Chapter 1: Loser is the chosen one

As I wait for the train back home my mind ponders into what I had just done earlier this afternoon. I finally had the courage to ask the girl who I loved the most the question I’ve been meaning to ask for years.

[Time rewind: 5 hours]

“H-hey, we’ve um… we’ve been talking for a while now and I’m wondering if you’re willing to… you know, stop being friends?” I asked her. She looked at me with an expression of shock on her face.

Maybe… uh, maybe proposing in front of the school’s bathroom isn’t a good idea. But whatever, I convinced myself. The place doesn’t matter, what matters is that I could finally come clean and confess my love for her. I desperately need to get this feeling out of my chest. My heart raced as I finished uttering those words to her.

“Stop being friends?” She asked. “Sure!”

“Oh really? You want-”

“Yeah! We’re not really fit for a friendship.”

“I totally agree! I’ve been wanting to say the same thing for a while!”

“I’ve been meaning to say the same thing too! Finally, you managed to read my mind!”

“You’ve been feeling the same way too? I’m really glad!”

“I’ve been feeling the same way ever since you first talked to me!”

“Woah! Me too!”

“Uh huh! The way you awkwardly walked to me to start that god awful conversation makes me die inside.”

“Me too! Totally- Eh…? Wait, what?”

“Yeah… the way you keep texting me even though I don’t reply for hours on end, the way you keep staring at me during lunch, the way you make up those pathetic excuses to talk to me.”

“Y-yeah…”

“You even managed to find me even when I was hiding in the bathroom! I purposely waited thirty minutes there to evade you. Thirty minutes! Hell, I even counted the floor tiles to kill time!”

“O-oh…”

“Three times! Three god damn times! There were forty-six by the way, twenty white tiles and twenty-six black ones! And you, you managed to stand there and wait for me? Do you even have a life?”

“Uh…”

“Please, for the love of God, do not approach me anymore. We don’t have any friendship to begin with. Please, don’t disturb me or my friends any longer.”

“Okay…”

[Time Forward: 5 hours]

Damn it! How embarrassing! I haven’t achieved anything in my 16 years of life. Ah, how I wished that I could just die.

Wait, that isn’t a particularly bad idea! Let’s see, I live alone, grades are failing, no family, no friends, no girlfriends at that, and especially no chance of getting laid. Yeah, I think I’m better off buried somewhere. A train is coming by, and I think getting a quick and sudden death by my head being squashed by a train is not a bad way to go. Let’s see, it’s coming at a speed of approximately fifty kilometers per hour, judging by its distance it’s going to get here by…

Damn it, this only made me more aware of how lacking my mathematical skills are! Well, it doesn’t matter anyways since I’m about to die in a few minutes.

But wait, am I sure? What will become of me if I die?

I’m still a sixteen year old, I’m young, I have a life ahead of me. I haven’t even accomplished my life long dream of banging hot chicks on a private jet. Maybe I shouldn’t kill myself, maybe I should go back home and rethink things.

Yeah, I should. You know what? I refuse to back off from life. I’m not going to die today! I am not a quitter, I’m a fighter!

“Brrt… brrt”

Oh, a phone call. What a coincidence. Maybe it’s my parents telling me they love me or someone confessing their love to me.

“Hell-”
“Tenant 405?”

“Y-yes. Who is this?”

“Someone who’s very upset about your existence.”

“A-are you a hired assassin out to kill me or something?”

“I’m about to be if you don’t pay your rent for this month. It’s been two months overdue and if you don’t pay this month I have no choice but to kick you out.”

“But-”

She hung up on me.

On second thought, that train track looks like a rather pleasant place to die.

Let’s see, there’s no one around? Great! And a one… and a two… and a…

It feels surreal. As I jump I could feel as if time is getting slower. As if I’m hovering above the air and the concept of time and gravity no longer have any effects on me. Well, this is it. What a life it was, definitely a two out of ten though. God, if you’re out there, please bless me with a handsome face in my next life. Oh also please don’t make me a loser again? Thanks.

This is the final moment. As death embraces me, I-

“My name is Amenia Amaranth! You have insulted a member of the royal guard, now you shall perish! Hiyaaaa!!!”

Eh? What’s this girl doing? Is she dumb or something? Doesn’t she know it’s a moving train? Why is she jumping towards it? Hindsight, she looks cute. Scratch that, she’s really really cute. Adorable, even. She looks like she’s the same age as I am, or maybe a year below me. What’s with that outfit though? She looks as if she came out of a cosplay convention or something. Like, come on, who would cover up her lower arms but let her armpits be exposed like that if not for a fantasy anime character?

Who cares? She could jump for all I care. Heck, maybe the media would make something out of this. “Loser and some insane cosplayer girl involved in mass suicide? Read all about it!” I could just sense the headlines from a mile away.

But why is time so slow? Has gravity always been this weak? God, are you giving me a second chance? Maybe this chick is my second chance! But, if I don’t die, then what about the chance of meeting a beautiful goddess? Damn it! Decisions, decisions, decisions. You know what?

“Don’t jump!” I say, slow-mo Hollywood style. I halt my jump half-way and run towards the girl instead, ramming into her and stopping her jump as a result.

The train whooshes by us as we stare at each other with me on top of her. Let me guess, my hand is going to end up in one of her breasts and then she’s going to call me a “pervert.” After that, she’s going to hit me and call me “s-stupid” while stuttering, blushing as she does. Then, a whole romance spirals from this encounter where I would meet various other girls and she would have to compete to be my girlfriend.

“You!” She says as she stares into my eyes. “Y-you…”

“Pervert? Idiot?”

“You’re the chosen one!”

“Thought so… wait what?”
“You! You! You!” she says as she attempts to stand up. “I knew it! You are the chosen one!”

“Uh, what…? Okay this is way off script. My hands aren’t even touching your breasts. What the hell?”

“Oh, your hand is behind my back.”

“Really? Why can’t I feel it?”

“Okay, let’s just…”

An awkward montage of us trying to get up and failing to do so repeatedly because we both seem to have an intellect lower than that of a frog ensues.

“Okay, I think I have to get up first and then-”

“No, no. I have to get up first...”

“We’ve been doing this for five minutes! This is way too long! Who are you anyways!?”

“My name is Amenia Amaranth, a member of the valiant and brave royal guards of the realm of Em. I bring forth-”

“Oh! I got it now! Okay, you move your hands here and I move mine there, then we can get out.”

“Oh, right… here?”

“No! Not there! There!”

“What is the difference between there and there!”

“What I meant was… there we go! Finally!” I say as we both manage to overcome our lack of intellect with our brilliant teamwork.

“What were you saying?” I say as I stand up. I can’t feel my right hand for some reason.

“Ehem… I bring forth a decree from my realm. The chosen one is here, and that is you. The chosen one-”

“Arghhhhh!!!”

“What happened?”

“I’ll tell you what happened! My right hand, damn you! You broke it! How heavy are you? My fingers are absolutely destroyed! I can’t jerk off now!”

“Jerk off? Is that another word for ‘write’?”

“Uh… yes. Carry on.”

“The chosen one is-”

“Ouch!”

“Don’t try to grab anything with it!”

“I was gonna call an ambulance!”

“Then do it with your left hand!”

“I can’t! I’m not used to it!”

“Hmph! The-”

“Ouch!!”

“Shut up and listen! Stop trying to see if you can open your phone!”
“Okay okay fine.”

“The chosen one is going to help us the evil Villainous Maximus-”

“Really? That’s his name?”

“Well, yeah!”

“That’s stupid! That’s like a villain named Bad-guy Evilmus or something!”

“That’s his treacherous henchman! How do you know? You truly are the chosen one.”

“Huh, maybe I am. Or maybe you're just making this up?”

“Do the chosen one not believe me?”

“Yes. And stop calling me that. The name’s-”

“Hiroshi Tanaka?”

“H-how did you know?”

“Fu fu fu. Of course, you are the chosen one after all. And you come from… uh… the realm of box with one line in the middle of it and-”

“Box with one line in the middle of it? What are you… oh. Give me that!” I say as I grab her hand.

“Kyaa!”

“And stop making cute noises!” I say as I snatch my identity card from when I was having my student exchange in the US from her hand. “The chosen one, huh? Where did you get this?”

“It was on the floor…”

“Well, don’t go snatching things that aren’t yours! Well, you really are making this up.”

“Hmph. I would’ve known your name anyway!”

“Oh yeah? What country is this?”

“Uh… box shaped-”

“Japan! It’s Japan damn it! Can you not read kanji?!”

“I am trained in multiple different languages, one of which…”
“Can you read kanji?”

“No...”

“So you only learned roman alphabets?”

“Yes… I slept through class when they discussed those weird shapes.”

“I see. Where are you from?”

“I am from the realm of Em, far beyond the comprehension of the mere human mind-”

I give her a smack in the head, to which a cartoonish “bonk” noise ensues.

“Ouch! What was that for?”

“Where are you really from? Are you a tourist with delusions?”

“I’m not! I told you, the realm of Em is where I’m from!”

“Oh yeah? Then show me!”

“Not here. Not now. The enemy is watching us from shadowy corners.”

“So, where could you show me?”

“Do you have a lodging, chosen one?”

“Do I have a house? Yes. Am I going to let you in it? Absolutely not.”
She changes her facial expression into a pout. What’s this? Does she really have magic? Why do I feel the sudden urge to obey all her orders? Damn it, should I let her into my house? Tsch, this weirdo. No. No! I refuse to be pushed over just because of a pout. I may be a loser, but I refuse to be a slave of my lusts!

“Fine then, don’t show me anything. I’m gonna go home now. Bye bye!” I say, walking away.

“B-but… I have nowhere else to go.”

“Go back to Em or some place. Have a good night!”

It’s hard to ignore such a demand from such a cute girl, but I am a man of integrity. I am a man of respect, honour and dignity. No mere woman shall ever push me just because of her cute looks. I am-

“P-please…”

What’s this feeling? It feels unfamiliar, it feels distant, it feels… impossible to achieve. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I have just felt the warmth of a woman. As her small arms wrap around me I can feel myself blushing to death.

“Wha-? Stop!”

“Ah! Sorry!” She says, letting go of her grasp. “I’m sorry! It’s just, you’re the chosen one, Hi… Hiro… Hirotaka.”

“Hiroshi! It’s Hiroshi damn it!”

“Yes! That’s what I meant! Please, our realm is in desperate need of your assistance. Only you could defeat the villainous-”

“You don’t need to mention that stupid name again! Tsh…”

She lets out a pout.

“You think that’s gonna work on me?”

She somehow manages to let out an even cuter pout.

“D-do you really think I’m that shallow?”

She grabs my hand and holds it close to her chest, still maintaining the pout.

“Hiro… Hiro-”

“Hiroshi. It’s Hiroshi.”

“Hiroshi, please…”

“F-fine! Argh! I hate you! And I somehow manage to hate myself even more! Fine, follow me.”

[Time skip: thirty minutes]

“Your home is very tiny, chosen one.”

“Shut up! This is all I could afford!”

“In my realm, this space is equivalent to what we give our pigs.”

I manage to hold back my tears, somehow.

“What is this bin? And why is it full of white napkins?”

“Oh, those are called tissues and… No! Do not touch them!”

“Why?”

“Just don’t! For the love of god step away from that bin! It’s a bio-hazard that I wouldn’t even want my worst enemy to touch”

“Oh… Is it an earth weapon?”

“Uh… I guess you could call it that. Whatever you do, don’t touch it.”

She steps further into my room, to which she stumbles upon a pizza box that I forgot to throw out.

“Eh!? What’s this?”
“That’s um… food.”

“Woah! Earth delicacy.”

“Well, I wouldn’t want that to represent our whole planet but-”

“It’s chewy… I hate it.”

“Chewy? A pizza is far from-”

As I turn my gaze towards her, her hands hold the pizza box near her mouth while the two slices of pizza left in the box drop to the floor. There is a small bite mark at the top of the box.

“It’s very hard to swallow.”

“You’re really not from earth, are you?”

“Maybe not, but I am well versed in earthly behaviour. I have studied-”

“Eating cardboard boxes isn't earthly behaviour, you dumbass!”

“B-but, all my years of studies-”

“Is worthless! How could you speak a language fluently but not learn it’s written form? Are you even human?”

“Close, I’m a halfbred.”

“Halfbred? Are you a dog or someth- What!?”

As she reveals her ear that was previously hidden behind her hair, I make an astonishing discovery. And that is the fact that her ear is pointy, ridiculously pointy.

“My father is the human king of Estria, and my mother is the elven king of Elvendor. Long ago, the two kingdoms are-”

“Could you spare the lore? I’m not in the mood. What I’m in the mood for, however, is whether or not your ear is fake.”

“Hey! Quit interrupting my explanations! And they’re as real as they come!”

“Can I touch it?”

“Why would you want to touch it?”

“I’m going to touch it.”

“Kyaaa!” She says as I attempt to touch her pointy ears.

“Make one more cute noise and I’ll throw you out.”

“Hmph! The chosen one is mean!”

“Did the prophecy say I’m gonna be a nice dude?”

“I-it didn’t.”

“See? You only got yourself to blame. Next time choose a nicer one. Anyhow, show me this “realm of Em” or something.”

“I will…”

Her face inches closer towards me. She holds both of my arms firmly, to which my response was:

“Argh! I told you it’s broken! Don’t press on it!”

“Shush. Don’t interrupt my magic.” She says, with both her eyes closed. She then holds both of her arms up along with mine, revealing her red dress that looks exactly like something a fantasy anime character would wear. Why do girls' outfits in the fantasy genre always have an element of fanservice to it? Like look at hers for crying out loud, she’s not even making a suggestive pose and yet her cleavage are in full view. Her breasts aren’t even large and yet there’s a full cleavage right in front of my face? Hey author, stop your shitty perversion!

Wanna know what else is in full view? Her whole face. Yes, her face is exactly two centimeters away from mine. I can feel something rising, and it isn’t the Shield Hero. Ehem, anyhow, is she making a move on me? Is this the moment? Am I going to have my first kiss right here? Oh god I’m so nervous. But you know what they say, you have to trust the process. I close my eyes and move my face closer to hers.

This is it, this is my first kiss. Thank god I didn’t kill myself! God, thanks for not making me a loser anymore, I’m going to-

“Yaaaa!!! Invicta portacus maximus!”

So much for having my first kiss. Suddenly, a blue… uhm… blue wormhole appears. I’m not entirely sure what that is but I think it’s a portal of some sorts.

“Enter!!!”

And then, with that single word coming out of this girl whose face is a few centimeters away from me, the whole content of my apartment is sucked away into it.

“Are you insane? Stop this! Look at the tissues! Oh god no!”

“See you in Em, chosen one” She says while letting go of my hands. The moment she fully lets go, her whole body is sucked away into the blue portal.

“What the- what the actual hell? Oi girl, turn this off! Please! No! Not the pizza box!” I say as the content of my room is being sucked away. Which, uh… which isn’t a lot but it’s still worrying.

I begin realizing that the portal is getting stronger and stronger and is starting to pull me away. I instinctively grab my bed frame with my left hand. Ah shit! My favorite pair of underwear is flying away. Yes! Grabbed it with my left hand! Wait, which hand did I use to hold on to the bed again? Oh, right.

“Ahhhhh!” I shout as my body is sucked into the portal. “Damn you, stupid underwear!”