Chapter 4:

THE ALMIGHTY IS PISSED

The World Is Ending And There Is Nothing You Can Do About It


The Lord Kenye said to the meek, is on E-arth as it is in Heaven.
Now who wants to buy a shirt?
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An old man waits in a dark enclosure, deaf to the prayers of the needy.Bookmark here

"Father, forgive me, for I have sinned," confessed the woman on the other side of the enclosure.Bookmark here

"Tell me child, what have you done," the old man leaned against the wall.Bookmark here

"Well father," the old man leaned closer, "I was having impure thoughts."Bookmark here

"Oh," the old man drooled in anticipation, "what is it my child? What impure thoughts have you had that was so important to confess to me?"Bookmark here

"I-"Bookmark here

"Yes?..."Bookmark here

"It's too embarassing!"Bookmark here

"Out with it child! For if you do not confess, how will I get off- I mean, how will the Almighty let you free of your sins?!"Bookmark here

"Yes, Father, I guess you're right," she took a deep breath, "Father, I have been staring at my neighbor. I am envious."Bookmark here

The old man pressed down on his legs. "Go on..."Bookmark here

"I am envious of that new car they had!"Bookmark here

"Oh." The old man backed away and returned to his seat and said flatly "Go on, elaborate."Bookmark here

"Well I-"Bookmark here

The priest took turned off his hearing aid, "I'm too old for this merdre."Bookmark here

A few hours later, a woman exits the confession booth, a weight off her shoulders, fresh as a spring daisy, and a reborn child. A few hours later a very disappointed pervert leaves with drool dripping down his neck. He leaves and heads into his office and sat down behind a very expensive mahogany table. Opening a desk, he pulls out several bills and counts them. "This is such a lovely spread, I trust that today's service has paid towards a lovely vaca- I mean mission to the east."Bookmark here

THUMP! THUMP! THUMP!Bookmark here

“Hm? What is that?”Bookmark here

THUMP! THUMP! THUMP!Bookmark here

“Yes, what is it?! Speak up!”Bookmark here

THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! He heard some muffled yelling from the other side.Bookmark here

“I can’t hear you! You have to yell!”Bookmark here

Some more inaudible muffled yelling with, which can be assumed as, very explicit profanity.Bookmark here

“Oh merdre, I forgot.” The priest turned his hearing aid up. “I apologize! I turned off my hearing aid. Please! Come in!”Bookmark here

The doors swung open, and out popped a nun. “Father, Carlin!” she yelled, “don’t you know what time it is?”Bookmark here

“Yes, and I trust that you know that it is the time I do the taxes for our holy house.”Bookmark here

“No! That was hours ago! It is midnight now!”Bookmark here

He paused, unsure what that meant.Bookmark here

“Midnight?”Bookmark here

The priest thought but was at a blank.Bookmark here

“Let me give you a hint, it starts with an M.”Bookmark here

“Midnight?”Bookmark here

“No! It’s mass!”Bookmark here

“Oh…” the priest said in relief, “Merdre.”Bookmark here

The old man took the money and shoved back into his desk and proceeded to run out of the office as quick as he could. But one can only run so quick in a long flowing robe without tripping. So, when he reached the stage, he had tripped on his coat tails, somersaulted and flew behind the podium. The meager amount of people in attendance were impressed. But then again, they had nothing better to do at midnight if they were attending mass.Bookmark here

The priest stood up and started his sermon, “Folks, I am glad that you are here today and I’m proud to announce like I did to the 5AM attendance that we’ve had had a wonderful summer. Although it was eventful seeing that a plague of locust has eaten our crops this year, we still thank the power of the Almighty that we are still among the living. Can I get a Yes Man?”Bookmark here

“Yes man!” the audience cried unenthusiastically.Bookmark here

“Good. Now let us sing a few hymns of our lord Kenye.” The priest gestured towards the organist and the choir and they began to let out a discordant melody. Under his breath the priest said to himself, “every night I have to deal with crap, and it doesn’t get any better.” He then turned on the AM radio on his hearing aid, a new upgrade that generous donors of the church had given the funds for despite their unknowing. Bookmark here

Now may he hear the voice of the Almighty as he listens to the broadcasts of the final inning stretch between the LA Gants and the New York Socks. “Come on, daddy needs a new pair of shoes…” Carlin whispered to himself. Bases loaded, 2 outs, 2 strikes, final inning, down 3 points. Gants up to bat. The pitch is throne! It’s a fast one. The batter coils up and SWINGS! It’s going! It’s going! Higher and higher and- oh no! It’s hit the foul pole! But it’s still fair! The ball’s falling and all the batters and catchers are at a scramble! There’s a fumble and the ball has fallen onto the ground! The third bas runner has run home! The ball’s been picked up! It moves to third base but it’s too late! The second base runner has run to home! But can they get the next runner out? No! He’s already run to second as the ball has flew past second base and back into the outfield! Now the remaining two runners have gotten back to running! The second runner has made it to third and the batter to second! And the ball’s been thrown to the short stop! But can he make it? The answer is no as the second runner has made it to home tying the game! Now the short has thrown it towards. The batter half-way between third and home. What’s this? The catcher is running towards the batter! The batter is running back to third! Now the ball is thrown to third! Now the batter is running home! And back! And home and back! As they play a game of monkey in the middle while slowly closing in! It’s so hard to watch! What’s this?! The batter has twirled around the catcher! Avoiding the ball and making his way home! This is amazing listeners! I’ve never seen a catcher haul as much ass after the batter! It’s close and it’s-Bookmark here

“HELLO?!”Bookmark here

The priest jumps up from the podium as a strange mysterious call from the void reaches out for him. “Hello?!” He calls out of nowhere the organ music halting and the choir quickly petering out, “I mean, yes my child, we are in the middle of something, can it wait later?” He looks around and sees that none of the audience members have called his attention. He looked over the people in attendance, searching for the one person that called him out. “Would the child in question please stand up?”Bookmark here

“HELLO?! CAN YOU HEAR ME?!”Bookmark here

“Yes my child, I can hear you!” He tried to search the audience for this loud-in-his-ear voice, yet he was absolutely confuzzled that he could not find the culprit.Bookmark here

“GOOD! FINALLY! I’M GLAD THAT SOMEONE CAN HEAR ME!”Bookmark here

Carlin looked up and was about to ask something crazy in front of his flock. “The Almighty? Is that you? Are you talking to me?! From up there?!”Bookmark here

“WELL, I AM ALMIGHTY AND I AM TECHINICALLY UP HERE. BUT I MIGHT ALSO BE DOWN THERE FROM A CERTAIN POINT OF VIEW.”Bookmark here

Father Carlin looked down and asked, “I mean, if you were down there, then wouldn’t that make you a demon? The fallen?”Bookmark here

“WELL, TECHNICALLY I’M ALWAYS FALLING, BUT I AM NOT DOWN THERE, SO NO. I AM NOT FALLEN.”Bookmark here

“Okay, just making sure.” The audience watching not sure what to make of this, giving the demented priest a look of, ‘let’s get outta here before he brings out the purple stuff.’Bookmark here

“BACK TO THE POINT, I’VE BEEN TRYING FOR WEEKS TO REACH YOU!”Bookmark here

“Reach me? Fw- W- Wh- Why are you trying to reach me, Almighty?”Bookmark here

“SHADDUP! I’M GETTING TO THAT!”Bookmark here

Father Carlin cowered and sunk to the ground in the fear that his deity might actually strike him from where he stands, “Okay! Sorry, your worship!”Bookmark here

“DON’T APOLOGIZE!”Bookmark here

“Yes, sorry, Almighty”Bookmark here

“WHAT THE FECK DID I JUST SAY?!”Bookmark here

“I-“Bookmark here

“NEVERMIND! THE END OF DAYS WILL COME IN THREE DAYS!”Bookmark here

“The end of days? You mean, the end of the world?!”Bookmark here

“YES! THE RAPTURE! RAGNAROCK! ARMAGEDDON! THE END OF THE LONG CYCLE! TAKE YOUR PICK! YOUR PLANET IS DOOMED AND SO ARE YOU! DEAL WITH IT!”Bookmark here

“Th- Three? THREE days?! That’s all we got?”Bookmark here

“YES! NOW MAKE PLANS!”Bookmark here

“Plans? Me?”Bookmark here

“OF COURSE YOU! WHO ELSE?!”Bookmark here

“Well- Well, with all the texts you’ve left us, we always assumed that you were the one with the plan and al-”Bookmark here

“SON, I JUST FIGURED THIS OUT A WEEK AGO THAT YOU ARE ALL GOING TO DIE BECAUSE SOMEONE RELEASED A BUTTERED ARMADILLO ON A TRUCK TO WHO KNOWS WHERE! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT I HAVE SOME KIND OF PLAN TO FIX THIS?! FECK! I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO OPERATE MY MICROWAVE!”Bookmark here

“The Almighty has a microwave?”Bookmark here

“YES! IT IS CONVENIENT!”Bookmark here

“Well, um… What should we do? R- repent or -?”Bookmark here

“THAT WOULD BE A GREAT START!”Bookmark here

“Okay, yes! We will repent for all of our sins. Um, anything else?”Bookmark here

“I DUNNO, I’M NOT YOUR DADDY. DO WHAT FLOATS YOUR BOAT. I DON’T CARE.”Bookmark here

“I- I- I mean, anything else relating to our eternal souls coming over for a visit to the great beyond and your kingdom, your worship?Bookmark here

“NOT THAT I CAN THINK OF! UNLESS YOU GOT A SPACESHIP.”Bookmark here

“What does the Almighty need with a spaceship?”Bookmark here

“NOT MUCH. IT’S LIKE HAVING A FERRARI COMPARED TO THIS CARDBOARD BOX I’M SITTING ON.”Bookmark here

“Uh- Oh, well alright then- How about um- stopping it? The end of the world?”Bookmark here

“ARE YOU WILLING TO TRACK DOWN AN ARMADILLO COVERED IN BUTTER?”Bookmark here

“Well, I think I can try to-“Bookmark here

“ ‘WELL I THINK IS’ NOT GOOD ENOUGH! I GOT OTHER PEOPLE TO WARN! GOOD-BYE!”Bookmark here

“Wait! I still got more questions that needs answering! Like, do we actually get our own planets when we die? Do crack babies actually get an infinite supply of crack?! How do you pronounce gif?! Hello? Hello?”Bookmark here

No answer.Bookmark here

“Really? How the heck do you get hung up by the, Almighty?!”Bookmark here

All eyes are on the priest, scared either witless, or planning to exit the soon-to-be insane asylum that’s about to be built right in front of their eyes.Bookmark here

Later, in the priest’s office, we see the man of the cloth stuff wads of green papers into a cloth bag.Bookmark here

The woman of the cloth busts into the room yelling, “Father! What in the name of the Almighty do you think you are doing?!” The door slamming behind her.Bookmark here

“If it isn’t obvious, making a rather large deposit!”Bookmark here

“But you cannot just leave in the middle of a sermon!”Bookmark here

Father Carlin then empty the compartment, “I can.” Pulled the string on the bag, “I did.” And closed it tight, “And have!” He threw the sack over his shoulders and walked towards the door. Bookmark here

“Father! What are you planning to do with all that money?”Bookmark here

“I’m going to donate to the needy and buy them a few blankets and- WHAT DO YOU THINK I’M GONNA DO WITH THIS MONEY, WOMAN?! Whatever in the feck I want to woman! Papa needs a to do a ‘mission!’”Bookmark here

He turned the doorknob, was greeted by a rather small crowd of people at the door.Bookmark here

“Uh…” The father was at a loss for words in front of those at attendance, “Hello… um, my child- se- ses…”Bookmark here

The crowd stared at him silently and with concern in their face.Bookmark here

“What can I do for all of you, you fine strapping people?”Bookmark here

All at once the entire crowd starts speaking up, demanding answers from the priest. Questions such as:Bookmark here

“Father Carlin! Is it true that the world is going to end? Do we really only have seven days?!”Bookmark here

“Father Carlin! I must repent! I’ve been naughty and I don’t want to go to the bad place! TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!”Bookmark here

“Father Carlin! What does the Almighty sound like?”Bookmark here

“Father Carlin! Do you have a personal relationship with the Almighty?!”Bookmark here

“Father Carlin! If the Almighty got in a fight with the Person Bat, who would win?!”Bookmark here

“Father Carlin! Are you drunk?! How much of the community wine have you drank before coming over?”Bookmark here

“Father Carlin! Is it true that the Almighty is actually a black woman?”Bookmark here

“Why does the Almighty need a spaceship for?!”Bookmark here

"Father Carlin! If he can walk on water, can he swim on land?"
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Father Carlin, in his wisdom, quelled the heavy hearts of the concerned flock that had congregated before him by saying, “Worry not my children. I just had a private conversation with the Almighty and it turns out that it was all a mistake. Turns out his message got mixed up and was meant to go to another person, Father Karin in China. You have nothing to fear but the tricks played by the Fallen. So just go home while I take all these indulgences I have written for all of you and send them to the Almighty himself. Any other questions you have I will answer them next thing in the morning.”Bookmark here

The crowd was discordant and talked amongst each other, dissatisfied by the answer they received. Although this was no concern to the two-faced priest as he took this opportunity to slip away and head towards the exit. However, as sweet salty freedom was within his reach, he tripped and fell. Bookmark here

“Ah feck!” he cursed. What did he trip on you ask. A child. It was a child who stood in the way of the priest.Bookmark here

“Where are you going, father?” asked the creepy child whose eyes were like that of a dead fish.Bookmark here

The priest got up and attempting to gain his bearings he replied, “A mission my child, a very important mission. Woah, got up too fast.”Bookmark here

“What kind of mission?”Bookmark here

“A mission from the Almighty?”Bookmark here

“What’s the mission?”Bookmark here

“Um, a mission to save our eternal souls from the fallen, my child.”Bookmark here

“How?”Bookmark here

“By doing my mission of course.”Bookmark here

“What is your mission.”Bookmark here

“It’s uh- um…” the priest stammered, usually people would usually let him carry on to his busy duty, which consisted of watching pre-recorded footage of baseball games in his office and collect on gambles so he had to come up with an excuse and fast before the crowd catches onto his plan to hoof it and hoof it to a South Asian country to spread his money over some village to serve him hand and foot. “It’s to deliver the less unfortunate from evil.”Bookmark here

“Less unfortunate?”Bookmark here

“Yes, my child, the less unfortunate. Like the homeless, the disenfranchised, and the orphans. Yes, the poor poor orphans who’ve lost their parents.”Bookmark here

“Like me?”Bookmark here

Turning away his head Father Carlin cursed under his breath, “Merdre!” He turned back his towards the unfortunate sod and said to him with cheeks so raised that they overshadowed his eyes and with a smile so clamped that it took all the meager energy that the priest had to say, “Yes, like you my child. But you are as not unfortunate as the others. So ifn’t you don’t mind, I need to deliver you from evil and if you hold me here for too long, then my mission will never be fulfilled!”Bookmark here

“Your mission to go to Thailand and buying people to serve you hand and foot?”Bookmark here

The priest’s face snapped clean open, his eyes jutting out, his jaw dropping, his greying hair flashed into a bright white! This child, this child in particular is calling him out on his bull. How did he know? Did he overhear him while he was sitting in his office lazing about making paper origami cranes and stars when he should’ve been writing a new sermon? To save face, the priest scrunched his face in disgust and pulled back from the child and said, “No… Of course not! Do not be silly! I would never do that. For there is people here that need me.”Bookmark here

“Then why not start giving that money you’re carrying to the unfortunate.” The child opened his eyes wide, “LIKE ME!”Bookmark here

The crowd heard the child’s exclamation and turned their head seeing the priest trying to sneak away. “Father!” they called, “Where are you going?! We still need you!”Bookmark here

“You brat!”Bookmark here

The brat cheekily grinned at the priest and held out his hand, “If you give me 10 percent, I’ll let you go and tell the crowd to scram.”Bookmark here

The priest turned to the child and said, “In your dreams! Child of despair!” Punted the child out of the way and busted through the door and out into the street. The priest ran to his car and searched his pockets for the keys. The crowd was in quick pursuit to their golden goose that knew the truth of the situation. But the power of greed works in mysterious ways as the priest was able to zip towards his old beat-up sedan and enter it. “Sorry folks! If you have any questions, I’ll be sure to answer them tomorrow! Right now I’ve got a ton of work to do! Sayonara!” He backed up from his parking space. He shifted into drive and punched the gas pedal all the way down. The car speedometer read 80 mph as it sped out the parking lot! However, the car only made it as far as 5 miles out of the lot before it sputtered and broke down. “Medre!” he yelled into the sky. He knew that he should’ve had his vehicle checked when the mechanic told him to, but the car hadn’t had any troubles past the six months after it was due for an oil change despite its shaking and rumblings. But there was no way that he was going to pay nominal fee for a service he could do himself; had he not been so busy with his work as a holy man.Bookmark here

A voice called out, “It seems you got car trouble.” It was coming from the back seat.Bookmark here

The priest pointed the back mirror at the seats and- “MERDRE!” There the child was sitting in the middle seat. “How in the Almighty did you get in there?!”Bookmark here

“The lock on the back door is broken, I’m small, and you’re not as fast as you think you are.”Bookmark here

“What do you want from me?”Bookmark here

“Well, a few bucks would be-“Bookmark here

The priest kicked the door open and took his sack with him. “No! It is for my mission! Now scram!” He ran away from the car and towards home.Bookmark here

Miraculously, through the empty quiet streets, he managed to run back home nary suspicion nor anyone following him. He got to his front door and- “merdre,” he whispered. It seems that the good father had forgotten that he had left his keys in the car that he had long abandoned back on the road. He had to get inside the house, that’s where all stuff is! That and one really needs to use the internet to buy and plan trips overseas. His options were to either, walk back to the car that he long abandoned and then make the long walk back in the middle of the night, or to knock on the neighbor’s door and ask for shelter until the morning for a locksmith to come over and unlock the doors. The priest long and hard about what was he going to do next. The priest took a deep breath in and released, smashing the front window of his house with a big rock.Bookmark here

Before entering him home with a freshly broken window he checked his surroundings to see if anyone had heard the glass break before committing the entering part of his breaking and entering offence. Luckily the priest lived in a neighborhood where nobody cared or really valued their sleep more than the fact that person living a few yards away is getting robbed and/or potentially being violently maimed.Bookmark here

Not so luckily was that he saw that the light in his kitchen was turned on. So, the priest cleared the glass on the windowpane and climbed through it into the living room to investigate the kitchen. From the fire place, he picked up the fire poker and leaned against the wall, if someone was in his home it certainly was not someone living there; the priest didn’t enjoy sharing a room back in college nor did he enjoy sharing a home where he’s not allowed to play a tuba commando at 3 PM in the afternoon. He poked his head out the opening to peer into the kitchen and not a soul in sight. That’s odd, he thought, he didn’t remember leaving the kitchen lights on before he left his home this morning. He lowered the fire poker and entered the kitchen, relaxed and confused that the lights were on no one home.Bookmark here

“Sure is empty here-“Bookmark here

“MERDRE!” the priest yelled. He immediately jumped turned around and stabbed into the dark. A loud tearing noise was heard! The fire poker had pierced something! The priest gasped realizing that he might have killed someone! The priest backed in horror, he was haunted by the possibility that someone might find out, the dread that he would be forced to do paperwork! If he had to go through the bureaucratic hell while the timer of this planet runs out!Bookmark here

“Wow, even when you do an unspeakably sinful act, it’s always you, you, you.”Bookmark here

The voice had come from behind- “Merdre!” it was the child again! “How in the Almighty do you keep appearing out of nowhere?”Bookmark here

“I dunno.” He took a big sip out of the box beverage in his hand, “maybe I’m a manifestation of your guilt brought into a psycho physiological manifestation?”Bookmark here

The priest grab the fire poker, which was actually stabbed into the couch in the living room, raised his arm holding the heavy fire poker, and dropped his arm onto the child.Bookmark here

To which the creepy as sin child said, “No! No! No! Don’t hurt me!” crouching and towering in fear of the fast-approaching rod.Bookmark here

The priest stopped his arm right before the barb slammed into the child’s cranium, a hair’s distance away from bashing the child’s face in. The room was so quiet that you could hear the cold slow beating heart of the priest being drowned out by the child’s rapidly beating heartbeat that sounded like the wingbeat of a hummingbird that had down a sip of water laced with a brick of pure cocaine. That is to say, it was just a continuous humming sound followed by silence. The boy stood there, as if frozen in time with his mouth open and eyes permanently staring into the distance.Bookmark here

“Merdre… I guess I killed someone this time,” commented the priest, “luckily it’d be impossible to link me to the murder this way.” He dropped the fire poker back into the pile of fireplace tools and walked upstairs, that travel suitcase certainly was going to fill itself.Bookmark here

The priest bought a ticket, booked a hotel, packed his clothes, and a steel suitcase for his bills. All he had to do now was wait. It’s been a long night; however, he was far too awake to sleep and far too tired to do anything extraneous. So, he walked downstairs, picked up the child, threw him onto an armchair and turned on the television where he watched a late-night movie. It was a movie about a child psychologist whose patient can talk to the dead. Unfortunately, he had fallen asleep long before the ending was revealed.Bookmark here

A few hours later, dawn has cracked through the dark clouds and the priest had awoken bright and early. He got up and looked at the armchair to he threw the child onto. Still frozen stiff. Perhaps the priest had mis underestimated how fast rigor mortis would actually set in. He checked his watch, a short few hours before his plane departs. He called up a taxi, showered, shave, and merde and was ready to spread the word of the Almighty to the less unfortunate that had serve him mai tais and flavored liqueurs.Bookmark here

But before the thought of, “I should check on the child before I leave” came across his mind, the door bell rang. Now who would be at his place at this time of day, which was- he checked his watch, 5:40 AM? Bookmark here

Through the eye hole, he peered out to find a mass of people crowding at his door. “Merdre!” he cursed under his breath. He forgotten that he had a 5AM Medr- Mass!Bookmark here

“Okay!” he thought to himself, “Maybe if I don’t answer the door, maybe they’ll think I’m not home and go away.”Bookmark here

“Almighty Father, we know you’re in there.”Bookmark here

“No they don’t,” he assured himself.Bookmark here

“Your window is broken and we can see you.”Bookmark here

He turned towards the open window and see that the flowing curtain gave him away.Bookmark here

“You see nothing,” he replied, and moved out of sight. Bookmark here

There was pregnant pause.Bookmark here

“We know you’re still there!”Bookmark here

“Merdre.” The priest took a deep breath and looked out the shattered window and asked the crowd, “What do you guys want?”Bookmark here

The crowd was large as they filled the entire front lawn. However there was person in the crowd spoke for them all, “Father Carlin,” he started, “we have come far and wide across town, after seeing the video of your little episode.”Bookmark here

“And pray, my children, what is this video you speak of?”Bookmark here

The person brought up a video on his phone titled, Drunk Priest Interrupts Choir to Talk to the Almighty LOL LMAO >v<, a video recording of his wild episode with over 100,000 views and several remixes recommended videos on the side.Bookmark here

“Well, my child,” replied the priest, “I can assure you that event was entirely fake and I did have a lot to drink. So. You can all go home.”Bookmark here

The crowd was not moved on this.Bookmark here

“Okay. What do you people actually want?”Bookmark here

“Is it true that the world will end two days?”Bookmark here

“I jus- It was a lie people! The world is not going to end! It was just a prank!”Bookmark here

“Father Carlin, we know that’s a lie. The Almighty spoke to you and we want answers.”Bookmark here

“Oh,” the priest said. Which in reality translated to, “When Joanne of Dark claims that she’s communicating with the Almighty, she gets burned at the stake. But when I have a drunken rambling with the ceiling it’s suddenly holy and I’m a messianic figure! My children, I know that it is impressive, but my holy rod is not a radio receiver to Heaven!” However, the congregation of the flock do not speak the language of that which comes out of the bull. “I see what you desire, my children. For I am a man who has a personal relationship with the Almighty. But rest assured that the Almighty sees all and knows all. He has a mission for all of us!”Bookmark here

“Okay, but that’s fine and all. But, can you answer some questions for the Almighty for us?” The man unrolled a long sheet of paper that dropped to the ground, rolled around the entire crowd before strolling down the block, onto incoming traffic, down the rails, to the railyards, and followed a river to the ocean. However, even then the list did not stop rolling despite being lost in the ocean.Bookmark here

Eyes jutted from his head and mouth agape. The priest couldn’t believe his eyes and asked, “um, my child, how did you manage to make a list that long? And in such a short time I might add?”Bookmark here

“The local newspaper let us use their printing press.”Bookmark here

“Of course. How long is this going to take?”Bookmark here

“I dunno, we still got a few more printing.”Bookmark here

“I see. Um, why not just read aloud everything from the list and I’ll take that list and ask the Almighty what he thinks, alright?”Bookmark here

“But how will you remember what the question was?”Bookmark here

“I have a really good memory.”Bookmark here

“Well, alright then.”Bookmark here

The man started to read off the list of questions. Immediately the father turned off his hearing aid not wanting to deal with this train wreck.Bookmark here

“You know you can’t tune out the world forever.”Bookmark here

The priest nearly jumped, hearing the voice of the child again. He was tempted to turn around to see if the child was still in a state of death and rigor mortis. However, all eyes were still on the priest as he listened to this menagerie of a forum.Bookmark here

“All of these people have come here for your guidance and wisdom, and yet you refuse or try to skirt by them.”Bookmark here

The priest fought the urge to turn around.Bookmark here

“Don’t you feel guilty? You claim to be the man of the Almighty yet you act so very sinful and no virtues. What would Kenye say if he were still around?”Bookmark here

“What would Kenye do?” the priest thought to himself. Suddenly a beam of light shone down on the priest as the morning sun broke through the clouds. The priest suddenly had an idea to solve all his problems.Bookmark here

He turned on his hearing aid and announced, “My children! I have the solution to solve all of our problems and the answer to all of our questions!” He turned around and saw the child laying on the floor and conscious, only able to move his mouth. He walked towards the child.Bookmark here

“Wait, what do you think you are doing? Stop!”Bookmark here

The priest grabbed the child and held him up in the air and announced, “My children! The Almighty has deigned this child as a sin against mankind! He must be purged otherwise we are doomed! REPENT! REPENT!”Bookmark here

“What the feck are you doing?!” yelled the child, “Let me go!” He kicked his legs wildly, gaining feeling and control of his legs through sheer force.Bookmark here

“Do not fall for his childish appearance! For he is a wolf in sheep’s clothing beyond saving!”Bookmark here

“He’s lying! This guy’s a mad man!” The child’s arm flailing around.Bookmark here

“Who are you going to believe my flock? Me or your eyes?! Hurry before he takes form!”Bookmark here

The crowd was riled. Suddenly they were motivated to kill a child in the name of the Almighty. They picked up tiki torches and pitch forks that they conveniently brought and lit them aflame. Conveniently the taxi finally arrived in front of the house, just in time!Bookmark here

“I cast thee into the fire!” the priest threw the child into the crowd to suffer fire brimstone, falling atop of the grassy lawn.Bookmark here

“THIS ISN’T WHAT KENYE WOULD DO!”Bookmark here

“It is historically!” the priest yelled as he grabbed his travel luggage, documents, and suitcase full of money into the taxi, “YEETUS!!”Bookmark here

The priest left the child at the mercy of the mob, or what little they had, and headed towards the country in the East.Bookmark here

In his ear the priest heard, “FATHER FECKER!!”Bookmark here

“Ouch!” the priest winced in pain, “what in the name of-“Bookmark here

“You can’t escape me, father! I will haunt you to the ends of the planet! I will make the rest of your life a living hellscape!”Bookmark here

“And pray tell, would get you to halt your advance of so?”Bookmark here

“Give me half the money in your suitcase and I’ll stop!”Bookmark here

He looked at the suitcase and thought about it. Ultimately, he said, “No. I think I will not.”Bookmark here

“Then I will expose your secret!”Bookmark here

“My child, if you think even I cannot expose myself, what makes you think you’d be able to convince a flock of self-important people that what they believe is a lie! In my long years I’ve learned that the people would rather believe in a lie that’s so outrageous that they will go out of their way into believing it is true rather than accept the blatant fact that they’ve been wrong then entire time! It is a sad fact of life that I wish were not to be true. People want simple straight answers that they don’t want to work towards solving themselves. They want justice in a chaotic world. They want to be saved from the sins they commit and commit again immediately afterwards! I am tired of it. I’ve had enough of it! If these people aren’t willing to pull the wool from their eyes after it’s been made so obvious, then I cannot save them! I am not their daddy!” The priest took off his hearing aid and bent over in the car seat and whispered to himself, “Almighty, you may send my soul to the depths of the inferno, but I was already in the fire and brimstone long before I got there.”Bookmark here

A day later, the priest had finally arrived, the smell of burning wood and construction wafted through the air. He felt melancholy. For a long time he had always wanted to come here, but the chance never presented itself. But now that everything was going end, he was going finally going to enjoy himself.Bookmark here

He got onto a bus and watched the sun fall towards the horizon. The blue sky faded into a reddish orange, the clouds trailing towards the distance, flushed with the falling sun. He got off and ended up at a beach, far far away from his hotel. He watched the last sun fall on the horizon and thought to himself, Bookmark here

If he can walk on water, do you think he can swim on land?Bookmark here

He gave a hearty laugh and opened his suit case and let all the money fly into the sea. He got up and followed the money.Bookmark here

Then nothing happened.Bookmark here

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