(DJ McDizzle) Agenthood And Its Lows

I was manhandled away from John Doe by Mr. Scanta. I felt quite annoyed, I wanted to know what the punchline of John’s joke was. I did not understand what he was laughing at. He held a firm grip when I shook his hand, something I deeply respected when meeting new people.

Scanta led me down the stairs into the darkly lit basement. I thought he would take me into a room, but he stopped directly at the bottom of the stairs. I noticed his bald head reflected the scarce lighting in the basement. Unfortunately, the sheen on his dome had distracted me. I had a tad too much momentum going down and I walked directly into his back. My face rammed into his neck and I believe it was hard enough of an impact to bruise.

He let out a small “Oof,” and stumbled forward.

“I apologize, sir. I was walking at a speed that was too fast and I miscalculated my stopping time.” I pried my gaze off of his (now red) head.

He held the back of his neck in pain and turned around. “Yeah, it’s fine.”

“Sir, it does not seem fine. Do you require assistance? I can find an ice pack for your injury, it may leave a bruise-” He held out a hand to stop me.

“The only thing I need is Agent Dazz.”

I gulped. “Yes, sir.”

He noticed my apprehension and grinned. “Don’t worry, nothing too serious.”

“Understood, sir.”

He rubbed the back of his neck and continued. “I’ve been having trouble with my unreliable trading partner. I’m sure you’re aware of who I’m talking about?”

My eyes widened. I could not be more familiar with who he is referring to, but quite frankly, I wish I was not. This partner was… More than unreliable. In fact, I had warned Mr. Scanta before he began trading with this partner.

“Calm down, Agent Dazzle. I just need you to collect something from him. I understand you’re performing today, but I really need this item. I’ve been told through the grapevine that he will be at the park by noon. He’s already aware of the plans, so no need to stress. It’ll be super quick. You’re in the middle for performing order, so I’m sure you’ll have plenty of time to get my stuff and leave-”

“No!”

Mr. Scanta raised his brow. That was the first time I have ever yelled at him.

“I apologize for my rudeness, sir. But I do not think I will come back in time for my performance, let alone come back at all.”

Scanta smirked, “Oh, sure you will, Agent Dazzle. That’s why I asked you.”

I stared at him for a second, hoping he was pulling my leg. He wasn’t. I nodded, and he gave me his signature psychotic grin. “You’re the best, Dazz.”

“I know, sir. I am your only DJ.”

He rolled his eyes. “That’s not what I was talking about.”

“I apologize, what are you talking about?”

“Nevermind. Just get going.”

“Yes, sir.”

I turned to walk back up the stairs. Mr. Scanta did not follow.

I reached the park exactly by noon. He was there- The infamous trashlord.

He sat in front of a tree - his tree - and I could see all of Mr. Scanta’s belongings inside. The bean bags, some miscellaneous food, and the Baier Easy Breezy 9000-BTU portable air conditioning with window ventilation kit included. I need to retrieve those items for Mr. Scanta, but I need to get through trashlord first. This might just be my most dangerous task.

I approached the raccoon. I prayed to God that he did not see me trembling. “Good afternoon, sir, I am sent by Sir Scanta to retrieve his belongings. I believe you were made aware of my visit.”

The raccoon clicked and squeaked. I was immediately covered in a cold sweat.

“Sir. Please understand I am only the collector, I do not participate in the trades between Sir Scanta and yourself, Sir Trashlord the 17th. I guess I was misinformed about the communication between you two, I apologize.”

He yowled quietly and approached me. I froze in place. “Please, sir, not again.” My mind screamed at me to run, but my legs felt like 500 pound weights. I could not move even if I wanted to. All I could do was watch as he got closer.

The raccoon circled my legs and clicked threateningly. I did not dare to make a sound, I knew what trashlord is capable of. The horrors I’ve personally witnessed will serve as a permanent reminder. These acts have almost made me quit my job as ‘Agent Dazzle.’

He stopped in front of me and reached out to grab at my shoe. I shivered. I could feel a drop of moisture drip down the side of my head. My nerves were so heightened, the droplet felt like a knife slicing down my forehead.

Trahlord8 let go of my shoe and squeaked.

Oh no.

Tears sprung into my eyes, but I did not let them fall. He would destroy me if he witnessed my weakness.

I gulped and slowly kneeled down to the ground. I held my hands up beside my shoulders in defeat. “Sir Trashlord, I assure you I am only here to collect. I do not have ulterior motives.”

He squinted his tiny eyes at me before letting out a loud yowl.

“No! Please, I swore under the oath. Your oath! I have changed my ways!”

The raccoon stayed deathly silent. I almost crumbled under his gaze, but he moved out of the way before I could. “Thank you, sir,” I half-whimpered.

I quickly put the stuff in my bag, not caring if the items got crushed. I bowed towards him and almost fell to the floor in fear.

He shook his head towards the way I came from. “Yes, I will be on my way now. Thank you, once again.” A small part of my mind reminded me that I had a DJ set to do. It was quickly shut down by the feeling of impending doom creeping onto my spine. Trashlord was staring at me.

I ran back to the café.

I did not look back.