Words Of Pain Under A Memory Rain

That evening, Akira returned home right after dinner, which meant that he still had the possibility to eat something, as the food was still warm. When he entered the servants’ canteen, he saw no one in the room, which was strange, because normally there were many servants that stayed there, loitering around while drinking alcohol. Still, the silence that wrapped the room didn’t annoy him: if not, he liked it. He went to the kitchen, took the leftovers of the dinner and sit lonely at one of the tables, eating silently his dinner. However, while he was finishing eating, he heard the sound of the door of the room opening, which made him turn towards it in order to see who was entering. That was when an unexpected person entered the room: it was Priscilla. When she saw him, she greeted him with a smile.

“I was sure that you were here” said Priscilla, while she was getting near him. Then, she sat in front of him, while he finished gulping the last bit of food he had in his plate. When he finished, Akira lifted his eyes to meet Priscilla’s ones.

“What are you doing here, Priscilla? I have to presume you have some business with me, if you were searching for me” asked Akira, surprised to see her there, in the servants’ canteen.

“I just wanted to thank you for investigating my attempted assassination again, even though the guards closed the case” replied she, her hands placed against her cheeks, like if they were making the head stand up against its will.

“How do you know about it?”

“Eheheh… I just eavesdropped on two men that had a quite straightforward discussion after one of my trainings” replied her, with a little smug laugh.

Akira admitted that she had good stealth qualities, if she succeeded in eavesdropping on an ex guard commander and on a guy who founded a gang in his past. Then, Priscilla asked him if he did find anything new about the case, and that’s when Akira told her the story of the dead body assaulting him. When he finished telling that, he added that he had found nothing else to help him with the investigation: however, Priscilla had been intrigued by that strange story and asked him more details about the subject. That sounded strange to Akira, so he asked her if she knew something.

“Hmm… it’s not that I know something, but more like the scene you described reminded me of something I read in a book. It represented this body who had been controlled by an entity that then consumed it and made it explode. Still, I read that in a fantasy book, not in a regular one, so that means that it isn’t a thing that should happen in real life”.

Then, suddenly changing the subject, she asked Akira:

“Say, Akira… why did you want to personally look into this case?” Then, her face red, she continued “I guess it isn’t because you feel something for me, as your relationship with Samai demonstrates, and my life is theoretically not in danger anymore: so why?”

Akira looked at her for a second, imagining where the first part of that sentence was coming from, then replied to her.

“Priscilla, I may not harbour feelings like that for you, but that doesn’t mean that you are not an important part of my life: I am proud to say we are friends. You gave me a place to stay and a work, we talked and talked… like that, we became friends. And for my friends I am willing to put my life on the line to assure their safety. Plus,” and there Akira paused, considering that he was going to tell her the real motive why he was doing that, “I fear that you have been put in danger because of me, so that is why I wanted to have a look at the case, to ensure that I wasn’t the one that put your life in danger”.

At those words, Priscilla’s eyes widened in surprise. “What do you mean by that?” asked her immediately, like that wasn’t even a considerable option.

“I mean that I strongly feel like the objective of that attack wasn’t you, but me, and that you were used just like a decoy for me to show up. I have no real proof to sustain that, but that is what I think about this case”.

When he said those words, Priscilla looked at him with an even bigger look of surprise visible on her face, then she asked him the fatal question, something that Akira knew had to happen at a certain point.

“And why do you think that? What, were you that important even before coming here?”

At those words Akira didn’t respond, leaving Priscilla with the uncanny sensation that she had said something right, but then Akira sighted and said “Well, I think it’s time you know too”. Then, he started telling his tale also to Priscilla, wanting to make her understand why that was his idea and also to let another person who had an important role in his new life know about his past. He said her the same things he said to Samai, even though he succeeded in making it briefer and omitting the majority of the things that could have confused her, as he knew that she would have made him way too many questions to answer, and, when he concluded the tale of his life, he added “When the assassin left, it said things to me related to my past, which in theory no one should know, considering I come from a really far place. That is why I think that: if its objective were you, why would it say those things to me? That is why I wanted to investigate the case: to make sure you weren’t put in danger just because of things you had no connection with”. When he looked at Priscilla, he could see the look of horror on her face: he didn’t know whether for what happened to Makoto, for his retaliation or for the whole story, but he was sure that that story left quite an impression on her. Then, she quietly embraced him, making his skin feel something wet falling on it – probably Priscilla’s tears, as he let out some only when it came to Makoto’s homicide -, then she quickly got away from him and looked into his eyes, this time, with a sorrowful look.

“I… I didn’t know that. Not that it makes me change my opinion about you, but now I understand why you fight so well: I never had to fight someone outside of the little arena my teachers always set up, while you had to do that for a life. I am sorry, for all the sad things that happened to you in the past, but now you are here, between people that like you: you can leave your past behind and go on, we will be here”. Then, after that reassuring affirmation from Priscilla, she continued. “Still, it sounds pretty crazy: it really seems like me and you come from two different worlds. The quantity of questions I want to make about your country just increased by… uhm, I don’t know how, but be sure that it is a really big number”. When he heard those words, Akira smiled, at which Priscilla asked him why he was having that reaction.

“Oh, nothing: I just found it really funny that the two person that know about my past reacted in the same way”.

“I have to presume that the first person to hear this story was Samai, right?” asked Priscilla, a strange look on her face

“Yes, the day after I awakened: I held it inside me for too much time without telling it to someone, and, when I woke up, I felt the urge to tell it to someone. The fact that Samai was there and had watched me for three weeks helped me in doing that”.

After that sentence, both of them went silent, before Priscilla whispered something that Akira failed to understand, then she turned against him a reluctantly said “If… if I was the one… being near you, when you woke up… would you have told all of this to me… or was Samai… all along... to be destined to be first…?”

Akira understood that there was more in that question than what transpired, and, at first, he didn’t want to reply, but then, seeing Priscilla’s look, which was giving off a sad and supplicant feeling, he decided to reply.

“If you were there, I would have surely told you before, but I think that Samai was destined to hear it now or then. That fortuitous occasion just made it happen before”.

Priscilla replied to that sentence with a simple “I see”, while her eyes were trying their hardest to stay glued to the ground, without lifting up. Then, she stood up, turned towards Akira and, with lucid eyes, said:

“Thank you… Akira… for also telling me that… You don’t know how much it means for me to hear that you trust me enough to tell me all of that. If you ever want to talk, or if you ever need a shoulder on which to lean, know that I am here: and know that I am going to use you for that, so prepare yourself!”

Then, she headed to the door, before turning one last time.

“I really hope you and Samai are going to be happy together: you are two of the people I care about the most in this world, so I will be here, cheering on you two. Well then, goodnight”. And, after saying that, she disappeared behind the door, leaving Akira alone yet another time, with the sound of the rain that in the meanwhile had started dropping outside.

In the days after that discussion, Akira tried to find other clues regarding the case, but, apparently, no matter what he tried or where he went, he seemed to always find nothing, a thing that repeated so many times that, after a few days of continuous searching, he just gave up. During those days he talked various times to Giorgio, but every time he had to bring only bad news, as he didn’t seem to have even the remote possibility of making a step forward in the darkness that that case was wrapped into. When he said to Giorgio that he wanted to drop the case because of the total lack of other possible clues, he didn’t judge him, he just said that apparently the guards did their best: however, he didn’t give up and decided to have a look into the matter himself, taking a little vacation from work, leaving everything in Leon’s hands. His idea was to go to the capital, in order to follow the path that apparently lead to the Budkieryn cult, a thing that Akira couldn’t do because of his job at the villa. The day after he decided that, he was ready to depart: when he was ready to go, Akira, Priscilla, Samai, Leon and a few other servants were there, saying their farewells to the house owner, and they continued doing that until his carriage disappeared between the streets of the little frontier city, while the sky was saying his farewell with a black sky full of noises. His departure left the house in the hands of Priscilla, as Leon was busy with the work that he had to do for his father and Giorgio’s second wife was apparently away, without no one knowing her possible location. That task wasn’t exactly unknown to Priscilla, having to almost always oversee a few things in the house that Giorgio didn’t care about: plus, she trusted the servants, so she literally controlled them only once or twice while they did their tasks like normal. Still, during that time her face gave off a happier aura than normal, like she at least had something to do in order to fill her otherwise dull day: however, a little hint of sadness was still visible on it, or, at least, it was for Akira. That was the perfect time to confront her about a delicate theme he wanted to talk with her about, both as her teacher and as a friend. A few evenings after that event, he met Priscilla in the Natò library, a place where Priscilla stationed normally in that time of the day, reading leisurely the many books that that room offered her. When she saw him, she put down her book and greeted him like a friend, then asked why he wasn’t with Samai, considering that normally evenings were their favourite time of the day to meet and pass time together. That was when, ignoring her question, Akira said, a bit seriously, but not enough to make Priscilla put her guard up, that he wanted to talk to her. Hearing those words, Priscilla closed the book she had put down and offered a chair to Akira, while she was sit on a little sofa. Then, Akira took the word.

“Listen, Priscilla… You said that, if you ever needed a shoulder on which to lean, you would have used mine, correct?”

“Y-yeah, I remember: why do you bring them up now?” replied her, blushing a bit when she remembered those words.

“I just wanted to know… is there something that you want to talk with me about?”

“What do you mean?” asked her, an interrogative look on her face.

“You see… you constantly have on your face an hint of sadness, of boredom, like you have no one here and nothing to do. Like you don’t belong here… I know this it is preposterous of me to say, as I am meddling with your private business, but, if you want to talk about something, I am here”.

When he concluded, he could see her face a bit hardened, the little smile she had on before disappeared into an unemotional expression. That made Akira feel like he did something wrong, asking about that, but then she sighted and looked towards the book she had deposed on the table in front of the sofa.

“Is it that obvious?” asked her, in a disillusioned tone, as if someone succeeded in breaking the shield she constructed around herself.

“Not really, but there are moments where you seem really sad, like there is something you miss, like… like you are in the wrong place”.

Priscilla looked at him, with eyes full of disillusion and emptiness, then she turned towards the window, where some raindrops left traces of their arrival, as outside a light rain was obscuring the sky.

“As you said, you are meddling in other’s affairs, so I am not obliged to say anything to you. Still… I think that Samai would tell something to you now or then, so I can at least tell you the juice of that subject”. Then, after that cold phrase, she turned towards him, looking in his eyes, an hint of a tear in the angle of both her eyes.

“When I was born, my family didn’t live in Zuvaskja: we lived in Sehravla, near Hreinleika, a beautiful city, a place for which my heart still aches today. I lived my first years of life there: that was where Samai was rescued by my father, and where I grew up. I had friends, a loving family, a happy life… Still, one day, when I was fourteen, my mother was killed by people connected to my father’s job. At that time, he was a guard, but I think you already know this, as well as other things, probably. Anyways, when that happened, we were all sad: Leon, Samai, me, but I think the person that suffered the most about that event was my father. I then heard that my mother’s assassin had been found dead and, after that fact, my father resigned from the guards. I won’t lie, I was happy when they found them dead and when my father resigned: I didn’t want to lose anyone else because of my father’s job, losing my mother was enough for me. Still, my father had to find a job, if he wanted to make his family survive, and that was when he took the reins of his wife’s business: the book activity for which my family is known in the country. He dedicated his body and soul to the job – probably because it was the last legacy of my mother, together with me and Leon – and, soon, we found in a position we could have never imagined: we had money, we were socially respected. However, that meant that me and Leon lost our father, as, if at first he also put his body and soul into our remaining upbringing, work slowly ate out of him that part of loving care that he had for his children. Leon didn’t lose that much, considering that he was older than me and he started immediately working with our father when he could, but I lost the only figure that had an influence on me: I felt lost, and things got only worse from there. Because of work, we had to transfer from Sehravla to the capital, Ajakalni, and there Leon married his second wife, Valeriè. Still, it was obvious that it wasn’t a love marriage: Valerie was the daughter of a rival in affair, and, by doing that, Leon wanted to create an alliance between the two houses and to create a noble connection, as Valeriè’s family is of blue blood. At that time, I was sixteen, and she never accepted me as part of the family: she accepted Leon just because he worked for his father, but she saw in me a useless being, that was not educated enough to be into the nobility environment. Remember when we first met, when I acted all high and mighty? That is the mask I have to wear when I talk to people like her: when we were in the capital, various times I had to meet nobles and all of them acted like her, so, in order to protect me, I had to wear a mask like that. Still, I hated all of that: I wanted my family back, my loving father, my beautiful mother, all of it… Instead, after a little scandal that involved Valeriè and one of the queen’s functionaries, my family was obliged to go away from the capital, and we ended up here, in Zuvaskja. And I don’t even know why! At that point I honestly wanted to escape: I had nothing to do in this city, and I still have nothing to do. I have no friends, no things to do… the only thing I can do is stay here and study. That was why I wanted to escape: we arrived here when I was seventeen, but unfortunately, I didn’t succeed in making any moves because of a lack of money: my family can be rich, but I have really few savings that I can use to escape and have a life in another city. You don’t know how many times I wished something changed in this, as if I was hoping for a miracle. Then, you came, and that started making my days better: I had not only Samai, but also another person that somewhat cared about me. Plus, you come from a totally different world, and hearing your stories was just like escaping for a few hours from this horrible city”. Then, she stopped and laughed, wiping out a few tears that came out of her eyes during that moment of outburst. “Ah, I said that I would have told you only the juice of it, but I ended up telling a little summary of my life… Well, no big deal. What I wanted to say is that the sadness you see is just the nostalgia of a lost life, modified by events I couldn’t control. That is what I always wonder about: why me? Why did I have to be the one that had her life ruined by circumstances? You can understand me: you lived a similar situation, no?”

Akira couldn’t really say anything to her: the question she made, about why she was the one to suffer all of that, was a one that Akira made a lot during his life, but he never came to an answer, understanding only that it was a mixture of human actions and situations that are out of the human’s control. Still, he knew that saying that to her would have been useless: he just gave her the opportunity to vent up a bit, not to be the one that guides her through her own personal pain. So he wasn’t surprised when, after saying that, she immediately stood up, the book she was reading in her hand, and made her way towards the exit. Then, before getting out of the room, she turned towards Akira and talked to him with a pained and tearful voice.

“Akira… I hope you are satisfied with what you heard, because I am not going to tell you more than that: it is my pain, not yours, and you passed enough pain in your life to burden yourself with the one of other people. Still… thank you, for listening to me: now I feel a bit better… Goodnight, for the time being”.

However, before she could leave, Akira stopped her and asked a question that had remained unanswered since their first meeting.

“Wait, Priscilla. Last question: Javrèn Nutik polà. What does it mean?”

Priscilla stayed still for a moment, hearing those words, but then laughed and replied to Akira’s question.

“You really like to meddle with other people's affairs, uh? Still, I think I can answer you now. That phrase was an Irgundàh proverb that my grandfather taught me, when he was still alive: it means “life is going to love the warm rock”. Its meaning is the one of creating a connection between a dying person and someone near it, so that the dying one can pass away in peace, but it also means the will to form a strong bond with someone. Is that enough to satisfy your curiosity? Because now I have to go: goodnight, this time for real”.

Then, just like when she appeared in the servants’ canteen, she got out, leaving Akira alone between piles of books and windows dirtied by the rain, which fell lonely and slowly in that silent evening, in a city full of lights and empty in the streets, which the raindrops monopolized, making the entire town fall into a rainy and foggy embrace for the time being.