara was nervous about me since she’s so protective of Niǎo-san.”I was trying to protect you. She was about to steal an indirect kiss from you!

“Yeah, she is really nice like that. I’ve no doubt she’d help you in any way if you asked her.” Sora says. I slump next to the door. I bite my tongue to keep from crying because I know they’ll hear me if I do. This whole time he’s only had eyes for Kano-chan… He wasn’t looking at me but past me. He’s never even thought of me like that..... Uncle Sam was right. I waited too long.