Some Fake Memories

Maria.Who is she?I don't know, but whenever I think about her, I feel happy. It feels like a warm flower blooming inside me, giving some colour to my life.I sit beside Aru and the others, trying to understand everything that has happened.I have found a way to my home.Maybe there is a portal.Maybe I can return.Think, James. Think.I live near a beach, but the beach is worthless to me now. Where I lived, it felt like winter every month. Everything was grey and lifeless.I was energetic by nature. I used to go fishing with my dad. Those were simple days.Then the war broke out.One day, we were hiding inside a bunker when a bomb struck.Everything happened so quickly.My father pushed me away.There was panic. Everyone was shouting. Flames and debris were everywhere.I don't know exactly what happened.I only remember tightly grabbing my father's hand.I looked into his eyes.“James, I love you. Live your life.”Then he died.At that moment, I lost my whole family—my mother and my father.I wish I had spoken to him more.I wish I had gone fishing with him more.I wish I had talked to him about everything.And at that moment, I wish I had said those three words.I love you, Papa.But I froze.That became my regret.I wished I could go back in time and spend every moment with Mom and Dad.But I couldn't.After some time, I moved into my grandfather's house.He didn't speak much.We became a family of three—Grandma, Grandpa, and me.But the atmosphere was almost the same.We ate in complete silence.At that age, I didn't understand why.I simply accepted it.After some time, I graduated from college.Then one day, I received a call from Grandma.“Grandpa is very ill.”I rushed home.Somehow, I already knew what was coming.I knew another member of my family was going to disappear from my life.Why, God?Why me?You took everything from me.Now Grandpa?When I reached home, I saw my Grandpa sitting in the same chair, looking outside the window and holding a diary.I gathered some courage.I wanted answers.I wanted to know why Grandpa had become so cold.“Grandma?”“Yes, dear?”“Why does Grandpa always stare at the window?”She looked tense for a moment.“I don't know exactly, dear.”She didn't look at me.She was kneading dough, her hands moving in slow, tired circles.“After the war,” she said quietly, “something broke inside him. He was never like that. Never.”I looked at Grandpa.“He was always ambitious,” she continued. “But in the war, we won... and he lost himself.”“What happened in the war?”She stopped kneading.For a moment, she said nothing.Then she whispered,“He saw things. Did things. And he never forgave himself.”I wanted to ask more.But Grandma shook her head.I understood.The conversation was over.I sat there for a moment and thought about it.In war, what bad could happen?You kill some bad guys and save your country.It was heroic.At least, that's what I believed.After some days, I stayed with Grandpa and cared for him. Sometimes I tried to talk to him.But he never said much.Eventually, he passed away.Grandma moved in with me.For a few months, we lived together.Then one day, Grandma went for a checkup.A drunk driver hit her.He ran away.And once again...I was alone.I lived a life where I couldn't share my feelings with anyone.Nobody cared about me.Why, God?Why do you keep leaving me?Please...Kill me.The days became harder.I felt suffocated.Trapped.I didn't know who I was anymore.I didn't know what my purpose was.Because of years of war, the country's economy had collapsed.The company where I worked went bankrupt.I had no money to pay my rent.The landlord kicked me out.So I went back to my grandfather's old house.When I entered the village home, everything looked exactly the same.The old rusty tap.The dusty hallway.Then I entered Grandma's room.The same chair.The same window he used to stare through while watching the sky.Then I noticed it.The diary.I picked it up.I opened it.That was the last thing I remembered.After that...I opened my eyes.I was in the middle of something I didn't understand.Then suddenly, everything went black.“What's your name?”“Maria. And you?”“My name is Aru.”“Nice to meet you.”“Please wait for me. I will return. I promise.”Then we got married.We had our own house.I saw Maria standing in a sunflower field.She looked beautiful.There was innocence in her eyes.Birds were chirping.The wind moved gently through the sunflowers.Tears rolled down her face as she said goodbye to the man she loved.Maybe she would never see him again.I looked at her.I don't know why, but I felt like I knew her.I noticed her hair.Her laugh.The way she smelled like flowers and old books.But I couldn't see her face clearly.Why?Why couldn't I remember her face?Then suddenly, the sunflower field began to fade.The colours disappeared.The birds stopped singing.A drop of blood fell onto my face.I touched it.Blood.I turned around, searching for Maria.But she was gone.The world had changed.Everything became dark.Then I saw him.A boy.The boy I killed.His eyes were wide and innocent.His blood was still on my hands.“No,” I whispered.“Please... let me remember her.”The boy stared at me.“I don't want to see you.”His smile slowly widened.“Begone.”He laughed.The sound echoed around me.“You killed me.”His voice seemed to come from everywhere.“Now I am always with you.”He stepped closer.“When you die... I get your soul.”A strange laugh echoed inside my head.Not a normal laugh.It was broken.Distorted.Almost joyful.I closed my eyes.I didn't understand what was happening.I was scared.Whose memories were these?Who was Aru?Why was I seeing his memories?Why me?Help me.I want to go home.Please...Somebody.Then I heard a soft voice.A woman's voice.“Don't worry. I am with you.”I opened my eyes.“We must survive, no matter what.”“Who are you?”There was silence.Then she laughed softly.I looked around.Nobody was there.“Aru?”Someone shook my shoulder.“Hey, Aru. Are you okay?”I opened my eyes.Nick was standing in front of me.“Yeah,” I said.Nick looked at me strangely.“You always zone out. You're not the Aru I know anymore.”I stared at him.“Maybe I'm not Aru.”He laughed.“This is not the time for jokes.”But inside my heart, I knew the truth.Maybe I wasn't joking.The chilly night surrounded us.The sound of bombs echoed in the distance.A battle was taking place somewhere beyond the darkness.Then the commander's voice rang through the camp.“Those on night duty, move to your positions!”Everyone immediately became alert.My comrades grabbed their rifles.One hand held a cup of tea.The other held a gun.Everyone was ready for anything.I looked at Nick.“Why did Aru join the military?”Nick looked at me.“You mean why did he join?”I nodded.Before Nick could answer, Umang spoke.“Because he was the oldest in his family.”I looked at him.“The oldest has to take care of his family,” Umang continued.I smiled.“That sounds serious.”Nick laughed.Umang shook his head.“Enough. Don't laugh.”I looked at Umang.“What about you?”He became quiet.“My story?”“Yes.”He took a slow breath.“It is a long story.”“Do you have time?” he asked.I nodded.“Yes.”Umang looked toward the battlefield.“Before the war, I was just a college student.”He paused.“But when the war began, everything changed.”He told me that he had joined the protests.At first, he was only one student among many.They stood in the streets, shouting against the government and demanding an end to the war.But as the protests continued, more people began listening to him.Slowly, he became one of the leaders.For three months, he led the protests.Then the government came for them.Some of his friends were arrested.Others disappeared.Umang was thrown into prison with several other protesters.“But the war was getting worse,” he said.“The military needed more manpower.”He gave a bitter smile.“The government gave us a choice.”I looked at him.“What choice?”“Serve in the military... or stay in prison.”I stared at him.“That isn't a choice.”“No,” he said quietly.“It wasn't.”That was how a college student who had once protested against the war became a soldier fighting in it.“For the next three months,” Umang continued, “they taught us how to hold a gun, follow orders, and survive.”He looked down at his hands.“The first time I killed someone, I couldn't understand what I had done.”Nobody spoke.The fire crackled between us.“Sometimes,” Umang continued, “I still wonder how someone who once stood in a crowd asking for peace became a man holding a rifle.”His words stayed in my mind.I looked at Aru.He was sitting quietly.His eyes were fixed on the darkness.There was something about him.Something I couldn't understand.Then I remembered what he had said.He joined the military because he was the oldest in his family.The oldest had to protect his family.But somehow, I felt there was another reason.Something hidden.Something I had forgotten.Before I could ask, the commander's voice suddenly echoed through the trench.“Those on night duty! Move to your positions!”Everyone immediately stood up.The conversation ended.We grabbed our rifles and moved toward our positions.The chilly wind passed through the trench.The sound of distant explosions continued.Boom.Boom.Boom.I looked into the darkness.For some reason, I felt like something was waiting for me there.Something I had forgotten.Something that belonged to Aru.Or maybe...something that belonged to me.