My Crazy Choice

Tobias 0924 November 4, 2046

“Here you go, son,” my mother says as she places my plate in front of me. Steam rose from the eggs and bacon as the butter melted on the toast. The four of us sat under a tense, awkward atmosphere. My father buries his nose in the Sunday paper as we all ate. He hadn’t said much to me after our talk on Thursday, and even now, he seemed to be ignoring me. “Come on, dear, finish eating, and well, go put on those matching dresses we got this week.” my mother said to Yukki. She’d managed to get the best grades in her class and went dress shopping with mother as a reward. Apparently, they spent all day looking before Yukki told her she wanted “one with a scarf like mommy wears.”,

“Yay, scarf dress.” Yukki cheered as she finished her food. She and mom get up and leave my father and me alone at the table. The crushing atmosphere is almost too much to handle as they leave. Why hasn’t he said anything? Is he mad at me? What does he want me to do? I sit and worry about these when my father speaks.

“Have you decided what you’ll do yet?” he asks in a somber tone?

“What?” I ask, confused.

“Have you decided what you’ll do about Sora and Sara yet?” His question hits me like a brick wall. I’d spent the whole weekend trying to think of what to do. I knew I’d have to face them eventually but had come up with nothing to make them accept my apology or even how to apologize.

“Sara’s still in a coma. At this point, they’re beginning to get worried about whether she’ll wake up. Last I heard, Sora’s still refusing to leave her bedside. Not even his girlfriend Suki-san could get him to leave.” he says with the paper’s still up. “Have you come up with a plan yet?” he asks. I look down before answering.

“No,” I say meekly. I look up at the sound of crinkling paper. My father folds the paper and places it under his shoulder.

“Well, let’s hope you get a spark of divine inspiration at church then,” he says as he takes his plate to the sink. I sit at the empty table, dreading tomorrow. If I don't have a plan by then, I’ll have to be in the same room with Sora while he still hates me. Slam and cover my head at the mere thought of it. How am I gonna fix this? Is all I can think about as I get dressed. I’m picking my hair as I hear my phone ding from my bed. I rush to collect it in the hope that it’s a line message from one of them. “One Piece season 43 to begin airing spring 2047,” the notification reads. I stare at it in shock. “I DON'T EVEN WATCH ONE PIECE!” I yell as I toss my phone across my bed. I flop on my back and blankly stare up at the ceiling. What am I going to do to fix this?

I finish getting dressed and head down the stairs. Mom and Yukki are already down in their matching red dresses. “No, Yukki, you don't want to get hair on your new dress.”

“But she wants to be pet,” Yukki argues as she continues to pet Pearl. The “thump thump thump” of her tail indicates the dog’s joy. I hear footsteps behind me and see my father coming down the stairs.

“Are we all ready?” he asks, stepping from the last step. I give a sighing nod, and we begin to head out the door. I’m the last to put my shoes on and am closing the door when I hear my father’s voice from behind. “Ahh, Sora didn’t expect to see you here.” I freeze with the door half-closed. Sora is here? What does he want? Is he here to fight again? I slowly turn to look towards him. “Yeah, Tobias is here... Caught us on our way to church... I wouldn’t mind waiting a moment if you wanna talk to him.” I hear my father say. “Hey, Tobias! Sora wants to talk with you!” I hear him call. I pause at the door, unsure of my next move. He said he wants to talk? About what? It has to be about Sara, right? My thoughts race a mile a minute as I walk around the wall to the road. When I turn, I see Sora standing there. He looks distraught and unsure of himself, a dizzying contrast to when I saw him last despite him still wearing the same clothes. I stop in front of him, and we stand in silence for a moment as if he was just as uncertain of this meeting as I was.

“...Hey…” he finally manages to say.

“Hey…” I respond. The wind blows some leaves between us, creating a brief respite from the choking silence between us.

“So… Um… Sara… woke up this morning….”

“That’s a… relief,” I say, unsure of where he’s going with his thoughts.

“And she told me what happened at school that day…” he says, placing a hand on the back of his neck.

“Did she?” I ask, not believing that she told him everything.

“Yeah… told me everything… About her confession, about you rejecting her,... And about her sabotaging your confession to Niǎo-san.” His words take me by surprise. She actually told him everything? She really did? The silence between us is deafening. I have to break it, but how? I take a deep breath and close my eyes.

“I just wanna say I’m really sorry for the way I acted the other day and… What?” we both say at the same time. We stare, surprised at one another for a moment before we both break the silence with laughter.

“What are you apologizing for? I was the one who punched you,” he says.

“No, I was mad at Sara and took it out on you,” I say.

“Still, I should’ve at least heard what you had to say before going off on you. That wasn’t right.”

“You think I’d hear you out if you hurt Yukki? You have nothing to apologize for,” I say. We stand there laughing with one another, trying to apologize before we agree we’re both sorry.

“So, how is Sara? You said she woke up?”

“Yeah, Iori-chan came to visit me there this morning, and Sara woke up then, she didn’t seem to realize she’d been asleep, but once we told her what happened, she started crying and apologizing. I’d ask you to go see her, but I understand if you don't want to,” he says, looking down. “Anyway, that’s all I have to tell. I’m gonna go take a shower now,” he says.

“Yeah, you do that; I could smell you from down the block,” I say. He laughs as he heads into his house. “Hey, Sora!” I call just before he closes the door. He stops and looks back towards me. “I’ll see you, tomorrow brother,” I call. I see him smile before throwing me a thumbs up and heading in.

Sora isn’t gone for a moment before my father rolls the car out of the driveway and stops next to me. “Well, that seemed to go well,” he says with a confident smile on his face. “You wanna jump in, so we’re not late?”

“Actually, I think I have someplace else to go this morning.”

“Oh, and where’s that?” He asks, all cheeky-like.

“To the hospital, there’s someone I have to see,” I say confidently. My father doesn’t speak for a moment; he just smiles and winks before saying, “Well, it looks like you have a plan now,” as he drives off.

Tobias 1037 November 4, 2046

“She’s in room 237. Take the elevator and then turn left,” the nurse says, pointing

“Thank you,” I say as I head to the elevator. I press the button and wait. I’d told my father I had a plan, but now I was sorta questioning it. It’d all seemed so clear on the trip here.

Step 1: Head to hospital. Step 2: (????). Step 3: Everything is perfect forever, and nothing wrong ever happens again.

It had all seemed so clear when I made the decision and even on the trip here, but now that I’m standing here, I don't know what to say when I get there. The elevator dings as it opens. I step in, press the button for the 2nd floor, and begin riding up. Why did she want to see me? Did she forget about what happened? No, she told Sora about her confession, so she remembers that. Did she not remember my answer? No, she had to because she started crying. Why did she ask me to come? My thought dwells on that question as I exited the elevator and began to walk to her room. Why am I even doing this? Sora just put me in such a good mood, but I can still leave. I can leave now and say I just didn’t go. It’s not like anyone will se-

“Oh, GoKegawa-kun.” The voice stops me dead in my tracks. I turn to look and don’t believe my eyes. There standing in front of me is Niǎo-san. She walks up to me as I stand there dazed. “It’s good to see you,” she says.

“Uhh yeah... Go-good to see you too.” I manage to stutter out, staring at her like I’ve seen a ghost. She stands there looking a bit flustered and unsure of what to say. You’re making her feel self-conscious; stop staring and say something! I catch myself admiring her street clothes. Up until this point, I’d only ever seen her in her school uniform with her hair in buns, but now she wasn’t just wearing shorts and a t-shirt with her hair down. I’m surprised to see that it’s almost as long as Sara’s hair, if not longer. I’d bever been able to tell since she’d always have it up in buns.

“Are you here to see Sara-chan?” she finally says more meekly than I’ve ever heard her speak.

“Uhh, yeah,” I respond, matching her tone. “How did you know where she was?” I ask.

“Iori-chan told me. Said Sara-chan wanted to apologize.”

“Oh, so she told you then….” I feel a wave of shame flow over me. I think about the awful things I said that day and try to think of a way to justify it but only come up with petty anger.

“Yeah… She told me a lot, and I have to say… I’m sorry.” I stick a finger in my ear to clean it out. Did I hear her, right? No way she actually apologized to me

“What? I’m sorry I must’ve misheard you. It sounded like you apologized to me.”

“I did,” she states plainly. “It must’ve ruined your big day to not get an answer. And even worse, I just left out of nowhere without telling anyone. Sara-chan told me you thought that was because of you, but it wasn’t. My uncle called an emergency family meeting that we all had to attend. I don't want to bore you with the details, but my father found out I snuck out to come see your game, so he took my phone for the duration of the trip. We just got back yesterday.”

I’m stunned by her words. This whole time I’d thought she hated me. I thought I’d disgusted her so much that she’d transferred schools just to get away from me. My face contorts to a weird mix of joy and aversion. “So… I guess that means you don’t completely hate me then,” I say pessimistically.

“Oh no, I never hated you. Don’t get that idea,” she responds quickly, waving her hand. “I just.. Wasn’t ready for it. I guess that was by design. Sara-chan told me she lied to you about how I felt, saying that I was enamored with you and just dying for you to realize my feelings and confess.” Wait... Sara didn’t say that. Did she? I think before realizing what’s going on.

“Uhh yeah… She really had us fooled. Ahahah.” I laugh as convincingly as I can.

“Who knows,” she says, walking past me into the elevator. “Maybe you’ll have better luck the next time you try.”

“Next time?” I ask, surprised.

“Well, of course.” She says as the elevator beeps. “I’d never dream of falling for a man who gives up just because he’s beaten once,” she says as the elevator doors shut.

“Wait, what was the last part?” I say, but the doors are already closing. I try to reach out and block them, but I’m too late. I mash the button in desperation, hoping the doors will open, but they remain sealed. What did she mean? Has she fallen for me? Is she considering it? Wha-. My thought is cut short as I catch a glimpse of myself in the blurry reflection of the steel doors. “I’d never dream of falling for a man who gives up just because he’s beaten once,” I whisper to myself. She wasn’t just saying that to give me a confidence boost before I go see Sara, right?... No, definitely a hint that she ma return my feelings. Or maybe both? My thoughts continue to linger on it as I pass by hospital staff, vending machines until I find myself standing at Sara’s door. What am I going to say? I wonder. What do I need to say to… to… Uuuggghhh. What do I even want from her? Do I want us to stay friends? Can we stay friends? Do I like her? No, that’s ridiculous; I like Niǎo-san… But it’s not like I hate her either. My thoughts race as I try to plan out what to say. Just start off with an apology. I think. I’m sorry for what I said. Yeah, keep it simple stupid. With that thought in mind, I take a deep breath and grasp the door handle. You can do this, I assure myself.

I begin to slide the door open when a sound from within stops me. “AAAHHHH, why did I lie to her!” it says. I instantly recognize it as Sara. “Why’d I tell her I said that? Now she’ll definitely fall for him.” I peek inside and see Sara sitting on her bed in a hospital gown. She buries her face into her pillow as she hugs it. She kicks her feet rhythmically as she sits facing the window away from me. I stop and watch her for a moment as she continues to ramble to herself. “Now she’s gonna go straight to him and explain everything… She’s gonna take him, and Iori-chan will take Sora, and I’ll be alone… I guess this is karma. How can I expect Tobias-kun or Iori-chan to be my friend now that they know what I’ve done? I deserve to be alone…” she says. I watch her begin to weep from the crack in the door when her phone rings. She quickly wipes away her tears and answers. “Hello?.. Oh, hey, Sora… Just Kano-chan, since you and Iori-chan left, why?... Wait, you told him to come?.. No, why did you do that? He probably hates me after what I did… Yes, he does. There’s no way he’ll forgive me. I wouldn’t forgive me… Do you really think he’s on his way to see me after I trick him, sabotage his first love, cause a fight between you tw- Yes, that was my fault… Ugh, you’re impossible… Are mom and dad still gonna bring me my brush and stuff? My hair’s never been this bad, and I want to fix it before anyone else comes to see me… Okay, what about the ribbon?... What do you mean you can’t find it? The hospital staff said I wasn’t wearing it when I arrived, but you said I was when you found me, so it must’ve fallen off in the house.... No, it couldn’t have fallen off outside because then we’d never find it… Just keep looking. It’s special to me! Just keep looking!” she says as she violently hangs up the phone. She sets it down on the table near her and stares out the window. I hear a quieter sniffle and watch as the tears she held at bay for the call come back in full force. She strokes and combs her hair with her fingers catching knot after tangled knot. “I’m horrible… I lied to his face, ruined his first crush, confessed to him when I had no right, and now I’ve lost the ribbon he gave me.” She begins to cry as I slide the door closed and walk away down the hall.

Sara 1057 November 4, 2046

“Come in,” I respond to the knock on my door. Great, another nurse to check in on me. I understand I hit my head and was asleep for a few days but do they really need to check in every ten minutes? I think wiping away the tears. It seems I’d been doing nothing but crying since I woke up. Crying and apologizing more like it. “I don't know how bad of shape you think I’m in,” I say while still staring out the window. “But you really don’t need-” I’m paralyzed when I turn and see who’s stepped in. It’s Tobias-kun. He’s really here. My mind goes blank as my mouth gapes open. Why’s he here? What do I do? I never expected him to be here. My hair’s still a mess. He can’t be here; I’m seeing things. He doesn’t react at all as he walks in and closes the door behind him. I try whipping my eyes to make the hallucination vanish, but that only makes the tears flow faster. Even if he isn’t here, even if it is just a hallucination… I need to tell him… I need to tell him just how sorry I am. He eyes me as I stand and walk around my bed. I grasp the IV pole to keep me steady. The doctors told me they don't want me out of bed yet, but I need to walk.

“Are you okay? You seem a little shaky there,” the hallucination says.

“Tobias-kun,” I say, standing in front of him, swaying from side to side. I try my best to look into his eyes, but my vision blurs. Now, do it now is all I can think before I fall to my knees. The hallucination reaches out for me, but I push it away. “No, I need to- I need to tell you,” I say, pressing my head against the floor. The pain in my head is immense, but I ignore it. “I NEED TO TELL YOU HOW SORRY I AM. What I did was unforgivable. You have every right to never want to see me again, and nobody could tell you otherwise. I betrayed your trust, ruined your confession, and then asked you to love me for it.”

A pool of tears begins to form as tears flow from my eyes like a river. “I even lost the ribbon you gave me in middle school. I know you’re not really here, and my guilt is just getting to me, but I just need you to know how truly sorry I am. I just wanted you to love me like you loved Kano-chan.” My words are slurred from my bawling. I’m not even sure he can hear me, much less understand me, but I keep going. I’m so engrossed with my apology that I fight against the hands that try to pick me up. I keep crying and pressing my forehead to the ground until the hands grasp both my shoulders and pull me upwards. I try to fight it, but it’s too much. I knew it, it was just a hallucination, and now the nurses are here to put me back into bed. I cry even harder, releasing a deep, ugly cry from deep inside my soul. I’m so immersed in my crying that I don't even hear the words spoken. I know I’m hallucinating as they even sound like Tobias-kun’s voice. “What?” I ask, hoping to hear his voice again.

“I said I’m not a hallucination, so stop saying that.” It really does sound like him. I think before I look up and see his face. “No. No, you’re not here… I’m just seeing things.”

“You’re not seeing things; I’m really here,” he says.

“Then you’re a ghost. You’re a ghost, and it’s all my fault.”

“Would a ghost have this?” he says, pushing me off and reaching into his pocket. He rummages around in it before pulling out my ribbon. It’s wrinkled and has a splotch of red on it, but it’s my ribbon, no doubt. I look up at the face of the Tobias-kun in front of me. He holds out the ribbon and places it in my hands. I look at it before clutching it tightly to my chest.

“Where… Where did you find it?” Is all I manage to ask.

“It flew in my face as they loaded you in the ambulance. I forgot about it till I went to get a drink and found it in my pocket,” he laughs.

“That’s so like you,” I say, choking on tears. I take the ribbon and tie it around my hair. “How do I look?” I ask once I’m finished.

“Like my sister,” he says with a smile.

“Tobias-kun,” I say as I leap into his chest and continue to cry. I love you. I love you. I love you so much. You’re always so kind to me, and I love you for it… And now you finally know it, is all I think as I continue crying in his chest.