Post 1: A Vampire's Guide to Owning and Caring for Your Pet Human (Updated!!)

Greetings, fellow children of the night!

Now, I know what you're thinking. A guide to owning a pet human? Aren't those the beings we eat?

The answer is yes!

But hear me out.

It has been ten years since the Ascension, and simply took what was ours. The world is now tidily divided into twenty-six regions, each under its own Council of twenty Progenitors, ranked by age, and power. Order has now been restored.

So with leisure comes the most fashionable trend to sweep the upper ranks since the high collar: the pet human.

For the newly turned and the willfully ignorant, a short refresher. Humans in our regions fall into three categories.

WORK humans. These keep the lights on. Literally. They run the power plants, scrub the floors, they are the free labor. They also remove bloodstains from upholstery.

FARM humans. These live in “donation centers”, where they are fed, and gently drained on a rotating schedule. You have almost certainly eaten one this week.

PET humans. The newest category, approved by Council decree only two years ago. A pet is not for work or to be eaten. A pet is kept, fed, housed, groomed, enriched, and admired. The decree calls them "a demonstration of mastery over hunger." I think of them as a demonstration of companionship, after all immortality is a long time to live and not get bored.

A note on communication. Humans do not speak our tongue. Only the top five Progenitors of each region, for security, and the enforcers of the work sector, for safety, can known the language. I am the Seventh. I have never been required to learn Human, and I have never once minded. Not once. One does not need to speak the language of a dog to own a dog.

You may ask why I, of all vampires, am qualified to write this guide.

First: I am the Seventh Progenitor of Region 5. There are only six beings in this entire region more powerful than I am, and at least two of them are asleep under a mountain.

Second: I am lankin. My kind are something older then those who were once human. I have been alive for nine hundred years. 

Third: I have owned a pet human for fourteen days and have found nothing online about these poor creatures.

That makes me, relative to everyone reading this, an expert.

Over the next several posts I will cover choosing your human, paperwork and safety, housing and diet, enrichment and discipline, and how to socialize your pet among your peers. Please hold questions until the end of each post. Please do not post recipes. Again, pets are for owning, not eating!

Yours in darkness,

xXBloodyWristsXx

REPLIES

xX_RedRum_Xx just eat it lol

~PaWz_n_FaNgZ~ omg welcome to the pet life!!! 🐾 i've been doing this since DAY ONE (applied for my breeder license the night the decree passed, not to brag) and i have TWELVE babies, all named after desserts 🍰 visiting from Region 17 but happy to mentor!! Velvet Hands Kennel, link in bio 💕

MagicalRaven39 wait are pets different from farm humans?? do they taste different??

xXBloodyWristsXx @MagicalRaven39 You do not taste your pet. That is the entire point. Please read the post again. Slowly.

Region5_Mod_Bot Reminder: This subforum is for Domestic Matters. Recipes belong in Culinary. Welcome, ~PaWz_n_FaNgZ~ (Visiting · Region 17).