Bittersweet

-Sato Residence-

I arrived back home from my rainy encounter with the boy I met just a while ago. Back to this supposedly overly cozy place, "I'm home."

"Welcome back! Where were you? You shouldn't be outside much you know, it's dangerous. Oh my, you're soaking wet! Let me get you a towel." My mother greeted me while cooking dinner.

Even from afar, I could already taste her cooking. I could even drool just by smelling it for a while.

"That's no good you know, if you want to go somewhere tell me or Mrs. Hina."

Her voice is really angelic, I can understand why dad fell for her.

My father thought that having a maid would prevent my mother from overworking in the house. But, my mother always loved being involved with taking care of us with her nurturing hands.

(Note: The division of labor between the maid and the mother

Mother: Cooking, gardening, housecleaning, and hanging/washing the clothes.

Maid/Mrs. Ai: Setting the table, light house cleaning, Ironing, and is supposed to take Hana for walks but she often goes out early in the morning when no one's awake.)

My father, he's really overprotective when it comes to my mother. Their relationship as husband and wife is the dream for many.

Both parents are the best to the point where I have no complaints. I envy their easy going nature but my pride won't allow me to admit it.

"Mom, I made a friend." Saying these words as if I actually befriended someone when all I did was force him into it. I soon realized it was a mistake telling her this.

"Oh, that's great!" She hugged me tightly, rubbing her face against mine, and tearing up from joy as I struggled to push her away. She kept crying and even called my dad to tell him I made a friend.

"Hana made a friend? That's great!" Even dad got in on mom's fun as I, their blind daughter couldn't walk properly and had to drag them.

Both my parents continued hugging and crying even as I walked upstairs, "Stop, this is embarrassing!"

*BANG*

I slammed the door as I finally managed to reach my room and get them of my feet. The moment I enter I immediately want to leave this room again. It feels so haunting, a feeling I wish would lock itself away.

I completely fell to the ground and lost my energy. My body felt numb as bitter memories came flying back. "I'm terribly sorry but I've decided to fire you. We can't continue supporting an artist who's gone blind and can't work."

I covered my ears and basked in silence and finally the voices stopped.

I don't even bother to open the lights whenever I enter anymore since it doesn't make any difference. I can't find the depth, shade, hue...

The shower in my room is a hefty convenience. I use it lest I disturb my parents and make a fuss.

Knowing mom she'd probably be all like, "Ohhh, you're taking a bath? Let me help you, I can scrub real good you know? C'mon! C'mon! C'mon!"

*Undress*

Now that'd be an INconvenience. Even in this warm-colored home, I can't feel at peace while taking advantage of their benevolence that appears to catch me off-guard most of the time. That kind of kindness would melt me away if I was exposed to much of it.

An only daughter of a loving and supportive family, a fairy tale for most. But if you're actually in the situation, you'd wonder if you're worthy of such warm treatment.

*Creak* *Creak*

This might sound spoiled but I wish I had worse parents, even a bit would be enough.

*Pshhh* *Pshhh*

This... this is what winter is all about. The warm waters of this shower after a long day outside this cold winter, the interchangement of icy cold and fiery hot, a twisted feeling of pleasure too good to let go.

All this aside, that boy from earlier... Why is it that I have the urge to see him again? I wonder if it was a mistake not to have given him my number, why didn't I? All of a sudden I started sounding poetic and mystic.

Maybe I'm getting senile, a 32-year old woman, unmarried, a drunk, blind, jobless, and most definitely not housewife material. I pretty much don't have anything going for me. That being said, he seemed desperate to see me as well.

I wonder, is he the promised prince in my fairy tale? "An adult still thinking like a child, I'd have even less going for me at this point. Besides, he sounds younger than I am, a lot younger."

*Creak* *Creak*

I took my bathrobe and towel as I patted myself dry. My body was pretty much dry but my hair was still soppy as I lay in bed, "If I am the shade where is my light?"

I can't see, it's so dark no matter what I do. A cry for help calls no one but even more solitude.

Surrounded by all this black goo, where do I flee? If "home" feels the same way, where is my peace?

And when does this immense heartache cease to be? Because I'm afraid, terrified in fact to call this my home.

*Knock* *Knock*

Mother gently knocked and called to me in a sweet tone, "Hana, dinner's ready."

Even her knocks are gentle, how am I supposed to play victim here? Give me a break, I can't make excuses.

"I'll be down in a minute."

----------------------------------------------

-Downstairs-

"Hon, she's slowly regaining her old self back, she showed even more emotions today. I'm grateful to the girl she befriended."

"How are you so sure it's a girl?"

"Well if it was a boy, he'd be six feet under."

"She will never be married if you keep that up, you know?"

"She doesn't have to be, I'm the only man she needs in life, hmph."