Sacrifice

By the time that she was helped back to their guest room in the Kalendirn estate, Sophia could mostly walk on her own. Though there was still a great insistence by the Prince to the contrary. “I am feeling better.” She tried to break away from him to sit on her own. His hand refused to fully give up until she made it to the chair. “I’m just a little drained.”

Once she sat down, he turned back towards Tolen and Noan. She couldn’t see what he was doing, but his back had the presence that he was trying to send them away. Tolen protested a few times in that charmingly eager way that he just wanted to help. ‘They are my guards. Maybe don’t be so hard on them.’ But Noan ended up pulling on Tolen until they returned to standing watch outside the door.

Sophia tried to stand up, but was caught immediately when he turned around. “They’re just concerned.”

“Yes, and you need to stop for a moment.”

“My magic is returning or whatever it is that is making me feel better. It's not that severe.”

“I’ve watched you enough to know your tendency to over do it. Recover.” He went to sit down across from her at the table. “I also couldn’t have this conversation in the company of my men.”

“Conversation?”

“You’re the Saint and you recklessly threw yourself in front of me. If not for that barrier on yourself, you would have died.” The normally in control cold Prince rose in emotion. It wasn’t shouting, but she could feel the rise in intensity from his voice. It was unlike what she had seen from him before.

Sophia nodded absently. “I guess I did.” Her mind went back to the moment it happened. It was still a little fuzzy for her. Memory wasn’t a perfect thing for her. She always had to study extra because remembering things didn’t come to her. And saving the Prince wasn’t much better. “I wasn’t really thinking about it. But you’re alive!”

His hands tightened up. “You could've been killed.”

“But I wasn’t.”

“You need to treat your life with a little more importance.”

“I’m just a Saint. There’ll be another. You’re the Prince, you’re going to be King someday.”

He pounded his fist against the armrest of the chair. It made a far louder sound than expected. Sophia jumped a little not expecting such a reaction from the Prince. She could only stare. There was genuine anger rising up in his body. The icy frost around had shattered. “I’m tired of everyone sacrificing themselves for me!”

The shouting that came out of him actually scared Sophia a little. “What’s wrong with him? He’s nothing like his usual self.” It was such a strange feeling hearing strong emotions out of him. Even when he was being mean or teasing her, there was only a slight raise. It was never completely flat, but it was so dulled that it still felt empty.

“Sorry.” He coughed heavily trying to recover himself. It took longer than it seemed, but he got everything back in control. The cold Prince hadn’t returned. It was like he couldn’t be refrozen now that he had been melted. Flames of emotion burned around him, but in reduced strength. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”

She winced realizing that she slipped. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No. No, you didn’t say anything that wasn’t correct.”

Sophia tilted her head a little looking around the table. “You don’t like being saved?” She recalled his shouting, but there was something missing for context.

“It’s complicated.” He ended there, though Sophia stared on with expectation. A bit of a sigh came out of him. “You’re not the first one that’s protected me. A very close friend died saving me, much the same way you did.”

“This was recent?”

“When we were children still.”

“Oh.” For once, silence claimed Sophia. Even her thoughts stopped. That was a far heavier revelation than she was prepared for. Looking at the Prince, some of it was starting to make a little sense to her. ‘I want to ask him about it. But that feels really insensitive. He volunteered this much. I don’t think I’m getting anymore.’ She pressed her hands together. “So you didn’t want me to save you? You wanted to die?”

“You’re…” He stopped himself again. Emotions started to control his words once again. A long breath and another cough finally brought him to his center. “That’s not what I’m saying. You’re missing the point.”

“Then what?”

“I saw it in both of you. You didn’t value your life. You saw it as lesser than my own.”

“You’re the Prince, the future King. That’s normal. You would expect the same from your knights and soldiers.”

“Neither of you are them. That’s not what I want.”

She found her stopping. ‘He’s not making any sense. Though I admit I never really thought if I could just give my life up for another. But in the moment, I guess I did. I know the answer now.’ That realization came as a bit of a surprise for Sophia. Even as a child, she dreamed of the Saint and the noble deeds they did. The idea of self-sacrifice was woven into their tales. They lived for the people. After her mother died and that changed, she didn’t know if she could feel that way anymore. She didn’t know if she could understand that with the same child-like eagerness.

The dream died.

Sophia looked at the Prince. He seemed as caught in turmoil as she felt. “What am I then? What do you want me to be?”

He snapped to attention as they clearly locked eyes. But he remained quiet for far longer. It was difficult to tell now with the swirling mass of emotions what he was thinking. It was a paradox for Sophia. Before he was so blank that there was nothing to read. Now she was both not accustomed to seeing so much change in his face and so many foreign emotions filled him that it was chaos. Nothing came through clearly.

“I don’t know. Sorry. I don’t know.” The Prince stood up. His hand pressed to his head. “I shouldn’t be foisting so much of my problems on you. Just ignore it, Sophia.” He then walked towards his room.

She started to stand, but stopped seeing that there was nothing more she could do. “Prince Henri…” The door soon closed behind him.

He left her alone.