The Sanctuary of Seven

I remember that one flew I had when I was younger. I was so sick I thought I was going to die. Of course, it was just a small flew with a bit of fever. It was so inconsequential that some cups of tea and some pills could solve the problem. But the feeling you have when you are so sure you’re gonna die is absolutely terrifying. Especially, when you feel that and you also want to die. And you keep staying alive.

That feeling I have this time, too. But it’s not about a simple flew or anything this small. Imagining being tortured. Of course, I’m not tortured but the people who scream that loud… I think they are being tortured to death.

The agonizing shrieks harmonize with the reddest sunset I’ve ever seen in my life. The shadows change their colours from black to blood red and they monopolize the whole land, making space for the darkness to take over my whole being.

I listen carefully to the rowdy prayers of the voices I hear but they are indecipherable. I’m pretty sure they are far from me, too far from me and I don’t know what or who screams this much because I can’t see anyone here. The place looks deserted when you stare at it and so overcrowded if you listen to it.

The sun sheds its last rays, making this place look like a mythological land engulfed in flames. I found myself here in the morning when the sun raised up. I have no clue how I got here or what is this world. I can’t even remember the sunrise and the only thing I know it’s I got here in that time. I gather the last remaining strength and get up, swinging slightly left and right and trying to keep my balance. Without fear of falling, I glance at the abyss that is far too steep.

I’m not afraid of the possibility of falling. I’m not afraid of the possibility of feeling pain. I’m not afraid to die either. I think you are afraid of dying when you are alive, but when you feel dead already there is nothing you can be scared of.

However, at the same time, things seem distorted like they are from a dream. Everything feels so real but I got the feeling of being captured in a dream. Maybe my mind conceived this world following the words my grandmother used to say to me when I was just a kid. She described to me how Hell looks like. Everything is covered in red shades like it is fire everywhere. Unusual water with its foaming waves stops at the bottom of the precipice. Darkness seems to have created this red ocean with choppy waves.

And if I threw myself into the ocean I wouldn’t hit it before the water is a beach. But, hypothetically speaking, if I manage to jump and fall directly into it, I would probably die-boiled. Or so it seems at first glance, boiling water. Bloody, boiling water from Hell. Maybe I died and I ended up in Hell, literally.

I realize I should stop talking this much about death. Not that I have any urge to commit suicide but I should leave this place because it’s getting colder and colder in a very short time. I feel like I’m spending the night in the desert. And if I remember correctly, in my nana’s stories, Hell was a place that could make you feel lonely, full of fire and flames everywhere and burning people alive. There is no such thing here, especially is no one here. And it’s not hot either. This is why I’m pretty sure I’m not dead and this is not Hell.

I turn my back on the precipice and in front of my eyes lies a ground full of greenery. Nature resounds with freshness and life, although everything has a bright shade of red and death. The grass is thick and the flowers are in a multitude of species. Such a rich and deserted flora, as if no animal lives here.

I don’t know exactly where to go, but, certainly, I can only walk in one direction: far away from the abyss. And I know for sure that I have to hurry because the temperature drops considerably as it goes second by second.

Look at me!

I stop abruptly and look around. I can swear I heard a warm woman’s voice just addressed me. However, the voice seemed to be whispering and the fact that I heard it amid all these shouts means that it is close to me. I walk around, but I don’t see anyone, neither near me nor in the distance.

I remember watching this documentary about people with schizophrenia, and at one point, the narrator asked the viewer to put on their headphones and listen intently at the full volume. Many whispered voices could be heard through the headphones, one in the right ear and one in the left. Sometimes you could hear two different voices saying a different thing in both ears. It was scary. And although they were whispered voices, they resounded very loudly in my ears, as if they were really just in my head. After a few seconds, I couldn’t stand it anymore and I had to take my headphones off. I felt like I was going to cry and that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop all the tears that were about to flow. And for some reason, none flowed. My eyes hadn’t even watered, even though I wanted to cry so bad.

The voice I heard now was the same as in the documentary. But I can’t cry now. I feel nothing but a severe cold circling me. My muscles tense suddenly, alerting my body, and my heart starts pounding at a rapid rate when I hear it again:

Face me!

Involuntarily, I turn my head, but I don’t see anyone this time either. I try not to focus on the screams that are not intelligible anyway and to listen warily to this soft and soothing voice. Obviously, this is no longer heard. I look at the ocean again, realizing that the wind has begun to blow. I don’t really know what’s going on, but I’m not impatient either, although I have no idea where I am or why I’m here. Or what a strange place this is.

Just breathe!

I freeze. Not only I did hear the voice in my right ear, but I could feel her breath on my skin. Dozens of shivers run through my body, making me immobilized. I turn my head to the right in a jerky way, as if I’m in a stupid horror movie.

My muscles relax at the moment I realize that no one is next to me and that I’m probably either going crazy or trapped in a nightmare. Maybe I have a night terror. Or maybe I have sleep paralysis and I have reached a parallel Universe. Maybe I’m in the afterlife.

I try to take a few deep breaths and let the air out several times until I run out of air, then I inhale again. I repeat the process a few times until I feel both my body and heart have calmed down. At the moment, these terrible cries do not seem to be my biggest problem anymore, but the cold and a possible demon who is upset that I have arrived in this world.

I gather some courage to return because for some reason I feel very panicked.

I take a deep breath.

I feel her behind me.

I try to face her.

I wince as quick as I turn back.

I’m panicking.

I’m scared.

I didn’t even get to know if I came back too fast and it seemed to me or if it really was someone… or something?

I see, smell, and hear death.

I finally feel alive.

I feel like I’m gonna die soon.

I look scared in front of me. It takes me a few seconds to realize that is no one in front of me. I’m getting stuck. My feet are firmly rooted to the spot, being unable to move them.

I’m here.

Without the perception of what’s going on, I turn back to face the abyss, but there is no one.

Come on!

I hear her in the back and I turn, but nothing.

Face me!

I’m coming back. There is no one.

I’m here!

I kneel, suddenly closing my eyes. I hold them so tight that they hurt. I wanna cry, but I don’t feel any tears that are about to appear and fall. Just like when I saw that stupid documentary, my eyes don’t even get wet.

Look at me!

I put my hands to my ears and crouch on the ground, letting out the screams of people or creatures or whoever is about to grab me and the cold to envelop my body. I open my mouth to shout along with those voices in the distance. Is that how those people feel? This is how they are being tortured, aren’t they? What I am going through now? Am I not alone here? I force my vocal cords but there is no screaming, no matter how hard I try, as if I was suddenly speechless. I start to hug myself because of the cold, feeling the rougher wind. I feel my toes, hands, and nose freezing. I swing back and forth and I feel like I’ve been really driven crazy.

Get up!

I ignore my voice which is gone and keep my position, trying to warm up. The woman talks to me with a very warm voice, so reassuring that all the shivers go through me when I hear her, panicking me in a way as if my life is in danger right now. Maybe it’s in my head, but the screams in the background diminish. They become more and more silent. That means I’ll be left alone.

One, two, three… I’m starting to count out loud. I realize my voice came back –I don’t know when – but I still can’t scream. My throat hurts like I’ve been screaming for hours at a club on Friday night to cover the music that’s too loud. Twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four… How did I end up here? I was literally in a club on Friday or Saturday.

I’m waiting to hear that female voice again. Thirty-four, thirty-five, thirty-six… I feel like I’m sinking into a grave silence. I’m waiting for something, for anything. A sentence, a word, a sound. But nothing is heard. I can only hear silence, a deafening one while my heart beats in my chest, and adrenaline flows through my veins. Sixty-five, sixty-six, sixty-seven… nothing.

I stop counting and open my eyes, leaving my head on the ground for a few moments. I’m too scared to raise my eyes up.

“Look at me!”

I close my eyes and stand up without daring to open them. I almost forget to breathe. I clench my fists and let my body be alert again. My mind is exasperated as if I was caught all this time in a mind game with myself. But now the voice was heard from here, next to me, not from my mind, not from my ear. She’s here.

I suddenly open my eyes and see her. A girl with white hair, radiating energy, light, and life. Maybe I won’t die today. My body instantaneously relaxes, becomes soft as a result of the effort my muscles put in. I analyse her from head to toe, trying not to look disrespectful. I stare at her bare feet hiding among the blades of grass, my eyes climbing to her knees and reaching to the impenetrable armour she wears. I stop to look up, examining the sword she holds in her right hand, with its tip in the ground. It is grandiose and it seems very heavy, shining and mirroring the moonlight.

This place wasn’t full of one hundred ghosts. She was here. It was full of one hundred ghosts and her.

I keep going up. She has thin arms, but they are probably very strong for that sword. Her face is sculpted at perfect angles and has angelic features. I don’t see her having wings, so I don’t think she’s an angel. She’s not a warrior either. She doesn’t look like someone who goes to war often, but she looks like she’s a guardian or something.

I look at her dark red eyes and realize that her appearance resembles a vampire. Too pale skin, unprecedented beauty, red eyes, and long, healthy white hair. She looks dead, and yet she looks more alive than anything or anyone I’ve ever seen. She looks like nature.

“Did I scare you?” she asks me with her delicate tone.

I shook my head involuntarily. I had been that scared all this time when she lies in front of me, giving me hope and life. I shake my head and nod. I can’t make a sound, so I just shake my head or nod. She takes a sudden step towards me and instinctively I back away. She takes my hand in hers and looks at mine for a few seconds.

I am again in the Collective Consciousness away from my body in the cell.

I look behind the angel, seeing several giant stones, and next to them are a table with two chairs.

“What is that?” I ask.

“The Sanctuary of Seven.”

“Am I in the Collective Consciousness?”

“No, you're in your world. Don't you remember that the test started and you are under the influence of drugs to see if you are a witch or not?”