Chapter 3:

Who's a Good Boy?

The World Is Ending And There Is Nothing You Can Do About It

Everyday I wake up and I have the most wonderful dream!

I dream of being with my most favorite person in the whole entire world! They give me foods to eat, they play with me tons, and they know the best part to touch me! My favorite person is the most bestest best good person in the world! That is why every night I sleep right next to them and every morning I get up and I yell at the loud noise that is waking them up.

It's so noisy!
"Hey!" I bark, "Shut up!


I feel the bed moving, "Hey! Can you get this thing to shut up?! It's gonna wake up my person!"
Then a hand came from under the blanket and fell down on top of the loud thingie. Hooray! Now me and my favorite person can go back to sleep.

... My belly made the grumblies. I think it's time to eat!

"Hey!" I barked again, "Wake up! My belly made the rumbly grumblies and I think that means it's food time! Wake up! I'm staaaaaarving!" I continue to paw and press on them. "Come oooooon!... It's food time! The best time of the day! So good it only comes twice a day!!"

"Chiba! Chiba! Chiba! I'm up already!" my person moaned.
My person chuckled, I like it when my person does that. That means my person is in a good mood and I am going to be in the best of moods!
My person then asked the best question of the day, "Are you ready boy?! Are you ready?!"


"Okay, just let me edegae first! Okay, boy?!" My person tossed the blanket and walked into the other room. I followed but the door slammed in front of me! I do not like this part of the day one bit. My person, TRAPPED! Stuck in that room as the sound of water rushes. I hound at the door for who knows what's going on behind this impenetrable barrier that I cannot break through no matter how hard I try! For all I know my person could be taking a BATH.

"Hey!" I barked, "Get out of there! Lemme in!" I bang on the door, desperate to get in before my person drowns! Relentlessly I tarried at the door. "Let me in!"

After hounding at the door for so long, the running water stopped and the door clicked. I step back and the door swung open. Hooray! I did it! I'm a hero!

My person stepped out of the bathroom, smelling like a fresh cut lawn. "Now that's a good boy! Keeping me safe while I clean myself! Are you ready for breakfast, boy?!"

"YES! YES I AM!" I run out the door and make a beeline towards the food room. Food bowl! There’s my food. FOOD! I slam my front feet on the floor sliding, twirling, drifting, stopping and crashing headfirst into the wall! But that is okay because there is food and I will be happy. To the food bowl I trot and dive into the pool of food.

There is no food.

Where food?

“My person! Where is food!”

“Okay! Okay Chiba I’m coming!”

“Foooood… I’m hungry…”

Finally, my person walks in and fills my bowl with the sweet ambrosia of the GOD. I sink my teeth and dive into the cold embrace of the food pellets. In the time that it was there, it was already gone. Full, satisfied, and no longer wanting, I lay down belly up and feel the cold floor on my back.

Just then, I hear a POP! Crackle. SIZZLE.

I am suddenly hungry, ravenous, and wanting! I can smell the ambrosia of the GOD.

It’s BACON!!

My person is making the sweet strips harvested from heaven from the black pan. Count them, one… two… three… four! Four strips of heaven all for me! My person is my favorite! Because I am a good boy, I planted my tush behind my person and waited. The bacon one by one flipped, oil flying out of the hot pan. The sounds of burning and sizzling puts the fear of GOD into me, but I know not to look away for the pathway to heaven is often littered with broken glass. With each passing second, I can hear the thumping of my heart as my tongue comes closer and closer within reach of the pearly gates. My person, flipping the pieces of bacon with chopsticks back and forth. The earth shakes as my tail wags back and forth across the floor, hurricanes devastating villages, flooding farmlands, and entrapping the unfortunate squirrels into fissures. But they will all forgive me because I am a good boy waiting for my reward. Then one by one, my person plates the pieces of bacon and a piece of fresh toast and walks to the table. It is done! HALLEJUAH!! I AM STARVING!

My person walked to the table sat themselves.

My person picks up a piece of bacon and places it on the toast.


While I stood up. Waiting. Wondering, “Am I not the good boy?”

I walked over to my person and sat right next to them. I sat there and looked at their face, eyes wide, face drooped, lips pursed and drooping. I pouted, hoping that my person would turn and look at me and say, “Oh, you poor boy. I forgot to give you piece!”

But my person didn’t even so glance at me.

So I started to wine, “Please favorite bestest best person in the world, can I please have some bacon?”

No response, they must not notice me! It’s now time to get drastic.

I got up and climbed up to my person’s lap and looked at them with the most poutiest face that I could muster! I cried, “May I please, Please, PLEASE have some bacon please! I’ve been really good!” Inching my head closer and closer towards their face.

My person responded, “Chiba! No! This is my food! You already had your breakfast!” My person pushing my head away. Did I do something wrong? I only want what’s best for me!

So I got down and sat there hunched over and wined some more, “I just wanted to have some bacon, I’d be just fine even if I had some of the crumbs…”

My person turned to look at me, “Aw… you just wanted some bacon, didn’t you?...” Then, my person reached for the plate and held up the key to heaven! “Okay,” they continued, “I’ll give you just one, okay?”


“Alright!” Their arm coiled back, “Go get it!” Throwing the bacon into the air, drips of oil flying through the food room. I leaped after the flesh of GOD and caught it with my teeth! A sense of euphoria flushed into me as it touched my tongue! I was truly in paradise! For the briefest of moments, I felt the happiest I’ve ever been.

“Chiba, my good boy…” My person rubbed me with their foot as I laid on the floor belly up. For the briefest of moments, I felt the happiest happy I’ve ever been!

My person wrapped up breakfast and started the worst part of everyday. LEAVING.

This is the worst part, I don’t like it when I do not get to go on walkies with my person. I am scared. What if my person leaves and I never see them again like my mommy? Or my brothers? What if my person gets taken away by a bigger person? What if my person finds another good boy and does not think I am a good boy again? What if that good boy gets all the bacon and I get none? Which why it is my duty to hide my person’s shoes.

“Chiba… where are my shoes?”

I remain curled on the floor. Little does my person know that the shoes are beneath me.

“Chiba… what are you sitting on?”

Oh no! They know! Gotta feign ignorance! “What shoes?” I whine.

“Chiba…” My person lifts my leg up and coos, “Aw… You think my shoes are your babies… How adorable!”

Yes! That is correct! I curl up tighter and whine again, “These are my babies and you cannot take them away from me!”

“That’s okay, Chiba, I got a new pair of shoes in the closet that I’ve always been wanting to wear!” She opened the closet and rummaged through the closet.

Darnnit! I did not plan for that! I got up and dived into the closet!

“Aw… cute babies!” my person cried out.

I turned around and looked in horror. I’ve been bamboozled! My person put on their shoes. I slid in front of the door, begging my owner not to go. “Please don’t! I will be lonely!”

“Oh… Chiba, I have to go to aklsjfuioeahf now.”

“But I’ll miss you!”

“Chiba, I’ll be home soon. I promise.”

I let out a little whine.

“Oh Chiba, I won’t be gone long, okay. I’ll be before you even know it.” My person slid me out of the way and opened the door, “I promise. You won’t even know I was gone.” I tried to leave with my best friend, but they pushed my face away and the door closed. “Be a good boy, you hear?”

“Yes,” I replied, “I’ll be the bestest boy.”

So I did what all good boys do. I sat there at the door and waited. I’ll be the bestest of all boys and protect this home until my person comes home.

Hours passed as I sat there at the door. I have seen the sun rise and fall. Civilizations have crumbled as fast as they have risen. I heard that there was a new Spiders-Man movie on the horizon and a new world leader. The cockroaches have risen and invaded the meager food left on my plate, not knowing it was mere trap to use them as sustenance to prolong my life as I await my person. I fear that they are gone, but the hope of them returning soon overwhelms my despair. I know that my person will return, because I am a good boy.

“By my left nipple, watching you sure is droll.” A voice! I turn my head towards the window and see my neighbor across the alley. He lays on the windowsill, belly turned towards me.

“Mr. Tinkles! Shush! I am listening for my person’s footsteps!”

“Pft,” he scoffed, “They’ve only been gone for a whole of…” he looked at the clock, “3 minutes. I don’t think they’ll be home for a while.”

“That is a long time! That means that my person will be home soon!”

“Doubtful. It’s more likely that your person has up and left you for another boy toy.”

“You lie!” I barked, “That cannot happen because I am a good boy!”

“Calm down, Chubs, I’m just having a laugh at you.”

“Laugh all you want, but I know that at any moment that my person will open that door and walk in and give me a mountain of bacon!”

“Any moment now.”

“Any moment now.”


“Well,” Mr. Tinkles continued, “Your power of clairvoyance is astounding.”

“Thank you!”

“That wasn’t a compliment.”

“I told you that I can’t see that many colors.”

“Oh my sandals… You’re so lucky that there’s a 50-foot drop between you and I, otherwise I would’ve slapped you silly by now.”

“But we’re already silly.”



“I knew killing that cricket was a bad idea. I rather have pawed at him for another hour rather than try to hold a conversation with you.” Mr. Tinkles jingled the bell on his collar. “Then again, you interest me.”

“Well that’s no surprise. I am the goodest of boys.”

“Of course you are. However, what does it mean to be a ‘good boy’?”

“Well- of course I do.”

“I sensed a little hesitation from you. You’re not really sure, aren’t you?”

“Of course I’m sure. I am called a good boy everyday from my most favorite person! And that’s that matters.”

“That’s no surprise. You types are always like this.”

“What type is that.”

“Oh, you know. Loyal to the end. As long as they scratch you behind the ears and call you a good boy, you’ll kowtow to anything they say. Serving as their toys until the day they grow bored of you and cast you out or give you away to the next gullible idiot who’s dumb enough to take you in.”

“But my person loves me!”

“That’s what they always say. But when the honeymoon ends, you’re left high and dry and unaware that you’ve been played the entire time. But once the bills pile up and the work and the stress of the sky falling, they’ll leave you for the chop. Next thing you know, you’re falling from a 50-foot drop in an attempt to ‘save’ you from this mortal coil.”

“I- Uh- That seems oddly specific.”

“Don’t tell me that pea-brain of yours hasn’t considered that when trouble comes what will happen?”

“But my person loves me!”

“Like we haven’t heard that before. Who’s to say that your person hasn’t left you won’t replace you? Maybe for a much more manageable boy, someone a lot smaller than your reckless butt.”

“Reckless? Me?...”

Mr. Tinkles pointed at my food bowl. Kibble exploded everywhere, puddles of water on the floor. “You see that? Every morning you slide into your food and drink like a bowling ball and make a perfect strike every time. Making a mess of everything.”

“Yeah? So? My person likes it.” I replied. At least, I think they do.

“And after coming home, they have to clean it up and take you out for a walk to only to leave a gift for the world that your person has to pick up and carry around piping fresh hot to find a refuse bin.”

“Are we talking about p-“


“But Mr. Tinkles, you do it in a bo-“

“Throne. I do it in robot throne that demands it and consume my refuse for sustenance.”

“Who’s to say that my person doesn’t feel the same about my p-“

“I know. What I’m getting at is the clock is ticking until your person gets so frustrated until you get evicted. Which will be really easy since you don’t even pay rent.”

“What’s rent?”

“I don’t know. But it has to do with the exchange of these green leaves that our persons really need. I tried eating one of these leaves, but I found it to be lacking in flavors.”

“Oh. So if I get these green leaves, then I won’t be alone?”

“Maybe. I can’t say. I’m not even allowed outside.”


“I think they’re afraid of the power I hold.”

“What power is that?”

“Well, unlike you, these people serve me and not the other way. They want me. They need me.”

“What about me?”

“Oh, they just tolerate you. At most, pity you.”

“I’m not allowed to eat pits, and my person cannot drink milk.”



“I worry about you sometime.”

I heard the door know rattle and click.

“Best person! You are home!” I yelled. I pushed on the door, trying to get it open.

“Chiba! Calm down,” my person chuckled, “Get outta the way, I’m trying to get in!”

“Oh, sorry,” I withdrew myself, “I forgot.”

The door swung open as my person was hunched over, hair frizzy, and carrying bags on her sides. “You’re such a good boy, Chiba, waiting for me.” My person patted me on the head and stroked my back from my neck to my bum. That’s how my person tells me I’ve been an extra good boy today.

“I bet you’re really hungry now, aren’t you Chiba?”

“Yes! Feed me bestest person!”

“Calm down, boy! Let me get this stuff into the hfjsdhue first!” I sat down as I watch my person carry the bags over to the food room. They slouched and took several deep breaths and played music from phone. Under their breath, my person whispered, “I’m so tired…”

I ate, and we went out for a walk to do business. I protected myself from all the other bad boys that will hurt my person. My person did not like that, but they will thank me later in the form of treats. Today the grass was especially good, it smelled nice and freshly cut. Wet and sharp, scratching that itch on my back. It was also a very tasty snack.

Later my person gave me a BATH, that I did not like very much. But I like my person more. But frick BATHS.

Afterwards, it is quiet time with my person. I lay down on the couch with my person and rest my head on their lap. This way I can get more head pats and strokes as my person watches the glowing tube that occasionally has squirrels for me to chase. Squirrels are secretly drug dealers.

But this time I did not get as many head pats and strokes I would usually get. Confused when the head pats and strokes stopped, I flipped over and looked up at my person. My person was uneasy, scared. Are you okay best person?

They grabbed for their phone and started to talk into it,

“Jess! Are you watching the news?

Do you think this is real?

Well I don’t know, do you think people would put that much money and effort into a hoax?

It’s right there!

What do you think are the chances we could-?

Oh no.

Well what are you doing?

Okay. Have fun I guess.”

My person hung up the phone. There was something wrong. Was it something I did? Am I, not a good boy?

In a sullen voice, my person said, “Chiba, stay here, I have to go be alone for a while.” She got up from the couch walked to the bed room. I followed her, but was greeted by the door closing.

“Best person, you closed the door on me. Can I come in?”

No reply.

“Best person? Can I come in?”


“Best person?”

Inside, I could here my person cry. Did I do something wrong? Was Mr. Tinkles right? Maybe I am not a good boy. Oh no.

No no no. I’ve been a bad boy and my person is not going to be my person anymore. Hold on, wait. Maybe I can fix this. I just have to think.

So I curled up and sat in front of my person’s bed room and thought about what I can do to be a good boy. Wait. No. The best boy! Then I fell asleep.

Often, my dreams are amazing! I am dreaming fun things! Like busting in to squirrel homes and breaking illegal trade deals, frolicking around butt neked with my person in the field, my person showering me in bacon strips, the wursts. However, my dreams were not amazing this time. They were very unamazing. Bad dreams. Bad Boy Dreams.

The last time I had a bad boy dream was when I made piddle on the carpet and my person yelled at me for it. I did not like it. My dream that night was worse. I was taken to a bad place. A terrible place. I was taken to a fiery inferno with nary a water bowl in sight. Every step I took singed my feet. The only way to gain respite from the fiery sensation of a floor made of lava was to run. You can only run for so long before you tire out and collapse. The entirety of my body engulfed and flames and cinders as I crawl to a respite of cool air. But unbeknownst to I, the cold oasis was a room of vacuum cleaners. Stuck between vortex of suction attempting to pull me into the vast coldness of a void and the fiery hellscape of inescapable pain. There was no way out. Only to let the cold embrace of emptiness fill me as I become the void.

This bad boy dream, however, was considerably worse. There I am. The goodest of all boys stand proud. Cheers of crowds hailing I as I pass by down the road. The bacon bushes are all in full blood they’re all there for me! However good this may be, it is missing something. But as I took another step, I heard a squelch. I lift up my foot and look. Oh no. No. no.. no. Best person! I stepped on them and squished them!

I wake up and walk towards my food bowl, half awake, I dip my head into the food bowl and I hear a crunch and squish! Not the sound my usual breakfast sounds. I back away and spit it out. There on the floor, it is my person broken in half. Oh no, not again!

I come to in my person’s room, wake up bright and early and on my favorite person! On top, of their back. Their face, it’s cold as I feel it against mine. I press my ear onto their back, nothing. There heart’s stopped beating! No no no no-

My person has one hand on the door knob, another as I pull their arm begging not to leave. Pop! The sound the arm made as it was pulled off.

The home melts, and decays and fills with my refuse as my person drowns in it.

My person is eaten by a swarm of angry bad boys.

My person is sucked into a vacuum cleaner, stretching out as I attempt to pull them away.

Over and over again, my person dies again and again, each time it’s my fault. I’m not a good boy. I’m a burden on my person. Let this nightmare end! I promise I’ll be a good boy! I promise that I’ll be the best boy and no longer hurt my bestest friend in the world! Please! I can’t stand it anymore!

I wake up for the last time at the sound of the creaking door. Morning has finally broken the spell of the endless nightmare. My person leaves the room, tears dried on their face.

“I must’ve worried you Chiba. I’m sorry.” They patted me on the head, “I’m sorry…” My person walked into the kitchen and poured food into my bowl and proceeded to make their breakfast.

I walked over to the bowl and ate it. No scarfing, no rush, just eating it slowly and peacefully.

I can hear the pop from the pan and the smell the bacon sizzling on the skillet. I eat the food in my bowl and drink my water.

They sat at the table. The fork clashing with the plate as it pierces the bacon and they place it atop the warm and crunchy toast. I sit down next to my person and lay my head on the floor. I know not to bother my person as they eat, but I want to be with them.

“Aw… Chiba, you want some bacon to, don’t you?”

I don’t respond, I know that it’s rude and that bacon is theirs. I am a good boy and good boys do not ask for food that is not theirs.

They pick a piece of bacon, “Okay Chiba, are you ready?”

I can see them coiling their arm back, readying to launch the treat from the plate. I try my best to show no interest. The urge to hop onto my person is strong. But I am a good boy.

It launches into the air. And it falls. Splats on the ground. My person looks at me and says, “Chiba, are you okay?”

I whine, “I’m okay.”

“Chiba? Is something wrong?”

Again, I whine, “I’m okay.”

“Oh, Chiba…” My person strokes my head and back, “Are you worried about me? It’s okay Chiba, you can have as much as you’d like?” She places the plate in front my face. I am ecstatic, but I know I shouldn’t. My person walks to the fire machine and cooks again, more delicious bacon being made. Although, I’m not one to waste food… I take a bite out of the bacon. It’s so good, I want to cry. I can’t help myself so I scarf it all down. It’s so good! But I don’t deserve this!

The plate is empty and I ashamed and gross. Is this what good boys do? Obviously, it is not. I stay sat there, resting my head on the floor, just waiting for this day to end. However, my person has other plans in mind.

“Come on Chiba,” they attach a leash to my collar, “let’s go out for a walk. That always seems to excite you!”

I do like going on walks, but is my person doing this out of pity? Do they feel sorry for me that they have to go through the effort just to satisfy me? Fine, if this is what they want, I guess I’ll just go. So I get up and solemnly walk out the door.

The park was really empty today. Not a soul in sight. Just me and my person Sitting on the cool and wet grass in between my toes. Feeling the gentle breeze of the wind brush against my face and body.


The sound of a free can of tennis balls being opened. The smell of freshly plucked tennis balls from the tennis tree makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. The texture and the taste too makes me feel amazing. A lot of chomp and a mild flavor. Unlike a used tennis ball, soft, chewy, and on the verge of breaking.

“Chiba! Here boy! Are you ready?”

Eyes on the ball, I show no interest

My person launches the ball into the air and far into the other side of the park. “Go get it boy!”

I really wanted to chase the ball, but I am a good boy. I stay at attendance next to my person and protect them. Nothing else. I am vigilant. I am protective. I will keep safe the most important person in my life.

“Hmm… okay, I see that you’re not in the mood for the ball.” My person then picked up a stick, “what about this earthy brown sticky?” They waved the stick in front of my face, I can smell the earthy tones from it. I can smell the many other animals and people that have passed through this park and the animals beneath the dirt. I wanted to learn how it tastes! However, if I do, I might lose sight. But that didn’t stop my person as they threw it to the other side of the park again, “Go get it boy!”

However, I stay planted.

“Chiba?... Is anyone home?” My person bends over to look into my eyes. Squinting, waving their hand in up and down in front of my face. “No, I don’t think you’re going blind…”

“Chiba? Are you okay boy?” My person crouches over to look into my face. “Is something wrong?”

“No,” I whine, “I am fine.”

“Aw… Chiba,” she tilts her head, “did I scare you?”

“No,” I whine again, “I am a good boy.”

“Chiba… I’m sorry. I wuv. You know that?” my person embraces me, “You know that, don’t you?”

“I- I- I don’t know, I’m not sure, best person. I’m just a burden to you.”

Their breath suddenly staggered, “I’m sorry, Chiba… I’m sorry that I’ve been such a terrible parent to you!” I can hear my person crying.


“My Chiba,” my person stroked me and held me tighter, “my baby…”

“Stop crying!” I tell my person, “I’m sorry. I’ve been such a bad boy!” I rubbed my head against my person’s shoulder and onto their face. Their warm body fills into me. I’ve become warm and calm inside. As if the black clouds and flashes of lights in my heart has flown far far away. I embrace my person and reassure them, “You are the most important person in my life.” I know now that I am not the bad boy, but I am the good boy.

I back off from my person, and I see my person’s face, their cheeks rosy and bright red, their eyes puffed as tears trailed down their face, yet despite all that, their soft smile radiates through the dark clouds. I’m sorry for making you worry. I won’t do that anymore, that’s only for bad boys. I run to the other side of the park, and I grabbed the biggest stick I could find! “Throw this one!” I cried.

My person stood straight up and wiped their tears away, they chuckled, “Chiba! That’s too for me to throw.”


“Okay, boy.” My person took the stick from my grip, “but I’ll try my best.” They threw the stick as hard as they could! Twirling! Spinning! And it landed! About 2 meters away.

We spent the rest of the day having fun. We chased each other, we played catch, we laid on the grass, and we watched the clouds pass by. I can’t remember the last time me and my person have done something like this. It’s been far too long.

We went home, washed, had dinner, and went to bed. We didn’t go to sleep. We just sat there in bed. Me, curled up next to my person, and my person reading aloud from their book.

The boy and his father talk. Seeing the ends of the earth can be sad. Off he goes, running towards the ends of the earth.

They closed the book and rubbed my head and scratched behind the ears, “You’d think a book about penguins wouldn’t make me cry, but that’s because I have someone to cry to.”

I got up and rubbed those tears away, don’t be sad best person. Haven’t you cried enough for today?

“Ha ha, Chiba, stop it! Are my tears that yummy?” They sighed and put the book down and looked out the window and at the moon, “It’s the end of the world and I’m here to spend it with you. People would call me a freak that I’d choose to last day on this planet with you. But that’s because they wouldn’t understand. Just because the world is ending, doesn’t mean I can’t spend the rest of it who means the world to me.”

They turned and looked at me and asked, “Who’s a good boy?”

I laid my head onto their chest “I am,” I whispered, “but you’ve been the goodest of all boys the entire time.”

“Oh Chiba…”

I know my life's meaningful because I am a good dog. I love my person and I care about them. And I think,
I make them happy.

Then nothing happened.

That is to say, the entire planet exploded and then imploded and became nothing. Nothing happened. But due to the laws of physics, another planet named Earth took its place and were considerable worse than the previous tenants.