Hope - Part 2

*Phone buzzing

My alarm… Oh wait, what year is this… 2020. 1st April. I’m back!

I should call Eiji and see what happened in this year, if anything changed. If Sachi is alive.
It’s 07: 33 right now, he will probably be up. If not, my call will wake him up

*Calling Eiji

“What is it? Why are you calling?” (Eiji)

“I am back from first year”

“What do you mean?”

“Last night, when I went to sleep, I woke up a year before. In 2018. You know that we weren’t sure if I go back or not. Well, I did”

“Oh… We knew that you would go back to first year after second, but didn’t know when it would happen”

“What? How?”

“Sachi told us, since you have talked with her in first year about it”

Takahashi: oh… so everything I did in the first year did affect the future, I wonder what else changed. I should ask about Sachi

“Tell me, where is Sachi?”

“She died…”

“Huh… but… what happened? How? Plane crashed?”

“No, you told us that the plane crashes, train was the better option. So, she took the train to Kyoto”

“What happened to the train?”

“The railroad switch got stuck and the two trains crashed into each other…”

“What the hell… that is not possible”

“Yeah, we don’t understand either, but that’s what happened”

“When did it happen?”

“On 28th December”

Takahashi: so Sachi is still dead… and the date changed. And she did get on the train… where’s Aoi?

“Where’s Aoi?”

“She’s still in Ichikawa, she said she will come one week late to school”

“Why did she go to Ichikawa?”

“Because you broke up with her for no reason”

Takahashi: so that didn’t change at all. Even though Aoi knew what was happening with me. Why didn’t she wait? Whatever, Sachi is still dead. I don’t want to hear anything else

“I’m starting to understand what happened. When you went back to the first year, you made changes, right?” (Eiji)

“Yeah, but I didn’t change much so the future didn’t change at all. Just events occurred differently. When I was in second year, Sachi took the plane and it crashed. At that time, Sachi told me that in first year, I told her to don’t come to Tokyo”

“But we only know that you told her to not take the plane but take the train instead”

“Yeah… but whatever. Nothing changed. Sachi is still dead”

“Hey, how___”

*Takahashi hung up

*Phone buzzing

Ughhh, stop calling I don’t want to talk eiji… *puts phone on silent

Aaaahhh… what do I do now? My only choice and still nothing. Now I can’t even go back probably. Unless something happens at the end of third year, but I don’t think anything will happen. No point in waiting another year in hope that I will be able to save Sachi. There’s nothing I can do now. She won’t come back now. She’s gone… forever…

It’s 07: 43 right now, I should be getting ready for school, but I don’t feel like going. It hurts so much that I want to cry but I can’t. It just keeps hurting. I can’t even breath properly… it feels so heavy, and yet no tears… why?

I should go to school; it will help me keep my mind off things. And it’s not like I’ll be alone. Hina and Eiji will be there and Aoi will be coming back in a week.

(After reaching school)

There’s Eiji and Hina. I should go say hi

“Good morning guys!” (Takahashi)

“Morning Takahashi” (Eiji and Hina)

“Have you checked your names yet?” (Takahashi)

“Not yet, we were waiting for you” (Eiji)

“Oh… then let’s go”

“Yeah…”

Eiji: Takahashi seems weirdly fine… something is wrong

Eiji went to see the name list.

“Takahashi… You are in 3 - C”

“Ok… just me?”

“Yeah…”

“You and Hina?”

“Me and Hina’s name is in 3 - E”

“Oh…”

Takahashi: I’m alone this year… it’s fine. Maybe Aoi will be in my class.

“Takahashi, are you okay?”

“Yeah... Yeah, I’m fine. Don’t worry”

“Okay… we’ll meet in recess then”

“Yeah… bye”

“bye”

(In class)

Takahashi: I have to spend the whole year like this… I don’t know anyone in this class. And I can’t make new friends. Last year, Eiji and Hina approached me. I can’t talk to people myself… and the way I’m feeling right now… I don’t even want to be in this class. This is worse than I thought.

(During recess)

“How are you feeling Takahashi?” (Eiji)

“I’m fine”

“Really?”

“Yeah, it’s ok. Even if I am alone in my class, I still have recess. I can meet you guys like this every day. Don’t worry. I’m over Sachi. I know I can’t do anything now and I just have to accept what happened”

“Yeah, I’m glad you are fine.”

“Thanks for asking”

Takahashi: of course, I am lying. I don’t want them to worry about me. And even now I can’t stop thinking about Sachi. Everything I do reminds me of her. Right now. How we ate lunch and did stuff in recess… I can’t do this. school is just going to make me more dead from inside. I need a change…

(After school)

Right now, I am walking back home with Hina. And it used to be me, Sachi and Hina… I need a break from everything. Maybe after a week I will be fine. And Aoi will be back too… but I spent a whole year without Sachi, I don’t know why it is hurting so much now… maybe because I expected her to be alive when I came back from first year. I shouldn’t have kept my expectations so high.

This Park…

(Hina looks back as she notices that Takahashi stopped walking)

“Sachi?” (Hina)

“Yeah…”

“You want to go in?”

“No… it will hurt more. I should walk from here (Takahashi starts walking forward, Hina follows)”

“you’re not fine, are you”

“I’m fine, really. just that the park was where we got close, so I just remembered that”

“Takahashi, your eyes are filled with water”

“(Wipes eyes with hand) ah… something went in…”

“Don’t force yourself to be strong, you can cry if you want. I know it hurts.”

“What’s the point of crying? She won’t come back…”

“To ease the pain. What else. Yes, she won’t come back but at least it won’t hurt like it did before”

“…”

Hina: he’s trying too hard to look fine… Sachi would probably know what is going through his head right now

“Don’t worry, I’ll be fine. It just happened recently, so the memories are still fresh” (Takahashi)

“I see… well, if you ever want to talk about something, just call Eiji or me… don’t suffer alone”

“Okay, I will… thanks for caring…”

Hina: Today, he was weirdly nice… what is going through his head?

Takahashi: stupid… starts crying Infront of everyone… what could I have done anyways. At least I shed a tear. I haven’t been feeling anything expect pain lately, this park reminds me a lot of her. Maybe I should stay away from here.

“I’ll be turning this way” (Takahashi)

“Okay… take care. Bye”

“Bye”

(At home)

I can’t stop thinking about Sachi… it’s killing me, I have got a headache too now… I should sleep. Maybe I will feel better after I wake up

(Next day)

*Phone buzzing

It’s my alarm for waking up for school… should I go or not? I shouldn’t but for some reason I want to… I’m going, it’s better than staying home and doing nothing. And I don’t even have a reason to stay home.

(After school)

They are both being really nice to me, and I hate that. I told them that I am fine… even though I’m lying. Maybe that’s why… they can see that I am not fine. But whatever, they can’t bring Sachi back, so it doesn’t matter. I’m going back to my home anyways. No one will bug me there.

(At home)

I’m not going tomorrow at all. I need a break; school reminds me of her a lot so it’s better if I stay away. I’ll go on Monday, maybe Aoi will be back too.

I feel like screaming, I am angry but at no one… I just want this pain to go away. I can’t even sleep unless I get tired of staying awake for too long and go to sleep. Even if I start watching anime, I’ll just turn it off… and no matter what I do, that Park kills me the most. Maybe I should start working where Eiji did again, that way I won’t pass through the park every day. Yeah, on Monday, I will ask him if I can start working there again.

(Next day)

WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING HERE?!?!?! I thought I would stay home… this is bad. I already can’t bear the pain I’m feeling. And today again I will go through everything again. The periods without Sachi, recess without Sachi, going home without Sachi, And the Park… when did I get so obsessed with her? Why? She was just a friend… it shouldn’t have hurt that much. And this is worse than middle school. Because I liked her… and Aiko was just a friend... a fake friend. 

I want to go home; I can’t stay here. It’s okay, I can still go back. The first period hasn’t started yet… No… the teacher entered the class… now I can’t go back home now… UGHHHHHH… OK… just today… then tomorrow is Saturday, I don’t have school anyway. I won’t come here.

(The next day)

*Phone buzzing

Huh… it’s my alarm for school… why did it go off… today’s Saturday. 

Ugh, I have set it to every day… stupid me… I think I didn’t get much sleep. I should go back to sleep.

I have been laying on bed for some time now… what is it now? 09: 44… 2 hours and I couldn’t sleep. I should get up. And put my phone to charge, it’s at 4%. (Gets up from bed) where did I put my charger last time? oh it’s there, on the studying table. I wonder what will happen if I touch the connector on my tongue… (Touches) of course it wouldn’t do anything, it’s not even plugged in right now. I should go wash my face. I need to eat something.

Oh… I forgot to close the window last night. It’s open. (Closes the window) can my head break this window? Maybe… I won’t know until I try… What the hell am I thinking. I should wash my face and eat something, maybe I will feel better after that

(In the kitchen, around 10: 00)

Mom’s not home right now… I wonder where she went this early in the morning. I have to make something for myself. I’ll just eat bread… I don’t know how to cook anything.

Just bread doesn’t taste good at all, I need something to put on it. Peanut butter… yeah, that will do… a knife to spread it with.

Now what do I do? I have to spend two days like this… don’t feel like doing anything but have been forcing myself to do everything important… maybe I will be fine in some days.

Just bear the pain…

I should put the peanut butter and knife back where I got it from (Grabs peanut butter and then knife with the same hand, Knife slips through his hand) Fuck… my foot. (Sits on a chair) this will hurt a lot… the little finger is starting to bleed. I should get a tissue… Shit… I can’t walk, it hurts. I should try walking around with my left foot. Shouldn’t put pressure on my right foot or it will bleed more. I have to go back up… okay… just with my left foot and right heal. This is annoying, why did I have to grab both of them in the same hand… well whatever, I just need to go clean the blood and put a bandage on it, the cut isn’t that deep so it will be fine.

(After getting the bandage and sitting on the bed)

This bandage… I remember at the start of second year, I got a cut from Shinichi. Sachi applied bandage on that cut... I thought if I stay at home, I might be able to forget her…

but just now, for some time, I was focused more on my foot than anything else, and that felt a little better. Maybe…NO, stop thinking like that. Just put the bandage and lay down.

*Phone buzzes

Aaah… I’ll have to get up to get my phone… it’s not that far, I should get up…

It’s Eiji’s message… should go back to bed first, don’t want to stand for long.

To Takahashi: how are you doing today?

I’m just going to say I’m fine. Don’t want to talk to anyone right now

To Eiji: I’m fine.

Come to think of it, I never checked my chat with Sachi, what if that changed too…

Oh… I didn’t spam here. HUH… where is the chat I had with her when I met her the last day? Wait, maybe she called instead of text. I should check the call log. 27th December… I didn’t call anyone that day? What happened? We didn’t meet? She just disappeared without anything now? I should ask Eiji before coming to conclusions

*Calling Eiji

“Eiji, how did she go away?”

“What do you mean how?”

“She just disappeared without telling anyone?”

“No, she told us that she had to move early than 2nd January”

Takahashi: she told everyone this time? what did I change… I thought nothing would happen, I didn’t change anything… but I guess it doesn’t matter much, she cared about everyone this time… but it still hurts… I tried to tell how I feel that time… that didn’t happen at all then… FUCK!

“Takahashi, what happened before? Tell me”

“When I was in second year, a day before she had to leave, she messaged me that she wants to meet me alone. Just now I was checking my messages with her. And I noticed there’s no chat with her related to that”

“Oh… that was important to you I guess”

“Yeah… A LOT. I tried to tell her how I feel at that time”

“So, you guys weren’t in a relationship?”

“Huh…? Relationship?”

“Yeah, Sachi confessed during cultural festival. You both were in a relationship since then.”

“Nothing like that happened in my memory…”

“She didn’t love you before?”

“She had the same feelings for me, but we never committed to each other. We were just friends”

“I see”

“I’m hanging up…”

*Takahashi hangs up

There are a lot of changes than I thought… Sachi was my girlfriend? What did I do… how did I get so close to her that she confessed… I just told her about the situation I was going through. That shouldn’t have affected anything.

it’s not that I’m mad or anything. I’m just confused, how much did she change me that I accepted her… what was I like? I don’t want to hear anything from the past. Everything turns out to be something I just can’t accept or understand. Everything just hurts me more. I’m going to… going to… WHY… What the fuck happened? I want to know… but whatever it is. In the end, Sachi still stays dead… what do I want, another chance? No, I just want to forget about Sachi… I should watch anime… maybe that will make me think about something else.

No… I just can’t… I don’t want to do anything. I can’t sleep. “AAAAAAAAAAAAA” (Takahashi punches the wall on his left side) Fuck that hurt… but felt good at the same time.

What’s the point of waiting for Monday? I will go to school, but this pain will remain. And I will find out more about the second year I didn’t go through, and it will just kill me more. Why not just end myself right now… can I? it would feel so good when I stop feeling anything at all. Yeah… this is the only way to stop this excruciating pain in my chest.

No… What about Eiji and Hina? What will they think… and Mom… No, I can’t kill myself. That would be really stupid. I should wash my face and maybe go for a walk… or I should call Eiji… Yeah. I shouldn’t be alone right now…

Ahh, this foot. I can’t walk right now… it still hurts when I put it down. Should I call him? I don’t want to talk to anyone right now… I should wait till my foot heals. Then maybe go out for a walk. It’s 11: 03 right now.

It’s 11: 32 now and... I just cannotstopthindvvatafvyisfpdusfisgfidug……

a rope…………. where will I find it... tch… my foot, doesn’t matter… I just need a rope. Should check the kitchen…

not here… maybe the storage room…

this one… wrapped around the box, this will do

these stairs again… my foot hurts a lot

I need a chair… (takes the chair in front of the studying table)

I hope this rope is strong enough to hold a body for some time… I should stop hoping, doing it once is already going to kill me now… 

now I have to tie it to the ceiling…

Loop it around my neck…

Tighten it…

Tie a knot

There… all set... now I just have to kick the chair…

*Kicks the chair

This is much (1) more painful (2) than a cut (3) … (4) but this will surely (5) help me get rid (6) of this pain in (7) my …… (8) …… (9) chest… (10) maybe I shouldn’t (11) … (12) what if I just drop (13) unconscious … (14) …… (15) and they take (16) me to the (16.56)