Chapter 16:

Hope - Part 2

Skipped a Beat

*Phone buzzingBookmark here

My alarm… Oh wait, what year is this… 2020. 1st April. I’m back!Bookmark here

I should call Eiji and see what happened in this year, if anything changed. If Sachi is alive.
It’s 07: 33 right now, he will probably be up. If not, my call will wake him upBookmark here

*Calling EijiBookmark here

“What is it? Why are you calling?” (Eiji)Bookmark here

“I am back from first year”Bookmark here

“What do you mean?”Bookmark here

“Last night, when I went to sleep, I woke up a year before. In 2018. You know that we weren’t sure if I go back or not. Well, I did”Bookmark here

“Oh… We knew that you would go back to first year after second, but didn’t know when it would happen”Bookmark here

“What? How?”Bookmark here

“Sachi told us, since you have talked with her in first year about it”Bookmark here

Takahashi: oh… so everything I did in the first year did affect the future, I wonder what else changed. I should ask about SachiBookmark here

“Tell me, where is Sachi?”Bookmark here

“She died…”Bookmark here

“Huh… but… what happened? How? Plane crashed?”Bookmark here

“No, you told us that the plane crashes, train was the better option. So, she took the train to Kyoto”Bookmark here

“What happened to the train?”Bookmark here

“The railroad switch got stuck and the two trains crashed into each other…”Bookmark here

“What the hell… that is not possible”Bookmark here

“Yeah, we don’t understand either, but that’s what happened”Bookmark here

“When did it happen?”Bookmark here

“On 28th December”Bookmark here

Takahashi: so Sachi is still dead… and the date changed. And she did get on the train… where’s Aoi?Bookmark here

“Where’s Aoi?”Bookmark here

“She’s still in Ichikawa, she said she will come one week late to school”Bookmark here

“Why did she go to Ichikawa?”Bookmark here

“Because you broke up with her for no reason”Bookmark here

Takahashi: so that didn’t change at all. Even though Aoi knew what was happening with me. Why didn’t she wait? Whatever, Sachi is still dead. I don’t want to hear anything elseBookmark here

“I’m starting to understand what happened. When you went back to the first year, you made changes, right?” (Eiji)Bookmark here

“Yeah, but I didn’t change much so the future didn’t change at all. Just events occurred differently. When I was in second year, Sachi took the plane and it crashed. At that time, Sachi told me that in first year, I told her to don’t come to Tokyo”Bookmark here

“But we only know that you told her to not take the plane but take the train instead”Bookmark here

“Yeah… but whatever. Nothing changed. Sachi is still dead”Bookmark here

“Hey, how___”Bookmark here

*Takahashi hung upBookmark here

*Phone buzzingBookmark here

Ughhh, stop calling I don’t want to talk eiji… *puts phone on silentBookmark here

Aaaahhh… what do I do now? My only choice and still nothing. Now I can’t even go back probably. Unless something happens at the end of third year, but I don’t think anything will happen. No point in waiting another year in hope that I will be able to save Sachi. There’s nothing I can do now. She won’t come back now. She’s gone… forever…Bookmark here

It’s 07: 43 right now, I should be getting ready for school, but I don’t feel like going. It hurts so much that I want to cry but I can’t. It just keeps hurting. I can’t even breath properly… it feels so heavy, and yet no tears… why?Bookmark here

I should go to school; it will help me keep my mind off things. And it’s not like I’ll be alone. Hina and Eiji will be there and Aoi will be coming back in a week.
Bookmark here

(After reaching school)Bookmark here

There’s Eiji and Hina. I should go say hiBookmark here

“Good morning guys!” (Takahashi)Bookmark here

“Morning Takahashi” (Eiji and Hina)Bookmark here

“Have you checked your names yet?” (Takahashi)Bookmark here

“Not yet, we were waiting for you” (Eiji)Bookmark here

“Oh… then let’s go”Bookmark here

“Yeah…”Bookmark here

Eiji: Takahashi seems weirdly fine… something is wrongBookmark here

Eiji went to see the name list.Bookmark here

“Takahashi… You are in 3 - C”Bookmark here

“Ok… just me?”Bookmark here

“Yeah…”Bookmark here

“You and Hina?”Bookmark here

“Me and Hina’s name is in 3 - E”Bookmark here

“Oh…”Bookmark here

Takahashi: I’m alone this year… it’s fine. Maybe Aoi will be in my class.Bookmark here

“Takahashi, are you okay?”Bookmark here

“Yeah... Yeah, I’m fine. Don’t worry”Bookmark here

“Okay… we’ll meet in recess then”Bookmark here

“Yeah… bye”Bookmark here

“bye”Bookmark here

(In class)Bookmark here

Takahashi: I have to spend the whole year like this… I don’t know anyone in this class. And I can’t make new friends. Last year, Eiji and Hina approached me. I can’t talk to people myself… and the way I’m feeling right now… I don’t even want to be in this class. This is worse than I thought.Bookmark here

(During recess)Bookmark here

“How are you feeling Takahashi?” (Eiji)Bookmark here

“I’m fine”Bookmark here

“Really?”Bookmark here

“Yeah, it’s ok. Even if I am alone in my class, I still have recess. I can meet you guys like this every day. Don’t worry. I’m over Sachi. I know I can’t do anything now and I just have to accept what happened”Bookmark here

“Yeah, I’m glad you are fine.”Bookmark here

“Thanks for asking” Bookmark here

Takahashi: of course, I am lying. I don’t want them to worry about me. And even now I can’t stop thinking about Sachi. Everything I do reminds me of her. Right now. How we ate lunch and did stuff in recess… I can’t do this. school is just going to make me more dead from inside. I need a change…Bookmark here

(After school)Bookmark here

Right now, I am walking back home with Hina. And it used to be me, Sachi and Hina… I need a break from everything. Maybe after a week I will be fine. And Aoi will be back too… but I spent a whole year without Sachi, I don’t know why it is hurting so much now… maybe because I expected her to be alive when I came back from first year. I shouldn’t have kept my expectations so high.Bookmark here

This Park…Bookmark here

(Hina looks back as she notices that Takahashi stopped walking)Bookmark here

“Sachi?” (Hina)Bookmark here

“Yeah…”Bookmark here

“You want to go in?”Bookmark here

“No… it will hurt more. I should walk from here (Takahashi starts walking forward, Hina follows)”Bookmark here

“you’re not fine, are you”Bookmark here

“I’m fine, really. just that the park was where we got close, so I just remembered that”Bookmark here

“Takahashi, your eyes are filled with water”Bookmark here

“(Wipes eyes with hand) ah… something went in…”Bookmark here

“Don’t force yourself to be strong, you can cry if you want. I know it hurts.”Bookmark here

“What’s the point of crying? She won’t come back…”Bookmark here

“To ease the pain. What else. Yes, she won’t come back but at least it won’t hurt like it did before”Bookmark here

“…”Bookmark here

Hina: he’s trying too hard to look fine… Sachi would probably know what is going through his head right nowBookmark here

“Don’t worry, I’ll be fine. It just happened recently, so the memories are still fresh” (Takahashi)Bookmark here

“I see… well, if you ever want to talk about something, just call Eiji or me… don’t suffer alone”Bookmark here

“Okay, I will… thanks for caring…”Bookmark here

Hina: Today, he was weirdly nice… what is going through his head?Bookmark here

Takahashi: stupid… starts crying Infront of everyone… what could I have done anyways. At least I shed a tear. I haven’t been feeling anything expect pain lately, this park reminds me a lot of her. Maybe I should stay away from here. Bookmark here

“I’ll be turning this way” (Takahashi)Bookmark here

“Okay… take care. Bye”Bookmark here

“Bye”Bookmark here

(At home)Bookmark here

I can’t stop thinking about Sachi… it’s killing me, I have got a headache too now… I should sleep. Maybe I will feel better after I wake upBookmark here

(Next day)Bookmark here

*Phone buzzingBookmark here

It’s my alarm for waking up for school… should I go or not? I shouldn’t but for some reason I want to… I’m going, it’s better than staying home and doing nothing. And I don’t even have a reason to stay home. Bookmark here

(After school)Bookmark here

They are both being really nice to me, and I hate that. I told them that I am fine… even though I’m lying. Maybe that’s why… they can see that I am not fine. But whatever, they can’t bring Sachi back, so it doesn’t matter. I’m going back to my home anyways. No one will bug me there.Bookmark here

(At home)Bookmark here

I’m not going tomorrow at all. I need a break; school reminds me of her a lot so it’s better if I stay away. I’ll go on Monday, maybe Aoi will be back too. Bookmark here

I feel like screaming, I am angry but at no one… I just want this pain to go away. I can’t even sleep unless I get tired of staying awake for too long and go to sleep. Even if I start watching anime, I’ll just turn it off… and no matter what I do, that Park kills me the most. Maybe I should start working where Eiji did again, that way I won’t pass through the park every day. Yeah, on Monday, I will ask him if I can start working there again. Bookmark here

(Next day)Bookmark here

WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING HERE?!?!?! I thought I would stay home… this is bad. I already can’t bear the pain I’m feeling. And today again I will go through everything again. The periods without Sachi, recess without Sachi, going home without Sachi, And the Park… when did I get so obsessed with her? Why? She was just a friend… it shouldn’t have hurt that much. And this is worse than middle school. Because I liked her… and Aiko was just a friend... a fake friend. Bookmark here

I want to go home; I can’t stay here. It’s okay, I can still go back. The first period hasn’t started yet… No… the teacher entered the class… now I can’t go back home now… UGHHHHHH… OK… just today… then tomorrow is Saturday, I don’t have school anyway. I won’t come here.Bookmark here

(The next day)Bookmark here

*Phone buzzingBookmark here

Huh… it’s my alarm for school… why did it go off… today’s Saturday. Bookmark here

Ugh, I have set it to every day… stupid me… I think I didn’t get much sleep. I should go back to sleep.Bookmark here

I have been laying on bed for some time now… what is it now? 09: 44… 2 hours and I couldn’t sleep. I should get up. And put my phone to charge, it’s at 4%. (Gets up from bed) where did I put my charger last time? oh it’s there, on the studying table. I wonder what will happen if I touch the connector on my tongue… (Touches) of course it wouldn’t do anything, it’s not even plugged in right now. I should go wash my face. I need to eat something. Bookmark here

Oh… I forgot to close the window last night. It’s open. (Closes the window) can my head break this window? Maybe… I won’t know until I try… What the hell am I thinking. I should wash my face and eat something, maybe I will feel better after that Bookmark here

(In the kitchen, around 10: 00)Bookmark here

Mom’s not home right now… I wonder where she went this early in the morning. I have to make something for myself. I’ll just eat bread… I don’t know how to cook anything. Bookmark here

Just bread doesn’t taste good at all, I need something to put on it. Peanut butter… yeah, that will do… a knife to spread it with. Bookmark here

Now what do I do? I have to spend two days like this… don’t feel like doing anything but have been forcing myself to do everything important… maybe I will be fine in some days. Bookmark here

Just bear the pain… Bookmark here

I should put the peanut butter and knife back where I got it from (Grabs peanut butter and then knife with the same hand, Knife slips through his hand) Fuck… my foot. (Sits on a chair) this will hurt a lot… the little finger is starting to bleed. I should get a tissue… Shit… I can’t walk, it hurts. I should try walking around with my left foot. Shouldn’t put pressure on my right foot or it will bleed more. I have to go back up… okay… just with my left foot and right heal. This is annoying, why did I have to grab both of them in the same hand… well whatever, I just need to go clean the blood and put a bandage on it, the cut isn’t that deep so it will be fine. Bookmark here

(After getting the bandage and sitting on the bed)Bookmark here

This bandage… I remember at the start of second year, I got a cut from Shinichi. Sachi applied bandage on that cut... I thought if I stay at home, I might be able to forget her…Bookmark here

but just now, for some time, I was focused more on my foot than anything else, and that felt a little better. Maybe…NO, stop thinking like that. Just put the bandage and lay down.Bookmark here

*Phone buzzesBookmark here

Aaah… I’ll have to get up to get my phone… it’s not that far, I should get up… Bookmark here

It’s Eiji’s message… should go back to bed first, don’t want to stand for long. Bookmark here

To Takahashi: how are you doing today? Bookmark here

I’m just going to say I’m fine. Don’t want to talk to anyone right nowBookmark here

To Eiji: I’m fine.Bookmark here

Come to think of it, I never checked my chat with Sachi, what if that changed too…Bookmark here

Oh… I didn’t spam here. HUH… where is the chat I had with her when I met her the last day? Wait, maybe she called instead of text. I should check the call log. 27th December… I didn’t call anyone that day? What happened? We didn’t meet? She just disappeared without anything now? I should ask Eiji before coming to conclusions Bookmark here

*Calling EijiBookmark here

“Eiji, how did she go away?”Bookmark here

“What do you mean how?”Bookmark here

“She just disappeared without telling anyone?”Bookmark here

“No, she told us that she had to move early than 2nd January”Bookmark here

Takahashi: she told everyone this time? what did I change… I thought nothing would happen, I didn’t change anything… but I guess it doesn’t matter much, she cared about everyone this time… but it still hurts… I tried to tell how I feel that time… that didn’t happen at all then… FUCK!Bookmark here

“Takahashi, what happened before? Tell me”Bookmark here

“When I was in second year, a day before she had to leave, she messaged me that she wants to meet me alone. Just now I was checking my messages with her. And I noticed there’s no chat with her related to that”Bookmark here

“Oh… that was important to you I guess”Bookmark here

“Yeah… A LOT. I tried to tell her how I feel at that time”Bookmark here

“So, you guys weren’t in a relationship?”Bookmark here

“Huh…? Relationship?”Bookmark here

“Yeah, Sachi confessed during cultural festival. You both were in a relationship since then.”Bookmark here

“Nothing like that happened in my memory…”Bookmark here

“She didn’t love you before?”Bookmark here

“She had the same feelings for me, but we never committed to each other. We were just friends”Bookmark here

“I see”Bookmark here

“I’m hanging up…”Bookmark here

*Takahashi hangs upBookmark here

There are a lot of changes than I thought… Sachi was my girlfriend? What did I do… how did I get so close to her that she confessed… I just told her about the situation I was going through. That shouldn’t have affected anything. Bookmark here

it’s not that I’m mad or anything. I’m just confused, how much did she change me that I accepted her… what was I like? I don’t want to hear anything from the past. Everything turns out to be something I just can’t accept or understand. Everything just hurts me more. I’m going to… going to… WHY… What the fuck happened? I want to know… but whatever it is. In the end, Sachi still stays dead… what do I want, another chance? No, I just want to forget about Sachi… I should watch anime… maybe that will make me think about something else.Bookmark here

No… I just can’t… I don’t want to do anything. I can’t sleep. “AAAAAAAAAAAAA” (Takahashi punches the wall on his left side) Fuck that hurt… but felt good at the same time. Bookmark here

What’s the point of waiting for Monday? I will go to school, but this pain will remain. And I will find out more about the second year I didn’t go through, and it will just kill me more. Why not just end myself right now… can I? it would feel so good when I stop feeling anything at all. Yeah… this is the only way to stop this excruciating pain in my chest. Bookmark here

No… What about Eiji and Hina? What will they think… and Mom… No, I can’t kill myself. That would be really stupid. I should wash my face and maybe go for a walk… or I should call Eiji… Yeah. I shouldn’t be alone right now…Bookmark here

Ahh, this foot. I can’t walk right now… it still hurts when I put it down. Should I call him? I don’t want to talk to anyone right now… I should wait till my foot heals. Then maybe go out for a walk. It’s 11: 03 right now.Bookmark here

It’s 11: 32 now and... I just cannotstopthindvvatafvyisfpdusfisgfidug…… Bookmark here

a rope…………. where will I find it... tch… my foot, doesn’t matter… I just need a rope. Should check the kitchen… Bookmark here

not here… maybe the storage room… Bookmark here

this one… wrapped around the box, this will doBookmark here

these stairs again… my foot hurts a lot Bookmark here

I need a chair… (takes the chair in front of the studying table)Bookmark here

I hope this rope is strong enough to hold a body for some time… I should stop hoping, doing it once is already going to kill me now… Bookmark here

now I have to tie it to the ceiling…Bookmark here

Loop it around my neck…Bookmark here

Tighten it…Bookmark here

Tie a knotBookmark here

There… all set... now I just have to kick the chair…Bookmark here

*Kicks the chair Bookmark here

Bookmark here

This is much (1) more painful (2) than a cut (3) (4) but this will surely (5) help me get rid (6) of this pain in (7) my …… (8) …… (9) chest… (10) maybe I shouldn’t (11) (12) what if I just drop (13) unconscious … (14) …… (15) and they take (16) me to the (16.56)Bookmark here

Taylor Victoria
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