The Lady and The Knight

…So I had to put away my booze, send my recliner to the shadow realm, and chuck my invitation to lala land all the way to the back of my house. Only to wait for this nut for ten extra minutes! What kind of loser is this guy, it shouldn’t even be so hard to find the way here. Even a child could do that, so what’s taking him so damn long!?!

*Rustle*

I found myself sighing hearing rustling from the bushes in front of me, finally this idiot made-

*Crash*

I found myself unable to speak, not only did it take the dullard extra time to get here, this idiot tripped! I fought back my urge to laugh. I might be mean, but I’m not evil. That’s when I noticed the attire of my visitor, they were wearing a full suit of armor. The helmet of the armor was wrapped with a thick piece of cloth, is that a blindfold? After I finished accessing the guy, the poor sap finally began to move. He started picking himself up, and held his head.

“Ouch! That was a pretty bad fall, I’m gonna have a bump later for sure. Wait a moment, is that lake water I hear?”

The knight stood himself up and began unwrapping the blindfold from around his visor. After his sight returned he looked around at the scenery, slowly he noticed me sitting at my table.

“Is that the Lady of the Lake? Which means, Yes! I made it!”

Immediately the knight began jumping for joy, like he made the discovery of a lifetime. Hey buddy, it wouldn’t have taken so long to find me if you didn’t wear that damn blindfold. What’s worse, you ruined my relaxation time. You know what, I won’t give you time to relax. Up and at em’ asshole!

“Um, excuse me? Can I help you with something?”

“Hmmm? Oh, I’m terribly sorry! I’ll be right over!”

Heh, the shy voice always works with these kinds of men! Now then loser, what is it that you want? The knight began trudding through the lake to get over to me. When he finally reached me, he bowed as gracefully as he could.

“My apologies for the wait and the sudden appearance, I’m one of the new cadets of the knights of Pendria. It’s an honor to meet you, Lady of the Lake.”

Oh yeah, Pendria is the major kingdom here on the Logress continent. It’s also the closest kingdom to my lake, because of that they have a ritual of sending their knights here from time to time as a sign of good will. Then if I like some of them I grant them my “Blessing”. Heh, haven’t done that in sixty years. Well, time to follow tradition and play my part.

“I see, nice to meet you brave knight. I hope the trip wasn't too difficult.”

“Not at all, although I’ve been searching for three days straight.”

…Huh? Three days? It took him three days to find this place? How the hell did it take him so long!?! There’s a village ten minutes from here with proper directions!

“Uh, Lady? You seem a bit perplexed, are you alright?”

“Ah, my apologies. If you don’t mind me asking, did you have trouble finding the way?”

“Oh! Well, in all honesty I did have some trouble.”

You call an aimless search for three days some trouble? Mind you Pendria is half a month away from here, and that’s by horse travel. Unless he’s stationed at a neighboring town, adding the day it took him to find me, that’s seventeen to twenty days! Why would he-Hold on, don’t tell me.

“Sir knight, if I may ask, why did you wear a blindfold during your search?”

“Oh, it’s because of the Ceremony of the Lake! The knights have to find your sanctum while blindfolded, as a sign of faith.”

I’ve never had such a ceremony, meaning this guy got lied to. Damn, I knew the knights had hazing rituals, but this is a little too much. They even brought my name into this, I know one thing for certain I’m not letting that s*** slide. Still…

“How far are you from here?”

“Oh, I’m stationed in Strauss so five days away. I apologize again, the trial proved to be difficult with the addition of the blindfold. Everytime I found a body of water I thought I found this place, but I only found dejection upon realizing I failed. I think what really got me was how we can’t sleep until we found this lake.”

Can’t sleep, this guy went all this time without sleeping! Dammit, I wanted to bully this guy, but I can’t! Just look at this sorry bastard! I can’t help but pity him, doesn’t he have any friends who got his back. Jeez, why does this leave the nastiest taste in my-

….Hey, [ ] why are you crying?

*Sniff* Sis, the others made fun of me again.

It’s okay, come here, I’ll make you your favorite crown so don’t be sad.

“Knight, come close to me.”

“Huh? My Lady, I-I don’t believe I deserve such a right.”

“D-Don’t get the wrong idea you dummy! Just move in front of me and bend a knee.”

I dropped my facade for a moment so the guy looked taken aback, but he moved in and kneeled all the same. I reached out my hand and touched his head.

“State your name.”

“My name is Art-Uh, Artie! Yes, my friends called me Artie!”

“Then heed my words Artie. From here on I, The Lady of the Lake, bequeath onto you my blessing. As you have proven yourself worthy, may you keep your head held high through floodwaters and your mind calm in times of trepidation!”

My hand began to glow a blue hue, a sign that the blessing had been conferred. After granting Artie his blessing, I gave him permission to stand. As he did I could immediately see the difference in his demeanor.

“I feel amazing, my fatigue from going three days without sleep and my pain from tripping so many times in the forest! It’s all gone, even my armor looks cleaner! Thank you so much My Lady!”

“It’s only natural to reward good work, just remember to prove yourself worthy of the blessing I’ve bestowed to you.”

With that, Artie started making his way back happily, but not before mentioning some other knights would be showing up. Excellent, that gives me the opportunity to drown the bastards who used my name. Before that though, there’s something I need to do!

****

“Where the f*** are they!”

I looked everywhere to find the Poca leaves I had thrown before. I found the remains of the jar, but not the herbs. Meaning they either blew away, or some animal got them. No let’s not jinx it, what kinda animal would even-

“What the hell?”

I found myself stunned at the sight of a bear wobbling through the forest, its butt bouncing like it was doing a jig. Soon it fell over and rolled onto its back, a smile visible on its face. You’ve gotta be kidding me, I ran up to make sure I wasn’t seeing things. I wasn’t, the bear was high off his ass. He was high off my s***, the s*** I was planning to smoke myself. I immediately grabbed a nearby rock, and let’s just say I solved my meal plans for the next few days.