The Lady and the Dunce

“Alright, the good news is that I’m settling back into the swing of things.”

It’s been a month since Artie visited me, since then knights have been coming to greet me more often. After the fourth sap showed up I told them to start sending groups. Now everyday around lunchtime I get greeted by someone, and if I’m lucky they may bring an offering. I hope that they bring me more food, because I have no money whatsoever. Wait, I’m the Lady of the Lake, can’t I just demand people give me free s***. Interesting, I’ll remember this for my next shopping spree!

*Rustle*

Looks like someone’s approaching the forest entrance, time to get ready to greet the next loser.

****

“I swear just where the hell is that guy?”

I decided to be nice and help him since he got placed on stable duty for his misconduct, then he repays me by ditching me. Actually, I don’t know that for sure. He said he was gonna use the bathroom and come right back, so for all I know-

“Screw that, that lousy son of a jackal ditched me!”

I finished combing the mane of my horse and giving her a biscuit, after that I walked out of the stables and bolted straight to the tavern close by. As soon as I reached the doors I barged in.

“You Leech! How dare you leave me to handle your work!”

The customers and my fellow knights stared at me for a moment, then they got back to enjoying themselves. I guess that’s one way to feel like a complete and utter jackass. I would’ve hid my face in my hands, but my helmet covered my face. Suddenly I could hear laughter coming from a table close by, I looked over to see my group drinking.

“Aye, Tristan! Come drink with us bud!”

“Sorry lads, I’m too busy looking for you know who.”

“Aw shucks, and that dame wanted to get to know you better too!”

My squad mate pointed his mug to a blushing barmaid cleaning one of the tables, she was awfully cute but now’s not the time to be accompanying a woman!

“If I started mixing business with pleasure I would be no different than him.”

“Well s***, I guess I’m out of three silver.”

“Three silver? Wait, don't tell me!?!”

“Yep, he said If I could stall you until he got back, he was gonna pay me.”

That little bastard, so for the past hour while I was cleaning horse s*** he was off partying! Wait, he’s been gone for two hours now. Where is he?

“Hey, you wouldn’t happen to know-”

“He went to meet the Lady of the Lake.”

“....Crap.”

Considering his antics, my friend might end up dead.

****

I began my usual routine, as always this guy will get a prim and proper lady. Although I find it a bit strange, the footsteps of my next gent seem a bit exaggerated compared to the others. I wonder what kinda guy this is gonna be? As soon as a said that, the footsteps I picked up entered a hurried pace and bursting out the bushes came-

“Why Hello There M’Lady!”

There he stood, a knight wearing a helmet and all. Holding a bouquet of my own flowers in his hand, also is that a bread basket with wine? Did this guy show up here to seduce me? I found myself blinking nonstop and in that time the prick closed the gap between us and took a seat in one of my chairs. He sat across from me, right fist one his chin, like he was admiring a fine painting. A dunce, this man is a dunce.