How It All Began

Today’s the last day of the semester; I can feel a sense of nostalgia as I see people passing by, carrying their luggage towards bus terminals heading home. Four months ago was the day when it all began, but why does it feel like days ago?
Months feel like days, and days feel like hours, like when I died. To me it seemed like it was just yesterday, but I know the truth. I know I’m dead, I know I’m gone, but why am I still here? I’m not supposed to be here at all. God, I’ve already accepted what had happened but why am I still here on the physical world? Most specially, why am I stuck in one of the chairs of one of the most popular fast food chains in the globe, watching my friends smile, laugh, and have their usual chatters and stories from back when they were young?
I gazed at them with my cold, dead eyes, observing their sincere smiles, and crazy inhibitions. God can tell how I long to touch them once more, but I know my fingers would just pass through their bodies. I was a bit taken back when the person who I call my ‘older brother’ stayed on our, am I supposed to call it ours? Still, he stayed on our table, even when the two just left to go and get some grub. He stayed with me.
I stared at him innocently, observing his high bridged nose and warm brown eyes. If ever I choose to cross the other side, I’ll miss this face, actually I’ll miss all of their faces. Slowly I raised my hand and poke his sides, making sure not to do it hard so that my hand wouldn’t go right through him, with a low ‘I’ll miss you’ with each touch I made. And I guess he never felt it at all, don’t worry, I won’t hold it against him, I know the reason, and no matter what happen I’ll always keep it in mind, I’m dead.
“Eris, don’t worry, we’ll see each other again in no time,” I heard him reply with assurance.
A lone tear escaped my eyes. He still knows, even now that I’m gone, he still knows, he can still feel, he still understands. “Not too early, okay?” I uttered, before averting my eyes towards two figures coming towards us.
Are ghosts supposed to feel pain? Emotions? I guess so. Because right now I can feel that heart quenching sadness, that bone breaking regret, and that sudden churning in my stomach. Why do I have to die so early? Why do I have to leave so soon? I don’t know, maybe it’s meant to be this way, maybe this was supposed to happen.
I swallowed the bile rising up my throat, if there is still bile on my throat, I don’t know. I watched as the two placed the trays on the table and distributed them, placing one before me. I’m dead I don’t need to eat, but why do I feel this heartwarming joy the moment the plate was laid out in front of me. Yeah, it’s because they remembered, they remembered their good old friend, who left the living world weeks ago. For the time being I pondered, will they, I mean those who are alive, will they be able to see the food get consumed by my ghost figure? No one knows, I’m the ghost in the story after all.
I chewed on the food offered to me as I continue to smile at their lame jokes and idiocy. I laughed heartily as I indulge myself in their smiles and laughter as the clanging and breaking sounds became louder. I don’t want to die; no one would want to accept death easily. Why does it have to be so unfair? Among the billions of people why do I have to leave my earthly life as early as I did? Yes, indeed this is God’s will, but I haven’t done so many things, I haven’t accomplished a dozen of big dreams that I had laid out before me. I heaved a sigh.
“Guys, let’s go,” Daera, my supposed to be older sister called, making all of us stand up and pace towards the exit.
Somehow, I chose to walk behind, for Pete’s sake no one would notice, I’m a ghost. Watching them walk before me made me realize a lot of things, made me see all my regrets, and most of all realize that Death isn’t as painful as I thought. It wasn’t as simple as falling asleep, because I felt it… I felt myself breaking, my soul withering as it howls in pain, and my brain shutting down as tears continue to well up my eyes, until I breathe my last. If there is someone to be blamed it would always be me… I suffered because of myself, and the worse thing was… everything started when I believed the word SORRY.