Ten years after vampires seized the world and split it into twenty-six regions, Ubyr Ayaz Kaseer has owned a pet human for exactly fourteen days, which obviously makes him an expert. He is a nine-hundred-year-old fae-born vampire known as a lankin, Seventh Progenitor of Region 5, and the proud owner of the username xXBloodyWristsXx. So he does the only responsible thing a vampire of his status can do: he writes a guide. His pet is Emily Autumn Olson, a 34-year-old survivor he rescued from the clearance aisle of a detention facility the day before her scheduled euthanasia. Neither of them can understand a word the other says. He names her Ginger on account of her ginger hair. She has opinions about that, which he also can’t understand. With the Council suddenly paying very close attention to his comment section, what is a respectable vampire progenitor to do? Post an update, obviously.