Round 1, Match 5: BlipXP vs Nellien. Nellien:

Round 1, Match 5: BlipXP vs Nellien.

Prompt: Listening to that heartbeat

Participant: Nellien (https://www.honeyfeed.fm/u/8267)

Heartbeat, heartbeat. Beat after beat after beat.

Almost inaudible, nothing more than a whisper. An echo of what could have been. Of what we could have been. All the possibilities the rest of the world had already left behind.

She looked up at me, nothing but innocence in her light-blue eyes.

If only I didn’t have to kill her. But alas, work was work, and I was already far past my second chance.

I thought I felt something when I checked the knife was still in place. Maybe I just imagined it. Did I have any right to feelings anymore? Or were those part of the deal when I gave away the rest of me?

What part had the feelings gone with? My brain? My heart? My soul?

Who cared? None of them were mine anymore.

We kissed.

I wanted to think of her. To prove there had been some sort of value to... Whatever this was. Whatever we were. I prayed there would be someone to remember her.

I drew it out for as long as I could. Until there was no excuse anymore, until all the excuses that ever had existed were washed away in blood.

Half an hour later I found myself at a bus stop half a city away, cleaned up and waiting for the next assignment.

She had fought back. Most of them didn’t. I dropped the knife when we struggled. It wasn’t what killed her. Would someone find it? Uncover an edge wet with blood, a lifeless body, freeze up in terror and scream?

Call the police, describe the horrific scene they had encountered while still shaking in panic.

The cops would go over the place with a fine-toothed comb. Find piece after piece of incriminating evidence. All as it should be.

There had to be at least one. One piece of evidence. My fingerprints were on it. The knife. Sloppier than I usually would be. The whole thing was.

I wiggled my bare fingers in front of my face. I giggled. Glanced down.

I could faintly make out traces of the blood I had tried to clean off my skirt, but not to the point anyone would realise what it was. Nothing more than the weakest of outlines remained at this point.

Cars drove past. I checked the timetable again. Ostensibly I’d be going to my next target in fifteen minutes. One day, two murders. The noises of the city roared around me. I couldn’t hear anything.

My own heart was louder.

It beat faster than normal. My pulse must have been at least 180. I listened for every heartbeat. Tried to count. Taking my pulse would have been faster. I didn’t need speed. Blood rushed through my ears. My head. My whole body.

Right, counting. Heartbeats. One... Two...
Never mind that. I couldn’t focus.

I checked the timetable. Still fifteen minutes. It felt like someone was watching me. As if everyone stared at me, every passerby another demon sent to get me. I closed my eyes. Shut out the world.

Listened for a tiny piece of metal whistling through the air.

In the end I couldn’t hear it. Just an instant, a single flash of pain. A bullet fired from one of the many rooftops behind me. I fell over. People stopped and stared. No one thought to help.

My heart beat it’s last beat, and in an instant the world was a better place.

Calling a hit on yourself was surely unusual, but for me it was just the right way to go. No one would ever know my remorse or guilt.

People would remember me as nothing but a heartless killer, just the way I wanted it. 

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Judge's Feedback

znf: Interesting. Liked the subtle foreshadowing, the focus on the in/audibles. I think the ending could've been executed a bit more cleanly, I feel like the outright saying of "i ordered a hit on myself" is a bit weak.

OscarHM: Nice interpretation of the prompt, even if it’s not completely outside the box. I like the idea of using these short punchy sentences to illuminate character. There are points where the wording is a bit awkward but it works well overall. I’m left a little confused about exactly what the ending is meant to mean. I have an idea but I’m not sure enough about that is communicated throughout.

otkrlj: really liked this one. Disagree that saying "I ordered a hit on myself is weak." felt it wrapped up the story well, and gave a good scene of his mental state