Chapter 72:

Overload Part 1

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It was the middle of the night… Everyone was asleep — us and the population of this city… The night was dormant, and only darkness coated outside… It was peaceful…Bookmark here

Everyone was asleep… Well, everyone was asleep except for me.Bookmark here

I couldn’t sleep… Was it because I wasn’t tired? No, I usually fall asleep at that time… Was it because sleeping with someone else was uncomfortable? No, Bailey looked peaceful and the bed was big enough for two people. Then why?..Bookmark here

I was sitting in the swivel chair, staring out of the big window… My bed was farther from the window and closer to the door, so I walked a bit to the chair…Bookmark here

...What’s keeping me from sleeping? It’s obvious… As usual, I feel somewhat guilty. This bothered me when I was sitting in the park, but the thing bothering me is that Ren doesn’t know the whole story — I’m lying… But I should tell him, right? I mean, I live with him, so he should at least know…Bookmark here

But I’m still a bit hesitant about sharing… Why? Maybe it’s because I don’t want to face it… I don’t want to come to terms with those things about myself — but what’s the point in hiding when being found is inevitable?.. There is none, so fearing is pointless… But even so, I’ll keep repeating this futile act.Bookmark here

But those are just the effects on me… Ren doesn’t have to know, right? What’ll it cause? Hatred — yeah, that has to be it… I’ll reveal those things about myself — those ugly things — and Ren will resent me for them. But what if I’m lucky? Well, there’s no doubt that he’ll still feel saddened about it… So what’s the point in telling him? Really, it’s a win-win situation for the both of us — Ren won’t be burdened with compassion for me, and I get to keep hiding and not be hated by Ren…Bookmark here

What grounds are these predictions based on?.. Nothing. It’s nothing but a gut feeling — a gut feeling so strong that it’s basically fact… Bookmark here

But even so, there’s an internal conflict… It’s so obvious that I should keep this secret buried and not reveal it… But there’s something else — I want to share it with Ren… This feeling is so strong — so strong that I feel like I’ll go insane if I don’t act on it despite the major consequences… But do I tell Ren? Or do I not?.. Bookmark here

Geez… Life would be so much better if I weren’t having these complicated feelings — the only thing they do is make things more problematic…Bookmark here

I buried my head into my lap… I’m just so confused…Bookmark here

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“Camryn?”Bookmark here

While I was deep in thought, I heard someone call to me. I turned my head, and there he was — Ren Morales… He was sitting up in the white queen-sized bed with his legs covered with the thick comforter.Bookmark here

“Oh, Ren, good evening… Sorry, did I wake you?”Bookmark here

“Good evening…”Bookmark here

He shook his head.Bookmark here

“Oh, no…”Bookmark here

I think that’s a lie… There were no other interferences other than me after all… But I think I was being relatively quiet and still as to not be a distraction… Did he hear me walking from my bed to the window? Then was he awake for a longer time? Hm…Bookmark here

Only the dim light from outside made things in this room visible, and I saw Ren caress the back of his neck.Bookmark here

“Um… So Camryn, are you okay? Are to having problems with sleeping?”Bookmark here

“Yeah…”Bookmark here

I guess there’s no point in hiding it… Bookmark here

“I see… What is the problem? I can probably help with resolving it…”Bookmark here

Oh… Well, I think there’s only one solution that can ease my guilt — telling Ren the truth about my past… But still, there are the other things that may occur. Is Ren okay with accepting them? And am I okay with accepting them? I hope so…Bookmark here

I faced down.Bookmark here

“Well… You see…”Bookmark here

I don’t want to feel this feeling again…Bookmark here

“Recently, I’ve been thinking… And those thoughts are really bugging me…”Bookmark here

I spun in the chair to face Ren with a determined look…Bookmark here

“Ren, I’ve been lying to you… I… I want to tell you the truth!”Bookmark here

Ren nodded — but it looked slightly hesitant. He spun in his bed and sat with his legs hanging off the side.Bookmark here

“Okay.”Bookmark here

I was slightly nervous, and my walk to the bed reflected that… I sat down next to Ren. I looked forward, staring at my knees as I thought.Bookmark here

“Ren… I’m sorry for lying to you all of this time… See, I lied to you when we first met, and since then, you’ve had a false vision of me…”Bookmark here

“Hm?”Bookmark here

“You see…”Bookmark here

I took a deep breath… I saw my leg slightly shake out of fearful anticipation…Bookmark here

“Do you remember what I told you about myself when we first met?”Bookmark here

“Well, you said that you were a homeless girl from a financially struggling family, and you temporarily separated from them… And you told me that you couldn’t seek help from the police, homeless shelters, or orphanages — you never told me why…”Bookmark here

So he still remembers… It’d be so much better if Ren could live with this fabricated story… But…Bookmark here

“Yeah… But Ren… That’s not the truth…”Bookmark here

I took another deep breath and braced myself…Bookmark here

“You see Ren, I’m… I’m actually an orphan…”Bookmark here

Like ripping off an incredibly sticky bandage.Bookmark here

“I said that I separated from my family, but the truth is, I probably separated from them at birth…”Bookmark here

The truth is out… I never knew my real parents. I’ve tried forgetting my past, but I think I was scared. I mean, having no one to truly rely on… Being forced to trust people that were obviously acting familial solely for the money… Bookmark here

“And that’s not the only thing I need to reveal... “Bookmark here

I swallowed my saliva hard and took another deep breath.Bookmark here

“I said I’ve been homeless for six months, right?"Bookmark here

Here goes nothing...Bookmark here

"Well, the reason I became homeless was that… I’m a runaway…”Bookmark here

MIKU
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