Recollection 1

"This world is twisted beyond belief. And I don't have the power to change it—I don't have my Blessing. And honestly, I'm happy without it . You should remember this as well... The Goddess's Blessing is no blessing at all."

"It is a curse."

That was my reply to Alan Welker's invitation. A month had passed since then. And about half a year was left until my graduation from the Royal Academy.

***

"...Aurelius, the Radiant Hero was born over three hundred years ago in a small village to the southeast of Paladea. Now, that small village belongs to Aureatia Kingdom..."

The professor's voice clearly reverberated through the lecture hall. But no matter what the contents were, I had no desire to absorb any of it.

I wasn't particularly bad at studying or anything, but ever since I had lost my blessing, I could not muster any motivation to learn. And that was especially true when it came to studying the Heroes of the old.

Today was a special day celebrating the accomplishments of Aurelius, the Radiant Hero. They said that his Golden Sword possessed the power that rivaled the Sun, and he was like a ray of hope for humanity that pierced through the Dark Age. On this day, exactly three hundred years ago, he had defeated the Demon Lord.

Because of that, today's classes were all about him and his accomplishments. Frankly, I thought it was ridiculous? What was there to celebrate? In the first place, for a Hero to slay the Demon Lord could only mean one thing...

Fortunately, that had nothing to do with me anymore. I wasn't ever going to involve myself with the hero candidates ever again. Not now. And not ever.

***

After I left the lecture hall, I started making my way back to the dormitory. 

Despite losing my Blessing, I still remained at the academy. They wanted me to finish my education in the hopes that I would become useful to humanity's fight against demons, albeit not as a hero candidate. In other words, although the Blessing was gone, it still continued to twist my life. 

But it was fine. I just needed to continue this for half a year more. After graduation, they wouldn't bother forcing someone like me into the army. I just wasn't worth the hassle.

And so, I continued aimlessly wasting my days away. Everyday I would half-heartedly attend the classes in the morning. Then, I would return to my dorm and do nothing much of value. Rinse and repeat. A bit boring and dull, but at least I wasn't going to throw my life away like the other candidates.

Today, however, my routine was unpleasantly interrupted. As I was coming back from the lecture, someone stopped me in my tracks. That someone had blocked the passage, preventing me from just walking by and ignoring him.

He was a red-haired boy. His standout characteristics were his sharp hair and equally sharp glare. As always, he had his flunkies by his side. One of them had a bob cut and wore a robe and a hat, and the other one had long hair and glasses. A priest and a mage I presume.

I sighed and made due with the fact I wasn't making it back to the dorm anytime soon.

"Do you need something from me, Reyes?"

His name was Reyes Augustin. Just like Alan Welker, he was also a hero candidate. But unlike Alan, Reyes had a powerful blessing from a young age. He was the definition of a promising hero candidate. He was a year younger than me but in due time he would graduate and become a champion of humanity.

He seemed a bit hesitant to talk at first, but eventually, spoke up.

"...I heard that the Powerless invited you to his party."

Ah, so this is about Alan's offer.

I expected that it was something along those lines. What I didn't know though, was the source of his information.. Alan himself didn't seem like the kind of guy to spread rumors. I guess someone could have simply overheard us, or maybe Alan's teammates were the culprits. Well, either way it didn't matter.

"Yeah, if you know that much, I'm sure you also know that I declined."

He didn't seem surprised, but a hint of displeasure appeared on his face.

"So the rumors were true, huh? Does that mean you really have given up on fighting for humanity's sake? Not even as a soldier?"

I knew where this was going. As I mentioned, Reyes was the prime example of a perfect hero candidate. Or at least, what the system wanted from a perfect hero candidate. Someone who never doubted his purpose and wholeheartedly believed in the righteousness of the Hero's duty. For someone like him my decision...

"That's right. I have no plans of joining the war neither by a hero candidate's side, nor as a soldier. There would be no point without my powers."

In response, Reyes furrowed his eyebrows.

"...Are you sure about that? You can pretend that demonic invasion doesn't concern you, but it will be too late once it reaches the capital," he said with a hint of doubt creeping into his voice.

My mouth twitched for a second, but I quickly shifted my expression, and my lips twisted into a sardonic smile.

"And it is your job to make sure it doesn't get to that point, isn't it? Or what? Have you lost your confidence? This isn't a game, you know? If you are not careful, you will meet a foolish death."

"What?! How dare yo—"

As soon as I said that, Reyes's flunkies began clamoring, but before they could get a word in, the red-haired boy stopped them.

"Calm down," he said as he held them back with a hand gesture. "He's right that it's my job. Besides, you shouldn't let the words of an outsider get to you."

Despite saying that, Reyes stared at me intently. An intense emotion momentarily flashed on his face. But it quickly disappeared so I couldn't figure out what it was.

"It's good that you declined. Without your blessing, you would only be a burden. You have neither the power to save the world, nor the resolve to carry on without that power. If that is the case, then you're better off leaving the frontlines. You are not needed to defeat the Demon Lord or protect humanity—I will do it."

As he said that his tone was even. Almost as if he was saying something obvious and undebatable. Once again, my expression shifted, but I did not reply.

He was right. I had no desire to risk my life, and I was much weaker than I used to be. In this academy that trained the most powerful champions of humanity, I was one of the weakest.

And yet there was a sinking feeling in my chest. 

Was it anger? Disappointment? Derision? If I had to say it was a mix of all of those and then some. But for some reason, I couldn't muster up a response. As if there was a knot in my throat that prevented me from speaking.

"You really shouldn't bully your seniors too much."

That was when a new voice cut into our confrontation.

When I turned around, I saw a man in his early twenties. He had black hair and rough facial features. His cloak, a pair of daggers poking from underneath his clothes, and a belt full of throwing knives made his predisposition clear; he was a rogue or maybe a ranger. I had a feeling I recognized him from somewhere, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

"Elias..." Reyes spoke quietly. 

The name that dropped from his lips tugged at my memory. But I still couldn't pinpoint the identity of the newcomer.

"Back off. This is between him and Reyes," the priest flunky said.

Elias chuckled.

"Well, now you confirmed his intentions, didn't you? Shouldn't your business be over already? Don't you think it is unbefitting for a mighty hero candidate like you to harass a normal student like Zephyrus?"

The flunkies were about to shoot back, but once again, Reyes stopped them with a hand gesture.

"You are right. We're done here," he said and turned around. "Zephyrus, you should really retire and enjoy your peaceful life. The demons will not reach the capital. As long as you remain here, you will know peace. I swear that on my name as a hero candidate."

Reyes left those parting words and walked away. His flunkies followed him while directing hateful stares at me. As I watched them disappear behind the corner, my eyes never left Reyes's back.

Despite Reyes leaving, Elias continued standing by my side. At first, I hoped he would leave on his own, but I quickly realized that it was naive of me.

"...So business do you have with me? And who are you?"

"What?" He responded, looking almost offended. "Can I not just help a future teammate? And besides, how do you not even remember a member of your party?"

At first I found his words confusing, but I quickly realized what he was talking about.

A teammate? Ah, I see. So he's one of Alan's companions.

And I also remembered the ranger's identity. He was a member of Alan Welker's party—the infamous Survivor Elias.

"A future party member? I have no plans of joining anybody, didn't you hear?" I spat out, somewhat annoyed.

In contrast to me, he had a wide grin on his face.

"Well, no need to be get all wound up. That was just a joke," he said and laughed a bit. "But I am curious. Can I ask you why?"

"Why what?"

"Why did you decline the invitation?"

The ranger looked at me, waiting for my response. I stared at him back, intent on remaining quiet. But he just continued watching me with the same casual smile he had from the beginning. When I realized that he wasn't going to give up, I decided to reply.

"Why? It's simple. I value my life and I no longer have any responsibility to save the world."

The ranger's brows furrowed in thought.

"I see, I see." Elias nodded. "That's fine by me. Honestly, I agree with you. No one should be obliged to walk into that hell without having resolve. But you know..."

He paused and stared at me intently.

"If that's really the case then why do you have that expression on your face?"

I froze for a second. Hesitantly, I touched my face with my hands as I tried to get a feel on my expression. As I did, I realized that my expression hasn't changed since Reyes left.

"...So what? Yeah, I'm not exactly happy right now, but anything is better than throwing my life away for the sake of people who don't deserve it," I spat back.

Elias hummed thoughtfully and then replied.

"I see. So you think that people don't deserve your sacrifice... Why? No, honestly you don't need to answer. I even kind of agree with you. I can see how you would look down on everyone else for throwing all the responsibility onto you kids. But you know..."

The ranger's eyes narrowed as he looked into my eyes. For some reason, I felt like he was staring right into my soul.

"That emotion in your face isn't derision. It's anger, isn't it?" Elias asked and immediately continued as if he didn't even need to hear my answer. "Reyes's words... The ones about pretending that the demon invasion doesn't concern you. They bothered you didn't they?"

I clenched my teeth.

"That emotion is self-hatred, I can tell," Elias said and he turned away from me. 

His eyes traveled to the window, or perhaps what lay beyond that—towards the orange-lit skies. By the time I realized it, the sun was already setting down.

Staring at that sunset, Elias spoke.

"Let me tell you about myself a bit," he started. "I'm sure you already heard about me. About how I was one of the only survivors of Jerriah, and how I escaped from the burning Great Forest, right?"

I knew about his story. The Survivor was famous for living through multiple infamous massacres. There were barely any people alive who had gone through as many horrors of the demonic invasion as he had. Some people even called him cursed.

Elias's words carried a hint of self-derrision as he continued his tale.

"I arrived here, to Paladea, relieved from finally escaping the threat of the demons. I was exhausted, still shaking at the smallest creek and terrified that the demons could come at any moment. But what I found here, in this land untouched by demonic hands, was too much for me." 

He smiled bitterly.

"It was too peaceful, you know?"

Elias's voice was shaking. As if that disbelief from several years ago had still lived on inside of him.

"Jerriah were massacred. One of the biggest forests in the world, where many races lived in harmony, was burnt down to cinders. Millions upon millions died. Despite that, the life in Western Nations continued like normal. People slept, worked, laughed, and occasionally complained about something or other. Like the prices increasing or that refugees were filling the streets, and public order was in the gutter. Stuff like that. Rationally, I understood that's just how it is. But no matter how much I tried to tell myself that, I couldn't accept it..."

Elias then spat out something between a sigh and a bitter laughter. He then took a deep breath and shouted.

"To hell with that! Of course, your life isn't doing great—the world is literally about to end! What the hell are you on about!?" 

He was shaking, still clearly not over the shock he had experienced a couple years ago. Then he paused, taking a deep breath and collecting himself.

"But you see—they are right. The world is coming to an end? So what? That almost happened three hundred years ago, and a hundred and fifty years ago, and then a bunch of times before that. Humans... no matter what's happening on the other side of the world, it's far from their priority. That's how it works. You and them—you are all correct. You have no obligation to save the world and neither does anybody else. Live your life the way you see fit and pray that tomorrow comes—what else are you supposed to do? After all, we are only weak and feeble humans. Nothing less, but definitely nothing more."

His words resounded in the hallway. But of course, no one answered him; the two of us were the only ones present.

"And so I did exactly that. They enlisted me in the academy, hoping that my skills could come in handy, but I didn't care about any of that stuff. I told myself all of that had nothing to do with me. I wasn't a hero candidate and i didn't have a powerful Blessing. It took all my efforts just to survive that hell. I just tried to enjoy my life, tried to escape from the horrors that I witnessed. And every time I looked at the sunset—at those fiery skies—I would close my eyes and look away, pretending that it didn't exist. That was until I met Alan."

As he said that, his eyes didn't leave setting sun.

"He was a normal boy who didn't have to become a hero candidate. They didn't expect anything from someone without special powers. But for some reason, he just kept training and training, and training all the time. And at some point, I just found my gaze sliding over his silhouette."

For the first time in a while, Elias's bitter smile became slightly softer.

"'Why does he work so hard?' 'What makes him want to be a Hero if he's powerless?' 'Why won't he just quit?' And finally: 'Why does it bother me so much?' Those were the questions that swirled in my mind. And then, by some kind of miraculous feat, he had done the impossible. Alan had defeated another hero candidate in a duel."

Once again, Elias laughed. But this time it had a note of self-derrision and exasperation.

"Sure, it was just a single duel. And yeah, he probably got pretty lucky. The opponent underestimated him, and Alan prepared every trick in the book in preparation for the fight. But still... He, a normal human, had defeated someone with a Blessing. And that made me realize something."

Elias tore away his eyes from the sunset and then turned towards me, almost as if his next words weren't just directed to himself.

"He wasn't powerless at all. And neither was I."

For just a second, I saw a mirage. A normal boy who had no special powers. He was covered in bruises and scraps, and his slightly childish face was covered in grime and dirt from the constant training. And then I saw him triumph over an impossible force, ordained by the Goddess Herself.

That was the power of someone who wasn't truly special. He would probably never become the strongest, but that didn't mean that he was helpless. He didn't need a Blessing's power to try to change the world as best as he could. And when I saw that silhouette in my mind's eye, I finally got it.

Oh, so that's what bothered me so much.

Finally, I understood why Elias could see through my emotions. Because he was the same as me.

I hated the burden of the hero candidate. And I hated the people who pushed it onto me while standing on the sidelines. They would always say that they were powerless. They would always hide behind the hero candidates like me—putting all the responsibility on others who were cursed to bear a special fate.

And I became convinced that their logic was right. That the only thing I could do was become like them. So I abandoned my burden and never looked back. I hid behind my weakness. Pretended that none of this was my business. And yet, it never sat right with me.

Was I truly powerless? Did none of my actions impact the world in the slightest? Running away was a relief for I had no more weight on my shoulders. But it was also suffocating because it made me feel worthless. Once I accepted my weakness, I lost not just the power to change the world, but even the ability to change my own life. And that's why I had been stagnating this entire time, unable to move forward and lacking direction.

That one single image of Alan lasted but a moment. And after that brief moment, I could feel the knot in my throat becoming undone, and the sinking feeling in my chest fading away. Finally, I felt that my long stagnation was coming to an end.

And as I realized that, Elias spoke to me.

"Listen, kid, you don't have to save the world and you have no obligation to accept Alan's invitation. But regardless of what you choose to do, make no mistake—"

He paused as he stared into my eyes. His eyes reflected a layer of maturity that betrayed his age. He was only six years older than me, but in that moment it almost felt like he was decades my senior.

"—you are not powerless. Nobody is. You can change your destiny with your own hands."

Then, Elias turned around and walked away. He didn't say goodbye or see you again. He left it to me to decide which one was more appropriate. The only thing he wanted was to share his realization with someone he thought was similar to him. And that someone was me.

His words were still stuck in my head. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do in the future. I didn't know if I would ever take up my blade again or choose a different lifepath, nor did I know if I would ever accept this world as it was. 

But there was one thing I knew:

"I don't want to hide behind my weakness anymore."