(Greg Gory) There's a Demon At Café Eris!

There is a lovely café I frequent called Moonbucks. It is a simple café, selling small pastries and various forms of coffee. The workers there may be subpar, but the owner is fantastic. He runs the place as a true owner should, with strictness and confidence. He is a respectable man.

As an honourable customer, I like to shop locally to show support for small businesses. I used to go around town looking for places to frequent, and my favourite has proven to be Café Moonbucks. My least favourite, however, is a cursed establishment that goes by the name “Café Eris.”

Although Café Moonbucks is right across the street from Café Eris, there is a vast difference in atmosphere. See, I tried to give Café Eris a chance. I visited the establishment and saw an advertisement for a “Halloween event.” It sounded like a good chance for the café to prove itself to me, so I decided to go.

I have several complaints.

First of all, the owner was a lunatic. He led the event by himself, even though he is clearly not qualified in the occult. This is extremely dangerous, as the occult is like a wild animal. Without a proper trainer, severe damage can be done.

This was prominent during my time at the Halloween event. The energy in the room was tense, and I could sense an extra presence during the seance. It was so disturbing, I had to leave.

After that traumatic experience, I took it upon myself to do something and decided to hire an exorcist. This is currently ongoing, but hopefully I can get the place shut down for both myself, and possible victims to Café Eris. I thought Pugh would approve of my idea, possibly even reward me some free drinks, but instead he brushed me off by saying “you cannot shut them down.” Even if the owner of Café Moonbucks does not believe I can do it, the customer is king. I will win.

I WILL WIN.

Oh. Excuse me. I lost myself there for a moment. Moving on, today I was walking past Café Eris to get to Café Moonbucks. While I passed by, a plain-looking man was handing out flyers. His unenthusiastic demeanor made me sick, so I decided to approach him and let him know.

“Sir, with your attitude you will never attract customers. Just thought I would give you some advice.”

He looked tired. “Sorry, here’s a flyer for an event.” He tried to smile at me, but I didn’t buy it.

“No. Just no. First of all, you need to excite me. I need to be interested in order for you to give me a flyer. Don’t hand it to me all tired, it’s a bad look for your café. Not that it’s good anyways, your establishment is horrible and it needs to be shut down. Listen,” I squinted at his name tag, “Tristan, you need to get your act together. Or else I will tell the owner of your- wait no, I actually won't be talking to your owner because he is a nitwit. I will call the owner of the property, how does that sound to you, huh Tristan?”

He stared at me, “my boss owns the property.”

The audacity of this measly café worker! “Don’t get smart with me, Tristan! I could get you fired in an instant! I could get your café shut down, too! What is this flyer for, anyways?”

I looked down to read the text. The bright colours hurt my eyes. This is a possible reason for a lawsuit!

DO YOU HAVE A BORING LIFE AND WANT TO SPICE IT UP? ARE YOU AN ACTOR? DO YOU WANT TO BE ONE? DO YOU NEED SOMETHING TO PUT ON YOUR RESUME?

COME WORK FOR ME NEXT WEEK! CURRENTLY HIRING 50 PEOPLE FOR AN INTERACTIVE ACTING EXPERIENCE! NO PRIOR EXPERIENCE NECESSARY! COME INSIDE CAFÉ ERIS FOR FURTHER DETAILS!

P.S please do not dispose of these flyers anywhere near this area, thank you

This is preposterous! How dare they assume I have a boring life? How dare they say to walk into the store for more details, the customer should be given all the information possible before even considering it! And lastly, how DARE they tell me to not dispose of the flyer? I am the customer, I have the right to do anything I want to.

“This is unbelievable!” I looked up to yell at the man, but he was gone! How dare he leave me! The customer service here is non-existent, it’s like they want me to leave a bad review online! I’m certainly calling my lawyer, Thomas Lemoteur, once I get home.

I marched my way to the door to complain before I remembered something very important.

This was where the ghost first presented itself to me. This is where the ghost lives. No, this is where the demon lives.

Was the demon presenting itself as an incompetent worker to lure me inside? Maybe the demon knows I called the exorcist and wants revenge!

I turned to walk towards Café Moonbucks, and let out a sigh of relief when I got inside.

I am not falling for your tricks, demon.