Chapter 4:
Brilliant Battle First Corinthians
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A blonde girl stands in front of a camera.
“Hi, I’m Syd from Sid & Syd, and you’re watching AmericaTeenV!”
Using a glowstick to be later done up with special effects, she draws the logo of AmericaTeenV across the camera - a rather complicated outline of America which gets rather dicey while trying to draw the edge of the Carolinas region, but she makes it through, only to have to draw the intricately-detailed eagle in the center of America, followed by even more complex outlines of satellites, radars, and electrical pylons circling that eagle, and she’s sweating by the time she writes AmericaTeenV across the top followed by AmericaTV across the bottom, and just when you think she’s done, she draws a circle around the whole thing, followed by even an even larger circle, and within those two circles, she writes United States across the top and finally concludes with Federal Communications Commission across the bottom. She sighs in relief as the whimsical jingle of AmericaTeenV plays.
The jingle continues, but smash cut to the girl, now joined by a boy equally as blond, both teenagers, sitting behind a desk, a long blue studio wall behind them. The jingle picks up as the two wave to the camera.
“I’m Sid.”
“And I’m Syd.”
“And together,” in unison, “We’re Sid & Syd!”
The jingle comes to its natural conclusion.
“Now Syd,” sez Sid.
“Yes Sid?” answers Syd.
“Normally you’d find us on Sid & Syd, right?”
“You mean the super-ultra successful AmericaTeenV programming that has just been extended for a Season 2?”
“The same. But we certainly have some time to kill until Season 2’s scripts are ready.”
“Writers, amiright? Almost as slow as the people behind the camera.” The camera quivers, but Syd makes a playful flick of the wrist. “I’m just kidding, Mulva, you know I love you.”
Sid nods. “So, since we have some spare time, AmericaTeenV has asked us to host a little show, nothing longer than a few minutes-
“Or a thousand words-”
“On AmericanTeenV's newest programming block - an animation block, inspired by cartoons across the sea!”
“Oh, but they don’t call them cartoons over there, do they?”
“No, they call them-”
“Japanimations!”
Sid produces a manzai paper fan and taps Syd with it. “Maybe in the Nineties!” Sid gives an exaggerated pout. “Just when were you born, anyway?”
“I was conceived the same night we killed bin Laden, actually-”
Another slap. “I said born, not conceived!”
Sid smiles at the camera. “You see, that’s called a boke and tsukkomi routine, a classic staple of Japanese comedy. The boke is the straight man-”
“Are you sure you should be the boke, then-ow, ow, ow, okay!”
Sid sits back down. “The boke is the straight man, and the tsukkomi is the wise guy. The two have a conversation, and the tsukkomi, either deliberately or ignorantly, misinterprets the conversation enough until the boke snaps and whacks him with a paper fan. It’s, ah…funny, you know. A-Anyway, Syd and I are here to report on the flagship show of AmericAnime.”
“Toot-toot-too!” Syd mimes a trumpet. “Now presenting...Brilliant Battle First Corinthians!”
“In a world…called Japan, run-of-the-mill American high schooler Richard ‘Dick’ Slaughter arrives for his year abroad as a transfer student, only to run into more trouble than he bargained for.”
“Or, perhaps the exact kind of trouble he bargained for.”
“Syd, why don’t you introduce our main protagonist to us?”
“Of course! Like all teen girls my age, I sure love…do I really have to say this? I don’t really want to-”
Offscreen: “Say the line, Syd!”
“I sure love…Dick. Yaaaaay…”
NAME: RICHARD “DICK” SLAUGHTER
AGE: 16
LIKES: Anime, Manga, Light Novels, Web Novels, Danganropa 2, The King of Queens
DISLIKES: Bullying, the New York Rangers, the seeming correlation between the amount of fanservice an anime has that you’ve gotten about and showing that anime to someone who doesn't watch anime
FAVORITE ANIME: School Rumble
FUN FACT: He’ll occasionally cheat on anime by watching Canadian cartoons
QUOTE THAT BEST DESCRIBES HIM: “You’re tense, I’m calm. You apply excessive force, and I control that force through fluid motion. That means relaxing the whole body so it can act instantly without resistance – no, without thought. Do you see now? It means becoming like clear water.” - Spike Spiegel, Cowboy Bebop
“Dick’s quite the character, isn’t he?” Sid surmised.
“What the [EXPLETIVE] is a Danganropa 2?”
There’s dead air for a moment.
“Well, friends,” Sid says. “That’s all the time we have for today. Tune in next week for another exciting episode of The Amazing Digital Brilliant Battle First Corinthians Omake Circus!”
Syd waved farewell. “Same AmericaTeenV time.”
And Sid nodded goodbye. “Same AmericaTeenV channel.”
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