Chapter 2: Loser ends up in an alternate dimension.

 “Oof!” I say as I land face first on a patch of grass.

Really author? Using underwear as a way to get me in here? I must applaud your comedic writing. What’s that? I should stop breaking the fourth wall and focus on my surroundings instead? Good point.

“Hishiro-”

“Hiroshi!”

“Hiroshi, welcome to the realm of Em. I told you, it is something that is beyond your earthly compre-”

“This is it?”

“What do you mean “this is it?””

“I mean… the place has two moons that somehow show up in daylight and all, but all I see is a green meadow spanning towards the horizon. Really? This is it?”

“W-well… look! Look at the animal there!”

“Really? Unicorns? Lady, we have giraffes. An animal with a neck as long as an entire person. As far as I’m concerned, my world makes less sense than yours.”

“U-uh…”

“Look, is there a town or someplace like that? You’re cute and all but your stupidity turns me off. I wanna go to a place with girls. Wait, is there a place for actual catgirls here!? We have to go there! The chosen one demands it!”

“I’m uh… banned from entering my kingdom.”

“What!?”

“Y-yeah…”

“Why!?”

“My father and mother sent me and my two sisters on a mission to retrieve the chosen one.”

“Well now that you’ve retrieved me, you’re free to go back home, right?”

“N-not yet… We still have to collect the six World Shards to prove you’re the chosen one…”

“What!? Okay, I’m done with this chosen one bullshit. I’m going to go and find a town with catgirls.”

“You can’t! Earthlings will be zapped out by the guards!”

“Zapped out? You mean…”

“Killed!”

I swallow my saliva.

“But you’re not denying the existence of catgirls though? Please at least tell me there’s catgirls in this world.”

“N-no. What is it with you and catgirls? I’m a literal elf, aren’t you impressed?”

“Meh, talk to me when you have cat ears, Anemia something.”

“My name is Amenia Amaranth!”

“Too long! I forgot that already. I’m gonna call you “girl” from now on.”

“What? That’s stupid!”

“Shush, girl. Do not question my authority. Anyhow, this sucks, can I go home? Also, could you transport my stuff back too?”

“Wait!”

“What is it girl? If it’s some dumb- Woah!”

What is in front of me truly convinced me that the Realm of Em is magical. The stupid girl somehow managed to hold a fireball on her palm.

“How do you do that?”

“Em magic. You can do it too.”

“Cool. Okay, ehem… Explosion!!!”

“What are you doing?”

“Genjutsu!”

“Stop!”

“Oh or maybe, do you guys use domain expansion?”

“What even is that?”
“Oh, of course! There needs to be a law of equivalent exchange, isn’t there?”

“Stop making anime references!”

“Am I going to ride a giant robot?”

“N-no! This is a fantasy! Not a mecha!”

“Look girl, that fireball thing is pretty impressive, but I have to be able to do it too. I wanna be the main character and I’m not going to be one if you’re the one with superpowers.”

“Look! Let me train you!”

“Nope, I tried.”

“You call shouting random anime references trying!?”

“Girl, I’ve seen enough anime to know that the training arc is going to be a boring one. If I’m not a person with superpowers in an instant then what’s the point? I’m the chosen one, right? So I have to be amazing at this Em magical power stuff without any training. If I’m not then… meh? Could you open the portal?”

“Do it yourself.”

“Listen here girl, if you-”

“I said” She says while holding her fist. “Do it yourself.”

“Psh, you think a girl like you- okay that sounds sexist, twitter please don’t cancel me. Psh, you think someone like you scares me?”

“You should be. I could kill you in an instant.”

“Oh yeah? You and what army?”

“Not an army, a meteorite!”

As I look above me, there is indeed a meteorite coming towards us at a worrying rate. And no, this isn’t a Your Name type of scenario. We’re literally in its blast zone.

“Too bad girl. If I die you’re- You have a shield!? That is so unfair!”

“Summon a portal!” She shouts behind that glossy barrier of hers.

“U-uh. Portal go!”
“You don’t have to say anything you idiot! Just close your eyes and imagine a portal!”

“Uh… imagine? Okay, okay, a portal…”

Think, think, think. A blue portal to get us the hell out of this mess. Come on, portal portal portal! Shit, all I can think about are cat girls.

“This isn’t working!”

“Try harder!”

“How?”
“Come on you useless loser, go and make a portal!”

“H-hey that’s uncalled for!”

“You good for nothing asshole! You can’t even imagine a stupid portal!!!”

“I’m trying here!”

“You’re a disappointment. You can’t even do anything right, you big useless fat piece of-”

“I get it! Keep the feedback going, it's only gonna help. You know what? To hell with all this! To hell with being the chosen one! I don’t care if I die!”

“Yeah, go do the universe a favor and kill yourself! You shouldn’t even exist in the first place!”

“Oh yeah!? Well tough luck universe, I’m here already! I came to this world screaming and covered in blood and I’m leaving the same way. Come here you stupid girl!”

“W-wait, look!”

“Nope, that’s literally the oldest trick in the book. You’re going down with me!”

“No, look at your hands!”

Somehow, the girl manages to convince me to look at my hands.

“Woah! They’re glowing!”

“Now, blow off that meteorite!”

“I can?”

“Want me to insult you again?”

“I don’t think that’s needed.”

“Then blow it up!”

“What? Like a Death Star?”

“Stop making pop culture references!”

I point my fingers towards the sky. In an instant, the glow that was radiating in my hand turned to a red hue. The meteorite draws closer and closer.

“Uh… by the power of the chosen one-”

“What are you doing!? Shoot it!”

“I’m making a cool one liner!”

“Do you not understand the gravity of the situation?”

“Gravity? Huh, nice pun. Wish I thought of that.”

“Shoot it you dumbass!”

“Ah right.”

Without having to say or do anything, the red hue that covered my hand turned into red lighting blasting towards the sky. As the red lighting hits the meteorite, it tears apart and comes crumbling down in small pieces. Looks like I’ve become the main character now. Glad the training only lasted a few seconds.

“Oh so now you lower your shield? And what was that all about? Why’d you insult me like that?”

“I-I’m sorry! It was all for obtaining your powers.”

“Does it run on insults or something? Is it a masochist? Am I a masochist? Woah… I’ve unleashed a new fetish!”
“P-please stop being gross. No, it runs on a feeling of self-deprecation.”

“W-what!? This is like hulk but if he’s written by an edgy teenager or something!”

“There’s other ways to. Rage, arrogance, uh… et cetera.”

“You have very limited vocabulary, don’t you?”

“Point is, it runs on negative emotions. Earth F-615 has a lot of it.”

“Earth does have a lot of assholes- What? F-615?”

“Yep. Your earth is F-615.”

“What do you mean my earth? There’s only one earth!”

“On the contrary, the realm of Em is also earth.”

“What…?”

“Did I forget to tell you? Multiverse exists”

“Wha- What!? What do you mean “the multiverse exists”?”

“There's an infinite timeline as the universe possesses unlimited potential. There’s a reality where life doesn’t exist, a reality where the universe blows itself up into pieces, a reality where there are dragons roaming around space, and many more.”

“And you just told me this now!? Do you know how insane that is? Why are you so nonchalant about it?”

“Realm of Em has been involved with multiverse travel for quite some time now, so does other versions of earth. Your earth is too primitive to develop it.”

“Oh really? Primitive?”

“Yep. But don’t worry, every reality has its pace. Ours just happen to have magic in it so we did it quicker.”

“So there’s a reality where catgirls exist?”

“What is it with you and catgirls!?”

“Tell me girl!”

“There is! But their males are twice as attractive and muscular so you’d stand no chance.”

“Damn it!”

“Anyhow, we should go back to your earth. One of the shards is there.”

“What do these shards do?”

“Well, because you happen to be the chosen one, you are going to defeat the evil Villainous Maximus-”

“Does he have any other name? I refuse to battle someone with a name that dumb.”

“Many realities have different names for him. Ours is Villain-”

“Dumb, ehem, dumb name.”

“Be quiet! He’s also called Heartpiecer.”

“What is this guy, a fuckboy or something?”

“No! He literally pierces a person’s beating heart!”
“Damn, that sucks.”

“It's more than “that sucks”! He’s coming for Em. And after Em, he’s going to go after your world. He has a fleet double the size of your planet. If we don’t get to him head on, we’ll lose this fight.”

“Why don’t you fight him with Em magic or some shit?”

“It doesn’t work outside our realm.”

“What!?”

“That’s why we need the shards. They come from Em and they could emit power from Em if eaten.”

“So I have to eat rocks!?”

“Yes. Don’t worry they’re edible.”

“Uh huh, how assuring. Why do I have to do this though? Can’t you have someone from Em who could, I don’t know, be the chosen one?”

“We can’t. The prophecy foretold that it had to be from earth dimension F-615. Besides, our people are filled with valor and bravery, there’s no chance that we can muster enough power to defeat Heartpiercer.”

“Oh wow. Are you telling me that my earth is filled with assholes?”

“Couldn’t describe it better!”

“Tsch! We have other things too, you know? Like guns, and uh…”

“Guns? Our reality has literal magic.”

“Oh yeah? If you’re so advanced then why would you jump to a moving train?”

“That metal creature is named train?''

“Creature? Psh… Hahahahaha!”

“S-stop laughing!”

“Oh god… who’s the primitive one now, huh?”

“I don’t like the way it hisses! It was mocking me!”

“Yes girly, whatever you say.”

“Stop calling me that!”

[Time skip: 10 minutes; Location: Earth F-615, BurgerDonald]

“Amazing how this place could avoid copyright claims by combining the name of two of the most renowned fast-food chains…”

“This is really good! What is this!?” The girl says while munching down on two of her burgers. They’re the exact same, with the exception that one has pickles in it and one doesn’t.

“Hamburgers. Don’t eat too fast, you can choke and die.”

“People die that way here?”

“Yeah! Do people not choke on food in your reality?”

“No, they usually choke on the dungeons.”

“W-what? Wow, thanks for lightening up the mood for our 12 p.m dinner!”

“No problem!” She says with a smile covered in food.

“That was called sarcasm, dumb girl.”

“Oo, what is this sarcasm, Hishiron?”

“Are you gonna keep mispronouncing my name? Because it’s gonna get old very quickly.”

“Monogatari did it.”

“Monogatari has an excellent writer with witty dialogues, we have an angst teen at our disposal, you shouldn’t put too much hope. Anyhow, where is this shard thingy I have to apparently swallow?”

“It’s in this kingdom called France located in the plains of Europe.”

“We have to go to France!?”

“Apparently so. My great-great-great-great grandfather once travelled across the multiverse and landed one of the shards here. He was said to have met a brilliant painter by the name of Da Vinci.”

“Hold up. Why did your ancestor even come here?”

“Okay, let me explain the entire lore here. Em’s reality is a rare one you see. Ours has magic that is easy to obtain and powerful, even an idiot like you could master it in a few seconds. Most of the realities are like yours, or even worse. Normal, bland, boring-”

“Uh huh… Please stop the slander, you’re literally munching on our food.”

“However, like I said, the power cannot be used outside of Em. Meaning that even if you may be the most powerful magic user in Em, on this version of earth you’re just a plain joe. Therefore, the ancient king of the olden days of Em created a shard in order to transmit the power of Em throughout the entire multiverse. But, many across the multiverse started eyeing on it so that they could manifest Em’s powers in their own multiverses. Therefore, the old king decided to split the Shard into six and spread them across the multiverse randomly. Even us two hundred years later had difficulty deciphering where the shards were. When we managed to uncover it, we decided that it should only be used for emergencies only, and now is that emergency.”

“Hm… I see. France, huh? But why did you come to Japan in the first place? We're literally on the opposite side of the planet!”

“Uh, reasons. Speaking of which, do you have no methods of travelling to this land of France?”

“I do…”

“Then that shouldn’t be a problem!”

“But my family is going to disown me.”

“Ah, your earth is really scary.”

“Says the one with dungeons.”

[Time skip: 20 minutes; Location: Earth F-615, still BurgerDonald]

“Okay! Okay! I’m going to call!”

“You’ve been going on about that for twenty minutes!”

“I’m going to press it for real now.”

“Not this again...”

“This is it. I’m calling now…”

“Press it.”

“Right… now….”

“Press it!”

“Shush! You don’t know how our technology works!”

“Press it, you pussy!”

“Don’t call me a pussy, girl!”

“I’ll do it myself then.”

“Don’t do it! Argh!”

She holds out her arm to grab my phone. I instinctively put my hand up.

“Call!”

“I will!”

“Liar!”

She climbs the table with that red fantasy-themed dress of hers.

“Stop! Everyone’s looking at you!”

“The place is empty!”
“Get down! Then, I’ll call!”

“Nope.”

She gets dangerously close to me. To the point where the table tilted and…

“Arrgh!”

“Hyaaa!”

“Stop saying hyaa!”

“Ouch!”

She fell right into me, leaving behind spills of drinks and burgers on the floor. Damn it, this would be a romantic scenario, if only the one falling on me wasn’t stupid girl.

“I told you, get down from the table.”

“Beep!” She says while pressing the call button on my phone. Damn it! I lowered my guard. Looks like she has the last laugh.

“You should go to a dimension where there’s dragons and die. No, in fact, you should go to any dimension and die.”

“Hello?” The voice on my phone calls out.

“Y-yes! Hello… dear mother.”

“Don’t dear mother me, I haven’t heard of you in six months, where the hell have you been.”

“Uh… busy.”

“You wouldn’t call unless you need anything.”

“That's not true! I call all the time!”

“When you need something. Now, what do you need?”

“Two tickets… to France.”