"Dick-kun"

"I didn't want to win tournaments or anything. The reason I joined the Soft Tennis Club is because I thought I could be one of the popular kids. But nope. Popular kids are popular before they even join. There's something different about me. I can't fit in. They're all carnivores in that world. A herbivore like me just gets chewed apart, you know?"

- Hanako, Asobi Asobase

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Kinugasa Enji had the rock, and he refused to dish it. No, he decided to rumble, stumble his way down the Higashikatsushika High basketball court, located in the sweaty gymnasium across the campus courtyard. Tall, lean, black hair done up in a samurai ponytail, second-year Enji was the buchou of the Basketball Club for a reason, and he planned on winning it all this year.

He arrived at the top of the arc, motioned for the pick and roll, swerved past his center, euro-stepped past the defender and then reached up tantalizingly close to the basket for the smooth butter layup-

Oh, and there’s Dick, standing tall!

Enji could only make a choking noise as Dick Slaughter swiped the ball from his hands, then thundered down to the other side of the court. He stood a head-taller than the defender guarding the rim and hit a dunk so hard that it shattered the backboard glass entirely. It was the third backboard this week.

“Take that for data!” Dick roared, hitting a Dame Time celly by tapping his wrist as the Basketball Club manager blew her whistle to stop play. She and the first-years moved to clean up the glass like usual, and like usual Dick offered to help.

“It’s okay,” Yubari Miwa said. “You take a break, you’ve been playing for an hour now.”

Dick relented to her protests and went to the bench, where he spent a good half-minute squirting water all over his face and then down his gullet, his glorious blonde hair moving wavily as he did so. Miwa, was of course, watching Dick in a thousand ways reflected in the broken glass; Dick didn’t see how red her face got, but Kinigusa Enji did.

“Alright, everyone,” Enji declared, his voice rarely rising above a strained monotone no matter his emotions. “That’s enough for today. As a reminder, try-outs will last for the rest of the week, and we’ll make our decision on who made the team by Monday.”

As the returning and prospective club members went their separate ways, Enji approached Dick.

“Back there…I told you to take threes on fast-breaks.”

Dick raised an eyebrow, but Miwa arrived next to them. “Why’s that, Enji?”

Enji explained to her. “The data shows three-pointers are worth at least a point more than two-pointers. So by hitting a greater volume of threes, we score more points. Japan has been slow to adopt this change, but I intend to be ahead of the curve this year.”

Dick shrugged. “There’s just no style in just raining three’s all day. Basketball is an art. Why not have some fun?”

Enji’s eyebrow twitched. “Fun? You think fun is more important than victory? Winning isn’t everything. It’s the only thing.”

Miwa blushed a bit. “I think dunking is pretty neat.”

“See?” Dick said.

“Whatever…” Enji flicked his pony-tail around as he walked off, knowing that at the end of the day, he would have full control over the roster decisions…

BRILLIANT

BATTLE

FIRST CORINTHIANS

==========

EPISODE 2

“THE SHRINE MAIDEN”

After rumors spread that the delinquent Arashi made a big doo-doo on the school roof (in a way that was most certainly uncool), the bullying around Shigeko began to die down a bit, at least for the time-being. Sure, people still avoided her like the plague, but there were no verbal broadsides sent her way. For the first time in a long while, when Shigeko walked home from school, she supposed that the world could occasionally be kind of neat.

Like sure, her ribs still hurt from the wound, and sure, the cherry blossoms had already disappeared, seemingly overnight, as April approached its end. But summer was on the way, the days growing longer and sun growing brighter, and the hills overlooking the town were coming alive in splashes of green as the trees regrew their canopies and the vines and bushes and flowers grew to match them. You could see summer and life unfolding in real time up in the hills, especially after Shigeko crossed the bridge over the Otchokochoi River and walked up through the hilly outskirts of town.

The Kuroshio Shrine was the same as always, but for the first time, perhaps Shigeko stared for a moment longer at the green overgrowth, newly blooming and so full of life. The Shrine had once been full of life too - her okaa-san before she grew sick, her otou-san before he grew addicted, even the old man that long served her family at the shrine for generations, who took care of Shigeko after her parents passed, until his turn came as well.

Now it was just Shigeko at the temple, her and the creaky wooden boards and occasional donk of the bamboo shishi-odoshi.

Inside the house, Shigeko slipped out of her loafers, padded over to the kitchen in socks, and began preparing tonight’s dinner. Living with just her father and the old man, and then just the old man, and then just herself, taught her all about cooking. Chop up the carrots and onions. Splash some oil around the frying pan, toss in the veggies, let it sit. Then in goes your cheap beef, yummy oishi and all that. Lean against the table, blank face, eyeing nowhere particular as dinner gets fried up. When the meat’s all gray, dump out the grease, season with some salt and some garlic powder, and then you’re ready…you’re ready…

You let yourself fall to the floor, back against the hardwood, sighing, ‘cuz you don’t feel like eating. So Shigeko laid there, mind alternating between rumination to the lowest detail and a gnawing emptiness to the highest order. She wished the Old Man was still here.

And then came the knock on the door.

Shigeko, a little cautious since nobody came to visit the temple anymore, padded over the front entrance, her thumb on the Inari statue in her pocket. But when she opened the door-

“Ya-hello!” greeted Dick, holding an entire vending machine on his shoulder. The shrine shook when he dropped it to the ground.

“Dikkun?” Shigeko said, having somewhere between last night and today unconsciously (or maybe there was a lot of time spent consciously thinking about it in class) shortened the pronunciation of his name. “What’s this?”

Dick tapped on the vending machine proudly. “I know that in Japan, any sort of favor must be paid tenfold, usually with juice. Since you saved my life last night, I figured I’d bring you an entire machine full of it. Do you have an outlet anywhere for this?”

“Anou…not outside.”

“That’s fine. If you’ll invite me in, I can set it up.”

Shigeko placed a hand on the door, blocking the way. “That’s okay. You can leave it out here.”

“But how would you get it inside? Some sort of magic?”

“I’ll figure that out. Thanks for stopping by and all. See you.”

Dick rubbed his chin. “That’s odd. Usually, when stopping by for a visit, a Japanese person will allow the visitor inside. I won’t overstay my welcome, of course, but I was hoping we could discuss some matters.”

Shigeko laughed awkwardly. “Like what?”

The slapping sound of Dick clapping his hands echoed throughout the hills. “PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE train me in your arcane arts!!!!”

“...wha?”

“What happened last night at the school with the ghost was the coolest thing ever!” Dick explained, hands balled into excited fists, his eyes alive with wonder.

“You’re happy about that? You came here for a Japanese high school experience, but ended up fighting with the paranormal.”

“That sounds like the average Japanese high school experience to me!”

Shigeko sighed. “This isn’t a game, you know. That was life and death last night.”

Dick straightened himself out. “Sorry, I got ahead of myself there. I didn’t show the proper respect for a situation like this.” He bowed. “Please teach me the arcane arts, Shigeko-sama.”

“Baka!” Shigeko cried out, face red at being called something like that, and simply punched Dick into the stratosphere. She blinked, realizing what she had done, stomach curdling at the thought of devolving into a slapstick archetype, but Dick landed with light feet into a crouch on the vending machine, no worse for the wear.

The punch made Shigeko shake with pain, since it stretched out the area of her injuries. She couldn’t help but grab at her ribs with her hand.

“You’re hurt,” Dick said gently as he slid off the machine. “What if someone comes under attack while you’re injured? Or you yourself come under attack?”

“Don’t spout some nonsense about protecting me,” Shigeko said through gritted teeth. “I told you, I can take care of everything myself.”

“It’s not just about protecting you, it’s about protecting this town. Japan is my home for this year, and I want to be of use to her.”

Shigeko rolled her eyes. “You can enjoy your new home yourself. I don’t need you. I don’t need a home. I don’t need anyone.”

The pain revulsed through her, and Shigeko stifled a cry of pain by biting the inside of her lip.

“Just forget about this, Dikkun. Go enjoy a normal year of high school here. That’s why you came here in the first place, right?”

Somewhere along the way, the sun had set, and Dick had unbuttoned his gakuran, resulting in a dramatic breeze rustling through his black jacket as he stared into the sherbet-shaded horizon.

“I had a few offers for schools in Japan. Downtown Tokyo, Osaka, Fukuoka. But I chose Higashikatsushika for one specific reason. Higashikatsushika Haruki Hansei.”

Shigeko studied him for a long while. Then she facepalmed.

“Oh my kami-sama…”

“Yes, I specifically chose this town just for the slice of life anime based upon it, I know. But Higaharuhansei is my north star. It was a tough time for me…suffering is a constant when you’re a Mets/Nets/Jets fan, but this time was especially brutal in the Tri-State Area…I was lost, angry, restless, bitter. And that’s when I met the members of the Self-Improvement Club.”

Shigeko’s hand went deeper inside her face.

“Those five…they all came from different backstories, forced into this club for their own various reasons that get explained over the course of twelve episodes…and not only do they help each other improve with their grades, athletics, and personal matters, but they also begin to branch out and assist others, and that’s when you realize how much they’ve grown over their second year of middle school…pure, unadulterated kino.”

Dick pulled out his school recorder and played a long, mystical note.

“I entered those twelve episodes a boy, and came out of them a man. I wouldn’t be here today if not for the lessons they imparted upon me. Unsurprisingly, America didn’t share my taste. It never became popular there, just because it lacked the violence and fast-pace us Americans are used to…we truly are fools sometimes. We lack vision, and spend our time merely chasing short-term profit instead. How do you not plan for an insurgency after overthrowing Saddam? How do you acquire Star Wars for 4 billion dollars and not plan out the sequel trilogy? I admire the Japanese consideration of the long-term over the short…but I digress. But you know what truly surprised me? That Higaharuhansei failed to become popular in Japan.”

“It’s just another moe blob show,” Shigeko said through her palm.

“Just another…you’re the kind of person that hates on Rise of Skywalker but loves the Prequels, despite them being the exact same brand of stupidity, aren’t you? But I digress once more. The enigmatic Japanese perspective on moe anime continues to elude me at times. How Higaharuhansei never acquired mass popularity, I’ll never know. Especially when I discovered that Higaharuhansei is not merely based on the town of Higashikatsushika, but the characters are based on students here themselves! The characters resemble, have the same names, and are voiced by the former students of Higashikatsushika Middle, since they were playing themselves! And then there are the drama CDs, the podcasts, the albums…this was the most ambitious multimedia project ever, blurring the line between the real and fictional, marking the ascending of moe into our reality…but the series never took off. Just another moe blob show, you and everyone else says.”

Dick crossed his arms. “Well, I chose to attend Higashikatsushika High so I could meet my heroes and find the truth. Truly, why did the show fail? That’s why I’m here, to uncover that mystery. And to convince Studio Suisei to produce a second season, and second wave of multimedia content, if I can. And I can do anything I set my mind to.”

Shigeko shook her head. “I bet you’re a fan of Miyoki Marika, right?”

“Of course! She’s my favorite. Sure, she’s a little empty-headed and a bit of a klutz, but she never gives up, and never goes back on her word.”

Shigeko exhaled slowly through her nostrils, remembering Marika in real life, just as genki as in the anime, a kind smile always beaming across her middle school face.

“It’s a shame, Dikkun. The real Miyoki Marika killed herself.”

Cicadas chirped somewhere, their shrill cries echoing throughout the mountain. Dick’s face contorted in confusion.

“I work alone, Dikkun. Good night.”

And then Shigeko shut the door, and that was that. She ended up allowing herself to collapse to the floor. She still wasn’t hungry.