Being a Girl Online Made Me Become a Girl in Real Life
“Maika what the hell!” Touma yells at Maika who also comes running along behind him.
“I didn’t think she was gonna go full psycho!” Maika tries to explain.
“Touma, what are you doing here… And why…” Saya breathing really heavily pauses for a moment. “Why did you not come for me…”
“What!? You just put your hands on her, what the hell is wrong with you!”
“There is nothing wrong with me! What is wrong with you Touma! I thought we were dating, why are you by my side!?”
“Dating? You must be confused, it was never anything that serious!”
Nothing that serious? Did I go through all this for nothing? He must be lying, I know I changed his feelings for Saya one way or another.
They say words can’t hurt you, but it was visible how those words just went through Saya’s heart. She tries to keep her aggressive demeanor but it slowly cracks as her emotions start to take over.
“What do you mean by never…” Saya says while clenching her fist.
“Touma I told you before, not every girl is cool with being loose with things. You must have known Saya is a sensitive girl.” Maika interjects with a smart-ass statement.
“You see, we were just friends Saya. I liked you but it was never more than what it was. But me and Shinobu, we are a bit more closer than that. If I was serious about it, I would have said so...”
“What the hell does he mean by that? You knew I liked him and you go ahead and do this to ME!” Saya swipes her hand at me trying to get a hold of me but Touma pulls me away.
“...” I don’t know what to reply with. I’m in the wrong here so if I answer her question it would only add fuel to the fire.
“Saya stop! I’m not gonna just let you fight a girl who is way smaller than you.”
Well being short finally came in handy!
“Why is nobody on my side here! You are all supposed to be my friends right?! Let me fight her!”
“I told you already, you’re not getting close to her.” Touma gently escorts Saya a few steps away from me.
Saya lets it happen without any resistance and Touma finally backs away from her. Saya reaches into her sweater pocket and pulls out her phone, whipping it full force in my direction.
“Eeep!” I let out a small scream.
Saya threw her phone right at my face. I try to cover my head with my arms but it still partly connects with the side of my head. It bounces off me and the screen instantly shatters when it lands on the ground. That could have been really dangerous if I didn’t react quick enough!
“Didn’t I tell you she’s fucking crazy!” Maika says with a disgusted look on her face.
“I hate all you people… HAHAHA nobody cares about me! I don’t want to deal with this any longer. I hope I never see any of you again!”
“Saya please just calm down.” Touma desperately tries to get a hold of the situation.
“Don’t lay a finger on me! Oh and don't worry, I’m calm now and I’m leaving. I hope you all miss me when I’m gone from here.”
What does she mean by that!?
“Saya wait!” I yell out to her but she doesn't acknowledge me and keeps walking.
She is just gonna leave her phone here? I’m genuinely worried for her, she has never shown this side of her to me. On top of that she was acting out of her mind in front of everyone!
“Is nobody going to go after her!?”
“Nah, she will be fine. Won’t be the first time she spazzed out in front of everyone. But this one was the biggest of them all for sure.” Maika says nonchalantly.
“Maika, why… just why cause all this drama!” Touma looks dejected trying to figure out what possibly possessed Maika to start all this.
“I didn’t do much to be honest, you should be asking Shinobu why she’s trying to date you when she is friends with Saya and knows she likes you too.”
“Shinobu, is that true?”
“Not really… I knew you first technically so it’s worse than it sounds…”
I knew of Touma before Saya told me about him. It’s a big stretch to say I would have done this if I didn’t know Saya liked him.
“There is no technically in this situation! Only you are the one that needs to apologize and try and make it up to her. She's supposed to be your friend right?” Maika asks me.
“Saya and I were close friends as kids but recently we haven’t been that close together… She is one of the only friends I have… I need to find her and explain this mess…”
I pick up her phone off the ground and dust it off. With no way to contact her, I get a strange feeling of anxiety in the pit of my stomach. How am I supposed to find her?
“I’ll help find her with you!”
“No, I think you are the last person she wants to see right now.”
“Actually, I think that might be you.” he says, trying to hold back letting out a laugh.
“I need to make it right with her like Maika said…”
This is all on me, I need to try and fix this mess I created. From the very beginning I’m not sure why I thought this would have been a good idea. Even though my execution was done well, I still messed it all up in the end.
I go to Saya’s apartment, the one she usually lives at with her mom.
It’s been a few years since I’ve last been around here and it still looks the same as it did then. It definitely isn't the nicest place to live at and I see why Saya always wanted to be away from home back then.
I knock on the door and nobody comes to answer. I can tell that the lights are on inside so someone must be home. I knock again and wait patiently. Eventually, the door creaks open and I’m immediately greeted by the smell of alcohol mixed with cigarettes. Saya’s mom stands at the doorway glaring at me as it seems she just woke up or something.
It’s a bit weird seeing her now. Even though she is in her early thirties, Saya’s mom looks as if she could pass off as her older sister. My mom had me when she was young but for Saya… her mom had her even younger.
“Hmm? What do you want, little girl?” She says while lighting a cigarette.
I forgot I was in girl mode and there is no Saya’s mom would remember me. Even if I was my regular self I doubt that she would recognize me as Saya’s friend growing up as barely ever came over to Saya’s home.
“Hello good evening, is Saya home by any chance?”
“She was really upset today and isn’t answering her phone so I’m a bit worried about where she might have run off to...” I lie as I can't come up with a better excuse. I wasn’t exactly going to try and explain what just happened to this woman about to lose her patience with me.
“She ain't here.”
There is no sense of worry or concern as I try to explain to her that her own child might be missing.
“Well uhh... Maybe…” I try to think of something to say next.
“What? She tell you how she's not coming back and going to kill herself blah blah blah. She always does that, she'll be fine.”
Saya says those kinds of things all the time? I stand in disbelief at her lack of care for Saya. Ever since we were kids Saya’s mom didn't care much for her but it's sad to see that things haven't gotten better since then.
“Haha look Saya is a bad teenager, almost worse than I was at that age. She always runs away, steals from her parents, smokes cigarettes, you name it. She’s probably fine, she's almost an adult now isn't she?” She giggles and takes a puff from her cigarette.
Saya, what the hell is going on with you.
Is this what she is like? I never knew it was this bad, but then again how was I supposed to know? I'm supposed to be her friend but what kind of friend am I that has no clue about her real day to day life.
For some reason I feel like crying. I caused so much extra pain in her life even though I'm supposed to be the one who loves her.
“Ugh I hate kids, don't look at me with those sad eyes! If you really want to, you can try and see if she’s at her father’s apartment.” She says as she writes something down on a small note and hands it to me.
“What’s such a sweet girl like you doing with a delinquent like Saya anyways?”
“She’s my closest friend… I don't care about anyone as much as her.” I hold back the tears that try to escape me.
“You look like you can grow up to be a decent woman. Sweety, I wouldn’t get caught up too much with her if I were you.”
“I would do anything for her… I would never abandon her.” I say through my teeth.
This woman pisses me off… I turn around as my emotions are becoming too much to handle.
“Thanks for the help…” I try to keep my composure and still be polite as she did give me a clue to where Saya could be at.
The search continues and I make my way to downtown Osaka on the address that Saya’s mom sloppy wrote down on a small piece of paper.
This big apartment building looks fancy. Something my mom could never afford in a million years. Is Saya's dad really living this nicely? I buzz the number that was on the paper Saya’s mom gave me. They answer the phone and open the door without talking or saying anything. Guess I should just go up there and knock. I enter the elevator and take it up to one of the floors near the top.
I knock on the door and a middle-aged man promptly opens the door as if he was expecting someone.
“Hey, you are not the delivery driver are you?” The man says while raising an eyebrow.
“Uh no sorry, is Saya home by any chance?”
“Ah, another one of her friends I see. She just got back here and has been in her room since.”
“Saya you have a friend at the door!” He yells out behind him.
“She forgot something in my bag today so I want to return it to her.”
“Well come on inside! Her room is just over here you can bring it to her.”
He invites me inside and I sheepishly accept his invitation. The inside of the apartment is huge, bigger than I would have ever imagined. He must be loaded! Why does Saya choose to live in that old run down place with her mother when she can be living lavishly here?
He guides me down a long hallway and knocks on one of the many doors.
“Saya there is your friend here to return something you forgot!”
“Tell them to come in…” A barely audible voice answers from behind the door.
“Well I’ll leave you two girls at it, if you want something to drink or anything please simply ask me.” He says with a smile then retreats back down the hall and out of sight.
I slowly turn the handle on the door and peek inside. It’s pitch black inside apart from a lamp illuminating the desk Saya is sitting at and a small crack of light from the window that splits the room in half. The sound of Saya blasting music from her headphones stops as I close the door behind me. I guess that’s her way of acknowledging me as she doesn’t turn around to look at me, let alone say anything to me.
I stay at the entrance of the room as I’m hesitant to get any closer to her.
“Saya please hear me out-”
“Don’t fucking use that voice with me you weirdo.”
I clear my throat and switch to my regular voice.
“Please hear me out.”
“I won’t accept any apology for what you did to me…” She says in a calm low voice.
“...” I hope silence is the right answer here.
What can I say to her to make things right? How the hell am I supposed to deal with this. I don’t want to make things worse than what they are now. I don’t want to be the one to push her to the edge.
“How far did you go with him...”
“It all started before you even told me about him, I swear! You see I act like a girl online in video games to attract boys to do things for me. One thing led to another and we met up in real life, and he started to fall for me in person too… around the time you were starting to like him. ” I ramble on to the back of Saya’s head.
She stares at the wall in front of her desk so I keep on talking to Saya’s back from across the room. I try to keep things brief and downplay what actually happened.
“I-I was jealous that you were with another guy, and for some reason I thought it should have been me… I had a feeling Touma wasn't the right match for you so I was going to try and get him to fall in love with someone else.”
“Tsk, that’s not what I asked Shiki! I asked how far did you go!” Her tone slightly felt aggressive.
“Just a small kiss the other day…”
She doesn't respond… Maybe I should have lied about that fact.
“Heh… actually I don’t want to know right now. I will only get more upset…”
There is a moment of awkward silence. More like, I might regret what comes out of my mouth and anything I say or do might be used against me.
“How did you even find me? Are you stalking me too!?”
“Of course not, I asked your mom and she told me you might be here.”
“Tsk, that dumb drunk ratted me out huh.”
Another sensitive topic, I need to switch off from it.
“Your dad… he seems nice though.”
“Haha nice? He just feels regret for abandoning his child to live in poverty while he lived his life to the fullest.”
And I switch to an even more sensitive one.
I decide to stay silent and wait for her to decide what to talk about next.
“Brave to come into my room alone with me… I can do anything I want to you right now and your boyfriend won't come and save you…”
“Saya, anything you do to me I will accept, I’m sorry.”
“I’m nowhere ready to forgive you but I’ll take you up on that offer hehe.” She gives an eerie giggle.
It feels like I’m just selecting every wrong dialogue option and only a bad end will await me at the end of this.
“I need to be alone for a while. I freaked out earlier on… Life has just been so stressful recently. I thought things were going alright after I started to try dating someone… but Shiki you really ended that for me didn’t you…”
“Sorry…” I whisper.
Saya spins her chair around and finally faces me. Her eyes seem dead and she doest look sad or angry but has a slight smirk on her face.
“This world, why do I even bother sometimes. It feels like everyone has given up on me, nobody has ever given me a chance. I just want to be happy and live normally. You know how cruel the world can be sometimes, right?”
Her smirk widens to a full smile as she continues.
“Your father, he took his own life right? It would be a shame if you lost another person like that now wouldn't it… haha”
Saya’s words sting through not only my heart but in the deepest parts of my soul. Why would she say something like that? I don’t want to lose her! I don't want to be the reason… Not again...
“Shiki come over here.” She whispers.
My heart races as I slowly walk over to the side of the room Saya is on. I finally get close enough to see her face slightly illuminated by the light beside her. I’m not sure if it’s fear or infatuation, but her smile causes my racing heart to skip a beat making me feel dizzy.
She reaches out to hold my hand.
“Shiki… Do you love me?”
I care about her a lot. I grew up with her and she is the few people I really care about in my life. Of course, I do love her. She is sending my emotions into a fit, like she is toying with me to hurt me on purpose. But if she wants me to admit it to her then I will, I don’t care if she is doing it only to hurt me.
“Yes, that’s why I did all this! I swear it was all for you Saya!” The words burst out as it takes everything to focus on holding back the tears.
“Then if you love me, would you leave with me?” She tilts her head and looks up at me.
“Saya please don’t… don’t say things like that!”
I hope she is only saying these things because she is upset. Please Saya don’t be serious about this. I can’t lose you!
“Hahaha” She laughs as the tears start to roll down my face.
“That's what I thought… you don’t really love me after all or you would have done it with me. You just want me to continue to suffer in this world don’t you? Hahaha”
“I can’t just make a decision like that on the spot Saya you are being…”
“Being what? Haha crazy? Yea, maybe I am a little…”
She takes a tissue from her desk then stands up and starts to wipe the tears off my cheek.
Through the tears in my eyes, I get a glance at her sadistic smile as her fingers brush against the side of my face. As she pats away all the tears that come out of me, the smile on her face never seizes.
The sleeve of her sweater drops down her arm revealing dozens of small thin cuts that drip blood down her pale skin. My eyes realize it’s something I should not have seen and quickly avert back at Saya.
“I think it's time for you to leave me alone for a while...” She says while pulling back up her sleeve.
She sits back down and puts her headphones over her head. She reaches into one of the drawers in her desk and pulls out a small box cutter.
As I make my way to the door Saya says one last thing while pointing the blade in my direction.
“Remember this is all your fault Shiki...”