The Lady and The Dame Knight

So there I was, sleeping on the floor. At least the pillows make it better, but it’s not comfortable enough! Damn you Dunce, I swear next time I see you, I’m shredding you limb from limb. There I lay tossing and turning, trying to get comfortable. I would pull a bed out to sleep on, but I’m too lazy for that. Hopefully I can get some sleep before my day starts again.

*Rustle*

Goddamn birds.

*Rustle*

I’m trying to sleep!

*Rustle Rustle*

“Will you shut the fu-”

I was shocked to realize it was already high noon, and my next greeter was here. He was in front of my altar, bowing on the ground. Three different baskets sat next to him, listen buddy it’ll take more than some gifts to-Is that Shaffont Hasson shampoo! Okay, maybe we can talk. Noticing my gaze, and my outburst aside, the knight raised his head just a little.

“I-I am so dearly sorry, My Lady! I apologized for my friend’s behavior, it's clearly left you feeling distressed.”

Such trembling, and that vocal pitch is a little high. Was I that scary?

“Don’t worry about it, just tell Dunce to watch himself.”

“...You mean Lanny? I mean, Lancelot right?”

Lanny? Oh, this guy did say they were friends. Immediately he stood up and dusted off their armor. Then he got in position to greet me.

“My name is Tristan, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Lady of the Lake.”

Tristan? Hmmm, I don’t know, the pitch of his voice changed a bit but I can still hear it. While I thought of it, Tristan moved toward me with gifts in hand. Even the way he walks, yep that proves it. Upon realizing “Tristan’s” secret, he finished moving to me.

“I hope these gifts are to your liking, I brought some fresh fruits and other goods.”

“Those are some nice bottles, you must know your stuff.”

“Yes, my family owns a vineyard. These are actually some of our products, I hope you enjoy them!”

“I will, also I must say you have a good eye for women's products!”

“Why yes, the concealer works especially good for hiding blemishes. Also that shampoo, I was a fan of Hasson before, but I didn’t know they held back weapons like this.”

“I know right!”

“Yes, it makes hair so- I mean, my mother told me how good it works!”

…Your pitch changed again Tristan, looks like you’ve got your work cut out for you. After having a little more conversation, Tristan asked how bad Dunce was. In reaction to my tale-

“Please kill me…”

“Come now, it’s not that bad!”

“I can’t believe he tried to sleep with the Lady of the Lake, please if there’s anything I can do.”

“Tell him to bring peanut butter next time.”

“Deal.”

We shook on it, and Tristan stood up to leave. However, I can’t let my new pal go without, now can I?

“Wait Tristan, take this.”

“Hmmm, is that a pearl?”

In my hands was a sapphire blue sphere the size of a walnut, seeing that Tristan began to protest.

“My Lady, I can’t except anything so valuable from-”

“It’s not a jewel, it’s an audio stone for your voice.”

“My voi-Crap! I’ve been caught!”

Tristan started panicking, I couldn’t help but giggle.

“Don’t worry, I’m not gonna tell.”

“...But I deceived you, are you really fine with this?”

“Yep, and make your steps heavier. Your movements are too light, as for payment for this. Come talk to me sometimes, alright.”

“Okay, thank you My Lady. Since you know my secret, I’ll show my true self around you!”

With that Tristan walked off with glee, but not without my last words.

“Good luck with your man!”

“Wha-We’re just friends! Lady! You’re a big bully!”

With that Tristan left, godspeed to you Dame Knight.

****

I can’t believe I got found out, was it really that obvious? I made it back to the inn we were staying at, now that greetings are done we’re gonna start heading back. Right before I could enter through the tavern-

“Dear god, Tristan! Please help me!”

“You seem to be loving your new job, poop patrol!”

I was curious just how mad Lanny made the Lady of the Lake, because yesterday I found him head first in a pile of horse dung. After pulling him out, he cried for three hours straight. Speaking of three, even three baths couldn’t get rid of the smell! Due to that, and the fact that the captain had to pay to get his bathtub cleaned, Lanny was placed on waste duty at the stables. Making his smell even worse.

“Tristan please, I got to rid myself of this smell. I got to!”

“Why is that?”

“Please don’t make me say it!”

“Oh Lancelot!”

I looked over to spot a woman wearing a revealing purple dress, oh I get it. He has another date today, doesn't he?

“Why hello there Jennifer, can’t wait to see more of you later!”

“I can’t wait to see my big strong man too!”

After winking at one another, Jennifer walked away with a provocative hip sway. So while I was handling horse manes yesterday, he was chatting it up with whores! That’s it now I’m mad!

“So Tris-”

“Go have fun with your broads.”

“Tristan please, you saw her right. I gotta find some way to cap yesterday’s failure, please Tristan! Do it for your childhood friend!”

I froze for a moment, then I remembered a scene from when we were kids. How we promised to become proud knights in the future, and so many other things. I looked back at him, his helmet was on but I could sense the grin on his face.

“Goodluck, maybe some stronger s*** will void the stench!”

“Tristan, wait! You Traitor!”

The only traitor here is you, I sighed as I walked inside and began moving towards my room. The others spotted me moving upstairs and called out for me.

“Tristan! Come relax with us! The girls want to see that handsome face of yours again!”

“S-Sorry, I can’t! The Lady of the Lake has tuckered me out!”

I ran upstairs and to my room, gods this armor is so damned hot. I need to cool off, screw it! I'm taking a bath and heading straight to bed. I got in front of the changing mirror that came with the room. I took off my helmet, revealing my doll-like face. I sigh as I start taking my amber red hair out of its pony tail, letting it free. I squinted my teal eyes at the mirror, my eyes are baggy, I gotta sleep more. I took the audio jewel out of my pocket, up till now I used excuses but now I have a cover. Although, I feel like using this would be admitting I lost. I started removing my other armor pieces and stretched for a moment in my small clothes, I then looked at myself in the mirror again. That made me start thinking of Lancelot and his precious Jennifer. Dammit, Lanny you-

“Dumbass, you always focus on all these women! Don’t you notice I’m right here in front of you!”

Realizing how loud I was being, I covered my mouth with both hands. I started turning red, only to remember how the Lady of the Lake found me out.

“You’re such a dummy, even she could tell I’m a girl!”

I grabbed a towel and went to wash off, the heat from the bath didn’t hide my embarrassment. I found myself laying in my nightgown that night. Then I remembered that right now, that Dunce was probably shacking up with his Jennifer. I grabbed my Pillow and began beating it, pretending it was my so-called childhood friend.