Chapter Twenty-Six

Ven had ridden on a horse a total of two times in her life. Both of those times, she’d been riding alone, walking the animal around in a small circle in a closed pen during a festival. This, tragically, did not prepare her for riding at a full clip, clinging on tight behind Master Eujin as the draft horse they’d borrowed from Torstein thundered down the dirt road as fast as it could manage with two riders on its back. By the end of the first hour, her behind was so sore from thudding against the hard leather of the saddle that she had to grit her teeth to keep herself from yelping in pain every time the beast hit a rise in the ground. By the end of the first day, it was the only thing she could think about.

They rode until well after dark, and by the time they finally stopped for the night, Ven felt like someone had worked over the bottom half of her body with a hammer. She limped her way over to the fire Master Eujin was building, dropping her pack on the ground and making a makeshift seat for herself out of everything in it softer than the ground. She gingerly lowered herself onto it with a groan, and Master Eujin gave her a sideways glance as the fire flared to life.

“There’s some poppymilk in the saddlebags if you need it. That’s only going to hurt worse the longer time goes.” He said.

Ven shook her head.

“I’m fine. I’d rather be lucid.” She said, staring into the flames.

“If you insist.” He replied. He set up the pit over the fire and filled it with water from one of their waterskins.

They sat in silence for several long moments as they waited for the water to boil. Finally Ven broke the silence.

“How far are we from Ashmark?” She asked.

“If the map Torstein gave us is accurate, we’re about half a day away.” Eujin replied.

“Tomorrow is the Solstice, isn’t it?”

Master Eujin nodded quietly, his face grim. Ven crossed her arms, her brows furrowed in thought. Another period of silence stretched out between them until Ven finally spoke again.

“If what you think is going to happen happens, tomorrow will be the first real battle I will have ever been in.” She observed, the thought occurring to her for the first time. She looked at him. “Am I ready?”

Master Eujin met her gaze, seeming to ponder something for a long moment.

“Yes.” He said finally. “I think you are.”

She looked at the ground, watching the firelight shadows flicker on the ground. As she was sitting here, the realization of what was in front of her began to set in. If the attack came, she’d be faced with another horde of blightwraiths. She’d have to be surrounded by fear and darkness and death as they slaughtered those too weak to protect themselves. And somewhere in the middle of all of this, Sevastian would be commanding it all and stealing away Unawakened to steal their magic for himself. Only this time, she wouldn’t be defenseless. And, she wouldn’t be alone. But that didn’t change the fact that in this moment, thinking of what was coming, she felt absolutely, pants-pissingly terrified.

After dinner, sleep did not find Ven easily. The saddle soreness would have probably been enough on its own to keep her from it, but she simply could not get her mind to relax. All she could do was fret over what was going to happen tomorrow, and all the terrible things that could happen, and despite her best efforts could not stop her hands from shaking or her heart from pounding. Finally giving up, she rolled out of her bedroll and walked the short distance to the smoldering embers of the fire.

“Can’t sleep?” Master Eujin asked from the darkness on the other side of the embers, nearly making her jump out of her skin.

“I’m afraid.” She admitted aloud quietly, letting the words hang in the air between them.

Master Eujin smiled softly.

“Me too, kid.”

Ven’s eyes shot to him as she sat.

“Wait, really?”

He chuckled.

“Yep, really. In my experience, the only people not afraid of the kind of thing we’re walking into are too stupid to know better.” He said.

Ven looked down, uncertain what to think.

“Does it get any easier to handle?” She asked.

“What? Being afraid? Sure. It gets easier to manage over time. You learn how to act in spite of it. But it never goes away.” Eujin replied. “I still find myself scared shitless. Even now.”

He reached into his pack and tossed her a wineskin.

“Also, this helps.” He said.

Ven pulled the cork and drank several burning mouthfuls before handing back.

“I can’t help but feel like life would have been a lot easier if Mother had just let me have this stuff, rather than keeping it away from me. It makes so many things so much easier to deal with.” She said.

Eujin laughed softly.

“It does. But she did the right thing keeping you from it until you were older. Alcohol’s not the sort of thing someone your age should have free access to.” He said.

“Why?” Ven asked, frowning.

“Because,” He replied, swallowing and wiping his mouth, “much like Thaumaturgy, alcohol is addictive, and if not used carefully and in moderation, is just as good at turning you into a monster or killing you.”

Ven rolled her eyes.

“Oh, give me a break.” She said, reaching for the wineskin in his hand again.

Eujin locked eyes with her, and made a point of holding the wineskin out of her reach.

“I’m not kidding, Ven. You must treat all things that alter the mind or the body with respect. If you don’t, you will very quickly find them controlling you, instead of the other way around.” He said.

Ven sighed.

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Good.” Eujin said, tossing her the wineskin.

They sat together in the chill night air, trading the wineskin back and forth in silence until Master Eujin spoke again.

“You talk a lot about your mother, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk about your father. Did you two not get along growing up?” He asked.

Ven shook her head.

“He died when I was young. The fever took him when it came to Renning. He was kind, but he passed before I turned five, so I never really got to know him that well, really. Mother’s been all I’ve had for most of the time.” She said.

“She never got remarried?” He asked.

Ven shook her head.

“No. She said my father was the only man she could ever truly love, and that she’d rather be alone than marry again.” She said, staring into the fire. “I always thought that sounded stupid, but she genuinely didn’t seem to want anything else, and every time I brought it up she’d end up giving me chores to do, so I stopped asking.”

“I see.” Eujin said quietly. “Well, I’m sorry to hear that.”

Ven shrugged.

“It is what it is. It used to make me sad when I was young. Now I don’t even really think about it much anymore.” She said, yawning.

“I used to think about nothing but my family, when they were first taken from me. Now, eleven or so years later, I barely think about them at all.” Eujin admitted. “I’m afraid to imagine what they’d think of me if they saw who I am now.”

“Do you think they’d be ashamed of your or something?” Ven asked. She could feel the familiar tingle of the wine starting to take effect, and it was starting to make her drowsy.

“Something like that.” He said.

“Why?” Ven asked.

“They were both very religious, and both saw violence as the ‘last bastion of the simple-minded’.” He said, his eyes staring into the distance. He chuckled bitterly. “I suppose they’ve probably turned out to be right, in the end. I think if they saw me now, they’d probably see nothing but a barbaric animal.”

Ven yawned again, and rubbed her eyes. Before she could say anything in reply, Master Eujin stood.

“Get some sleep, Ven. We’re both going to need as much of it as we can get if tomorrow goes as expected.” He said.

“Oh.” Ven said, a bit startled at the sudden shift in the conversation. “Uh, okay. Good night, then.”

He grunted something in reply back as he returned to his bedroll, and soon disappeared out of sight as he laid down. Ven laid her head on her makeshift pillow and stared up at stars twinkling down through the sparse tree branches overhead.

This time, sleep did not have a hard time finding her.