Escape as a fail

June 4, 2216, Wednesday - June 5, 2216, Thursday

My parents and I were taken out of the hospital by a crew sent by Golden Power. They took us home in a machine similar to what Mrs. Tomiko said. At the hospital I couldn't really conceive of the word car, my mind being far too blurred. When my parents and I left the room, two policemen drove us out of the hospital with Mr. Atsuko. Everyone around me was silent. Behind us, Nagamine came in a hurry, as if not wanting to get me out of his attention too soon.

Arriving in front of the hospital, the two policemen had left, returning with a four-wheeled car, very quiet. My eyes scanned every shiny particle of this car. The tires were big, horribly big. I had never seen anything like it before. Cars were banned after the war, but it was written in a small ECO corner.

One policeman opened one of the four doors for us, and the other opened the back door on the other side. My mother and I went in on the right, and my father went in on the left. Inside, the air seemed clogged with a strong odor of perfume, something I think is called a car air freshener. The two policemen went up to the front seats, immediately after they closed the doors for us and discussed something with Mr. Atsuko.

Nagamine stood outside with Furukawa's father, without taking me out of his worried and tense eyes. When Mr. Atsuko nodded, the two policemen got into the car, starting the engine very quietly. In just a few moments I got home. One of the policemen remained in the car, while the other opened our doors and led us to the house. He went up with us to the door of the apartment but did not dare to enter the house.

Then I locked myself in the room and when I went to the window to draw the curtains, I noticed a car with which the Golden Power people were sent, sitting and watching the house carefully.

"You should turn off the light," Nagamine tells me, suddenly appearing in the room.

I start to startle at his appearances. I close the diary and carefully place it in the office drawer, then return to Nagamine with my chair, looking at his much-worried expression. I sigh and get up, turn off the light and sit on the bed.

"They shouldn't see you awake at this hour," he continues. Now we're going to have to go out and get your backpack.

"And how are you going to do that?" Any idea?" I say, almost exasperated.

"Fortunately I really have. I want you to go to the window and look at their tires. To one of them, to be more specific. You did this once before, with Imada when she fell."

"I can't control it..."

"No," he interrupts me. "But you can do it if you have some stronger feelings."

I get up in disbelief and go to the window, listening to Nagamine intently. I stare at the car sent by the bastards who drove us home and I concentrate, but nothing happens. I sigh and turn to Nagamine.

"Don't take your eyes off the tire," he tells me, whispering in my ear as if he's teleported next to me in an instant. "Think of Kaba and Mrs. Tomiko. Think of all those who speak of my death without even knowing me. Think about how I end my days, Iwamoto."

I imagine Mrs. Tomiko locked in a cramped cell, sleeping on the cold floor and freezing. I imagine Kaba sitting alone in the dark on a floor as cold as Mrs. Tomiko's, his knees to his chest, crying and screaming for help. He calls my name countless times, waiting for me to come and save him, but during this time I play with everyone's fate, as if I were incompetent and unconscious, thinking only of my good. Poor Kaba. He's so lonely and lost. He's just a kid who didn't do anything wrong, who just wants to play and live his life with friends, just like I was his age.

"Imagine how awful it was to tie the rope. I was preparing for my death, Iwamoto. I knew what awaited me. Then I took a chair." My heart was pounding in my chest and I felt like I couldn't breathe. "All this time I was thinking only of you and my sister. Not to myself, not to my soulmate, and not to Mrs. Tomiko. My sister was going to be devastated, but I listened to you, Iwamoto. You told me to kill myself."

My eyes are watering and my palms are sweating. I become frustrated, realizing that Nagamine committed suicide just because of my stupid words and pieces of advice. I tried to think every time it was better that he died, trying to find an excuse for the criminal behavior I seem to have in my blood.

"I got in the chair. My mucus flowed everywhere and I tried to stifle my cries and sighs so as not to wake my parents. With trembling and scarred hands, I pulled my rope closer. My stomach tightened and tightened, and my heart seemed to stop from time to time. I was taking a deep breath and suddenly because I forgot to breathe. My lungs ached and soon I became dizzy. I wanted to fall off the chair."

My hands tighten and I clench my fists. My jaw clenched and an amalgam of feelings engulfed my body and mind. I feel fear, sadness, and frustration. I'm nervous about myself because I've only been making mistakes lately. I put everyone's life in danger.

"I put the rope around my neck and all I had to do was push the chair and let go of fate. Iwamoto, I couldn't do this. I was so scared. I was crying and thinking about you, my sister, and my old boarding school friend who never showed up after that damn test."

Kaba! And Kaba is someone's friend there and is expected day and night just as Nagamine was waiting for his friend who was already dead in Nagamine's mind. But it wasn't. He was sitting alone in a cell, being watched and tested. He was sad, frightened, and had no one around him. Just like Kaba drowning in his own tears and sighs soaked in despair.

"Then I started swinging left and right due to dizziness until I lost my balance and the chair fell due to my legs being too agitated. The rope began to resist my neck. I felt him tear me in two, cut my neck off. Soon I began to be unable to breathe and soon lost consciousness in the most painful and torturous way possible."

BOOM!

The tire explodes, but my tears and the sadness that surrounds me freeze my whole body. In fact, in law, I killed Nagamine. And this cannot be denied by anyone.

"Iwamoto!"

I have the blood of a murderer, and this cannot be denied by anyone. I have to pay for my actions even if it kills my family. I wouldn't even want to think about poor Kaba sitting alone, waiting to come home, calling me incessantly to help him. And when he returns, his sister is already dead, tried forever for her cold-blooded crimes.

"Iwamoto, come on! What are you doing?"

I shake my head and body, realizing I have a mission to solve. But how can I get everything done if I can't take care of those around me? How can I have this responsibility if everyone around me is dead or in danger?

"Nagamine... I... I'm sorry!" I say, sighing and drowning in saliva.

"Iwamoto, I said those things so I could help you focus and it worked. Now we have to go."

"I can not..."

"Iwamoto, I can't take you! You have to take care of your brother, me, you, and your family. Come on!"

"I can not!" I shout.

Nagamine looked at me in shock, then quickly shifted his gaze to the door of my room. His eyes are fixed on mine and with a terrifying expression he whispers to me:

"Get in bed now."

I realize the seriousness of the tone in which he spoke to me and without thinking twice I put myself under the duvet. In just a few moments, my mother enters the room scared, without knocking, slamming the door against the wall. The light from the hallway enters my room and instinctively I close my eyes, holding them tight.

"Iwamoto, are you okay?" my mother asks me, lightly touching my shoulder.

I ignore her, then open my eyes in bewilderment as if I've just fallen out of sweet sleep. I nod with my eyes half-closed and then turn to face my mother on the other side, showing her that I'm asleep.

My mother leaves the room, closing the door behind her with a gentle, silent motion, then I get up and look at Nagamine.

"She saw your tears. Now she may know you have nightmares, which requires some thorough medical investigation, and at the moment we can't afford to make any mistakes, Iwamoto," he tells me as he sits on the edge of the bed.

"Nagamine, can you hold my hand?"

Nagamine shakes his head, realizing that this was impossible for him. However, at the grave he managed to touch me, he managed to kiss me. The same in the dream. No matter how much I want to kiss Nagamine, this is forbidden to me. And the fact that I see him much more often than when he was alive does not make it easier for me to make the effort to control my desires that ignite when he is next to me.

"Nagamine, I don't know how long I last."

"Oh, Iwamoto. At the moment you don't have to have the strength of an oak. You have to be flexible as a willow. But you have to be strong to become a willow. Be strong to accept the situation you are in."